In step

[RiverOL]

Preaching Judgment Without Being a Jerk​

I previously asked, “Do we always have to talk about hell when we evangelize?” We looked at texts in which Jesus appeals to hell in his teaching. We identified three situations, and none of them resemble the ways that people talk about hell today in evangelistic conversations.
Credit: flickr/chrisyarzab
In this follow-up post, I’ll direct our attention to texts that directly concern evangelism, places where biblical writers clearly present the gospel. In the process, we’ll see what the Bible frequently means when it talks about judgment.


Preaching Judgment and Justice
What about when Jesus or others evangelized?
Recall when the biblical writers explicitly mention words like “gospel” or “evangelize” (in Greek or Hebrew, of course). While such passages cannot limit our understanding of the gospel, they should undoubtedly ground and frame our perspective of the gospel. Concepts that consistently appear in those texts will naturally be central to “the gospel” as initially preached.

What do we find?
As I explained elsewhere many times, the gospel declares that the Creator God has kept his covenant promises by raising King Jesus. The gospel is a positive declaration. While one could infer from it an implied threat, that point is in no way the primary emphasis given to it by the biblical authors.
The gospel announces the kingdom of God. Does this entail judgment? Yes, but not in the way some might think.

Whereas modern readers think of God’s judgment and righteousness almost exclusively in negative or punitive terms, the biblical authors consistently present God’s judgment as a positive to be prayed for. In One Gospel for All Nations, I address this question when discussing Act 17.

Acts 17:31 illuminates another way Paul connects creation and kingdom language, stating that God “has fixed a day on which he will judge the world in righteousness by a man whom he has appointed; and of this he has given assurance to all by raising him from the dead.”
We must pay careful attention to Paul’s verbiage. Besides Acts 17:31, the phrase “judge the world in righteousness” (κρίνειν τὴν οἰκουμένην ἐν δικαιοσύνῃ) used here occurs in the Bible only in Psalm 9:8; 96:10,13; 98:9. Each context uses royal language about a king establishing a place of righteousness for his people. In fact, Psalm 96:2 says, “tell of his salvation from day to day,” where the verb again is the typical word for “to proclaim the gospel [Ps 95:2 LXX].

Countless scholars have detailed my basic point. God’s people longed for God’s judgment because it meant that God would set things right (cf. Ps 72:4). This saving judgment entails God’s turning away or condemning their enemies. Positive judgment (i.e., salvation) for God’s people meant (punitive) judgment for their enemies.

The Gospel of Salvation For, Not Only From​

There is another problem with asserting we must always focus on hell before people can make sense of the gospel. In Reading Romans with Eastern Eyes, I suggest

Some readers might need to reorient how they think about “being saved.” Salvation concerns both what we’re saved from and what we’re saved for. Many people think almost exclusively in terms of the former. We are saved from wrath, punishment, condemnation, and hell. Though a glorious truth, it is a partial truth. Romans 5–8 also tells us what we are saved for.

Nothing is wrong with stressing the importance of being saved from something. Being saved from the penalty, power, and presence of sin is glorious!
But…. and this is an important “but” … no one is saved merely from fear of penalty. Ultimately, salvation requires love for Christ.
Haley Jacob adds this:

What is the goal of salvation? For too long, scholars and laymen alike have myopically viewed justification and salvation as ends in themselves, whether for the benefit of the individual or of the incorporative body of Christ. The goal of salvation is believers’ conformity to the Son of God—their participation in his rule over creation as God’s eschatological family and as renewed humanity—but only and always with the purpose of extending God’s hand of mercy, love, and care to his wider creation. This was humanity’s job in the beginning; it will be believers’ responsibility and honor in the future; it is God’s purpose in calling his people in the present.[1]

This vision is compelling and sustaining. It creates a far more robust biblical perspective on following Christ.

Being a Jerk​

One last consideration deserves our attention. When our automatic inclination is to lead with hell, we are more likely to alienate people. And it won’t be because the other person is hard-hearted. It’s more likely that you’re just being a jerk.
Reflect again on the manner and circumstances in which Jesus appealed to hell. He only directly threatens his immediate listeners when they are hard-hearted, hypocritical, deceitful pretender-shepherds. These are not at all ordinary folk. The closest possible parallels today are pastors and well-known Christian leaders!

In the Gospels, “hell” (more specifically, “gehenna”) is the dramatic gong Jesus uses to wake up those who presume to be God’s people who in reality are not.
People know that the world has problems. They intuitively grasp that they’ve contributed to the world being an imperfect place. By insisting that they first accept the idea “I stuck in God’s eyes and should go to hell,” we will likely close a door to conversation.

Whether or not you’re inclined to emphasize hell, a better approach would instead be to magnify the grandeur of God in all things and throughout history.
Leading with God’s honor, not our shame, makes sense on multiple levels.
First, that message—that God is infinitely worthy of our attention and affection— grips the imagination and better drives us towards faithfulness. It affects the head, heart, and hands.
Second, how can anyone comprehend the horror of sin and thus hell if they cannot perceive the immeasurable greatness of God?

 

[RiverOL]

7 Ways to Break Free of People Pleasing​

While being a “People Pleaser” has given me a sense of satisfaction at times, the outcome is fairly predictable. When I reflect back on choices I’ve made, neglecting my own needs has often left me feeling resentful and disempowered.


Most my life, I’ve been stuck in the role of “People Pleaser” because I’ve been fearful of losing the love or recognition of others. Fear of rejection often lies at the root of my tendency to bend over backwards to please others – sometimes at the expense of my own happiness.

While it’s admirable to be a caring person, learning to accept and respect myself has helped me to set healthy boundaries and to say “no” without feeling guilty. For instance, I used to worry about my husband and children forgetting things and my nickname was “reminder mom” but over the last few years I’ve stopped writing them notes to remind them of things. Truth be told, they’ve become less forgetful on their own and I have less stress.

The term “People Pleaser” is often used to describe people who go out of their way to make sure someone else is happy to the detriment of their own happiness. They seek approval from others due to unresolved issues with their parents or a strong need to be accepted. Becoming a “People Pleaser” is a way in which many individuals neglect to set boundaries in relationships and so they end up conveying to others that they’re not good enough.

If you’re not sure if this description fits you, here are a few questions to ask yourself:
-Do you have a hard time saying “no” when you are asked to do something for others?
-Do you worry a lot about disappointing others or worry they’ll leave you?

-Do you bend over backwards for other people, often at your own expense?
-Do you do some things because of a feeling of obligation, and then feel resentful afterwards?
-Are you afraid that if you don’t take care of others, they’ll think you’re not “nice?”

-Do you avoid speaking up for yourself or voicing your opinion because you’re afraid of conflict?
-Do you let other people “take advantage” of you?”
If you find yourself recognizing yourself in a lot of these points, then you can probably benefit from being more assertive. After all, although pleasing others at your own expense might gain you some recognition, it won’t be good for your self-esteem in the long run.

Setting Healthy Boundaries
Studies show that women are socialized to be nurturing and responsible – which sets the stage for people pleasing. It’s natural for girls to grow up feeling that it’s desirable to be flexible and to subordinate their needs to others. Unfortunately, this tendency can set the stage for unhealthy boundaries in relationships. While some men may experience “People Pleasing” it appears more often in women. Over time, a lack of setting boundaries in relationships can damage a person’s sense of self-worth. Fortunately, this damage is reversible with self-awareness and support from others.

Before you can begin to build healthy relationships you must have healthy self-esteem – which means evaluating yourself in positive ways and believing in yourself. The first step is honestly taking stock of your patterns of relating to others. One of the first things to ask yourself is: how do I treat myself? No one is going to treat you with respect if you beat yourself up. Get rid of all those self-defeating thoughts in your head – such as calling yourself “stupid” that won’t help you get back on your feet.
The first step to reducing approval seeking behavior is to examine your self-sabotaging beliefs and behavior. Often people get stuck in the role of “People Pleasing” because they lack self-awareness. The following steps will enable you to exercise personal power and gain control of your life.

• Realize you simply can’t be liked by everyone. There will always be those who don’t agree or approve of your words or actions. Accept that you can’t control what others think of you. We all have unique perceptions based on our personalities and upbringing.
• Examine whether you give too much in relationships. Do you ignore your own needs due to seeking other’s approval? Therapy, reading, and keeping a journal can aid you in this process.
• Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about your self-worth. You don’t need to prove anything to another person about your self-worth. You are just as deserving of attention and caring as other people are.
• Make a list of things that are important to you and begin pursuing some of them. Share the list with a friend, partner, and/or therapist.
• Stop viewing yourself as a victim. Set goals and make new decisions to change your life – such as taking time to do the things that you enjoy rather than deferring to the needs of others.
• Practice self-approval by learning to set personal boundaries and saying “no” to unreasonable requests from others. As you begin to care less about seeking the approval of others, you’ll find you have more energy – people pleasing can drain us of time and energy.
• Be more compassionate to yourself. My guess is that you are usually already caring to others and now it’s time to focus more on your needs. That doesn’t mean to drastically change who you are but try to achieve more of a balance between taking care of yourself and others.

Take a moment to consider that becoming more assertive can help you to act from a place of personal power and help you to build self-confidence. As you become better able to express your thoughts, wishes, and desires, don’t be surprised if your partner or friends react in a negative way. They may need time to adapt to the “new” you.
However, you can learn to set healthy boundaries and this will cause your sense of self to soar as you build self-respect. By learning to be more assertive, you will no longer feel like a victim. Making yourself a priority isn’t the same as being selfish. You are worth the effort and deserve a freer, happier life.

 

[RiverOL]

Need To Forgive Someone You Know You Should? Read this…​

Recently, I was struggling to forgive someone. As a Christian, I knew that I should forgive, but it seemed that every time I replayed in my mind what this person had done to me, forgiving them was just so hard to do.
You see, forgiveness is a sacrifice…a living sacrifice. Why? Because to truly forgive, you must put to death your “right” to take revenge, to spread gossip, or to give the offending party anything else you believe he or she deserves. This can be very hard to do. Indeed, I once heard a pastor say that the problem with a living sacrifice is that it can keep crawling off the altar.

In any case, right before Christmas, I had a real breakthrough that helped me tremendously. I was having coffee with a new friend and as we shared about our upbringing, I mentioned that my oldest brother drowned when he was 10 years old and I was 8. Ironically, this new friend also lost a brother when he was young. Tragically, a drunk driver hit his brother while he was crossing a street.
Then he told me something that just blew me away…

After the police caught the driver, his grief-stricken parents asked for him to be brought to their home. When the police arrived with the handcuffed perpetrator, his parents asked the police to remove the handcuffs. Then, they escorted him into their home, offered him a seat and, in the presence of their remaining children, forgave the man who had hurt them in a way that is not easily healed.
Wow.
As I considered how my friend’s parents responded, God gave me several key insights that transformed my thinking about forgiveness. First, God reminded me of the parable of the unforgiving servant that Jesus told his disciples, which can be found in Matthew 18:21-35. In the story, a servant who was forgiven much debt by a king refused to forgive a fellow servant who owed him much less, even having him thrown in jail.

As a result, when the king found out, he reversed course and punished the unforgiving servant harshly, having him thrown into jail until he could repay all that he owed.
You see, the unforgiving servant did not link the forgiveness that he had received, without merit, to the forgiveness he needed to extend, without merit. In the case of my friend’s parents, they clearly understood this principle. In God’s economy, they knew that they had been forgiven much more than they could ever repay.

So, they forgave much, too. Moreover, they understood that unforgiveness is a “bitter root” that yields a “bitter fruit” for generations. They did not want the fruit of unforgiveness to poison their living children. A legacy is not what you leave, it’s what you live every day. Indeed, their legacy of forgiveness set captives free. In this case, the captive was not just the drunk driver that killed their son, but also the countless generations, in their family and beyond, who will hear the story of what they did that day and do likewise.

Second, in order to truly forgive others, you must separate a person’s “doing” from a person’s “being.” You see, we are all created in the image of God and our doing, no matter how heinous, does not negate this immutable fact. So, God is calling each of us, especially when we have been wronged, to look for his image in the wrongdoer. Indeed, this is not an easy calling.

But Jesus Christ clearly modeled this principle in his ministry on earth. In fact, Romans 5:8 says that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. In other words, while we were sinning in our doing, Christ died for us because of God’s image in our being. Even in the hour of his painful death on the cross, he said to forgive his tormentors for “they know not what they do.” And, as a final example, he extended grace and eternal forgiveness to a thief on the cross next to him because, despite the thief’s crimes, Christ saw the image of God in him.

In any case, as you can imagine, once God downloaded these principles and examples into my head, it was so much easier to keep that “living sacrifice” of forgiveness on the altar for now…and forever. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

4 Steps to Walk Away the “Winner” of Any Argument​

A fight between two people (lovers, spouses, family members) is a kind of psychological battle often filled with personal attacks, accusations, and dredging up past mistakes.


When both parties are exhausted, or one grudgingly concedes, the fight ends – for the moment. But nothing has changed; resentment has just gone underground until it’s dug up again, and hostilities soon resume.
But it needn’t be this way. There’s a little known “magic” that can stop any fight in the moment, and helps prevent the next one from getting starting. It’s the result of what we can call “relationship jiu-jitsu.”

Jiu-jitsu is an ancient Japanese martial art based in “the art of yielding.” The combatants use special “moves” to turn an opponent’s energy back on them.
But here, I’m using the term psychologically, where the opponent isn’t a person you’re fighting. The true “opponent” to be overcome is a negative, lower level of consciousness in each of you that blames the other for the punishing pattern you’re both caught up in.

To apply “relationship jiu-jitsu,” at least one of you must see you’re about to mindlessly repeat some old cruel pattern that has no winner. So, instead of acting from the negative energy you feel – having seen the futility of throwing it at the other person who will only throw it back at you – you do something completely new: rather than try to “prove” you’re right, you use the moment to discover something about yourself that will not only help transform you, but maybe the other person as well!

If you’re ready to break old patterns with a little “relationship jiu-jitsu,” here are specific steps to follow in the heat of any battle.

1. Reverse Your Attention
Being upset with someone tends to block self-awareness. All you see is someone you believe is “making” you feel bad. They are responsible for the negativity you feel. But the true cause lies in unseen expectations you brought to the moment that aren’t being met; this means your own demands are a big part of the problem between you.
So, instead of focusing on what the other person is doing that irritates you, reverse your attention and place it on what’s going on within you. This is the first step to making the inner transformation that can change the moment.

2. Instead of resisting the other person’s negative state, ask yourself, “What can I learn from you about myself?”
When you resist another’s negative state, you just make them more negative. Instead, meet people differently with this inner request: “What can I learn about myself from you?” It makes a huge difference in what comes up in you and what you can learn about yourself as a result.

In this completely different order of relationship you’re aware of yourself, the other person, and the similarities between you. Out of this comes new compassion and the possibility for a transformed interaction.

3. Remember, the other person is doing the best they know to do, and would do better if they knew better.
When we’re hurt by someone, we try to make them change. But, it’s not in our power to change anyone.
Here’s what is in our power to do: When someone hurts us, we can remember they’re doing the best they know to do…but they’re blind to their own actions. They can only see that for themselves if we stop punishing them, which we’ll do if we realize we were the same as them a moment earlier. Now we know better and can begin to stop the cycle of arguing. When we stop fighting, our opponent is forced to see themselves, giving them the chance to change.

4. Realize it’s not your pain, or my pain, but our pain.
Whenever two people fight, both are in pain. So, best to attend to self-healing rather than trying to prove who’s “right.” Our new intention is to be conscious of us, a choice that let’s us see the truth of the moment: we are both in pain, and it’s this pain that has picked the fight. The healing inherent in this revelation releases us from any wish to punish the other person, shattering the old pattern.

See the Gift in the Moment
In moments of conflict, catch the divisive belief that “You are different from me.” This allows us to capture the surging negative energy and turn it around so instead of driving us farther apart, it draws us closer through our deeper understanding of ourselves and each other.
These moments are a gift that can be used to help us transcend ourselves and elevate the relationship. A little “relationship jiu-jitsu” is key to this transformation.

 

[RiverOL]

A Lesson from Isaiah on the Sovereignty of God in Evangelism​

I have the firm belief that every single genuine Christian has the desire to preach the gospel. They want to be found faithful to the Great Commission, and a very large part of that is simply because God has placed this burden on the hearts of His people. How can one who has genuinely experienced the grace of God in their life not desire others to experience that same grace? I just don’t believe that’s possible, and yet when you talk to Christians about sharing their faith, you find that many of them haven’t spoken to an unbeliever about the gospel in some time. If you ask them how many have given the explicit gospel, that number grows increasingly smaller.


Many reasons come up as to why it doesn’t happen, but the reason, according to Scripture, is that the laborers are few (Matt. 9:37-38). It is not that the harvest isn’t plentiful and ready (Jn. 4:35); it is not for a lack of a call for Christians to be laborers and to take part in the harvest (Matt. 28:16-20); it is not out of want of the Lord to prepare the elect to receive the gospel. There may be underlying motivations as to why the laborers are few, but nonetheless, the issue is in essence, a disobedience to the call to bring the gospel to unbelievers. When I discuss with people why they don’t evangelize though, there are a few reoccurring reasons that come up time and again.

One of which is simply that they don’t know how to do it. They want to be faithful; they want to bring the gospel to their friends and family, yet every time they try, they end up with their foot in their mouth out of sheer awkwardness. We can debate on whether or not the use of specific tactics in evangelism are helpful, but that’s not really the point of this post. I can understand and sympathize with these people simply because at the heart of the issue, they just want to know how to turn a conversation toward the gospel, and to do that well.

The number one reason why people don’t evangelize is not owing to lack of the “how-to’s” though, but fear. Whether that fear manifests itself in rejection, the loss of that relationship, their own ability, or something else, it all boils down to fear. I can easily look at someone and tell them that they ought not to fear man, but most often, people already know this. In some cases, people need to hear this, but in others, I sense there is simply a deficiency in understanding that there is a twofold purpose to evangelism. What results from this is a set of expectations that don’t align with those purposes, and often, reality itself.

What I mean by this is that people often go into the task of evangelism with a host of assumptions, all surrounding the idea that they are responsible for the outcome in some capacity or another. When the outcome is negative, they sense this as a failure, and that colors every attempt at evangelism thereafter because they are afraid to fail again.


I recognize though that behind the fear of rejection is the fear of losing relationships that people hold dearly. This is not an unfounded fear. I’ve witnessed it firsthand, and lost many friendships myself as a result, some rather quickly, whilst others faded over time. There is a real cost associated with seeking to be found faithful—but let me ask: is keeping the friendship worth the price of their eternal damnation?

Surely, you may lose your friendship and not see them ever come to faith, but you also may lose your friend now only to find him as your brother in eternity. You have a guarantee though to see that person perish in eternal fire if you withhold the gospel from them, unless God is pleased to save them through someone else’s faithfulness. My simple question to you is why you wouldn’t want to be part of that process, if God is pleased to use you as the vehicle to bring the gospel to your friend.

“If sinners will be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our bodies. And if they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, at least let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go there unwarned and unprayed for.” Charles Spurgeon

If we go into the duty of evangelism with the expectation that it will not be received by many, this might help us reconcile with the prospect of rejection. In one sense then, it means we must take God at His Word when He says there are many who will go through the wide gate that leads to destruction (Matt. 7:13). We likewise ought to reconcile with the notion that there are different responses people have to hearing the Word of God, just like the Parable of the Sowers maintains.

We don’t know whether or not the person we bring the gospel to will accept it or reject it, but we do know that nonetheless, God is presently at work in either case. This should be the comfort to the one who evangelizes, namely, because it removes the evangelist from the seat of power, and therefore, places the onus on God to save through the power of the gospel itself rather than the messenger.

Likewise, if we go into evangelism understanding that in some cases, God actually uses the proclamation of truth as a means to close one’s mind from repentance, we can guard our hearts by recognizing that God ordains whatsoever comes to pass. What that means with respect to evangelism is that sometimes, the preaching of the gospel actually serves as the means through which an individual’s heart is hardened against God. In other words, not every instance of proclaiming a message of repentance is designed by God to bring the people who hear it to repentance and faith. In fact, Scripture often demonstrates the opposite is true—that the proclamation serves to condemn the recipients rather than restore. A great example of this is found in the commissioning of the prophet Isaiah:

8Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?”
Then I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
9He said, “Go, and tell this people: Keep on listening, but do not perceive; keep on looking, but do not understand. 10Render the hearts of this people insensitive, their ears dull, and their eyes dim, otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and return and be healed.”
11Then I said, “Lord, how long?” and He answered, “Until cities are devastated and without inhabitant, houses are without people and the land is utterly desolate, 12the Lord has removed men far away, and the forsaken places are many in the midst of the land. 13Yet there will be a tenth portion in it, and it will again be subject to burning, like a terebinth or an oak whose stump remains when it is felled. The holy seed is its stump” (Is. 6:8-13).

Many tend to focus on Isaiah’s answer to the commission, but the focus of the passages itself is on the content of the commission, which is fleshed out in vv. 9-12. The Hebrew denotes the continuing nature of the commands to be given to the people in v. 9, yet also the subsequent result. The Israelites will be commanded by the prophet to continually be in a state of listening, but they will never come to understanding; they are to be continually in a state of seeking out understanding, but they will never come to an understanding.

They are to constantly seek after God—yet they will not find Him. In other words, they will be given an impossible task and the preaching of the prophet himself will only solidify this reality. In v. 10 the prophet is actually commanded—the imperative form of the verbs is used here—to render their hearts insensitive (lit. fat), their ears dull (lit. heavy), and their eyes dim (lit. pasted shut). As Brevard Childs puts it, “The prophet is to be the executor of death, the guarantor of complete hardening. His very proclamation is to ensure that Israel will not turn and repent.”[1]

Notice the prophet doesn’t ask any questions concerning the fairness of God’s edict in v. 11, but rather the duration for which he is to heed this commission. The answer, of course, is devastating. The prophet’s work of preaching a message that will only harden the hearts of his people will not be completed until the Lord has rendered the capital cities desolate and carried the Israelites away to captivity. While I do not agree with Childs and G.K. Beale on their commentary regarding v. 13[2], in that I do see it as dealing with a remnant that will be re-established at a later point in redemptive history, the scope of this blog post is not going to deal with those implications for now.

Rather, what I want to draw attention to is the fact that this passage plainly suggests the purpose and result of the prophet’s commission is to be an agent God uses to harden the hearts of those who hear him. In other words, his message, though one riddled with calls to repentance and faith in Yahweh and a future restoration of the nation, will never be heeded by the people because it only serves to intensify their immediate judgment. The promise of v. 13 still carries with it the tones of judgment simply because like their fathers before them who died off in the desert, they will die off in captivity. Thus, even this promise serves as a means of hardening their hearts against the Lord.


This theme comes up time and again throughout not only throughout the book of Isaiah, but the other prophets as well, and likewise, in the New Testament. The prophets Ezekiel and Jeremiah are called to a similar path as Isaiah, where they will preach a message of judgment and salvation, yet they will not be heeded (Ez. 2:7; Jer. 7:27). Christ Himself taught in parables for the express purpose of concealing the truth of the Kingdom of God, lest those whom it was not granted to would hear and repent (Matt. 13:10-16; Mk. 4:10-12; Lk. 8:9-10).

The apostle Paul even picks this idea up when he speaks of God giving mankind up to the lusts of their hearts, dishonorable passions, and a debased mind (Rom. 1:18-32). When you look through the entirety of the Old and New Testaments, what is plainly seen is that God is at work to harden the hearts of whom He desires, which is most clearly expressed in Rom. 9:6-29. In every instance where the edict is rendered a “lost-cause” against the recipients of the message, the truth of God has been made self-evident so that man is without excuse.

None of this is a matter of controversy in Scripture. Instead, election and reprobation are simply part of the cosmic reality of judgment and salvation unfolding before us as the plan of God is revealed. In the midst of this, Scripture unabashedly upholds the tension between God’s sovereignty and man’s responsibility without much qualification.

The important thing to note in all of this is that it is not as if those under this severe indictment from the Lord are under it without cause. In every instance, the people have either forsaken the covenant or rejected their Creator willingly. The commission of Isaiah serves to show us this reality quite clearly, in that chapters 2-5 give clear evidence that the people plainly rejected the terms of their covenant with God, and as a result, He would send the prophet to seal their fate.

To put it in as blunt of terms as I can: there was no hope for their escape of judgment, as God made it an impossibility for them to hear the words of His prophet and repent. The fullness of the consequences had come upon that generation, showing the patience of the Lord had long been extinguished. The only thing one is left to conclude then from the call given to Isaiah is that his words would not serve to be a message of hope; his words we be to go to this people and tell them, “I have been given a command by Yahweh to preach in such a manner that your hearts become hardened, your ears become blocked, and your eyes become darkened.”
What all of this means for the church then is that we are simply to be found faithful to the task of heralding God’s message.

We are to bring the gospel to the ends of the earth, which for most people, means you are to bring the gospel into your workplaces, friendships, families, and so forth. All that is required of you is to look to where God has placed you currently and simply be found faithful to the task of proclaiming the good news to those who are dead in their sins. It requires that we not be ashamed of the good news of the gospel, which includes not being ashamed of the bad news of God’s judgment against sin.

Whatever the result of that proclamation of the gospel may be, whether a hardening or a softening of the heart, God effectually uses this message for His purposes. We may not necessarily like the implications of God using our proclamation of judgment and salvation to effectively harden an individual’s heart. We may not believe the implications of this are even fair—but we ought to remember in the midst of everything that we don’t want fair, because our idea of what’s fair doesn’t square with God’s.

What’s fair is God condemning every man, woman, and child to an eternity in Hell. What’s fair is that the only blameless One to have ever existed would not be put to the cross to pay for the sins of others. What you and I desire is mercy and grace, because mercy is not giving people what they deserve, which is condemnation, and grace is giving people what they don’t deserve, which is no condemnation. The gospel is a scandal to the world because it sees the murderer, rapist, racist, and the like, on equal footing with the sweet old lady who doesn’t confess Christ—and offers them all the same grace of God in Christ.

What that very simply means is that the gospel is not barred from anyone on the basis of their own doing or choosing, but rather, on the sovereign choice of God Himself. If those who struggle with evangelizing were to focus on the sovereignty of God in evangelism, it would free many a burdened soul up to take joy in the work that God has given them, realizing that whether the person they share the gospel with rejects or receives it, God is glorified in accomplishing His work through the preached word.

 

[RiverOL]

How can I get my teen to STOP relying on social media so much?​

Dear Shaunti,
My kids’ obsession with Instagram and other social media has gotten to ridiculous levels. My teenage daughter takes photos of her outfits before she goes to school and wears the option that got the most likes. She’s already placing far too much value on what her peers think of her, and social media is making it worse. I’m ready to throw her phone in the trash. How can I get her to stop relying on social media so much – especially for her self-identity?
-Irritated with Instagram

Dear Irritated –

Absurd as it may seem to us who grew up without social media, our teens have no frame of reference for life without it. So although it seems “ridiculous,” it’s time to embrace the fact that this is a big part of your teen’s world. That doesn’t mean social media use shouldn’t be controlled (it should) or that it should drive their identity (it shouldn’t) but it does mean giving up the illusion that a teen can live a normal life without it today.

It also means recognizing that if you want to guide your daughter away from relying on anything (social media included) for her self-identity, that you have to enter in to this part of her life, rather than trying to keep her entirely from it. You need to understand her motivations, how she uses social media, who her digital friends are, and what she thinks about it all. And the good news is that, statistically, she probably wants you to!

According to my For Parents Only research with middle school and high school kids, our kids want us to make the effort to understand their life and their world, and be a part it. It sends the message that we care enough about our child and who he or she really is (rather than who we might want them to be) that we’re willing to step into a social environment that may not come naturally, in order to better understand them. It sends the message that they can trust us.

So instead of giving your “disapproving” glance whenever your daughter checks her Instagram comments, ask her about them. I assume you are already checking her phone, social media use and texts (hint hint), so next time you take a look and hand her back her phone, ask open-ended questions to show your interest. “Who comments the most on what you post?” “What do you think about what Paige said?” “Read me some of your favorite posts!”

This involvement almost certainly will lead to more meaningful questions that give you windows of opportunity for guidance. “Do you ever wear an outfit that got voted down, just because you liked it best?” “What do you think, when you see that Jamie has 300 followers and you have 67?” “Do any of your friends just not care whether anyone comments on their posts? Why do you think they are free of the need for that approval?”
Casual questions with deep opportunities.

A woman business leader that I know tells the people who work for her, “I can’t grow you unless I know you” – and the same principle applies to you as a parent. You can’t grow your child, and help her avoid the temptations to rely on friends and approval for self-worth, if you know very little about a huge part of her life.
And once you do know her better, you’ll know best how to share some key truths in a way she’ll accept – like the fact that although it is natural to seek affirmation in the affection or praise of others, it is only in knowing that we are God’s children, created in His image, richly loved in spite of our flaws that we find true affirmation. That is simply not something we can get from anything or anyone else! You’ll be able to help her see that relying on Instagram comments for happiness is a road to heartbreak.

And since she will now know that you care about her, and that she can trust you – she’ll be far more inclined to listen.

 

[RiverOL]

Your spouse’s 5 most annoying habits​

Habits that seemed “cute and quirky” while you were dating can become really annoying after years of marriage.
After informally surveying many couples through our Facebook “Marriage” page, I’ve compiled the most common pet peeves you have about your spouse.
Some of these habits are “annoying” but some are downright dangerous to your marriage. I am listing them here simply to start some conversations in your marriage, so you can work through your “annoying habits” before they lead to much bigger issues. A marriage is built on healthy communication, so let this spark some healthy communication in your relationship.
And remember to always love each other (even in those unlovable and “annoying” moments)



Another tool to help you strengthen your communication in marriage is our FREE video series on “The 4 Pillars of a Strong Marriage” which you can watch by clicking here.

Men’s most annoying habits (according to women):
In no particular order…
1. Burping and farting out loud.
2. Not listening or “tuning out’ during conversations.
3. Not communicating important details.
4. Checking out other women.
5. Being “obsessed” with video games and/or sports.

Women’s most annoying habits (according to men):
1. Saying “nothing is wrong” when something is wrong.
2. Overspending.
3. Bringing up “old dirt” as ammunition in arguments.
4. Giving (or asking for) too many “unnecessary” details in conversations.
5. Being “obsessed” with social media (Pinterest, etc.).

Like I said, the whole point of this is just to get husbands and wives talking with each other in a more productive way and replacing “annoying habits” with mutual respect, mutual appreciate for our differences and stronger intimacy in your marriage.

 

[RiverOL]

Ready to Go? Let's Go. ​ [ 1 min read ★ ] ​

For I am ready . . . even to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus—Acts 21:13 ​

When we follow him, God will—sooner or later—ask us to do something we don’t want to do, to go someplace we don’t want to go. Maybe his "ask" will come through a nudge or as a thought in prayer. Maybe it will come as a prompt while reading Scripture. Maybe through the encouraging or challenging words of a friend. However it comes, it will come. After visiting Ephesus and Macedonia, the Apostle Paul got an "ask" from God the Holy Spirit to go on to Jerusalem (Acts 19:21). The Spirit warned him, however: if he went there, he’d be arrested. Paul’s friends begged him not to go. Paul answered: "What are you doing, weeping and breaking my heart? For I am ready not only to be imprisoned but even to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus" (Acts 21:13). For us to become the men we were created to become, for us to become the men the world needs us to become, we must act with the same boldness and confidence. Paul was bold and confident because he trusted two things: God’s in charge and God’s good. We must trust those too. For they allow us, like Paul, to trust one thing more: our affirmative answers to God’s "asks" are ultimately good for us, good for others, and good for God’s Kingdom . . . and will very likely become the proudest moments of our lives. Indeed, these "asks" lead us into the very adventures for which we were created. ​

Okay, so what do we do? What do you feel God might be asking of you, right now? Is there anything you just know he’s prompting you, quietly, to do? If so, resolve to trust him. And today take a practical and measurable step—bold and confident—toward that thing.​

 

[RiverOL]

Experiencing Peace Amidst OVERWHELMING Anxiety​

Are you tired emotionally? Is your peace short lived due to the overwhelming nature of your life right now? What if I told you there is a cosmic spiritual war going on right now around you that is impacting you inwardly, would you believe me?

We’re not the first to enter this cosmic battle!

The Apostle Paul can relate.

He lived part of his life in a prison cell. I can’t imagine how emotionally exhausting this season of his life must have been. Yet, he found strength in the Lord and he experienced hope, encouragement, and peace in spite of the circumstances that surrounded him.


It is possible to experience peace amidst overwhelming anxiety. Paul shows us in Philippians 3:12 what to do…Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.

What is “this” Paul is referring to? He is referring to the resurrection from the dead. He wants to live again. Don’t we all? He wants to live forever with God.

In this world of social media and short-sided emotions and visions, I find that our world is losing its eternal perspective in every way. We find ourselves living for just today and though it is important to live in the moment, it is equally important to live for our eternity.

Paul wants the world to know he has not yet attained what He wants most. How about you? He has not already received all he longs for nor has he been brought to that perfect completeness to which he has aspired.


Paul has two aspirations in life. He wants to be perfect and eternal.

I do too.

How about you? What do you want out of this life? Are you pressing into that?

If you are not growing toward Christ, you are declining in your faith for Christ and your peace with Christ.

If you are declining in your faith for Christ, you will feel it in the peace you don’t feel in your life.

Paul tells us in Philippians 3:13-14 we have to forget what lies behind us and strain forward to what lies ahead. We have to press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Are you pressing into God’s calling on your life or have you given up?


Recently I was in a meeting with the elders of the church I pastor, I had asked them to pray about me doing something God has asked me to do that would be difficult, challenging, and the anxiety of following through was overwhelming. They asked me why I felt I needed to do what I was requesting they bless me to do, my response, “I believe this is who God has asked me to be and do.”

What difficult thing is God asking you to be and do? Are you willing to press into God’s calling on your life or will you fall back?
The most fearful thing I have ever done in my life is write and publish The Mystery of 23: God Speaks book. It has been a painful and scary endeavor.
But what we do for God matters and, in the end, it is all that matters.

If you do what God is calling you to be and do, every day, regardless of how difficult it may be, it is moving you closer to your goal of perfection, perfect peace, and eternity with Jesus.
What does it take to think and live like this? Paul tells us in Philippians 3:15 that those of us who are mature should think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.

It takes maturity in your thinking. How do you know if you are mature in your thinking? Paul tells us in Philippians 3:16 that mature people in the faith hold true to what we have attained.
Mature people see what they have attained through the difficult sacrifices of their faith and life.

Maybe you need to remind yourself of what you have already attained.
Take inventory of the good in your life that God has done already through you because of your willingness to be obedient to Him. As you do this, Paul tells us in Philippians 3:17 to keep our eyes on those who walk according to Christ’s example.

Who is this in your life? You won’t go the distance without other faithful examples in your life to encourage you in that direction. It is too easy to fix our eyes on the things of this world and chase after them. Paul tells us in Philippians 3:19 destruction to our faith comes when we set our minds on earthly things. Maybe it is time for you to adjust your mindset. What are you afraid of losing if you do what God asks you to do? Take your eyes off the earthly things and obey.

You won’t regret it!
You and I have to take our minds off our circumstances, expenses, challenges, and things to place it on the place we ultimately plan to be. In Philippians 3:20 Paul says, “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.

What is filling you with anxiety right now? Put your focus back on heaven. Live knowing you are waiting for a Savior to rescue you, a Savior who has the power and is able to subject all things you are going through to himself. Don’t forget, God’s got you and God’s got it. Whatever “it” might be. He is sovereign over every detail and circumstance in your life.

Your circumstances are not outside of God’s purview. He sees it all and He will use it all to transform your lowly body into an eternally perfect creation. God is making all things new. On that day when we meet Him face to face, He will give us the reward, the goal, the prize of the upward calling that is found in Christ Jesus. Our perfection and our eternity will all be realized at the time when we see Him and our loved ones face to face.

Peace comes amidst overwhelming anxiety when we take our eyes off the earthly circumstances and put them on the eternal things. Your destination awaits you, live with your eyes fixed on it, and the overwhelming anxiety you feel will give way to the peace of God that passes all understanding.