In step

[RiverOL]

Jesus the Master Physician: Every Patient an Exception to the Rule​

Every patient, who is also a person, is the exception to the rule. My colleague Dr. Robert Lyman Potter (M.D., Ph.D.) highlights this point in his treatment of people as a medical ethicist. We must approach each person uniquely, including their treatment and prognosis.
I have been thinking increasingly about this theme. Certainly, this point applies to my son Christopher’s critical care situation resulting from a traumatic brain injury he suffered. It should also bear on how we treat one another as persons in every-day matters.

Statistics and demographics only go so far. The mystery and dignity of each person goes as far as “the starry sky above” (to riff on Immanuel Kant in a new chord). With this point in mind, I have always admired my son for how, since his youth, Christopher has cherished the mystery and dignity of people who others would easily discount. They count to him. Son, your character and your person count of infinite worth to me!


The preceding reflections also call to my mind the Lord Jesus. He treated everyone he met as an exception to the rule. Here I recall his various individual encounters: from the Jewish religious leader Nicodemus (John 3) to the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4); from the man who was lame by the pool of water (John 5) to the man born blind (John 9); from the leper whom he healed with the touch of his hand (Luke 5) to the woman with the issue of blood who was healed when she touched the edge of Jesus’ cloak (Luke 8). The list goes on. More than anyone I have read about, come across, or encountered, Jesus cherished the mystery and dignity of each person, especially those others would easily discount.

Jesus met people where they were and affirmed their inherent dignity so much that he called upon them wherever possible to exercise their agency to experience healing. Take for example what Jesus said to the man who was lame, who could never make it into the pool of Bethesda when the waters were stirred: “‘Do you want to get well?’…Then Jesus said to him, ‘Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.’ At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked” (John 5:6, 8-9; NIV).

Consider, too, Jesus’ interaction with the man he healed of blindness: “After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some m&d with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. ‘Go,’ he told him, ‘wash in the Pool of Siloam’ (this word means ‘Sent’). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing” (John 9:6-7; NIV). In each of these instances, Jesus involved them in the healing process, thereby affirming their human dignity. The man who was lame needed to get up. The same Jesus who asked this man if he wanted to be healed did not lift him up. Rather, he called upon this man who was lame to stand in response to Jesus’ healing power. The man who was born blind had to go wash off the m&d in his eyes if he wished to be healed.

Of course, there are times when Jesus simply healed people without requiring any involvement on their part in the healing process, as in raising Mary and Martha’s brother Lazarus from the dead (John 11), or in raising the synagogue ruler’s daughter from the dead (Luke 8). Still, he called on Martha to believe and for the people to remove the stone from Lazarus’ tomb regardless of the stench of Lazarus being dead for three days (John 11). Jesus also called on the synagogue ruler to believe even as someone told Jairus to stop bothering Jesus since the ruler’s daughter was dead. Mourners also laughed at Jesus when he told them to stop crying, claiming the dead girl was only asleep. Jesus paid no attention to the mocking mourners. He fixed his attention on the dead girl (Luke 8). Not only was he the attending physician. He was also the attentive physician.


I find these two accounts so moving, especially in my present time of need with my son’s critical care situation, that I will quote the texts here. Here is the account of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead:

Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. “Take away the stone,” he said.
“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”
Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.” (John 11:38-44; NIV)

Here is the account of Jesus raising the synagogue ruler’s daughter from the dead:

While Jesus was still speaking, someone came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” he said. “Don’t bother the teacher anymore.”
Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.”
When he arrived at the house of Jairus, he did not let anyone go in with him except Peter, John and James, and the child’s father and mother. Meanwhile, all the people were wailing and mourning for her. “Stop wailing,” Jesus said. “She is not dead but asleep.”
They laughed at him, knowing that she was dead. But he took her by the hand and said, “My child, get up!” Her spirit returned, and at once she stood up. Then Jesus told them to give her something to eat. Her parents were astonished, but he ordered them not to tell anyone what had happened (Luke 8:49-56; NIV).

Jesus was the great physician of body and the soul who cares for every person’s sickness, whether physical, emotional, mental, social, or spiritual. He treated every human patient as being inviolable and incommunicable in worth and fundamentally unique. No matter our occupation, whether we belong to the health care profession or some other field, we can deepen our engagement with others. Everyone we meet is the exception to the rule. Jesus engages us in this manner. Each of us is the exception to the rule. Jesus encounters each of us uniquely. He calls upon us in our various life situations to believe—no matter the circumstances, no matter if there are large grave stones and putrid odors, no matter if people are telling you to stop bothering Jesus or laughing at him. Will we lift our hearts, rise from our beds, and believe?

 

[RiverOL]

Beware of These 5 Ways You May Unintentionally Push Your Man Away​

I functioned like a chauffeur early in my marriage. I was constantly doing stuff to drive my husband away. Are you aware of how wives drive husbands away?
Do you wonder why your husband isn’t as attentive as he used to be? If he seems more interested in fondling his PS4 controller than you, you might be putting distance between the two of you without realizing it.


I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to change my husband. As a result, I was driving him away.
The more I complained, compared and criticized, the more distant he became.

5 ways wives (unintentionally) drive their men away​

Many women I coach are unintentionally pushing their husbands away. The techniques they use to try to get closer to him, actually drive him away.

Download​

“How to be a Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge​

Here are 5 common ways I unintentionally pushed my husband away. Are any of these familiar to you?

1. Think “he’s a big boy”
“He’s a grown man. He can take care of himself.” Like many women, I made the mistake of thinking this and unconsciously put others needs before my husband’s needs. As a result, he’s-a-big-boy attitude put distance between us. Spending time with your husband and paying attention to what he needs, lets him know he’s important to you. “Big boys” can take care of themselves, but they marry for companionship. He can take care of himself, but he married to feel like someone else is caring for him, too.


2. Compare him to others
Even though we didn’t have social media when we got married, I was never short of ways to compare my husband to other people. As a result, I wasted time being mad. Today social media makes it so easy to compare. Comparison is another common issue that arises in coaching. It’s unfair. I wouldn’t like it if my husband did the same to me. “Jack’s wife exercises regularly and is careful about what she eats.” Comparing me to someone else’s wife is a sure way to start a fight. However, I thought if I told my husband what other people’s husbands did, he’d get the hint and do the same for me. He didn’t, which became a point of frustration for me. Comparing is a sure way to set yourself up for disappointment and make him feel like he can’t please you.

What spends more time next to your lips?​

3. Think I’m right all the time
By constantly correcting or criticizing my husband, I sent him the message “I’m right all the time.” And honestly, I did think I was right all the time. However, if I’m right all the time that means he’s wrong all the time. That’s a problem. When I’m right all the time, I make him feel like like I can’t trust him. Nothing will make your husband more confident than thinking you trust him. Nothing will make him feel less confident than thinking you don’t. He interprets a lack of trust as disrespect. As a result, he’s unhappy. As much as I didn’t want to accept it, no one is right all the time. Not even me.

4. Spend too much time on the phone
Does your cell phone spend more time next to your lips than your husband? Cell phones make it so easy to talk to people or look things up or entertain yourself. Anything we want to know is at our fingertips. In addition, phones make it increasingly easy for husbands and wives to lead separate lives. The Internet increases temptation and encourages secrecy. Spending too much time on the phone may make my husband feel like he’s not a priority or that I’d rather spend time doing things other than being with him. There’s nothing wrong with spending time on the phone. However, it’s important to learn how to maintain balance in our marriages by putting boundaries around our time. I don’t want anything spending more time next to my lips than my husband (excluding chocolate, of course.)

5. Keep a record of wrongs

I’ve been guilty of this more times than I’d like to admit. Do you hold onto things so you can bring them up during arguments? If you keep a record of your husband’s mistakes, it becomes harder to let them go. A woman I coach told me she keeps a list of her husband’s offenses on her cell phone. As a result, her hurts are fresh because she has a constant reminder. And when we’re constantly reminded of how someone hurt us, we grow resentful. Resolve issues quickly and let them go. You’ll find new things to fight about in the future.


Don’t act like a chauffeur. Which of your habits may be driving your husband away?​

 

[RiverOL]

How Does a Man Become a Godly Husband?​

Recently a man in a struggling marriage asked me how to become a godly husband. My first thought was, “You’ve just taken the first step—knowing you need to be a godly husband and asking for help.”
Before I share part of my answer to his question, let me share some relevant thoughts. Too many men hear the biblical command to lead their wives and try to move from being a lousy husband to “taking over” their marriage. In many marriages the husband has an established history of ungodliness, sometimes through sexual immorality via adultery or pornography or the “milder”—but potentially still toxic—forms of it often found in movies and television shows and video games.


An ungodly husband has violated his wife’s trust, and he cannot effectively lead without rebuilding that trust. “Taking charge” when he has forfeited his wife’s trust isn’t the answer. In such cases the only sort of leadership called for, and it certainly is called for, is servant leadership. This is effective because of the “servant” part of it. When you love someone enough to set aside your old habits and preferences, only then can you serve them.

Scripture makes clear our first responsibility, which is not to merely “take charge” but to love and serve: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word” (Ephesians 5:25-26).

Once a man learns to love and serve his wife, he will eventually build a track record of godliness. Then he doesn’t have to stand back passively and wish his wife were more godly. Rather, he can assume responsibility to step forward and lead his wife by lovingly sharing God’s Word with her as part of respecting her as a fellow heir of God’s grace (1 Peter 3:7).
No one bemoans that a houseplant has shriveled leaves; instead we take it upon ourselves to water the plant and expose it to the right light to help it thrive.


An unholy husband cannot lead his wife into holiness, which is exactly what God calls upon us to do in Ephesians 5:27-28. We are to follow the example of Jesus and do as He does, “to present her [his bride] to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.”

When I became a husband, I didn’t stand at an altar and vow to my teachers or church leaders or employer, “Till death do us part.” Husbands, you didn’t make your vows to your boss or your buddies, but to your wife. The best thing you can do for your wife is to become more like Jesus.

 

[RiverOL]

Did Jesus Have Fear Like Us?​

BY PASTOR KELLY M. WILLIAMS



DID JESUS HAVE FEAR LIKE US?

Did Jesus have fear like us?
Recently, Pastor Jimmy Evans, preached a guest sermon at Ed Young’s Fellowship Church in Texas, in which he discussed why Christians face fear and how to overcome anxiety in their lives.
Evans said, “Jesus had more fear on His way to the cross than any human being has ever experienced,” Evans explained. “If you’ve ever been fearful of anything, Jesus understands it.”
I get what Pastor Jimmy is trying to do here, he is trying to help us relate to Jesus and make Jesus relatable, however, there is just one problem, it is not biblical. The first grid that every pastor who represents Jesus must do is put what they are saying to God’s people through a biblical test to make sure it aligns with God’s Word.


Jesus tells us in Revelation 22:18 “I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book, 19 and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.”

When we represent Christ to others, the Bible must be our sole authority to determine our view, values, and vernacular that we choose to help people relate to Jesus and experience a real relationship with Him.

The Bible tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7, “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
John the Beloved, said in 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”
Jesus was perfect. He was tempted in all ways as us yet without sin.
Jesus embodied perfect love.
Nowhere in the Bible does it say Jesus feared. Yes, he experienced great anguish. Yes, he desired the cup to pass from Him. Yes, he felt the limitations that came with being human but He who knew no sin didn’t sin.


Often Jesus would rebuke the disciples for their worry and their fear and unbelief. He would ask them why they didn’t believe and rebuke them for not believing. He stood against their unbelief, fear, and worry.
I realize we want to make Jesus “human” to the point that He is relatable. I too appreciate the value of real relationship with Jesus and relatability with Jesus but not at the expense of His deity and His perfect holiness. It seems the church continues to try to demystify Jesus for relationship purposes at the expense of forgetting that while He is fully human, He was also fully God. We can’t relate to this; we don’t understand this.
This is why the Virgin Birth is so important. Jesus was not born with a sin nature due to how He was conceived. Many years ago, Rob Bell asserted that the Virgin Birth was not essential to the Deity of Christ. I beg to differ. Without the Virgin Birth, Christ could not have been God. His conception determines the validity of His Deity. Just as His sinless life determines His qualification to be the sinless sacrifice for our sins.
I admire Pastors who attempt to make Jesus relatable but not at the expense of removing Him from his rightful place as God. One of my Professors at Dallas Theological Seminary, Prof Howard Hendricks, use to say about preaching, “To be biblical is easy, to be relevant is easy, but to be biblically relevant is almost impossible.”


But the impossible is our task.
As we look at the life of Jesus there is much that we can relate to. His sufferings were very clear. He sympathizes with our weaknesses and is seated at the right hand of the Father making intercession on our behalf. These things are very relatable and authentic and do not tamper with his Deity.
But to say that Jesus “feared” is to say, “Jesus had a spirit in Him that was controlling Him that was not from God.”
This is not inaccurate, it is heresy. It is heretical. It is unbiblical and very damaging because of the implications it creates and the conclusions it requires regarding His Deity.
Jesus experienced sorrow and anguish but He never gave into anything that would cause Him to sin. The kind of fear we are talking about here is the result of imperfection. We see in the Garden of Eden that after Adam and Eve fell, they hid themselves. Why? They tell God they did so because they were afraid.
Jesus was never afraid.
His desire to die for us was never in question. Yes, He asked that the cup could pass from Him but not His will, but the Father’s will be done. Desiring something to pass from you and fearing what lies ahead are two different sentiments and we must be very careful to rightly divide the Word of Truth, otherwise implications and conclusions that we don’t intend get drawn.


Jesus makes it clear in Matthew 8:26 what He thinks about our fear. He said to the disciples, “’Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?’ Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.”

Jesus is not up in heaven wringing His hands wondering what to do next or wishing you wouldn’t do this or that. He is not fearful. Our fear is just that, ours. Jesus cannot relate to our sinfulness except to say that He has made a way for us to escape.

Be careful trying to make Jesus so human that He can no longer be God in the flesh, otherwise you will have a relatable Savior in this life with no hope for Eternity.

Blessings,
Pastor Kelly

 

[RiverOL]

Jesus and Non-Violence​

I’m been reading a lot about Jesus’s ethics, including Martin Hengel and A.E. Harvey, found these two cool quotes:

The injustice and suffering in Palestine two thousand years ago was certainly no less than the suffering in our world today. The revolutionary prescriptions of our time for the overcoming of such injustice and suffering are likewise not always so different from those proposed then. The idea that the present-day situation has become intolerable, so that revolutionary violence has become justified, even necessary, was widespread then as now – and it was not the most wicked who were proclaiming this idea.

Those who justify violence today do not see that they are starting a vicious circle from which they can scarcely escape, and which – as is shown by the history of revolutions in Palestine in the time of Jesus and in Europe during the past two hundred years – will either corrupt them through abuse of their new-found power or, if they seek to preserve their ‘humanity,’ drive them into opposition and finally liquidate them as alleged ‘counter-revolutionaries.’

In the midst of an outwardly hopeless situation, Jesus taught his group of followers how to break out of this vicious circle; until the age of Constantine, the early church adhered unflinchingly to this refusal to use violence. It is part of the critical power of the gospel that this summons to freedom – which also means freedom from the inner law of violence – is still heard today, is in fact once again being heard more clearly. … Reflection on the message of Jesus against the background of the unimaginable brutality and injustice of his age could help us today better to understand the gospel, that is, Jesus’ summons to freedom, and to act accordingly.

Martin Hengel, Victory over Violence (London: SPCK, 1975), 83-85.
A.E. Harvey ends his book Strenuous Demands with a quote from Superintendent W. Kraetschell of East Berlin referring to fall of communism in Europe.

When the moment came, God himself in his love for this world made it possible for us to love our enemies and to remain non-violent. It was an unforgettable experience to see this word of Jesus coming alive in tens of thousands of human beings and to discover that ultimate power lies, not in physical force, but in love.

 

[RiverOL]

He Will Wipe Away All Tears (RJS)​

He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces (Is 25:8)

Ben Witherington III, Isaiah Old and New, sees later Isaiah 14-39 coming from the time of the historical Isaiah, the prophet in Judah through the time of Hezekiah, before the fall to Babylon. This section opens with oracles of woe and judgment against the nations and Judah, continues with such oracles interspersed with oracles of redemption and victory, and finishes up with a historical narrative recounting the miraculous deliverance of Jerusalem from Sennacherib, King Hezekiah’s illness and healing, and his rather foolish display of all his wealth to the envoys from Babylon.


Many (perhaps most) scholars will argue that this section dates from a later time, after the fall of Jerusalem and exile, at least the material in chapters 24-27. Witherington argues that this is primarily because they see the hope of resurrection in Isaiah 25 and 26 as reflecting ideas from a much later era. Isaiah, the argument goes, would not have spoken of resurrection. Witherington counters that it is hard to pinpoint the emergence of an idea with any accuracy – especially in a time and place with relatively little written record and that the history of ideas shows that they wax and wane. Although later editors may have made some insertions leading to the text we have, there is no strong reason to doubt that these oracles date to the historical Isaiah.

It is to these oracles of hope that we turn. Specifically to Isaiah 25-26, 29, and 35. Quotes, allusions, and other references to these sections are quite important in the New Testament. Following Isaiah 25:8 quoted at the top of this post, Isaiah 26:19 is quite specific about resurrection:
Your dead will live;
Their corpses will rise.
You who lie in the dust, awake and shout for joy,
For your dew is as the dew of the dawn,
And the earth will give birth to the departed spirits. (26:19)
There is some ambiguity in the translation here, the NIV has “their bodies” and the NASB quoted above has “their corpses” but Witherington in a footnote says it should be “my corpses.” In fact, the Complete Jewish Bible (see Bible Gateway) has “Your dead will live, my corpses will rise.“

About these sections, Witherington writes:

Indeed, the reason phrases and ideas from Isaiah 26 show up on the lips of Jesus in Luke 7 and Isaiah 25 on the lips of Paul in 1 Corinthians 15 is precisely because they are taken to enunciate the notion of resurrection from dead even more clearly that what is said in Isaiah 40-66. (p. 127-128)

Here from the mouth of Isaiah we see the seeds of the ultimate victory through resurrection. Witherington goes on to argue:

Here then we find the notion of death being swallowed up by the Author of Life, God, and in addition we find out that the form this will take is bodily resurrection of “my corpses,” those which belong to God. (p. 128)

The reference to “my corpses” signifies the resurrection of God’s people. The ideas contained in these passages play an important role in the New Testament portrayal of the gospel.

Isaiah 34 and 35 turn to God’s wrath against the nations (34) and to the liberation of God’s people (35). We have here “the themes of judgment on Israel’s foes and redemption for God’s people.” (p. 132) Although chapter 35 starts with the parched land bursting into bloom, the emphasis is on the people and the return of the redeemed.
Strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;
say to those with fearful hearts,
“Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,

he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you.”
Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
Then will the lame leap like a deer,
and the mute tongue shout for joy.
…
And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness;
it will be for those who walk on that Way.
The unclean will not journey on it;
wicked fools will not go about on it.
No lion will be there,
nor any ravenous beast;
they will not be found there.

But only the redeemed will walk there,
and those the Lord has rescued will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away. (vv. 3-6, 8-10)
Witherington emphasizes that God is the redeemer here. There are at least two important aspects to this. First – nowhere in Isaiah is there a call to arms. Rather there is a call to turn to God and to rely on God.

Notice that we do not have a promise here that God will arm his people and teach them to fight. To the contrary, they are being told, “‘vengeance is mine; I will repay’ says the Lord” (cf. Isaiah 24:21-25:5; 34:8; 43:4; 48:20; 49:24, 25; 62:11). This theme is present throughout the book of Isaiah, however many hands may have contributed to it. (p. 133)

The theme is picked up in Revelation. According to Witherington:

Rather than a call to arms, Revelation is a call to say farewell to arms, and to leave justice in the hands of God, and to be prepared to die for one’s faith. This is called conquering. (p. 134)

Second, the healing of the people (blind, deaf, lame) has a spiritual aspect – but it is also a physical healing. There is a complete regeneration of the land and of the people.

Salvation must be seen in its holistic sense involving body and human spirit, involving the individual and the society, involving creation and creatures. … Here we should remember the promise of the shoot that comes out of the root in the dead stump of Jesse. God wants a whole new leadership for God’s people going forward. (p. 134)

Looking ahead to the topic of our next post – on the use of Isaiah 13-39 in the New Testament – it is worth pointing out with Witherington that when Jesus raised the dead, healed the deaf, blind, and lame, this is a sign that “Isaiah’s new creation is breaking into the midst of the old one, and that the road back from living in the land of disease, decay, and death, a sort of an exile form the land of life, the land oozing with milk and honey, is being paved by Jesus.” (p. 137)

 

[RiverOL]

Being Slow to Speak in an Age of Perpetual Outrage​

I’m not convinced the Internet has been anything but a net loss. I truly mean that sentiment. The rather obvious truth is that the Internet has been used for much good. We have the world’s wealth of information at our fingertips. We have access to theologically orthodox and robust sermons, blogs, books, and the like, and we have near instant access to them. We are able to communicate with people around the world in an instant—making the physical limitations in such a feat immaterial.
In the same breath, it seems that having such a wealth of resources available to us has made us all the more ignorant rather than wiser.

The intrinsic problem is not that good materials are lacking, but rather, much knowledge does not necessitate one be found wise in the eyes of God. An individual can be quite learned in many things—they can be an intellectual of the highest order—and yet have very little wisdom, even if they are in Christ. This is also why one can unabashedly say that the common tropes concerning wisdom are not necessarily always true.


Indeed, wisdom is not a trait necessarily inherited through much schooling, life experience, or even with many years. These things may produce wisdom in an individual, but they do not necessitate it. Simply consider the proverb of the fool who returns to his folly like a dog to his own vomit (Pro. 26:11). He is ever-experiencing the same folly all throughout his life. He never learns from it, and therefore, he remains a stiff-necked fool until the day he dies. He can experience the hardest of trials and sufferings as a result of his own sinful dull-headedness, yet his folly will not depart from him (Pro. 27:22). He will forever embody the stubborn spirit of a boorish man who despises correction (Pro. 12:1).

There are many days I wonder if the Internet has been anything but a revelatory tool into the heart of man, designed to show how misplaced our affections are. Perhaps more to the point: it causes me to consider how words are a window to the state of our soul. It is out of the abundance of the heart that a man speaks (Lk. 6:45). A foolish heart proclaims its folly to all (Pro. 12:23, 13:6), invites destruction (Pro. 10:14), spouts endless amounts of folly (Pro. 15:2), and delights only in airing its own opinions (Pro. 18:2).


It was Christ our Lord who said of our words, “…for every careless word that people speak, they will give an account of it on the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matt. 12:36-37). Likewise, the apostle James gave much attention to the double-mindedness of the loose-tongued, whose whole body is governed by their foolish words straight into eternal damnation (Ja. 1:19-27). He further echoes the wise king Solomon in highlighting the destruction wrought by those whose clucking tongues rule them (Ja. 3:2-12).

The point in all of this is not to suggest that a Christian’s foolish speech will revoke the salvation God has given, but rather, one’s speech will indeed validate one’s profession of faith in Christ. Again, words are a window to the state of our souls. Our words will either prove the reality of Christ’s work in us, or they will serve as a scathing indictment against us. For some, this indictment will reveal the true reality of their hearts, in that they have no love of Christ within them at all. Thusly, the malice, slander, revilement, etc., that all pour forth from their lips will simply prove the state of their heart, as one filled with all sorts of malice, slander, hatred, and more.


For many other professing Christians, I believe the indictment will not necessarily be one in which their faith is proven false, but one in which their life is considered a cautionary tale. To state that more clearly, I believe many can speak rather foolishly and still be considered a Christian. That should be a rather obvious and uncontroversial statement to make—but perhaps the more controversial follow up to this is that I believe many Christians today actually typify this type of behavior. If we are honest, we have all at one point or another embodied the position of the fool, especially as we are making our way through the book of Proverbs and the Spirit convicts us of areas of folly.

Yet as I look at much of the content Christians put out, the rationalizations many make to excuse pet sins, the ease with which the broader Evangelical church participates in what can only be construed as biting and devouring one another, and more, I find myself quite discouraged more often than not. Everyone has been gifted their own little soapbox from which they can air their grievances, and they do so quite happily, as if every day were a day to celebrate Festivus. The endless arguments, quibbling, and grand-standing is exhausting. The proclivity for many to say, “I am of Paul,” or “I am of Apollos,” is equally as exhausting.


My point is not to say theological differences are matters of indifference, but rather, there is a way Christians can conduct themselves in these things without mirroring the outrage culture our country is so fond of. We of all people should be able to candidly speak of our disagreements whilst maintaining brotherly love and affection toward one another. We of all people should be able to land firmly without resorting to character assassination, insinuation of motive, and blatant misrepresentation of one’s actual arguments. We of all people should be able to do these things—but we don’t.

The cheap, yet correct answer is that we are unable to do these things because of sin. Sin certainly is the root issue here, yet it is a specific sin we are guilty of in this. We are guilty of not being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (Ja. 1:19). Perhaps there are a plethora of reasons as to why this is the case, but the one which I keep coming back to is that few really contemplate the connection between being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Fewer contemplate the reason for the statements James ushers. We are to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger because the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God (Ja. 1:20).


The remaining, immediate context of Jam. 1 provokes the reader to obedience in light of the fact that we all are to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. It then forms a bookend with v. 26 by saying, “If anyone thinks himself to be religious, yet does not bridle his tongue, but deceives his own heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” The point in all of that being: one who does not rid themselves of filthiness and wickedness, nor receive the word in humility, nor finds themselves a doer of the Word, but instead remains a mere hearer, has a worthless faith.

They may have a tremendous amount to say on the matter—they may even say many correct things—but if they are not found in obedience to those truths, they are the quintessential fool who looks into the mirror and immediately forgets his appearance. In other words, they have no authority to speak to much of anything of substance within the church simply because they can’t be obedient to some of the most basic components of the Christian faith. Most notably, they aren’t one who is characterized by self-control, but especially that of the tongue.

It is of no small coincidence that Paul instructs young Timothy by saying, “…a servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome, but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, and forbearing. He must gently reprove those who oppose him, in the hope that God may grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth. Then they will come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, who has taken them captive to his will” (2 Tim. 2:24-26).


God has given the church teachers for her edification (1 Cor. 12:28; Eph. 4:11). A faithful pastor will run the full gambit of exhortation, rebuke, admonishment, correction, instruction, edification, and more. He will likewise be responsible for casting out the divisive person, the unrepentant, and the wolf—and yet at the same time, mending the wounds of those under his care. This, however, presents a rather interesting dilemma to those within the church who are hasty in speech. It posits at least three very important things:

1. There is someone who is able to speak into matters of the faith—and that person is a biblically qualified elder. He will be an individual who embodies the qualities of the pastoral epistles, but especially in this context, he will be able to accurately handle the Scriptures. People within this elder’s local church have an obligation to listen to him, and this is on account of the authority vested in him by God.
2. 
   
3. His position necessitates that he corrects those who oppose him, but that he does so gently and with hope that God will grant them repentance, which leads to a knowledge of the truth. By implication, this elder who is approved of God, will be in the position of correcting people regularly. In other words: he will be a man the average congregant finds disagreeable at several points.
4. 
   
5. This in turn implies there will be many people who believe they hold a valid interpretation of Scripture that do not, who are in need of correction. Yet notice the passage goes into even more offensive territory. These people will need to come to repentance; they will need to be awakened to the fact that they are out of their senses and ensnared by Satan himself. To put that into the clearest of terms: James is saying to those of you who fancy yourselves teachers who are not, that you are trapped in the schemes of Satan—and that rather than argue endlessly with the one whom God has approved of and bears responsibility for your soul, you would do best to simply and humbly remain quiet.

The point in all of this is not to suggest the Christian shouldn’t test all things (1 Thess. 5:21), nor that they shouldn’t seek to be a Berean (Acts 17:11). Rather, it is to suggest that in one’s desires to be a diligent student of Scripture, they do not neglect the fact that our speech truly does reveal the state of our hearts. If anything, I believe the Internet, especially social media, will prove to be an invaluable tool that reflects that truth in a frighteningly clear way.

 

[RiverOL]

Can You Handle the Truth?​ [ 1 min read ★ ]

. . . woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up—Ecclesiastes 4:10​

Support and encouragement are crucial for friendship, of course. But by themselves, they aren’t enough—not even close. True friendship requires more. The kind of friendship God intends requires that we look deeper, that we try to see things only friends can see. And it requires that we tell the truth (Ephesians 4:15). So, when friends are stuck or struggling with denial or passivity or sin, true friendship requires that we face awkwardness or embarrassment or fear of rejection head-on, and that we name problems honestly (though gently, too) and make every attempt to challenge and push, rescue and restore (Galatians 6:1-2; 1 Thessalonians 5:14). True friendship requires that we go “all in.” It requires that we be willing to initiate tough conversations, when tough conversations are needed. The inverse, of course, is that we need friendship like that too. To lead robust, upright lives, we too need friends who are willing to be honest. To lead robust, upright lives, we too need friends who, like God, love us too much to let us to get stuck or struggle on our own. To lead robust, upright lives, we too need friends who are “all in” and willing to initiate tough conversations. We must be intentional about surrounding ourselves with such men . . . and, as hard as it might be, we must be willing to learn how to hear honest feedback without indignation, defensiveness, or counterattack.

Okay, so what do we do?​ Have you explicitly empowered any man, or group of men, to search you and know you? Have you let any man, or group of men, know your entire story and explicitly empowered him, or them, to speak honestly into your life? If you haven’t, steel your courage and take that step. It’s one most men will never take.

 

[RiverOL]

A Little Known Reason Why Judas Might Have Betrayed Jesus​

Then Satan entered Judas, called Iscariot, one of the Twelve. And Judas went to the chief priests and the officers of the temple guard and discussed with them how he might betray Jesus. Luke 22:3-4
Everyone knows that Judas betrayed Jesus, but why did Judas betray him? In the end we’ll never know, because Judas killed himself shortly afterward and his motives were lost to history. Luke records that “Satan entered Judas.” What in the world does that mean? Most of our minds go to the Exorcist with heads spinning around and levitating bodies. But I don’t think that’s what happened. More than likely, all Satan did was have to plant an idea, a deception in Judas’ mind, and Judas took it and ran with it. That’s been Satan’s preferred plan of attack from the very beginning (Genesis 3:1).


Why would Judas betray Jesus? Like the expectation of the crowds, he could have signed up to follow Jesus because he thought Jesus was his one-way ticket to a revolution against Rome. But Jesus would never pick a fight with the Romans. Every time Jesus got a crowd, he would offend them and send them away. Every time someone gave him money, he would give it away. So, perhaps Judas was disillusioned with Jesus and wanted his golden parachute. If was going to walk away, he might as well walk away with some money in his pocket.

There’s a lot of debate on this. Some think that Judas intentionally handed Jesus over to the chief priests precisely because he knew they couldn’t kill Jesus. They would beat him and humiliate him, but then let him go. Little did he know that they would conspire with the hated Romans to kill Jesus. Or perhaps he knew Jesus would be handed over to the Romans but he was convinced that the Messiah would never allow himself to be killed. Messiahs don’t die! Perhaps he was trying to force Jesus’ hand and start the revolution one way or another.

Whatever the reason, I’m convinced that when Judas betrayed Jesus, he was convinced in his own mind that he was doing the right thing, perhaps even doing God’s will. Just like the Pharisees and the chief priests were convinced they were doing God’s will when they put Jesus to death. Isn’t it amazing how much harm we can do when we’re convinced we’re doing God’s will? History is littered with hurt done by the church when she was convinced she was doing God’s will. Millions of people who have unnecessarily walked away from the church bear scars from the church when she thought she was doing God’s will. Isn’t that the enemy’s greatest deception?

 

[RiverOL]

Is Sin Inevitable in the Christian Life?​

One common Christian misunderstanding today is that grace and salvation in Jesus means God has lowered His standards, as compared to the Old Testament law. That’s simply not true. God has raised His standards for the Christian life—but He has empowered us to live that Christian life through our relationship with Him and His indwelling Holy Spirit. His grace teaches us to say “no” to ungodliness (Titus 2:12).


First John 1:8-10 makes it clear that as believers we still commit sin: “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.”

John goes right on to say—ignore the chapter division which was not part of the inspired text—“My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.” (1 John 2:1-2)

Scripture says we will sin and that we shouldn’t deny but should confess our sin, and celebrate the daily cleansing work of Jesus our Advocate. It also says the Bible is given to us not to make us sinless yet, but to help us sin less, to be sanctified now, anticipating the day we will be glorified and forever sinless.
Can a believer sin? Yes. Should a believer sin? No. God has given us in Christ the resources so that we can turn from sin and live a life that is righteous and holy before Him! We are new creations in Christ. First Corinthians 10:13 says we face no temptation or trial that does not offer an escape for the fully yielded Christian.


We should recognize and live in accordance with our redeemed identity in Christ. Yes, we are cleansed. Yes, we are new in Him. Yes, we are covered by the righteousness of Christ. We are His saints, His holy ones. But there are three tenses of salvation: we have been saved, we are being sanctified, and we will be glorified. Glorification still awaits us, when we enter the presence of God. When glorification happens, there will be complete sinlessness. But until that time, we are still sinners. Sanctification is very real, but it is not the same as glorification.

Sanctification means having great progress and victory in our battles with sin. But as I explain in a video, it does not mean sinless perfectionism. That is reserved for glorification, which awaits us in Christ’s presence, but is not the state we are in now.
There is a danger, however, in repeatedly affirming that we still sin. Some people rationalize sin and end up saying, “It’s inevitable that I’m going to sin, so why bother trying not to?” They forget that God has given us the power of Christ so that we do not have to sin. We are empowered to live righteous lives. Sin is not inevitable. “His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3).


We should never be content with our sin or excuse ourselves from it. Rather, we should be quick to recognize our sin, so that we can confess it to our merciful Savior and keep it from entangling us. There is no more certain way to be entangled by sin than to keep telling yourself what you’re doing really isn’t sin at all.
The caution is worth repeating: if you are a believer, don’t fall into the mistake of thinking sin is inevitable, or that you are not fully responsible for your sins. Don’t say to yourself, “I’m just a sinner—it’s no big deal. We all sin all the time anyway.

That’s normal, so I may as well sin this time too.” Don’t dare to commit sin reassuring yourself it doesn’t matter since Christ will forgive your sins anyway. Sin against God always matters. No sin is small that crucified Jesus.
As Christians, we should be living a righteous life, one characterized by walking in the light, not in darkness. Remind yourself you have died with Christ, you are raised with Christ, and you are a new person in Him. Remember His love for you and that He is more than able to help you with whatever struggle you are facing today. Then live a righteous life, calling upon His infinite power, grace, and help.

 

[RiverOL]

Put The “Fun” Back in Your Marriage​

“Highly happy couples aren’t just spending time together because they’re happy; a big part of the reason they’re so happy is that they’re spending time together!”
–Shaunti Feldhahn, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages

---

True story: When Mark and I had been married for just a couple of years, he gave me a bowling ball for Christmas. It was my favorite color, purple, and it even had my name engraved on it.
However, I wasn’t a bowler.
As you can imagine, I was a bit baffled by his gift. As he read the confusion on my face, he promptly opened up a nearby closet and produced a similar bowling ball in his favorite color and — you guessed it — with his name engraved on it!
“I thought it would be fun for us to do something together,” he said.

Unfortunately, those bowling balls were never used and somebody named Mark and Jill probably picked them up at a garage sale for a really good price. Our marriage suffered because I didn’t value having fun together.
As a couple, you know the importance of having a strong marriage, but how do you make your marriage stronger? It is often the small steps that make the biggest differences. So, today, I encourage you to be comfortable with learning new skills and to allow yourselves to be okay with taking small steps towards your goal of a stronger marriage.

Are you ready to put that into practice?

Let’s start by making time to have fun in your marriage.
I know you might think that this should come easy but often as we’re living life together on a daily basis, having fun can easily go right out the window unless we’re intentional about making it happen!
Here are some strategies for making fun happen:

1. Put it on your calendar as a recurring event. Select a regular time to spend together (i.e. every other Friday night, one Saturday a month, every Sunday afternoon) and put it on both of your calendars. If you have children, set up a regular childcare arrangement as well, or determine to have some intentional fun together after the kids are in bed.
2. Decide what you’ll do ahead of time. Maybe you decide together, alternate which one of you is in charge of the time together, or maybe one of you is more of a planner and the other is happy to go along on the ride. Any way works—just decide how to make that decision.
3. Go into time together with no expectations. Expectations rob us of contentment. Have a flexible heart open to how God leads your time together. It might turn out different than you planned, but if you’re flexible you can fully enjoy the time you set apart to be together.

Here is why this is so important:
Having fun together helps couples feel positive emotions, which increases relationship satisfaction. It helps couples unite in order to overcome differences and gives hope when working through difficult challenges.
Prioritizing fun will have a huge impact if you take the time to make it happen.
So, whether it’s bowling, a nice dinner, or enjoying a special dessert together at home, find some ways to prioritize fun and see what a difference it can make.
https://jillsavage.org/

 

[RiverOL]

The Destructive Impact of Unrighteous Men​

At some point in your life, you’ve probably seen news footage of angry women marching or protesting about women’s rights. Occasionally these are peaceful protests, but there are always participants who seem to be aggressively anti-men. They’re angry and want the world to know about it.


What happened in this country to create so many furious, hurt women?
Why have America’s male-female relationships taken such an incredibly bad turn in recent years?
Why do we keep hearing stories and seeing statistics about soaring divorce rates, both inside and outside the Church?

A good deal of the problem, of course, began in the Garden of Eden when sin entered the human race. There are many other spiritual and social factors, too.
But I believe there is one single greatest cause of the deteriorating relationships between men and women in America, and it is unrighteous men. When you see an angry, man-hating woman, you are almost always witnessing the result of the men who have most influenced her life.

Whether men like it or not, they must realize they’ve been entrusted by God with the leadership of families, churches, and society as a whole.
When men are righteous stewards of this authority and use their influence to provide for and protect those in their care, their spouses and children will reflect appreciation and contentment through their behavior.

Over the last few decades, we’ve moved away from the God-fearing, sacrificial mindset of the men who built this country. A strong work ethic, commitment to family values, and devotion to community is giving way to selfishness and corruption.


When men are lazy and ungodly, the women (and children) around them will begin to reflect the sins of these men. A rebellious and destructive culture mirrors the men in that society, from churches to homes to larger institutions.
Am I telling you this because I want to belittle men or start a round of male-bashing? Not at all! After all, I am a man, and we hear enough of that already.

But I think it’s important to consider the reasons why marriages are failing all around us. An honest assessment of the situation requires me to admit that men are a huge, huge part of the problem.
In Ephesians 5:25, the Apostle Paul wrote, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The only solution to the lack of righteous male leadership in our homes today is for men to love women according to Christ’s model of sacrifice.

We don’t love Jesus because he commanded us to, or because he threatens us if we don’t. It is because he died for us. He sacrificed himself for us. We love him because we are grateful.
The same holds true between women and men. A sacrificial man is easy to love, and will make our society stronger.

 

[RiverOL]

How to Become the Chooser​

There is a great tension in every human soul between what happens to us and how we respond.
The truth is this: I am not the things that happen to my (stimulus), nor I am the reaction that happens on the other end of the stimulus (my emotions, what I do, etc.). The real heart of a human being, the real essence of who I am is in between the two.
I am The Chooser. Standing between what happens to me and what happens next is my ability to decide. The power of my choices.

The Bad News​

The bad news about being the chooser is that I have to take responsibility for my choices. I cannot control the things that happen to me – such as getting fired from a job or being in an abusive relationship. I cannot even control if I get a raise at work or get the approval of others. But these things affect me. To pretend otherwise is just a denial of reality. So, there are things I cannot control and they affect me. But what happens next is up to me. If I am in an abusive relationship, I should get out of it. If I get fired, I have to take responsibility for my part in it and try to be better.

If we don’t take responsibility, our problems tend to follow us around. They are the problem. They are the issue. I have been here before, swearing off all women or refusing to engage in politics. People too often put themselves in a pattern of dependency and then complain that they are shackled.
One of the few things I can control is my choices. And I can choose how to respond to the experiences I am faced with. I can also choose to focus on my own part to play when circumstances or relationships don’t work out. Instead of blaming everyone and everything else in order to feel justified, reinforced, and stagnant, I can learn, grow, evaluate.


I read a book recently that said nobody can break your trust if you don’t give it to them. It was a line from Gandhi (or a paraphrase of it).
The reason this is bad news is because we have to take ownership of our part of the mess of the world. We have to focus in rather than out when something goes awry. This is hard. But taking ownership of where we are is the only way to change where we are going.

The Good News​

And that is the good news. An awareness and focus on my own agency allows me to properly stand between the circumstances I encounter and the reactions that follow.
I can choose the reaction based on a number of things. I can choose based on defensiveness and blame, trying to make sure I cast myself as hero and others as villain. I can choose based on the cultural expectations, the preference of my friends or parents, the path I think leads to affirmation, or the path that leads to the least amount of pain.
Or, I can choose based on my values. I can dig deep down, silence the noise, see through the superficiality, and make decisions based on the truth. The real truth. Deep, meaningful truth. The power and responsibility to stand in those gaps and make those choices for my own life is up to me.

 

[RiverOL]

7 ways to prepare your kids for a healthy marriage​

We have four young kids and my wife Ashley and I want to prepare them to be in a healthy marriage someday. We refuse to buy into the flawed modern belief that marriage success rates are just a 50/50 coin toss, so two of our four kids will probably end up divorced. We’ve seen that teaching the right principles early on can greatly enhance a child’s likelihood of a thriving marriage later in life.


One of your most important duties as a parent is to equip your children for success in their future marriage. We’re convinced that preparing for marriage doesn’t start with a premarital counseling course. It should start MUCH sooner! It begins with teaching and modeling the right lessons for kids from the time they’re very young. If you’ll teach your kids these simple lessons, you’ll be setting them up for success if their future marriage and family.
7 ways to prepare your kids for a healthy marriage:

1. Strive to have the kind of marriage that makes your kids actually want to get married someday. One of the most common mistakes in modern marriage is to put your own marriage relationship “on hold” while you’re raising your kids. When you do this, you wind up with an “empty nest” and an empty marriage. One of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is the security that comes from seeing their mom and dad in a loving, committed marriage.
2. Help your children have healthy relationships with siblings. This may seem unrelated to marriage, but it has a HUGE connection. The sibling relationship in childhood mirrors many aspects of the husband/wife relationship in adulthood. You’re sharing space, sharing responsibilities, etc. When children learn to “play nice” and have love and respect for their siblings, their hearts and minds are being trained to better love and respect a spouse someday.


3. Help your kids choose the right friends and the right boyfriends/girlfriends. At any age, our friends have a huge influence on our behaviors and attitudes, so while your kids are young, help them determine the character traits they should look for in potential friends and, when they’re ready to date, in potential boyfriends/girlfriends as well. Take an active interest in every one of their relationships.

4. Encourage them to only date a person who would make a good spouse. Parents who encourage their kids to date around just to get “experience” are unknowingly sabotaging their kids’ future marriage. When kids date with no longterm purpose, their hearts and feelings get entangled and the breakups can leave lasting scars making trust and intimacy with a future spouse more difficult. If they know someone wouldn’t make a good spouse someday, they have no reason to date that person in the first place.



5. Encourage them to ask the right questions about any potential spouse BEFORE marrying them. Before saying, “I do” your kids need to ask some difficult questions about the person they’re considering marrying. These questions are also a good prerequisite for any potential dating relationship. The questions should include the following: Am I attracted to more than this person’s looks? Do I actually like this person (would I want to hang out with them often even if we weren’t dating)? Do I want my future kids to grow up to be like this person? Do the people who love me the most think this person is a good match for me? Does this person consistently bring out the best in me? Can I be myself around this person? Does this person strengthen my faith and character or compromise my faith and character? Can I remain committed to this person no matter what?

6. Don’t discourage them from marrying young (if they find the right person). Many parents (with good intentions) encourage their kids to get their “life in order” (meaning have all their schooling finished, finances in order, etc.) before they consider marriage. When a young adult gets on this life plan, they may drag out a dating relationship in a perpetual state of heading nowhere or breakup with someone who would have been a great spouse because the “timing wasn’t right.” I’m not saying everyone should marry early, but many of the healthiest and happiest married couples I know married very young and then built their life together. It’s worked for Ashley and me as well (we were 22 and 20 on our wedding day).



7. Encourage them to enter into marriage with no exit strategy! When it comes time for your child to get married, encourage him/her to enter into the covenant of marriage with no Plan B! Help them remove the word “divorce” from their vocabulary, and if they call you to complain about their spouse, encourage them to stop complaining and start working it out with their spouse. Don’t become an in-law who adds strain on the marriage. Be an in-law who becomes the biggest fan, friend and encourager of your new daughter- or son-in-law.

Be a lifelong cheerleader and supporter of their marriage.

 

[RiverOL]

3 choices that can heal a broken relationship.​

I was sitting down with a friend recently, and he was talking through some current relationship struggles he’s having. As I tried to encourage him and help him get to the root of the problems, we discovered that the real issue wasn’t in his present relationships, but in unresolved wounds from his past relationships. Old hurts can haunt us if we don’t deal with them.


Whenever we feel rejection, abandonment, ridicule, heartbreak or pain from other people, it can cause us to build up walls around our hearts to protect ourselves from being hurt again. These walls give us the illusion of security, but they’re really just a prison of isolation. Living well means loving well, and loving well requires healing from past hurts.
To work through wounds from your past, start by making these three choices:

1. Choose grace instead of revenge
It’s been said that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and then hoping the other person dies. Choose to forgive for their sake, but even more, for your own sake. God freely gives his grace to you, so embrace it and then freely give it to others. Don’t treat people the way they treat you. Treat people the way God treats you.

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone… Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good” Romans 12:17-18, 21


2. Choose to trust in God’s plan instead of your own.
When the Biblical character, Joseph, was sold into slavery by his own brothers, he had plenty of reasons for doubt and anger, but he chose faith instead. Joseph was promoted from a slave to a great political leader. He could have executed his brothers, but he chose grace instead. He recognized that God’s plan and God’s grace is always bigger than our circumstances. Joseph said these powerful words to his brothers…
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them.” Genesis 50:20-21



3. Choose joy instead of bitterness.
Bitterness is intoxicating, because it gives you the illusion of power and control over your life, but it’s toxic in the end. Get rid of bitterness and choose joy. Joy isn’t a feeling; it’s a choice. It comes from trusting God even when life doesn’t seem to make sense and thanking God for His goodness even when life hurts.
Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18



In the end, choosing grace could change your life and the world around you.

 

[RiverOL]

Keeping Fueled & Aflame​ [ 1 min read ★ ]

Take your everyday, ordinary life . . . and place it before God as an offering—Romans 12:1​

The author of Hebrews laid down a challenge: “. . . let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24). Eugene Peterson translated it as, “Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out” (Hebrews 10:24 MSG). What a great challenge for us men, today. It dares us to engage our God-given capacities for imagining and inventing. But, it also dares to direct these capacities toward good purposes, toward God’s purposes. Too often we use our imaginations to envision prosperous futures for ourselves, futures of comfort and materialism and separation . . . or . . . we use them to envision worrisome futures, futures where our worst fears come to pass. And too often, we use our inventiveness to build our own prosperity . . . or . . . to build barricades around our lives to protect ourselves from our fears. What if we stopped doing that so much? What if, in faith, we were to refocus these imaginative and inventive capacities? What if we put them toward the task of keeping ourselves, and keeping those around us “fueled and aflame” (Romans 12:11-13 MSG)? What if we dedicated a few moments―every week, every month―to look at ourselves, our families, our friends, our communities, and allowed ourselves to dream and create? We wouldn’t be alone. God the Holy Spirit would be right there, in those moments, guiding us, inspiring us.

Okay, so what do we do?​ It’s not easy to change how we think and how we act. We need help. Take a few minutes to pray and listen for the Holy Spirit. Be still. Consider the question of how you might encourage “love and good deeds” in your family, among your friends, in your community. Whatever comes―if it fits within the principles of Scripture―trust it and make it happen.

 

[RiverOL]

7 Ways to Know If You’re More Selfish Than You Think You Are​

It’s easy to recognize selfishness in someone else, but how can you tell if you’re selfish?
Ask yourself:

• Do you think you’re usually right?
• Do you need to be in control?
• Do you feel like no matter what your husband does, he never does it good enough?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of those questions, you’re probably more selfish than you think you are.
Being selfish is a threat to marriage.
Selfish people like to be in control. They think they’re right about almost everything. They usually don’t think they’re selfish.
I didn’t realize how selfish I really am until I got married.
I’ve been selfish more times than I’d like to admit. Like the time I laid into my husband because he used my shower gel. There’s nothing special about the gel, except it’s mine.

Or when my kids were little, I’d pretend to be asleep in the mornings, so my husband would get up and take care of them. Or I’d sneak into bed quietly at night after I thought he was asleep to avoid being intimate.
I can be selfish even when I think I’m being selfless.
Maybe you were programmed to look out for yourself or to put yourself first. Or perhaps you’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve certain things.
Selfish thinking doesn’t stop just because you say “I do.” In fact, it usually gets a whole lot worse.

Selfishness extends beyond stuff​

Selfishness extends beyond stuff. It affects how we talk to each other, what we expect from each other, how we divide household chores, how we spend money, how we resolve conflicts, how often we have sex, and how we spend our time.
Unfortunately, we’re all selfish. When two people try to get their own way, they’ll never experience oneness in marriage.
Since selfish people usually don’t think they’re selfish, here are 7 ways to tell if you’re more selfish than you think you are.

You might be more selfish than you think you are if…​

1. You think you’re right most of the time.
2. You accuse your husband of being selfish.
3. You threaten to leave when you don’t get your way, even if you don’t mean it.
4. You make decisions for the two of you without talking to your husband.
5. You wouldn’t want to married to yourself.
6. You want to be heard instead of listen.
7. You look for ways to place blame.
Selfish people always think anything that goes wrong is the other person’s fault.
Being selfish doesn’t get you as far as you think it does. You may get your way in the short-term, but it will hurt your marriage in the long run.
You can learn to be less selfish. It takes practice and commitment. It also takes learning how to look at situations differently. I’m not perfect but when I admitted how selfish I really am, I began to see more ways I could serve my husband.

 

[RiverOL]

Rising Above Anxious Thoughts​

Are the circumstances of this world weighing you down? Feeling a little anxious? Here are some tips on Rising Above Anxious Thoughts.

REMEMBER: YOU FIND WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR

We understand the importance of staying informed regarding the COVID-19 virus, but we also understand that the media frenzy breeds anxiety. We encourage you to know your limits, know when to turn off the T.V. and turn on worship music. Although the news informs us of the facts, it doesn’t inform us of the FULL truth. The full truth would also include God’s power, God’s purpose, and God’s provision. Sarah Young says, “Anxiety is a result of imagining a future without God.” Let’s not take God out of the equation.

We will find what we’re looking for … hope or hopelessness. Let’s choose hope!

Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”



REPLENISH, TOGETHER

In times of uncertainty like the one we are in, we easily forget to replenish, especially when it comes to ourselves and our relationship. Our fear tells us that sitting in the worry seat is somehow more productive. The truth is, worry is like a rocking chair, you’re constantly moving but going nowhere. Instead of worry, we need to replenish; physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. A few ideas to re-connect and replenish as a couple: try out a silly work-out from home together, read a book together, take advantage of our Conversation Starters for Couples, and pray together. This helps us embrace a higher way of thinking instead of letting worry drag us down.

John Ortberg says, “If your soul is healthy, no external circumstances can destroy your life. If your soul is unhealthy, no external circumstances can redeem your life.”

CHANGE YOUR HOW TO WHO

If you’re anything like my husband and me, it’s easy to get stuck in the HOW loop! Especially during seasons of uncertainty. How will we ever get from here to there? How can we make that happen? You see … when we concentrate on our circumstances, we tend to get stuck. Why? Because, we see all our problems. We focus on all the impossibilities. We live limited to what WE can accomplish. But when we change the positioning of those three small letters (from) H … O … W (to) W … H … O … it changes everything!



When we make the switch to remember WHO, we begin to ask different questions, like: WHO gave us this promise? WHO is HE? And what is HE capable of? The answers to those questions cause faith to rise, empowering us to believe HIM for all He promised.

TODAY’S VERSE:

Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

TODAY’S PRAYER:

Father, we know how easy it is to become anxious and to worry. We surrender all thoughts of anxiousness and uncertainty to you. We thank you that you are bigger than our circumstances, and you are always working behind the scenes. We thank you that you work all things together for good. We ask that you would elevate our perspective. Help our thoughts to align with yours, thoughts of hope, faith, and power. We pray that we would lead the way for our families and those around us. Help us to be pillars of your strength during this time. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Keeping Fueled & Aflame​ [ 1 min read ★ ]

Take your everyday, ordinary life . . . and place it before God as an offering—Romans 12:1​

The author of Hebrews laid down a challenge: “. . . let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24). Eugene Peterson translated it as, “Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out” (Hebrews 10:24 MSG). What a great challenge for us men, today. It dares us to engage our God-given capacities for imagining and inventing. But, it also dares to direct these capacities toward good purposes, toward God’s purposes. Too often we use our imaginations to envision prosperous futures for ourselves, futures of comfort and materialism and separation . . . or . . . we use them to envision worrisome futures, futures where our worst fears come to pass. And too often, we use our inventiveness to build our own prosperity . . . or . . . to build barricades around our lives to protect ourselves from our fears. What if we stopped doing that so much? What if, in faith, we were to refocus these imaginative and inventive capacities? What if we put them toward the task of keeping ourselves, and keeping those around us “fueled and aflame” (Romans 12:11-13 MSG)? What if we dedicated a few moments―every week, every month―to look at ourselves, our families, our friends, our communities, and allowed ourselves to dream and create? We wouldn’t be alone. God the Holy Spirit would be right there, in those moments, guiding us, inspiring us.

Okay, so what do we do?​ It’s not easy to change how we think and how we act. We need help. Take a few minutes to pray and listen for the Holy Spirit. Be still. Consider the question of how you might encourage “love and good deeds” in your family, among your friends, in your community. Whatever comes―if it fits within the principles of Scripture―trust it and make it happen.

 

[RiverOL]

Consider the Generations to Come​

Imagine Adam and Eve in the Garden. They’ve just eaten of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. They are savoring its flavor and enjoying its texture. They have not yet been convicted of their sin.
At this moment, do you think they are paying any mind to consequences? Do they have any idea their behavior is cursing the generations to follow after them?


Because we are still paying the penalty for their sin. They couldn’t see this for the selfishness in their hearts. Sin doesn’t think ahead. It lives for the moment. It trades immediate personal benefit for the pain of others in the future.
Only three chapters later in Genesis, God grieves that He ever created man in the first place. The sin of Adam and Eve reaped a harvest of rebellion and corruption, so God caused the Great Flood. It wiped out everyone on other but Noah and his family.

Make no mistake: Our behavior today affects the next generation. Consider Mark 9:42—“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.”
We have an awesome responsibility as parents. Even those who are not parents still have a responsibility, as members of society, to the children impacted directly or indirectly by the way we live.

How will our decisions now impact the children of tomorrow? Some parents are laying their children on the altar of their pleasures. Others are actively leading an entire generation astray. For both cases, there will be a heavy price to pay.


In Deuteronomy 5:9, God spoke these powerful words to Moses: “…for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me.”
The sins of disobedient fathers, God said, would impact generations after them. As parents, our habits, language, attitudes, values, priorities, and lives are directly influencing our great-great-grandchildren.
Do not forget this! To remember it is to raise our level of care about how we live.

Besides God and our spouses, our children are the most precious things we have in this life. When our influence on children is caring and loving, we are blessing the future. When our influence is harmful or negligent, we are cursing the future.

So pray for your children. Be a good role model for them. Love them with the love of Christ. Point them toward the Lord. This is an overwhelming responsibility and we are imperfect people, but God understands this. He isn’t looking for perfection, but for commitment and sincerity.
He will forgive our failures when we make mistakes. He’ll give us wisdom and strength. He’ll provide us every resource for success as parents and spouses. But it is our responsibility to be good, godly stewards of the generation God has put in our care.