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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
What Msian medical students wrote.
Malaysia has 33 medical schools; look at their English.
... for mass production of doctors
ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND ON PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS:
1) She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.
2) Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3) On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. !!
4) The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5) The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6) Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7) Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8) The patient refused autopsy.
9) The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10) Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11) Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past 3 days.
12) Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13) Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14) Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up.
15) She is numb from her toes down. !!!!!!!!!!
16) While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17) The skin was moist and dry.
18) Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
19) Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20) Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid.
21) She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
22) I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
23) Both breasts are equal. reactive to light and accommodation.
24) Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
25) The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
26) The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
27) Skin: somewhat pale but present.
28) The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. !!
29) Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
30) Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
31) Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.l
Pengsan english teachers! (faint!)
Malaysia has 33 medical schools; look at their English.
... for mass production of doctors
ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND ON PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS:
1) She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.
2) Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3) On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. !!
4) The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5) The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6) Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7) Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8) The patient refused autopsy.
9) The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10) Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11) Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past 3 days.
12) Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13) Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14) Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up.
15) She is numb from her toes down. !!!!!!!!!!
16) While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17) The skin was moist and dry.
18) Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
19) Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20) Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid.
21) She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
22) I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
23) Both breasts are equal. reactive to light and accommodation.
24) Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
25) The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
26) The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
27) Skin: somewhat pale but present.
28) The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. !!
29) Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
30) Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
31) Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.l
Pengsan english teachers! (faint!)
![Work_Virus[1].png](https://www.sammyboy.com/data/attachments/15/15282-420f161f0eac1dbeefa3d195941f61d1.jpg "Work_Virus[1].png")
G is for gigantic.
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The T-shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly “You’ve got to make love to me . . . this very minute!”
My eyes lit up, and I thought “I am either still dreaming or this is my lucky day!”
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her, and then and gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table!
Afterwards she said “Thanks,” and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked “What was that all about?”
She explained “The egg timer's broken.”
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly “You’ve got to make love to me . . . this very minute!”
My eyes lit up, and I thought “I am either still dreaming or this is my lucky day!”
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her, and then and gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table!
Afterwards she said “Thanks,” and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked “What was that all about?”
She explained “The egg timer's broken.”
An innocent typo can be dangerous! :p
Husband wrote a romantic message to his wife on his official trip and missed an "e" in the last word.
Now he is seeking police protection to enter his own house....
He wrote "Hi darling I'm experiencing the best time of my life & I wish you were her"
Husband wrote a romantic message to his wife on his official trip and missed an "e" in the last word.
Now he is seeking police protection to enter his own house....
He wrote "Hi darling I'm experiencing the best time of my life & I wish you were her"
72 virgins
Having blown himself up, an 18-year-old suicide bomber appeared before Allah.
He said, " Oh, Allah, I did your bidding but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I have never been with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, - can I have 72 whores ? "
Allah regarded him for a moment and then replied, " Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because arseholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous, and frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty...."
The bomber responded, " Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity ? "
And Allah replied, " Who said they were women ? "
Now there's a concept I hadn't thought of ...........
Having blown himself up, an 18-year-old suicide bomber appeared before Allah.
He said, " Oh, Allah, I did your bidding but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I have never been with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, - can I have 72 whores ? "
Allah regarded him for a moment and then replied, " Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because arseholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous, and frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty...."
The bomber responded, " Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity ? "
And Allah replied, " Who said they were women ? "
Now there's a concept I hadn't thought of ...........
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to this friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wassa da treep?"
Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."
"Whatayou mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Penn Station.
My beautiful wife, Virginia, she pack a biga basketa food. She bringa da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket .
The conductore come aby, wagga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car.'
So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino!
Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.
While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar.
The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina indisa car. Musta go to a smokina car.'
"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.
Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed.
We just about to go badaboom badaboom and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice
'Nofolka Virginia !
Nofolka Virginia !'
"Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus."
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wassa da treep?"
Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."
"Whatayou mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Penn Station.
My beautiful wife, Virginia, she pack a biga basketa food. She bringa da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket .
The conductore come aby, wagga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car.'
So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino!
Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.
While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar.
The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina indisa car. Musta go to a smokina car.'
"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.
Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed.
We just about to go badaboom badaboom and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice
'Nofolka Virginia !
Nofolka Virginia !'
"Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus."
http://www.tickld.com/x/actual-exchanges-between-pilots-and-control-towers
long story, read it yourself lah
long story, read it yourself lah
Can't believe this is a pre-requisite on hiring female cops? 
Indonesian police criticised over virginity tests for women
Human Rights Watch said the virginity test is still widely used despite the insistence of some senior police officials that the practice has been discontinued.
JAKARTA: Human Rights Watch Tuesday (Nov 18) urged Indonesia's national police to halt "discriminatory" virginity tests for women applying to join the force in the world's most populous Muslim-majority country.
The rights group said women applicants are required to be both unmarried and virgins, and the virginity test is still widely used despite the insistence of some senior police officials that the practice has been discontinued. In a series of interviews with HRW, young women - including some who underwent the test as recently as this year - described the procedure as painful and traumatic.
The women told how they were forced to strip naked before female medics gave them a "two-finger test" - a practice described by HRW as archaic and discredited. "I don't want to remember those bad experiences. It was humiliating," said one 19-year-woman who took the test in the city of Pekanbaru, on western Sumatra island, and whose identity was not disclosed. "Why should we take off our clothes in front of strangers? It is not necessary. I think it should be stopped."
Nisha Varia, associate women's rights director at HRW, described the tests as "a discriminatory practice that harms and humiliates women. "Police authorities in Jakarta need to immediately and unequivocally abolish the test, and then make certain that all police recruiting stations nationwide stop administering it."
The tests contravene the police's own guidelines on recruitment and violate international human rights to equality, non-discrimination and privacy, HRW said. Police did not immediately respond to requests for comment.
While senior police have insisted in recent years that virginity tests for female applicants have been stopped, HRW said a posting on the force's own website this month noted that female applicants must undergo the procedure. Women currently make up about three percent of the 400,000-strong force, HRW said, but added the police had launched a drive to increase the number of female officers.
Society is deeply conservative in parts of Indonesia and some still value female virginity highly. The issue hit the headlines last year, when the education chief of a city sparked outrage by suggesting that teenage schoolgirls should undergo virginity tests to enter senior high school.
- AFP/by
Indonesian police criticised over virginity tests for women
Human Rights Watch said the virginity test is still widely used despite the insistence of some senior police officials that the practice has been discontinued.
JAKARTA: Human Rights Watch Tuesday (Nov 18) urged Indonesia's national police to halt "discriminatory" virginity tests for women applying to join the force in the world's most populous Muslim-majority country.
The rights group said women applicants are required to be both unmarried and virgins, and the virginity test is still widely used despite the insistence of some senior police officials that the practice has been discontinued. In a series of interviews with HRW, young women - including some who underwent the test as recently as this year - described the procedure as painful and traumatic.
The women told how they were forced to strip naked before female medics gave them a "two-finger test" - a practice described by HRW as archaic and discredited. "I don't want to remember those bad experiences. It was humiliating," said one 19-year-woman who took the test in the city of Pekanbaru, on western Sumatra island, and whose identity was not disclosed. "Why should we take off our clothes in front of strangers? It is not necessary. I think it should be stopped."
Nisha Varia, associate women's rights director at HRW, described the tests as "a discriminatory practice that harms and humiliates women. "Police authorities in Jakarta need to immediately and unequivocally abolish the test, and then make certain that all police recruiting stations nationwide stop administering it."
The tests contravene the police's own guidelines on recruitment and violate international human rights to equality, non-discrimination and privacy, HRW said. Police did not immediately respond to requests for comment.
While senior police have insisted in recent years that virginity tests for female applicants have been stopped, HRW said a posting on the force's own website this month noted that female applicants must undergo the procedure. Women currently make up about three percent of the 400,000-strong force, HRW said, but added the police had launched a drive to increase the number of female officers.
Society is deeply conservative in parts of Indonesia and some still value female virginity highly. The issue hit the headlines last year, when the education chief of a city sparked outrage by suggesting that teenage schoolgirls should undergo virginity tests to enter senior high school.
- AFP/by
Suspicious Vehicle
The United States Border Patrol is asking citizens to keep on the lookout for a red 1951 Chevy that they suspect is being used to smuggle illegal immigrants across the border from Mexico into points along the U.S. border.
If you see the vehicle pictured below and have reason to believe that it is the suspect vehicle, you are urged to contact your local Police Department or the U.S. Border Patrol.
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