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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish Police Officer? The answer is found below. I just know this question has been on your minds for years!
QUESTION: You’re a policeman on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do?
ANSWER:
Australian Police Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.
1) Does the man look poor and/or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
5) Am I dressed provocatively?
6) Could I run away?
7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?
8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?
9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself?
13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
Canadian Police Officer:
BANG !
American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
'Click'...Reload...
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
Glasgow Police Officer:
" Haw, Jimmie....! Drop the wee knifie reet this minute noo, unless ye want it stuck up yer arse ! "
QUESTION: You’re a policeman on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do?
ANSWER:
Australian Police Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.
1) Does the man look poor and/or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
5) Am I dressed provocatively?
6) Could I run away?
7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?
8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?
9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself?
13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
Canadian Police Officer:
BANG !
American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
'Click'...Reload...
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
Glasgow Police Officer:
" Haw, Jimmie....! Drop the wee knifie reet this minute noo, unless ye want it stuck up yer arse ! "
Cabut?! :p
You know it’s time to leave Cambodia when you… a collection of comments from Cambodian expats
· You clean the floor with a wet, dirty rag and actually think that it is clean
· You actually think that you have to nominate a pocket when playing the 8 ball
· You are sitting with Khmer friends eating fried rats and drinking rice wine
· When you'd rather eat chicken feet than chicken breasts
· When you throw tissue papers on the floor after use, at home or in a restaurant
· When you put curtains in your car
· When you fit your living room out with fluorescent lighting brighter than floodlights
· You leave a $1 tip on a $30 tab and some of your friends think that was too much
· You demand ice in your beer
· You answer the motodop in Khmer
· You get upset with motorists who look at you strangely because you are travelling the wrong way down a one-way street
· You deep fry everything until it's black, just to make sure it's dead and tasteless
· You go through 1L of cooking oil a day
· You liberally sprinkle everything with salt/sugar/MSG
· You think the country needs more public holidays (26 official days in 2014 and probably another 10 unofficial ones)
· You wake up at 4am to pound garlic and chili, just to make sure your downstairs neighbours are not sleeping
· You park 1m from the kerb
· You see nothing wrong driving on the wrong side of the road
· You edge your way across junctions 10 seconds after the lights turned red
· You turn your tv/stereo/amp up to full volume because you don't think you're getting value for money otherwise
· You think that some lunatic noisily peddling noodles at 3 am is normal
· When the footprints on the toilet seat are yours!!!
· You think a good place to stop and chat with friends is at the top or bottom of an escalator
· When your hands shake in the morning and the only thing you can think of to fill your day is boozing
· You know you've visited Asia too many times when you get back home, top up your drink and find that several dozen bugs have landed in it and simply
swallow them along with your drink of choice
· When the server brings u something TOTALLY different from what u ordered and u just smile and eat/drink it anyways without saying anything
· When you advertise a hostess bar for sale with a few poxy rooms upstairs with access only from the bar and you ask for 50k and no offers, and then
incredibly a year later you actually want to increase the price that no one would pay previously and now there is a year less left on the lease....
· When they start enforcing the laws and stop taking bribes.
· When it's 5.35am and you think 'that's early to leave a club?'
· When it's 5.35am and you think 'why did I go to Heart of Darkness?'
· When it's 5.37am and you think 'this is the best pasta EVER!!'
· When it's 5.42am and you think 'this is the best hotdog EVER!!'
· When it's 5.48am and you think 'why did I eat pasta AND a hotdog?'
· When it's 5.55am and you think you're cool because you can negotiate a Tuk-Tuk fare to Toul Kork for less than three and a half dollars
· When it’s 6.03am and you think you are awesome because you can vomit pasta and hotdog without getting any in your hair, whilst travelling in a Tuk-Tuk
to Toul Kork
· When you order prahok through your own choice
· When you think nodding off in a meeting is not only acceptable, but common practice
· When the first thing you do after you arrive at work, is going out for breakfast
· When you travel home for a break and find yourself squatting on the toilet seat
· When you sat with a bunch of Khmers at a roadside shop, all casually smoking cigarettes next to 50 litres of petrol.
· They start selling christmas shit in the shop
· The drugs become too expensive
· The women becomes too expensive
· The beer becomes too expensive
· When Cambodia becomes a true democracy
· When you listen to those god-awful soppy Khmer love songs, understand most of what they're singing (even if only cos they all say the same things over
and over!) start to hum them when going round town and it slowly dawns on you you're actually starting to like them!
· When you start to believe two blokes with fake moustaches sqwauking at each other is the height of cutting-edge comedy (the equivalent of Wang Sar & Ya
Fong)
· When you tell all your neighbours how much money you've spent that day
· When you start bitching about all the foreigners in the country, and you're one
· When you start drinking Black Panther mixed with Coca Cola and condensed milk, like our troops up at Preah Vihear, then it might just be time
· You clean the floor with a wet, dirty rag and actually think that it is clean
· You actually think that you have to nominate a pocket when playing the 8 ball
· You are sitting with Khmer friends eating fried rats and drinking rice wine
· When you'd rather eat chicken feet than chicken breasts
· When you throw tissue papers on the floor after use, at home or in a restaurant
· When you put curtains in your car
· When you fit your living room out with fluorescent lighting brighter than floodlights
· You leave a $1 tip on a $30 tab and some of your friends think that was too much
· You demand ice in your beer
· You answer the motodop in Khmer
· You get upset with motorists who look at you strangely because you are travelling the wrong way down a one-way street
· You deep fry everything until it's black, just to make sure it's dead and tasteless
· You go through 1L of cooking oil a day
· You liberally sprinkle everything with salt/sugar/MSG
· You think the country needs more public holidays (26 official days in 2014 and probably another 10 unofficial ones)
· You wake up at 4am to pound garlic and chili, just to make sure your downstairs neighbours are not sleeping
· You park 1m from the kerb
· You see nothing wrong driving on the wrong side of the road
· You edge your way across junctions 10 seconds after the lights turned red
· You turn your tv/stereo/amp up to full volume because you don't think you're getting value for money otherwise
· You think that some lunatic noisily peddling noodles at 3 am is normal
· When the footprints on the toilet seat are yours!!!
· You think a good place to stop and chat with friends is at the top or bottom of an escalator
· When your hands shake in the morning and the only thing you can think of to fill your day is boozing
· You know you've visited Asia too many times when you get back home, top up your drink and find that several dozen bugs have landed in it and simply
swallow them along with your drink of choice
· When the server brings u something TOTALLY different from what u ordered and u just smile and eat/drink it anyways without saying anything
· When you advertise a hostess bar for sale with a few poxy rooms upstairs with access only from the bar and you ask for 50k and no offers, and then
incredibly a year later you actually want to increase the price that no one would pay previously and now there is a year less left on the lease....
· When they start enforcing the laws and stop taking bribes.
· When it's 5.35am and you think 'that's early to leave a club?'
· When it's 5.35am and you think 'why did I go to Heart of Darkness?'
· When it's 5.37am and you think 'this is the best pasta EVER!!'
· When it's 5.42am and you think 'this is the best hotdog EVER!!'
· When it's 5.48am and you think 'why did I eat pasta AND a hotdog?'
· When it's 5.55am and you think you're cool because you can negotiate a Tuk-Tuk fare to Toul Kork for less than three and a half dollars
· When it’s 6.03am and you think you are awesome because you can vomit pasta and hotdog without getting any in your hair, whilst travelling in a Tuk-Tuk
to Toul Kork
· When you order prahok through your own choice
· When you think nodding off in a meeting is not only acceptable, but common practice
· When the first thing you do after you arrive at work, is going out for breakfast
· When you travel home for a break and find yourself squatting on the toilet seat
· When you sat with a bunch of Khmers at a roadside shop, all casually smoking cigarettes next to 50 litres of petrol.
· They start selling christmas shit in the shop
· The drugs become too expensive
· The women becomes too expensive
· The beer becomes too expensive
· When Cambodia becomes a true democracy
· When you listen to those god-awful soppy Khmer love songs, understand most of what they're singing (even if only cos they all say the same things over
and over!) start to hum them when going round town and it slowly dawns on you you're actually starting to like them!
· When you start to believe two blokes with fake moustaches sqwauking at each other is the height of cutting-edge comedy (the equivalent of Wang Sar & Ya
Fong)
· When you tell all your neighbours how much money you've spent that day
· When you start bitching about all the foreigners in the country, and you're one
· When you start drinking Black Panther mixed with Coca Cola and condensed milk, like our troops up at Preah Vihear, then it might just be time
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Last edited:
Don't get drunk in South Africa!
It took 8 men to load this python on to the truck.
It swallowed a man after it found him drunk and sleeping next to the N2 road In Mkhuze, KZN, South Africa on Saturday.
Had it not been spotted, the python would have remained on the same spot for up to 6 months While it digested every piece of the man's body, including his skull and every bone in his body.
It took 8 men to load this python on to the truck.
It swallowed a man after it found him drunk and sleeping next to the N2 road In Mkhuze, KZN, South Africa on Saturday.
Had it not been spotted, the python would have remained on the same spot for up to 6 months While it digested every piece of the man's body, including his skull and every bone in his body.
WelCUM your contributions (and your moniker speaks for itself). New meaning to Bollywoood's dancing around the tree?:p
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