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Preaching Judgment Without Being a Jerk​





I previously asked, “Do we always have to talk about hell when we evangelize?” We looked at texts in which Jesus appeals to hell in his teaching. We identified three situations, and none of them resemble the ways that people talk about hell today in evangelistic conversations.
Credit: flickr/chrisyarzab
In this follow-up post, I’ll direct our attention to texts that directly concern evangelism, places where biblical writers clearly present the gospel. In the process, we’ll see what the Bible frequently means when it talks about judgment.


Preaching Judgment and Justice
What about when Jesus or others evangelized?
Recall when the biblical writers explicitly mention words like “gospel” or “evangelize” (in Greek or Hebrew, of course). While such passages cannot limit our understanding of the gospel, they should undoubtedly ground and frame our perspective of the gospel. Concepts that consistently appear in those texts will naturally be central to “the gospel” as initially preached.

What do we find?
As I explained elsewhere many times, the gospel declares that the Creator God has kept his covenant promises by raising King Jesus. The gospel is a positive declaration. While one could infer from it an implied threat, that point is in no way the primary emphasis given to it by the biblical authors.
The gospel announces the kingdom of God. Does this entail judgment? Yes, but not in the way some might think.

Whereas modern readers think of God’s judgment and righteousness almost exclusively in negative or punitive terms, the biblical authors consistently present God’s judgment as a positive to be prayed for. In One Gospel for All Nations, I address this question when discussing Act 17.

Acts 17:31 illuminates another way Paul connects creation and kingdom language, stating that God “has fixed a day on which he will judge the world in righteousness by a man whom he has appointed; and of this he has given assurance to all by raising him from the dead.”
We must pay careful attention to Paul’s verbiage. Besides Acts 17:31, the phrase “judge the world in righteousness” (κρίνειν τὴν οἰκουμένην ἐν δικαιοσύνῃ) used here occurs in the Bible only in Psalm 9:8; 96:10,13; 98:9. Each context uses royal language about a king establishing a place of righteousness for his people. In fact, Psalm 96:2 says, “tell of his salvation from day to day,” where the verb again is the typical word for “to proclaim the gospel [Ps 95:2 LXX].
Countless scholars have detailed my basic point. God’s people longed for God’s judgment because it meant that God would set things right (cf. Ps 72:4). This saving judgment entails God’s turning away or condemning their enemies. Positive judgment (i.e., salvation) for God’s people meant (punitive) judgment for their enemies.

The Gospel of Salvation For, Not Only From

There is another problem with asserting we must always focus on hell before people can make sense of the gospel. In Reading Romans with Eastern Eyes, I suggest
Some readers might need to reorient how they think about “being saved.” Salvation concerns both what we’re saved from and what we’re saved for. Many people think almost exclusively in terms of the former. We are saved from wrath, punishment, condemnation, and hell. Though a glorious truth, it is a partial truth. Romans 5–8 also tells us what we are saved for.
Nothing is wrong with stressing the importance of being saved from something. Being saved from the penalty, power, and presence of sin is glorious!
But…. and this is an important “but” … no one is saved merely from fear of penalty. Ultimately, salvation requires love for Christ.
Haley Jacob adds this:

What is the goal of salvation? For too long, scholars and laymen alike have myopically viewed justification and salvation as ends in themselves, whether for the benefit of the individual or of the incorporative body of Christ. The goal of salvation is believers’ conformity to the Son of God—their participation in his rule over creation as God’s eschatological family and as renewed humanity—but only and always with the purpose of extending God’s hand of mercy, love, and care to his wider creation. This was humanity’s job in the beginning; it will be believers’ responsibility and honor in the future; it is God’s purpose in calling his people in the present.[1]

This vision is compelling and sustaining. It creates a far more robust biblical perspective on following Christ.

Being a Jerk

One last consideration deserves our attention. When our automatic inclination is to lead with hell, we are more likely to alienate people. And it won’t be because the other person is hard-hearted. It’s more likely that you’re just being a jerk.
Reflect again on the manner and circumstances in which Jesus appealed to hell. He only directly threatens his immediate listeners when they are hard-hearted, hypocritical, deceitful pretender-shepherds. These are not at all ordinary folk. The closest possible parallels today are pastors and well-known Christian leaders!

In the Gospels, “hell” (more specifically, “gehenna”) is the dramatic gong Jesus uses to wake up those who presume to be God’s people who in reality are not.
People know that the world has problems. They intuitively grasp that they’ve contributed to the world being an imperfect place. By insisting that they first accept the idea “I stuck in God’s eyes and should go to hell,” we will likely close a door to conversation.

Whether or not you’re inclined to emphasize hell, a better approach would instead be to magnify the grandeur of God in all things and throughout history.
Leading with God’s honor, not our shame, makes sense on multiple levels.
First, that message—that God is infinitely worthy of our attention and affection— grips the imagination and better drives us towards faithfulness. It affects the head, heart, and hands.
Second, how can anyone comprehend the horror of sin and thus hell if they cannot perceive the immeasurable greatness of God?
 

7 Ways to Break Free of People Pleasing​


While being a “People Pleaser” has given me a sense of satisfaction at times, the outcome is fairly predictable. When I reflect back on choices I’ve made, neglecting my own needs has often left me feeling resentful and disempowered.


Most my life, I’ve been stuck in the role of “People Pleaser” because I’ve been fearful of losing the love or recognition of others. Fear of rejection often lies at the root of my tendency to bend over backwards to please others – sometimes at the expense of my own happiness.

While it’s admirable to be a caring person, learning to accept and respect myself has helped me to set healthy boundaries and to say “no” without feeling guilty. For instance, I used to worry about my husband and children forgetting things and my nickname was “reminder mom” but over the last few years I’ve stopped writing them notes to remind them of things. Truth be told, they’ve become less forgetful on their own and I have less stress.

The term “People Pleaser” is often used to describe people who go out of their way to make sure someone else is happy to the detriment of their own happiness. They seek approval from others due to unresolved issues with their parents or a strong need to be accepted. Becoming a “People Pleaser” is a way in which many individuals neglect to set boundaries in relationships and so they end up conveying to others that they’re not good enough.

If you’re not sure if this description fits you, here are a few questions to ask yourself:
-Do you have a hard time saying “no” when you are asked to do something for others?
-Do you worry a lot about disappointing others or worry they’ll leave you?

-Do you bend over backwards for other people, often at your own expense?
-Do you do some things because of a feeling of obligation, and then feel resentful afterwards?
-Are you afraid that if you don’t take care of others, they’ll think you’re not “nice?”

-Do you avoid speaking up for yourself or voicing your opinion because you’re afraid of conflict?
-Do you let other people “take advantage” of you?”
If you find yourself recognizing yourself in a lot of these points, then you can probably benefit from being more assertive. After all, although pleasing others at your own expense might gain you some recognition, it won’t be good for your self-esteem in the long run.

Setting Healthy Boundaries
Studies show that women are socialized to be nurturing and responsible – which sets the stage for people pleasing. It’s natural for girls to grow up feeling that it’s desirable to be flexible and to subordinate their needs to others. Unfortunately, this tendency can set the stage for unhealthy boundaries in relationships. While some men may experience “People Pleasing” it appears more often in women. Over time, a lack of setting boundaries in relationships can damage a person’s sense of self-worth. Fortunately, this damage is reversible with self-awareness and support from others.

Before you can begin to build healthy relationships you must have healthy self-esteem – which means evaluating yourself in positive ways and believing in yourself. The first step is honestly taking stock of your patterns of relating to others. One of the first things to ask yourself is: how do I treat myself? No one is going to treat you with respect if you beat yourself up. Get rid of all those self-defeating thoughts in your head – such as calling yourself “stupid” that won’t help you get back on your feet.
The first step to reducing approval seeking behavior is to examine your self-sabotaging beliefs and behavior. Often people get stuck in the role of “People Pleasing” because they lack self-awareness. The following steps will enable you to exercise personal power and gain control of your life.
  • Realize you simply can’t be liked by everyone. There will always be those who don’t agree or approve of your words or actions. Accept that you can’t control what others think of you. We all have unique perceptions based on our personalities and upbringing.
  • Examine whether you give too much in relationships. Do you ignore your own needs due to seeking other’s approval? Therapy, reading, and keeping a journal can aid you in this process.
  • Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about your self-worth. You don’t need to prove anything to another person about your self-worth. You are just as deserving of attention and caring as other people are.
  • Make a list of things that are important to you and begin pursuing some of them. Share the list with a friend, partner, and/or therapist.
  • Stop viewing yourself as a victim. Set goals and make new decisions to change your life – such as taking time to do the things that you enjoy rather than deferring to the needs of others.
  • Practice self-approval by learning to set personal boundaries and saying “no” to unreasonable requests from others. As you begin to care less about seeking the approval of others, you’ll find you have more energy – people pleasing can drain us of time and energy.
  • Be more compassionate to yourself. My guess is that you are usually already caring to others and now it’s time to focus more on your needs. That doesn’t mean to drastically change who you are but try to achieve more of a balance between taking care of yourself and others.

Take a moment to consider that becoming more assertive can help you to act from a place of personal power and help you to build self-confidence. As you become better able to express your thoughts, wishes, and desires, don’t be surprised if your partner or friends react in a negative way. They may need time to adapt to the “new” you.
However, you can learn to set healthy boundaries and this will cause your sense of self to soar as you build self-respect. By learning to be more assertive, you will no longer feel like a victim. Making yourself a priority isn’t the same as being selfish. You are worth the effort and deserve a freer, happier life.
 

Need To Forgive Someone You Know You Should? Read this…​


Recently, I was struggling to forgive someone. As a Christian, I knew that I should forgive, but it seemed that every time I replayed in my mind what this person had done to me, forgiving them was just so hard to do.
You see, forgiveness is a sacrifice…a living sacrifice. Why? Because to truly forgive, you must put to death your “right” to take revenge, to spread gossip, or to give the offending party anything else you believe he or she deserves. This can be very hard to do. Indeed, I once heard a pastor say that the problem with a living sacrifice is that it can keep crawling off the altar.

In any case, right before Christmas, I had a real breakthrough that helped me tremendously. I was having coffee with a new friend and as we shared about our upbringing, I mentioned that my oldest brother drowned when he was 10 years old and I was 8. Ironically, this new friend also lost a brother when he was young. Tragically, a drunk driver hit his brother while he was crossing a street.
Then he told me something that just blew me away…

After the police caught the driver, his grief-stricken parents asked for him to be brought to their home. When the police arrived with the handcuffed perpetrator, his parents asked the police to remove the handcuffs. Then, they escorted him into their home, offered him a seat and, in the presence of their remaining children, forgave the man who had hurt them in a way that is not easily healed.
Wow.
As I considered how my friend’s parents responded, God gave me several key insights that transformed my thinking about forgiveness. First, God reminded me of the parable of the unforgiving servant that Jesus told his disciples, which can be found in Matthew 18:21-35. In the story, a servant who was forgiven much debt by a king refused to forgive a fellow servant who owed him much less, even having him thrown in jail.

As a result, when the king found out, he reversed course and punished the unforgiving servant harshly, having him thrown into jail until he could repay all that he owed.
You see, the unforgiving servant did not link the forgiveness that he had received, without merit, to the forgiveness he needed to extend, without merit. In the case of my friend’s parents, they clearly understood this principle. In God’s economy, they knew that they had been forgiven much more than they could ever repay.

So, they forgave much, too. Moreover, they understood that unforgiveness is a “bitter root” that yields a “bitter fruit” for generations. They did not want the fruit of unforgiveness to poison their living children. A legacy is not what you leave, it’s what you live every day. Indeed, their legacy of forgiveness set captives free. In this case, the captive was not just the drunk driver that killed their son, but also the countless generations, in their family and beyond, who will hear the story of what they did that day and do likewise.

Second, in order to truly forgive others, you must separate a person’s “doing” from a person’s “being.” You see, we are all created in the image of God and our doing, no matter how heinous, does not negate this immutable fact. So, God is calling each of us, especially when we have been wronged, to look for his image in the wrongdoer. Indeed, this is not an easy calling.

But Jesus Christ clearly modeled this principle in his ministry on earth. In fact, Romans 5:8 says that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. In other words, while we were sinning in our doing, Christ died for us because of God’s image in our being. Even in the hour of his painful death on the cross, he said to forgive his tormentors for “they know not what they do.” And, as a final example, he extended grace and eternal forgiveness to a thief on the cross next to him because, despite the thief’s crimes, Christ saw the image of God in him.

In any case, as you can imagine, once God downloaded these principles and examples into my head, it was so much easier to keep that “living sacrifice” of forgiveness on the altar for now…and forever. Amen.
 

4 Steps to Walk Away the “Winner” of Any Argument​



A fight between two people (lovers, spouses, family members) is a kind of psychological battle often filled with personal attacks, accusations, and dredging up past mistakes.


When both parties are exhausted, or one grudgingly concedes, the fight ends – for the moment. But nothing has changed; resentment has just gone underground until it’s dug up again, and hostilities soon resume.
But it needn’t be this way. There’s a little known “magic” that can stop any fight in the moment, and helps prevent the next one from getting starting. It’s the result of what we can call “relationship jiu-jitsu.”

Jiu-jitsu is an ancient Japanese martial art based in “the art of yielding.” The combatants use special “moves” to turn an opponent’s energy back on them.
But here, I’m using the term psychologically, where the opponent isn’t a person you’re fighting. The true “opponent” to be overcome is a negative, lower level of consciousness in each of you that blames the other for the punishing pattern you’re both caught up in.

To apply “relationship jiu-jitsu,” at least one of you must see you’re about to mindlessly repeat some old cruel pattern that has no winner. So, instead of acting from the negative energy you feel – having seen the futility of throwing it at the other person who will only throw it back at you – you do something completely new: rather than try to “prove” you’re right, you use the moment to discover something about yourself that will not only help transform you, but maybe the other person as well!

If you’re ready to break old patterns with a little “relationship jiu-jitsu,” here are specific steps to follow in the heat of any battle.

1. Reverse Your Attention
Being upset with someone tends to block self-awareness. All you see is someone you believe is “making” you feel bad. They are responsible for the negativity you feel. But the true cause lies in unseen expectations you brought to the moment that aren’t being met; this means your own demands are a big part of the problem between you.
So, instead of focusing on what the other person is doing that irritates you, reverse your attention and place it on what’s going on within you. This is the first step to making the inner transformation that can change the moment.

2. Instead of resisting the other person’s negative state, ask yourself, “What can I learn from you about myself?”
When you resist another’s negative state, you just make them more negative. Instead, meet people differently with this inner request: “What can I learn about myself from you?” It makes a huge difference in what comes up in you and what you can learn about yourself as a result.

In this completely different order of relationship you’re aware of yourself, the other person, and the similarities between you. Out of this comes new compassion and the possibility for a transformed interaction.

3. Remember, the other person is doing the best they know to do, and would do better if they knew better.
When we’re hurt by someone, we try to make them change. But, it’s not in our power to change anyone.
Here’s what is in our power to do: When someone hurts us, we can remember they’re doing the best they know to do…but they’re blind to their own actions. They can only see that for themselves if we stop punishing them, which we’ll do if we realize we were the same as them a moment earlier. Now we know better and can begin to stop the cycle of arguing. When we stop fighting, our opponent is forced to see themselves, giving them the chance to change.

4. Realize it’s not your pain, or my pain, but our pain.
Whenever two people fight, both are in pain. So, best to attend to self-healing rather than trying to prove who’s “right.” Our new intention is to be conscious of us, a choice that let’s us see the truth of the moment: we are both in pain, and it’s this pain that has picked the fight. The healing inherent in this revelation releases us from any wish to punish the other person, shattering the old pattern.

See the Gift in the Moment
In moments of conflict, catch the divisive belief that “You are different from me.” This allows us to capture the surging negative energy and turn it around so instead of driving us farther apart, it draws us closer through our deeper understanding of ourselves and each other.
These moments are a gift that can be used to help us transcend ourselves and elevate the relationship. A little “relationship jiu-jitsu” is key to this transformation.
 

A Lesson from Isaiah on the Sovereignty of God in Evangelism​


I have the firm belief that every single genuine Christian has the desire to preach the gospel. They want to be found faithful to the Great Commission, and a very large part of that is simply because God has placed this burden on the hearts of His people. How can one who has genuinely experienced the grace of God in their life not desire others to experience that same grace? I just don’t believe that’s possible, and yet when you talk to Christians about sharing their faith, you find that many of them haven’t spoken to an unbeliever about the gospel in some time. If you ask them how many have given the explicit gospel, that number grows increasingly smaller.


Many reasons come up as to why it doesn’t happen, but the reason, according to Scripture, is that the laborers are few (Matt. 9:37-38). It is not that the harvest isn’t plentiful and ready (Jn. 4:35); it is not for a lack of a call for Christians to be laborers and to take part in the harvest (Matt. 28:16-20); it is not out of want of the Lord to prepare the elect to receive the gospel. There may be underlying motivations as to why the laborers are few, but nonetheless, the issue is in essence, a disobedience to the call to bring the gospel to unbelievers. When I discuss with people why they don’t evangelize though, there are a few reoccurring reasons that come up time and again.

One of which is simply that they don’t know how to do it. They want to be faithful; they want to bring the gospel to their friends and family, yet every time they try, they end up with their foot in their mouth out of sheer awkwardness. We can debate on whether or not the use of specific tactics in evangelism are helpful, but that’s not really the point of this post. I can understand and sympathize with these people simply because at the heart of the issue, they just want to know how to turn a conversation toward the gospel, and to do that well.

The number one reason why people don’t evangelize is not owing to lack of the “how-to’s” though, but fear. Whether that fear manifests itself in rejection, the loss of that relationship, their own ability, or something else, it all boils down to fear. I can easily look at someone and tell them that they ought not to fear man, but most often, people already know this. In some cases, people need to hear this, but in others, I sense there is simply a deficiency in understanding that there is a twofold purpose to evangelism. What results from this is a set of expectations that don’t align with those purposes, and often, reality itself.

What I mean by this is that people often go into the task of evangelism with a host of assumptions, all surrounding the idea that they are responsible for the outcome in some capacity or another. When the outcome is negative, they sense this as a failure, and that colors every attempt at evangelism thereafter because they are afraid to fail again.


I recognize though that behind the fear of rejection is the fear of losing relationships that people hold dearly. This is not an unfounded fear. I’ve witnessed it firsthand, and lost many friendships myself as a result, some rather quickly, whilst others faded over time. There is a real cost associated with seeking to be found faithful—but let me ask: is keeping the friendship worth the price of their eternal damnation?

Surely, you may lose your friendship and not see them ever come to faith, but you also may lose your friend now only to find him as your brother in eternity. You have a guarantee though to see that person perish in eternal fire if you withhold the gospel from them, unless God is pleased to save them through someone else’s faithfulness. My simple question to you is why you wouldn’t want to be part of that process, if God is pleased to use you as the vehicle to bring the gospel to your friend.

“If sinners will be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our bodies. And if they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, at least let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go there unwarned and unprayed for.” Charles Spurgeon
If we go into the duty of evangelism with the expectation that it will not be received by many, this might help us reconcile with the prospect of rejection. In one sense then, it means we must take God at His Word when He says there are many who will go through the wide gate that leads to destruction (Matt. 7:13). We likewise ought to reconcile with the notion that there are different responses people have to hearing the Word of God, just like the Parable of the Sowers maintains.

We don’t know whether or not the person we bring the gospel to will accept it or reject it, but we do know that nonetheless, God is presently at work in either case. This should be the comfort to the one who evangelizes, namely, because it removes the evangelist from the seat of power, and therefore, places the onus on God to save through the power of the gospel itself rather than the messenger.

Likewise, if we go into evangelism understanding that in some cases, God actually uses the proclamation of truth as a means to close one’s mind from repentance, we can guard our hearts by recognizing that God ordains whatsoever comes to pass. What that means with respect to evangelism is that sometimes, the preaching of the gospel actually serves as the means through which an individual’s heart is hardened against God. In other words, not every instance of proclaiming a message of repentance is designed by God to bring the people who hear it to repentance and faith. In fact, Scripture often demonstrates the opposite is true—that the proclamation serves to condemn the recipients rather than restore. A great example of this is found in the commissioning of the prophet Isaiah:

8Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?”
Then I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
9He said, “Go, and tell this people: Keep on listening, but do not perceive; keep on looking, but do not understand. 10Render the hearts of this people insensitive, their ears dull, and their eyes dim, otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and return and be healed.”
11Then I said, “Lord, how long?” and He answered, “Until cities are devastated and without inhabitant, houses are without people and the land is utterly desolate, 12the Lord has removed men far away, and the forsaken places are many in the midst of the land. 13Yet there will be a tenth portion in it, and it will again be subject to burning, like a terebinth or an oak whose stump remains when it is felled. The holy seed is its stump” (Is. 6:8-13).
Many tend to focus on Isaiah’s answer to the commission, but the focus of the passages itself is on the content of the commission, which is fleshed out in vv. 9-12. The Hebrew denotes the continuing nature of the commands to be given to the people in v. 9, yet also the subsequent result. The Israelites will be commanded by the prophet to continually be in a state of listening, but they will never come to understanding; they are to be continually in a state of seeking out understanding, but they will never come to an understanding.

They are to constantly seek after God—yet they will not find Him. In other words, they will be given an impossible task and the preaching of the prophet himself will only solidify this reality. In v. 10 the prophet is actually commanded—the imperative form of the verbs is used here—to render their hearts insensitive (lit. fat), their ears dull (lit. heavy), and their eyes dim (lit. pasted shut). As Brevard Childs puts it, “The prophet is to be the executor of death, the guarantor of complete hardening. His very proclamation is to ensure that Israel will not turn and repent.”[1]

Notice the prophet doesn’t ask any questions concerning the fairness of God’s edict in v. 11, but rather the duration for which he is to heed this commission. The answer, of course, is devastating. The prophet’s work of preaching a message that will only harden the hearts of his people will not be completed until the Lord has rendered the capital cities desolate and carried the Israelites away to captivity. While I do not agree with Childs and G.K. Beale on their commentary regarding v. 13[2], in that I do see it as dealing with a remnant that will be re-established at a later point in redemptive history, the scope of this blog post is not going to deal with those implications for now.

Rather, what I want to draw attention to is the fact that this passage plainly suggests the purpose and result of the prophet’s commission is to be an agent God uses to harden the hearts of those who hear him. In other words, his message, though one riddled with calls to repentance and faith in Yahweh and a future restoration of the nation, will never be heeded by the people because it only serves to intensify their immediate judgment. The promise of v. 13 still carries with it the tones of judgment simply because like their fathers before them who died off in the desert, they will die off in captivity. Thus, even this promise serves as a means of hardening their hearts against the Lord.


This theme comes up time and again throughout not only throughout the book of Isaiah, but the other prophets as well, and likewise, in the New Testament. The prophets Ezekiel and Jeremiah are called to a similar path as Isaiah, where they will preach a message of judgment and salvation, yet they will not be heeded (Ez. 2:7; Jer. 7:27). Christ Himself taught in parables for the express purpose of concealing the truth of the Kingdom of God, lest those whom it was not granted to would hear and repent (Matt. 13:10-16; Mk. 4:10-12; Lk. 8:9-10).

The apostle Paul even picks this idea up when he speaks of God giving mankind up to the lusts of their hearts, dishonorable passions, and a debased mind (Rom. 1:18-32). When you look through the entirety of the Old and New Testaments, what is plainly seen is that God is at work to harden the hearts of whom He desires, which is most clearly expressed in Rom. 9:6-29. In every instance where the edict is rendered a “lost-cause” against the recipients of the message, the truth of God has been made self-evident so that man is without excuse.

None of this is a matter of controversy in Scripture. Instead, election and reprobation are simply part of the cosmic reality of judgment and salvation unfolding before us as the plan of God is revealed. In the midst of this, Scripture unabashedly upholds the tension between God’s sovereignty and man’s responsibility without much qualification.

The important thing to note in all of this is that it is not as if those under this severe indictment from the Lord are under it without cause. In every instance, the people have either forsaken the covenant or rejected their Creator willingly. The commission of Isaiah serves to show us this reality quite clearly, in that chapters 2-5 give clear evidence that the people plainly rejected the terms of their covenant with God, and as a result, He would send the prophet to seal their fate.

To put it in as blunt of terms as I can: there was no hope for their escape of judgment, as God made it an impossibility for them to hear the words of His prophet and repent. The fullness of the consequences had come upon that generation, showing the patience of the Lord had long been extinguished. The only thing one is left to conclude then from the call given to Isaiah is that his words would not serve to be a message of hope; his words we be to go to this people and tell them, “I have been given a command by Yahweh to preach in such a manner that your hearts become hardened, your ears become blocked, and your eyes become darkened.”
What all of this means for the church then is that we are simply to be found faithful to the task of heralding God’s message.

We are to bring the gospel to the ends of the earth, which for most people, means you are to bring the gospel into your workplaces, friendships, families, and so forth. All that is required of you is to look to where God has placed you currently and simply be found faithful to the task of proclaiming the good news to those who are dead in their sins. It requires that we not be ashamed of the good news of the gospel, which includes not being ashamed of the bad news of God’s judgment against sin.

Whatever the result of that proclamation of the gospel may be, whether a hardening or a softening of the heart, God effectually uses this message for His purposes. We may not necessarily like the implications of God using our proclamation of judgment and salvation to effectively harden an individual’s heart. We may not believe the implications of this are even fair—but we ought to remember in the midst of everything that we don’t want fair, because our idea of what’s fair doesn’t square with God’s.

What’s fair is God condemning every man, woman, and child to an eternity in Hell. What’s fair is that the only blameless One to have ever existed would not be put to the cross to pay for the sins of others. What you and I desire is mercy and grace, because mercy is not giving people what they deserve, which is condemnation, and grace is giving people what they don’t deserve, which is no condemnation. The gospel is a scandal to the world because it sees the murderer, rapist, racist, and the like, on equal footing with the sweet old lady who doesn’t confess Christ—and offers them all the same grace of God in Christ.

What that very simply means is that the gospel is not barred from anyone on the basis of their own doing or choosing, but rather, on the sovereign choice of God Himself. If those who struggle with evangelizing were to focus on the sovereignty of God in evangelism, it would free many a burdened soul up to take joy in the work that God has given them, realizing that whether the person they share the gospel with rejects or receives it, God is glorified in accomplishing His work through the preached word.
 

How can I get my teen to STOP relying on social media so much?​


Dear Shaunti,
My kids’ obsession with Instagram and other social media has gotten to ridiculous levels. My teenage daughter takes photos of her outfits before she goes to school and wears the option that got the most likes. She’s already placing far too much value on what her peers think of her, and social media is making it worse. I’m ready to throw her phone in the trash. How can I get her to stop relying on social media so much – especially for her self-identity?
-Irritated with Instagram


Dear Irritated –

Absurd as it may seem to us who grew up without social media, our teens have no frame of reference for life without it. So although it seems “ridiculous,” it’s time to embrace the fact that this is a big part of your teen’s world. That doesn’t mean social media use shouldn’t be controlled (it should) or that it should drive their identity (it shouldn’t) but it does mean giving up the illusion that a teen can live a normal life without it today.

It also means recognizing that if you want to guide your daughter away from relying on anything (social media included) for her self-identity, that you have to enter in to this part of her life, rather than trying to keep her entirely from it. You need to understand her motivations, how she uses social media, who her digital friends are, and what she thinks about it all. And the good news is that, statistically, she probably wants you to!

According to my For Parents Only research with middle school and high school kids, our kids want us to make the effort to understand their life and their world, and be a part it. It sends the message that we care enough about our child and who he or she really is (rather than who we might want them to be) that we’re willing to step into a social environment that may not come naturally, in order to better understand them. It sends the message that they can trust us.

So instead of giving your “disapproving” glance whenever your daughter checks her Instagram comments, ask her about them. I assume you are already checking her phone, social media use and texts (hint hint), so next time you take a look and hand her back her phone, ask open-ended questions to show your interest. “Who comments the most on what you post?” “What do you think about what Paige said?” “Read me some of your favorite posts!”

This involvement almost certainly will lead to more meaningful questions that give you windows of opportunity for guidance. “Do you ever wear an outfit that got voted down, just because you liked it best?” “What do you think, when you see that Jamie has 300 followers and you have 67?” “Do any of your friends just not care whether anyone comments on their posts? Why do you think they are free of the need for that approval?”
Casual questions with deep opportunities.

A woman business leader that I know tells the people who work for her, “I can’t grow you unless I know you” – and the same principle applies to you as a parent. You can’t grow your child, and help her avoid the temptations to rely on friends and approval for self-worth, if you know very little about a huge part of her life.
And once you do know her better, you’ll know best how to share some key truths in a way she’ll accept – like the fact that although it is natural to seek affirmation in the affection or praise of others, it is only in knowing that we are God’s children, created in His image, richly loved in spite of our flaws that we find true affirmation. That is simply not something we can get from anything or anyone else! You’ll be able to help her see that relying on Instagram comments for happiness is a road to heartbreak.

And since she will now know that you care about her, and that she can trust you – she’ll be far more inclined to listen.
 

Your spouse’s 5 most annoying habits​


Habits that seemed “cute and quirky” while you were dating can become really annoying after years of marriage.
After informally surveying many couples through our Facebook “Marriage” page, I’ve compiled the most common pet peeves you have about your spouse.
Some of these habits are “annoying” but some are downright dangerous to your marriage. I am listing them here simply to start some conversations in your marriage, so you can work through your “annoying habits” before they lead to much bigger issues. A marriage is built on healthy communication, so let this spark some healthy communication in your relationship.
And remember to always love each other (even in those unlovable and “annoying” moments)

Dave-Willis-real-love-quote-DaveWillis.org_

Another tool to help you strengthen your communication in marriage is our FREE video series on “The 4 Pillars of a Strong Marriage” which you can watch by clicking here.

Men’s most annoying habits (according to women):
In no particular order…
1. Burping and farting out loud.
2. Not listening or “tuning out’ during conversations.
3. Not communicating important details.
4. Checking out other women.
5. Being “obsessed” with video games and/or sports.

Women’s most annoying habits (according to men):
1. Saying “nothing is wrong” when something is wrong.
2. Overspending.
3. Bringing up “old dirt” as ammunition in arguments.
4. Giving (or asking for) too many “unnecessary” details in conversations.
5. Being “obsessed” with social media (Pinterest, etc.).

Like I said, the whole point of this is just to get husbands and wives talking with each other in a more productive way and replacing “annoying habits” with mutual respect, mutual appreciate for our differences and stronger intimacy in your marriage.
 
Ready to Go? Let's Go.

[ 1 min read ★ ]

For I am ready . . . even to die in Jerusalem
for the name of the Lord Jesus—Acts 21:13


When we follow him, God will—sooner or later—ask us to do something we don’t want to do, to go someplace we don’t want to go. Maybe his "ask" will come through a nudge or as a thought in prayer. Maybe it will come as a prompt while reading Scripture. Maybe through the encouraging or challenging words of a friend. However it comes, it will come.

After visiting Ephesus and Macedonia, the Apostle Paul got an "ask" from God the Holy Spirit to go on to Jerusalem (Acts 19:21). The Spirit warned him, however: if he went there, he’d be arrested. Paul’s friends begged him not to go. Paul answered: "What are you doing, weeping and breaking my heart? For I am ready not only to be imprisoned but even to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus" (Acts 21:13).

For us to become the men we were created to become, for us to become the men the world needs us to become, we must act with the same boldness and confidence. Paul was bold and confident because he trusted two things: God’s in charge and God’s good. We must trust those too. For they allow us, like Paul, to trust one thing more: our affirmative answers to God’s "asks" are ultimately good for us, good for others, and good for God’s Kingdom . . . and will very likely become the proudest moments of our lives. Indeed, these "asks" lead us into the very adventures for which we were created.

Okay, so what do we do?

What do you feel God might be asking of you, right now? Is there anything you just know he’s prompting you, quietly, to do? If so, resolve to trust him. And today take a practical and measurable step—bold and confident—toward that thing.
 

Experiencing Peace Amidst OVERWHELMING Anxiety​




Are you tired emotionally? Is your peace short lived due to the overwhelming nature of your life right now? What if I told you there is a cosmic spiritual war going on right now around you that is impacting you inwardly, would you believe me?

We’re not the first to enter this cosmic battle!

The Apostle Paul can relate.

He lived part of his life in a prison cell. I can’t imagine how emotionally exhausting this season of his life must have been. Yet, he found strength in the Lord and he experienced hope, encouragement, and peace in spite of the circumstances that surrounded him.


It is possible to experience peace amidst overwhelming anxiety. Paul shows us in Philippians 3:12 what to do…Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.

What is “this” Paul is referring to? He is referring to the resurrection from the dead. He wants to live again. Don’t we all? He wants to live forever with God.

In this world of social media and short-sided emotions and visions, I find that our world is losing its eternal perspective in every way. We find ourselves living for just today and though it is important to live in the moment, it is equally important to live for our eternity.

Paul wants the world to know he has not yet attained what He wants most. How about you? He has not already received all he longs for nor has he been brought to that perfect completeness to which he has aspired.


Paul has two aspirations in life. He wants to be perfect and eternal.

I do too.

How about you? What do you want out of this life? Are you pressing into that?

If you are not growing toward Christ, you are declining in your faith for Christ and your peace with Christ.

If you are declining in your faith for Christ, you will feel it in the peace you don’t feel in your life.

Paul tells us in Philippians 3:13-14 we have to forget what lies behind us and strain forward to what lies ahead. We have to press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Are you pressing into God’s calling on your life or have you given up?


Recently I was in a meeting with the elders of the church I pastor, I had asked them to pray about me doing something God has asked me to do that would be difficult, challenging, and the anxiety of following through was overwhelming. They asked me why I felt I needed to do what I was requesting they bless me to do, my response, “I believe this is who God has asked me to be and do.”

What difficult thing is God asking you to be and do? Are you willing to press into God’s calling on your life or will you fall back?
The most fearful thing I have ever done in my life is write and publish The Mystery of 23: God Speaks book. It has been a painful and scary endeavor.
But what we do for God matters and, in the end, it is all that matters.

If you do what God is calling you to be and do, every day, regardless of how difficult it may be, it is moving you closer to your goal of perfection, perfect peace, and eternity with Jesus.
What does it take to think and live like this? Paul tells us in Philippians 3:15 that those of us who are mature should think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.

It takes maturity in your thinking. How do you know if you are mature in your thinking? Paul tells us in Philippians 3:16 that mature people in the faith hold true to what we have attained.
Mature people see what they have attained through the difficult sacrifices of their faith and life.

Maybe you need to remind yourself of what you have already attained.
Take inventory of the good in your life that God has done already through you because of your willingness to be obedient to Him. As you do this, Paul tells us in Philippians 3:17 to keep our eyes on those who walk according to Christ’s example.

Who is this in your life? You won’t go the distance without other faithful examples in your life to encourage you in that direction. It is too easy to fix our eyes on the things of this world and chase after them. Paul tells us in Philippians 3:19 destruction to our faith comes when we set our minds on earthly things. Maybe it is time for you to adjust your mindset. What are you afraid of losing if you do what God asks you to do? Take your eyes off the earthly things and obey.

You won’t regret it!
You and I have to take our minds off our circumstances, expenses, challenges, and things to place it on the place we ultimately plan to be. In Philippians 3:20 Paul says, “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.

What is filling you with anxiety right now? Put your focus back on heaven. Live knowing you are waiting for a Savior to rescue you, a Savior who has the power and is able to subject all things you are going through to himself. Don’t forget, God’s got you and God’s got it. Whatever “it” might be. He is sovereign over every detail and circumstance in your life.

Your circumstances are not outside of God’s purview. He sees it all and He will use it all to transform your lowly body into an eternally perfect creation. God is making all things new. On that day when we meet Him face to face, He will give us the reward, the goal, the prize of the upward calling that is found in Christ Jesus. Our perfection and our eternity will all be realized at the time when we see Him and our loved ones face to face.

Peace comes amidst overwhelming anxiety when we take our eyes off the earthly circumstances and put them on the eternal things. Your destination awaits you, live with your eyes fixed on it, and the overwhelming anxiety you feel will give way to the peace of God that passes all understanding.
 
You're Made for Adventure

[ 1 min read ★ ]

. . . how long will they not believe in me,
in spite of all the signs that I have done?—Numbers 14:11


God the Father designed us for adventures . . . for his adventures. Listen for his call. Imagine a boy awakened early by his father: "Hey, buddy . . . up for an adventure today?" Trust him. Imagine the son, nervous with anticipation of what the day might hold: "Yeah, dad. Totally." Go with him. Imagine the father and son gearing-up together, maybe for fishing, or hunting, or backpacking, and heading off into the wild. Now, imagine if the boy instead replied, "Nah, dad. Gonna stay home today. Just too risky." Or, "I’ve got more important things to do today. Thanks for asking. Maybe next time."

God the Father whispered (through Moses) to twelve men in the Wilderness of Paran: "spy out the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the people of Israel" (Numbers 13:2). The men did, and they saw good land . . . but they also saw large foes, whom they’d have to defeat. Ten of them took the "just too risky" tack: "We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we are" (Numbers 13:31). They felt like "grasshoppers," they said, compared to the huge men of Canaan. (Numbers 13:33). Only two—Joshua and Caleb—mustered courage and trusted in God’s adventure. Only they were willing to go:

". . . he will bring us into this land and give it to us . . . And do not fear the people of the land, for they are bread for us. Their protection is removed from them, and the Lord is with us; do not fear them" (Numbers 14:7-9).
[Translation: "Yeah, dad. Totally."]

Okay, so what do we do?

When God invites you into an adventure it’s a special moment, a divine moment . . . an eternal moment. You won’t get many. So, be prepared. Be ready with a quick, "Yeah, dad. Totally."
 

Am-Bushed​
























Am-Bushed
Minding the flocks he had
Not looking for surprise.
He looked up
And saw a bush,
That blazed before his eyes.

Weirder still there was a voice
That came from in this thing
It caused him to draw close
And hush
It had a familiar ring,

‘Moses I’m sending you

Back from where you came,
It’s time to free the slaves.
Don’t think you can turn this down
Excuses are quite lame.’

‘ Who shall I say is sending me?’
‘Just say the great I AM’.
‘That hardly seems clear
But why should I complain,
My name’s a complete sham’.[1]

Off went the reluctant recruit
With Aaron now in tow
It was a long trip from Midian,
Through Egypt’s heat
A place they despised to go.


The morale to this story
Is not hard to find
Get near a burning bush,
Especially one that talks
You’re ambushed from behind.
 

Why do we have lingering shame?​


I recall sitting in my car one day, pondering the question, “Why do I continue to struggle with lingering shame?”


I’ve read widely concerning shame, whether from a psychological, social, theological, or moral perspective. Some might think that I personally would not struggle with shame. (In fact, many people are motivated to enter Ph.D. studies precisely because the topic matters to them personally.)

Identifying Sources of Lingering Shame

At that moment, a realization crystallized in my mind. We can only feel deep, lingering shame about things closely tied to our identity.
Things like shame and honor involve more than just proper behavior. They are more holistic than guilt. Shame (and honor) fundamentally concern one’s sense of identity because they are attached to one’s values and sense of belonging. I realized that I would continue to linger in shame so long as I fundamentally identified as one kind of person rather than another.
Yes, there might be good reasons to feel shame, such as when I do shameful things. I’m reminded of Romans 6:21,

“But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.”
However, shame should not have lingering power such that it stigmatizes and strangles us. If it does have that power, then our sense of identity is linked to a set of values and perspectives that align with something other than Christ.

Not every sort of identity is so binding that it evokes shame. I’m not ashamed of being an awful baseball player. (I was hit in the head three times in a 6-inning game, twice in the outfield). I’m also not still embarrassed that I wore a haircut in 7th grade where I spiked up the hair on only one side of my head, which earned the nickname “flamer” because my classmates said it looked like the side of my head was on fire.

Likewise, I no longer consider myself worthy of high social status because I dated some of the most attractive girls in my high school. I do not feel the weight of honor I felt when I was first accepted to my first choice university because I no longer define my identity or worth by my GPA or the school I attended.

“Am I enough?”

What are the roots of your lingering shame? Whatever it is, we need to examine how to cut the root, and we severe what fuels perpetual shame.

These are a few markers from earlier in my life. The criteria by which we judge ourselves worthy of respect or disrespect will vary. It might be your appearance, grades, dating status, or your ministry. The standards we use might shift with time, some criteria being better or worse than others.
Everyone wonders, “Am I enough?” (e.g., smart enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, etc.). If we’re not “enough,” we fear we won’t belong to this or that group. We can feel shame. In effect, whatever we think will make us “enough” practically determines our religion.
What do I mean by “religion”? David Zahl, in Seculosity, says this:

“It is our “controlling story” or “the question of how we dispose our energies, how we see fit to organize our own lives and, in many cases, the lives of others” (p. 9).[1]
“Our small-r religion is the justifying story of our life. Ritual and community and all the other stuff come second… Our religion is that which we rely on not just for meaning and hope but enoughness” (p. 10)
We boast or rejoice in the things that, we assume, will make us “enough.” Those are the things that, we presume, will ensure we belong to this or that group, and so have an identity.

Ask yourself, “In what ways do I worry about being enough?
Think long and deeply about this question. When you find answers, you will identify those identity markers that root any lingering sense of shame that you might feel.

[1] He quotes David Dark’s Life’s Too Short to Pretend You’re Not Religious.
 

Live Your Courageous Calling From God​



We live in very challenging times right now and the last thing any of us want to do is add more challenge to our lives, but that is just what God asked Jeremiah to do. In challenging and uncertain times, it is easy to shrink back. It is easy to give up and give in and give out. It is easy to compromise who God has created you to be, but when the going gets tough, that’s when the called have to become courageous for God and live out His calling on their lives.

That is what Jeremiah did!

We know from Jeremiah 1:2 that the words of God came to Jeremiah in the 13th year of King Josiah’s reign over Judah which dates back to 627 B.C. This is when Jeremiah’s ministry began, 2645 years ago. That’s a long time. I think it is pretty cool that these words still have relevant impact on our lives here in the 21st century today.


We know from Jeremiah 1:3 that the book of Jeremiah spans to the eleventh year of Zedekiah which was 586 B.C. If you do the math, this book spans 41 years of Jeremiah’s ministry to Israel to encourage them to turn back and repent. But they wouldn’t do it. That’s a long time to encourage people to do the right thing.

Jeremiah lived roughly 150 years before Nehemiah and Ezra and about 100 years before Daniel.

So, there is your history lesson to introduce you to the time frame of Jeremiah’s ministry. Jeremiah came along at a very important time in the life of Israel, just like you and I are living in an extremely important time in the life of our nation.

Many have said, “this is the season of the prophet in America’s history.” We need courageous but kind voices that call us to come back to God before it is too late. Jeremiah was that kind of guy in his day. He tells us in Jeremiah 1:5 that God told him that before he was formed in the womb, God consecrated him and appointed him to be a prophet to the nations.


We learn from this verse that your physical existence does not determine your existence. God said to Jeremiah in Jeremiah 1:5, “Before I formed you in the womb, I already knew you.” You may not realize this, but God knew you before you were born. The debate over when life begins to God is a moot debate, because as far as God is concerned, He declares life to exist before it comes into existence.

God tells Jeremiah two other things in Jeremiah 1:5. He tells Jeremiah that before he was born, He had already anointed him. Do you realize your anointing from God does not come after you are born but before? God tells Jeremiah in Jeremiah 1:5, “I appointed you a prophet.” Are you aware that your physical existence simply initiates your ability to live out your eternal purpose? Jeremiah was born to be a prophet. Like Jeremiah, you and I were born already with eternal purpose. We don’t have to come up with a purpose, God created us with purpose. We don’t have to come up with a reason for living, we have to learn how to live into the reason God created us in the first place. So, many of us right now feel aimless, hopeless, confused, and lost by this season of our lives. God wants us to know that He has already hardwired us with purpose.


Just as Steve Jobs pre-designed the Apple Computer so God pre-designed you before you were born. He made you with a purpose in mind, His purpose. You have intrinsic value because you are made by God for God with purpose hardwired into your natural DNA.

If you and I are going to live courageously in this season of our lives, we are going to have to realize our calling has already been pre-wired into our anatomical hard drive. Before you were born, God already knew you. Before you were born, God already anointed you. Before you were born God already appointed you. The script is written. You don’t have to be afraid. God has already determined you have purpose, and it is no accident you are on planet earth right now. This was God’s plan all along for you and me.

In light of this, how should you and I respond to this, so we can live our calling from God with courage? Well, Jeremiah responded in fear. He didn’t think he had what it took to be who God had created him to be. Maybe you feel the same. Jeremiah told God in Jeremiah 1:6 he couldn’t be a prophet because he didn’t know how to speak. He told him he couldn’t be a prophet because he was just a young teenager. What excuses do you offer up to God to avoid being who He has created you to be?


The Lord told Jeremiah in Jeremiah 1:7, “Don’t say you are only a youth.” God is affirming Jeremiah and telling him he believes in Him. God believes in you more than you believe in yourself. He tells Jeremiah to go and speak.

What is God telling you to go and do?

Are you willing to go where God tells you to go and speak what God tells you to speak? Yes, it will take courage. Yes, you will have to trust God with the inadequacies of your life. Yes, your insecurities will bleed through. But is your God big enough to give you the strength to courageously overcome these fears and do what God has asked you to be and do?

God tells Jeremiah in Jeremiah 1:8 not to be afraid for He will be with him to deliver him.


Have you forgotten that if God sends you, He goes with you?

Do you know what the difference is between faith and courage?

Faith is when we say, “I am going to listen to what God wants to say to me and believe it is from Him.”

Courage is when you say, “I am going to do it.”

Courageous faith in action demands you believe that God made you and knows you. It requires you to believe God created you with purpose. It gives you the confidence to know He called you to fulfill His purpose with your life. And last, courageous faith in action challenges you to be and do it for God regardless of what it costs you.

If you need help in growing in your understanding of your purpose, I encourage you to read “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. It is a great book on living out your God given purpose.


At some point in your life, you can expect that God is going to ask you to do some impossible things with your life and it is going to require courageous faith. God doesn’t give us supernatural faith and then let us just live ordinary I don’t need faith kind of lives. He wants us to put that faith into action, that is what courage is, faith in action.

After God calls Jeremiah, God puts out his hand in Jeremiah 1:9 and touches Jeremiah’s mouth metaphorically and puts His words into Jeremiah’s mouth. He tells Jeremiah in Jeremiah 1:10 that he has set him over the nations and over the kingdoms.

God didn’t want Jeremiah just to be courageous. He wanted him to know in his courage that he was being sent out in the power of God and with the authority of Almighty God. I realize we all have to be careful with how we wield the power of God in our lives, but I find that we have too many timid Christians today. You and I need to see ourselves like God sees us. He wants us to know we have been given the power and authority of Almighty God.

Even Jesus told us in Matthew 28:18 that he gives to us his authority. Matthew records that Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[b] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”


This is our commission to our calling. Jesus is saying to you and me, “Go and speak on my behalf.”

Yes, that is a lot to steward, but if God trusts us with His authority, we better be sure and accept the commission and live out our calling.

It is my prayer God give you the grace to rise up and live the courageous calling He has placed on your life in the everyday relationships of your life. Don’t be afraid to be who God has created you to be and do what He has called you to do, that is why you are here right now on planet earth.

Now go and be the person God has created you to be for His glory and others good, the world needs you.

Blessings,
 

A Simple Practice to Bring More Harmony Into Every Relationship​


Our relationships with one another are often a source of distress. One major form of conflict we experience with others involves their failure to give us the consideration we feel they owe us. We often suffer from thoughts like these: “She is not being respectful enough.” “He is not as kind as I want him to be.” “They just don’t care as deeply as I do.”

However, if we will be courageous enough to see the truth of the next insight, and then admit it into our heart and mind, we can change the real root of this underlying sense of our dissatisfaction with others along with the conflict it generates: Many times the very thing we want from the person we are with — for example, respect, patience, kindness, love — is the very thing that we ourselves either lack at the moment or otherwise somehow are withholding from them. The “catch” here is that we are mostly unconscious to our actual inner condition in these encounters with others, and here’s a major reason why this happens:

Hidden in each of us are certain clever “self-concealing devices” whose sole reason for being is to protect our self-image and keep us asleep to ourselves. One of the ways they work is to show us ourselves as blameless while pointing the arrow of insufficiency at someone else.
Each time this self-protection device successfully diverts our attention in this way here’s what unfolds: Not only are we kept from coming awake to ourselves, but in this engineered spiritual sleep we are rendered unable to realize that the very quality we judge as missing in the people before us is actually lacking in ourselves!

We almost always place demands upon others, but almost never see that the nature in us making these demands is without the very substance it cries out as missing. No wonder the circle of disharmony continues.

How many of us feel that the “others” in our life — particularly the people we are around every day, whether at home or at work — just don’t treat us as we deserve? Perhaps not all of the time, but most of us feel slighted in our relationships every now and then, and perhaps more often than not. And how many of us can honestly say that we offer to our fellows what we want from them?

Generally we extend olive branches and our considerate sympathies to those who we think can serve us, and rarely do we serve those who we are convinced have nothing we want. And yet we still want their respect, kindness, or consideration.

Can we learn to give to others first what we hope to get from them? Before we ask for someone’s attention, let us first lend that person our own. Before we look to him or her for an act of consideration, let us offer one from ourselves. If we wish for kindness, let it begin with our own. Otherwise all we give each other are unconscious demands followed by judgment and disappointment.

We must learn to take the true conscious initiative with each other and then make the effort to be to others what we wish them to be for us. With that end in mind, here is a special exercise that can help us create more harmonious human relationships.

Even to attempt the following practice will reveal more to you about yourself than reading a thousand books on spiritual realization. To begin with, as we have been discussing, we usually demand from others those interior qualities that we are in short supply of ourselves. For instance, it is impatience that leaps to judge impatience. Unkindness finds others unkind — and tells them so in no uncertain terms. Arrogance despises pride and makes sure that the proud know they are dreaming of unreal heights. On and on churns this cycle of disharmony until we go to work on ourselves, implementing the kind of true self-transforming principles that follow.

Whatever it may be that we find wanting in someone else, we must learn what it means to give that very thing to him or her. What we would have from others, or have them be towards us, we must provide or be ourselves.
For instance, if we really want the person we are with to be open with us, we must first open up ourselves. When we know we tend to be critical of others because they don’t show us the respect we would have, we must show these same people the respect we want.

Now, add to these thoughts this last idea: Sometimes we want something from others that they just don’t have within themselves to give. We make demands, for instance, that others understand us when, at that point in their development — for whatever reason — it’s impossible that they could. But wanting what we want, we act as though we are weary with them and become condescending. This behavior on our part only convinces the others in question of their own shortcomings. But given this new understanding, what can we do instead?

Give to them what we have of that quality in ourselves instead of taking away what little they have in themselves. To give the fruit of such a conscious interior labor is to receive the goodness we ask for.

This exercise in harmonious human relationships takes a great deal of attention and, more important, a great deal of being tired of finding everyone around us not as good as ourselves. Our real spiritual growth — our self-transformation — depends upon what we are willing to give, and not upon what we feel we are owed.
Put these ideas to work. You will be shocked and amazed at your discoveries, and you will benefit from the healing that they bring to all your relationships.
 
Good . . . How?

[ 1 min read ★ ]

. . . and he will give you
the desires of your heart—Psalm 37:4


When the Apostle Paul wrote the word “good” in the passage below, what did he mean?

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10).
He certainly meant the works—the things we are to do, the ways we are to serve—are good things, in and of themselves. And, of course, he meant the works are good for others, good for those people we are meant to serve. Going a bit further, though, could it be he also meant the things we are to do, the ways we are to serve . . . are good for us, too?

Of course he did; of course they are. That’s precisely what Jesus was getting at when he said it’s “more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35) . . . or, as Eugene Peterson translates: “You’re far happier giving than getting” (Acts 20:35 MSG). It’s been nearly two thousand years and that notion is still counterculture. But the truth is . . . to give, to serve, to notice, to care, to love, to offer our strength to others, to live for others, is actually what brings purpose, fulfillment, joy to our lives. It’s how we men actually get to fully-alive and what-you’ve-always-dreamed-of kind of stuff. It’s one important reason why King David sang,

“Delight yourself in the Lord;
and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).

Okay, so what do we do?

It’s simple. The only way to figure out whether Jesus was right on this or not, is to test it—personally. Someone needs you today. Someone needs you, right now. Look around. Who is it? Reach out. Go ahead and help him or her . . . and then, examine the state of your heart after you do.
 

How to Know When It’s Time to Go … To Couples’ Counseling​


You’ve heard the timeworn — and so often true — cliche: marriage is work. No matter how strong a marriage or remarriage is, couples often encounter a common set of conflicts. Whether early in a new marriage, or after years together, these universal issues tend to revolve around communication, or a lack thereof.


In a recent article for the Cleveland Clinic, Dr. Adam Borland explains the five most prevalent marital problems and suggests that the solution is as universal as the source of these struggles. Dr. Borland offers couples counseling, and the resulting improvements in communication, as a panacea for his five most frequent causes of stress and unhappiness in a marriage.

First, is poor communication. Whether married couples clash over the mundane, everyday back and forth of life, or fail to open themselves open emotionally and be vulnerable with their partner, ineffective communication is the first of the issues that Dr. Borland says can be improved by therapy.
Second, Borland sees a lack of physical intimacy as a source of many marital ills. Additionally, he identifies fractured trust, big life changes and events, and addiction as “the big five” forces that too often frustrate and alienate partners.

And just as all of these sources of strife are interconnected, so too are the keys to repairing a broken relationship. Dr. Borland prescription for wedded woes is built on marriage counseling aimed at improving three main tenets: effective communication, honesty and trust.

Specifically, Borland’s practice is built on addressing the way in which a couple communicates so that both parties can feel heard, understood, and ultimately connected to one another. Working on honesty will naturally bolster the emotional bonds between partners. And finally, having worked on trust issues, couples will see improved cooperation.
The following are my thoughts about the reasons why I believe couples counseling can help couples:

How can marriage counseling help couples?
  • A motivated couple can begin to explore their problems from a new perspective.
  • They can learn new ways to recognize and resolve conflicts as a result of the tools provided by the therapist.
  • Partners can improve communication that may have eroded the quality of their interactions. It’s common for couples to reach an impasse and lose the ability to be vulnerable and trusting of one another.
  • It can provide “neutral territory” to help couples work through tough issues or to put aside “baggage” that prevents the couple from moving on.
  • Couples can decide to rebuild their marriage and make a renewed commitment, or clarify the reasons why they need to separate or end the marriage.

Further, for marriage counseling to be effective, you both need to be willing to take responsibility for your part in the problems, to accept each other’s faults, and be motivated to repair your relationship. It’s important for you to have realistic expectations because it takes more than a few sessions to shed light on the dynamics and to begin the process of change.

All of this hard work will, in the end, reduce stress in a marriage, and lead to a happier and healthier relationship. And by putting in the work early, before stresses fracture a marriage, couples will develop the tools to approach any number of obstacles that will arise. There’s comfort in knowing these problems are common, and that you’re not alone. And it’s clear there’s comfort too in the participatory process of couples counseling, where working together will make for a fulfilling and long-lasting marriage.
 

The Two Kinds of Malaise (And How to Handle Both)​


Malaise is a common occurrence in the life of every human. That feeling of being tired or a little sad. Just not wanting to do anything. Bored. In some ways, a feeling of malaise is the most human thing in the world. We are creatures of pattern, destined for the mundane. Every new thing becomes familiar. The excitement of passion inevitably wanes over time. And we are left with something else. Or a couple different kinds of something else.


There are two sorts of malaise. The first is more like a depression, a deep and meaningful dissatisfaction. The second is more like boredom, a sort of apathy or monotony.
Both of these have similar symptoms. We talk about “being in a rut”, but which kind of malaise are we referencing when we say these things. The difference can seem small and is often hard to distinguish. But it is an important difference when it comes to how we respond.


The Strain

The first kind of malaise is a true and deep dissatisfaction. Our System One is being strained. We are not living out our values, not truly feeling alive. It is the kind of strain that leads to depression and mental illness. An out of control complacency. A loss of vision.

When we are faced with this kind of malaise, we need newness. We need intention. We need to name our vision and step into our values. This kind of malaise is a poison. It can destroy us if we don’t do something about it.


The Plain

The other kind of malaise is more complicated. It is a feeling of monotony. The consistency of discipline. And this is brought on by the harsh reality that life is predominantly spent on the plains. We seek the mountains (and even the valleys) because we “feel more alive” when things are extreme. But the plains, the ordinary is the place teeming with life. It is the place where our truest character develops.


On the plains, in the midst of this kind of malaise, we need grit and perseverance. We need a perspective of thankfulness, to see the value of where we are and the opportunity it affords us to live in accordance with our vision and values. We handle this malaise in quite the opposite way of the other: we press into it. We make the most of it and make our choices in the midst of it.

Discerning the Difference

So with two very different responses to two very similar-feeling types of malaise, the question becomes how do I discern the difference? While the feeling of normality can be terrifying, it can also be comforting. Which is right? Which kind of malaise am I feeling: the one that tells me I need a change or the one that tells me I’m on the right track?
This is why intentional vision is so important in our lives. We need a transcendent mission to devote our lives to. Otherwise, it is impossible to discern one malaise from the other. Each feels too similar to the other. Each is a reaction to circumstances, which change like the wind. What we need is something to tether us to the truth.
If your malaise aligns with your vision, you are on the right track. It might not feel particularly exciting. It might feel normal and familiar. That is the fruit of consistency, ironically.


If, however, you are living outside your vision, a malaise is the indicator you need to recalibrate your thinking and your behavior.
The difference-maker is vision. It is the lighthouse that directs us. It is the truth that serves as a compass. We cannot allow malaise to be our masters. Otherwise, we will let it leads us astray in both directions! We need malaise to be an alarm that lets us know we are so on track that living our vision is normalizing or we are so off track that our vision is fading in the distance. Either way, we must name our vision truly and honestly in order to discern the difference.
 
Carrying the Right Stuff?

[ 1 min read ★ ]

Strength is for service—Romans 15:1-2

Carrying burdens is something we do . . . as husbands, fathers, friends . . . as men. It’s hardwired into how God designed us, built us. We carry literal burdens; we carry figurative ones. Very little of our life is not spent carrying some burden or another. We’re made to find purpose and meaning in the carrying.

A problem arises, though, when we carry the wrong ones. It’s easy to do. Sometimes we carry them for selfish and self-serving reasons. Sometimes we carry burdens for others, but only to get credit from the original owners—bosses, co-workers, acquaintances of some strategic value. Sometimes we carry burdens for others simply because we can . . . and because we hate to say, “no.” Sometimes we carry them because we don’t trust that anyone else will, if we do not. Make no mistake: none of these is a good reason to pick up and carry a burden.

God designed us, built us, to be able to lend strength to others, to those in need. It’s one way we fulfill the second of the two great commandments: love other people at least as much as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39). So there’s no question about it, we must carry burdens for others. But, we must also bear the right burdens, and for the right reasons. We mustn’t let burdens that we aren’t meant to carry weigh us down, wear us down, and occupy our strength . . . while the burdens we are meant to carry go unborne.

Okay, so what do we do?

Look around you today. What real, practical needs do you see? Which of them fit your talents, your gifts? Which ones move your heart, make it rise? Which ones cause your heart to fall? Let that intersection—needs, talents/gifts, heart—guide you. And then move in and lighten someone else’s load.
 

Spurgeon on the Ever-Living Gospel and the Person of Jesus​




Note from Randy: I’d been a pastor for ten years before I discovered the writings of Charles Spurgeon, and then I couldn’t get enough of him. The Bible oozed out of his pores, and he let Scripture be Scripture, rarely twisting it to fit his theology.
One of my books on Heaven, We Shall See God, contains segments from his sermons on Heaven, so about 60% of the book is Spurgeon. It was one of my favorite books to work on, since I extracted my favorite portions from many of his messages. One day I’ll meet him and say, “Don’t know if you realized we were co-authors. There really wasn’t any way I could ask your permission!”
I enjoyed these writings from Spurgeon on the gospel and Jesus, which I found through the excellent Logos software.
But the word of the Lord endureth for ever. And this is the word which by the gospel is preached unto you.”—1 Pet. 1:25.

ALL human teaching and, indeed, all human beings, shall pass away as the grass of the meadow; but we are here assured that the word of the Lord is of a very different character, for it shall endure for ever.
We have here a divine gospel; for what word can endure for ever but that which is spoken by the eternal God?
We have here an ever-living gospel, as full of vitality as when it first came from the lip of God; as strong to convince and convert, to regenerate and console, to sustain and sanctify, as ever it was in its first days of wonder-working.

We have an unchanging gospel, which is not to-day green grass, and to-morrow dry hay; but always the abiding truth of the immutable Jehovah. Opinions alter, but truth certified by God can no more change than the God who uttered it.
Here, then, we have a gospel to rejoice in, a word of the Lord upon which we may lean all our weight. “For ever” includes life, death, judgment, and eternity. Glory be to God in Christ Jesus for everlasting consolation. Feed on the word to-day, and all the days of thy life. [1]

I am come a light into the world, that whosoever believeth on me should not abide in darkness.”—John 12:46.

THIS world is dark as midnight; Jesus has come that by faith we may have light, and may no longer sit in the gloom which covers all the rest of mankind.
Whosoever is a very wide term: it means you and me. If we trust in Jesus we shall no more sit in the dark shadow of death, but shall enter into the warm light of a day which shall never end. Why do we not come out into the light at once?

A cloud may sometimes hover over us, but we shall not abide in darkness if we believe in Jesus. He has come to give us broad daylight. Shall he come in vain? If we have faith we have the privilege of sunlight: let us enjoy it. From the night of natural depravity, of ignorance, of doubt, of despair, of sin, of dread, Jesus has come to set us free; and all believers shall know that he no more comes in vain than the sun rises and fails to scatter his heat and light.
Shake off thy depression, dear brother. Abide not in the dark, but abide in the light. In Jesus is thy hope, thy joy, thy heaven. Look to him, to him only, and thou shalt rejoice as the birds rejoice at sunrise, and as the angels rejoice before the throne. [2]

Faith and the Nature of Christ
No idea of the Lord Jesus Christ approaches to correctness which does not see in his one person the two natures of God and man united. In that person, wherein were blended, but not confused, the Godhead and the Manhood, a practical faith has its most ample help. Jesus sympathizes with the condition in which the struggler after excellence finds himself, for he also was tempted in all points like as we are; he knows the difficulties which grow out of the infirmities of flesh and blood, for he felt sickness and pain, poverty and hunger, weakness and depression. It is a great gain in a human career, a specially suitable assistance, to have an unlimited power at one’s side sympathizing with our weakness.

Nor is the advantage less in the other direction, for here is a Man, bound to us by relationship and affection the most intense, who is not only tender to the last degree of our suffering nature, but is also as wise as he is brotherly, and as mighty to subdue our faults as he is gentle to bear with our frailties. His Manhood brings Jesus down to us, but united with the Divine nature it lifts us up to God. The Lord Jesus thus not only ministers to our comfort, but to our betterment, which is the greater concern of the two.
Could faith believe in a Being more answerable to all our needs, more helpful to our noblest longings? Allied to Jesus, we confidently aspire to such likeness to our Creator as it is possible for a creature to bear.

Enthusiasm for the Person of Jesus
The love of the believer to the Lord Jesus is intensely personal and enthusiastic. It overtops all other affections. His love, his sufferings, his perfections, his glories fill the heart and set it on fire. There is more force in the love of an actual living person than in subscription to any set of doctrines however important they may be. The courage of a leader has often produced deeds of daring which no philosophy could have demanded. Our glorious leader, Christ Jesus, inspires his followers with a burning passion, an all-consuming zeal, an irrepressible enthusiasm, which supplies all the energy which the noblest life can need. It is no small aid to our noblest ambition to have our hearts captured by incarnate holiness.

Faith in the Life of Christ on Earth
The more we examine the character of the Lord Jesus Christ, the more are we filled with admiration of it. In the gospels we have a fourfold photograph of his countenance, taken from different positions. Putting these together, or even meditating upon any one of them, we are charmed with its singular beauty. Nor is this at all remarkable, for almost every man in the world, believer or unbeliever, has acknowledged the singular excellence of the life of Christ.

It is so original, so transcendent, so perfect, that all men, except certain blinded partisans, sworn to run-a-muck at all things holy, have bowed before its glory, and regarded it as the beau-idéal of perfect manhood. Now this is in Scripture set before us as an example, therefore it is imitable; and better still, it is set forth as the ordained pattern to which the believer is to be conformed are God’s great work is done. To have a high ideal, to be assured that we can reach it, and to have a capable Helper, who will enable us to reach it—this is to have a grand assistance towards a life of virtue.

Faith in this Exemplar, who is also our Saviour, must minister strength in our life-battle. To aspire to such a perfect character, as the salvation which we most desire, is to be already saved in principle. It is a great comfort to be fired with an ambition to be like Jesus. Salvation from hell to heaven every selfish wretch may wish for; but to be saved from selfishness into the image of Christ is that which only the renewed in heart are pining for, and by that pining their salvation is assured.

Faith in the Principles of Christ’s Life
It is observable that the self-denial of our Lord Jesus, which was complete and entire beyond all suspicion, proved to be for him the way to that pre-eminence of glory which he now enjoys. He is above all things because he stooped to the lowest and meanest state. It is his honour that he laid aside his glory, and bowed to the greatest shame and scorn. His glory in the hearts of his redeemed is this, that he made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and even died, the Just for the unjust, to bring us to God.

No secondary motive deteriorated the compassionate self-sacrifice of Jesus; yet the abnegation of himself has turned to his boundless exaltation. Faith perceives this, and knowing that in this case one rule holds good for the Leader and the follower, it accepts all manner of service however menial, and consents with alacrity to a thorough self-emptying. To lose one’s life for truth’s sake and love’s sake is according to Biblical philosophy to save it. The complete sinking of self is the surest road to glory and immortality. Herein is the soul prepared or all ill-weathers, and rescued from a passion which is of all things else the most weakening to the force of virtue. [3]



[1] Spurgeon, C. H. (1893). The cheque book of the bank of faith: being precious promises arranged for daily use with brief comments (p. 244). New York: American Tract Society.
[2] Spurgeon, C. H. (1893). The cheque book of the bank of faith: being precious promises arranged for daily use with brief comments (p. 70). New York: American Tract Society.
[3] Spurgeon, C. H. (1892). The Clue of the Maze (pp. 94–101). London: Passmore & Alabaster.
 

Why do tyrants always behave stupidly?​


Read about the downfall of any tyrant, even a less than awful one such as Napoleon, and you marvel at the increasingly foolish decisions the tyrant makes. If only they did not, if only they stopped, if only they did not say, but the tyrants do, go on, speak.
They cannot stop.
Why?

Plato suggests in Republic that a tyrant is afraid. He has what many of us want, but that something, power, has made him a target. He knows, how well he knows, what has to be done to get the power and to keep rule. Most tyrants ride a wave of popular support. History, or at least youth, are with them, but if they live long enough, they learn what they thought was history is a fickle thing. His generation raises the next and they reject the tyrant. Moral beliefs that were certain in his day are challenged as “obviously” wrong. The scientific point of view of his youth has become the “misuse of science.”

How is this possible? You cannot get “ought” from “is” and so one generation’s certainty on an ethical issue can be the next generation’s horror. Oddly, the broad ethical consensus, the moral law, is obvious enough that errors, sometimes very serious errors, are made in particulars, applications of that law. Everyone is pro-life and everyone is for love, but each generation wobbles off the center in some version of the old ways of failing to respect life or to be loving. It is better to lose, if you are following the moral law, in the short term than to win as a tyrant.

Why?

The reaction to tyranny is always, justifiably, fierce. If perfect love casts out all fear, the will to power in the tyrant casts out all love. He ends up surrounded by transactional figures: people who work for treats, money, rewards, power. He knows this and slowly all the old loyalists are purged by his doubts. The tyrant has wanted power and if clever or lucky, gains power, but can only keep that power by increasingly counter-productive means. When the “new” might have come to the office with moderates in charge, he jails the moderates. When the “new” might have swept into office with some checks and balances on the radicals, he jails these leaders. Finally, the opposition becomes so radicalized, the government so dependent on mere power, that the tyrant falls. If he is lucky, he dies first (see Lenin), but he is always afraid . . . even of his own followers.

Why say this?

Institutions, colleges, non-profits, and the government are changing. If the goal is power, then losing is frightening. If the goal is justice, then some losing is good for the soul and any movement. Losing purges the dross in all of us, sends us back to first principles, and reveals true friends. We love our enemies, pray for those who despitefully use us, and wait. Times change. Yesterday’s verities are tomorrow’s embarrassments: ask Woodrow Wilson. After all, if we are right, and persist, then the tyrants cannot win. The atheist Butchers of Beijing must clamp down, shoot, imprison the university students, the young people, the successful for being religious, for thinking differently than the tyrants. They are afraid.

Those that love need have no fear. Of course, in the course of time the moral anomalies in any nation, the progress that is really decadence, will fail. Our “values” will “win,” because “history” will once again sweep them into power. That generation will do her duty and her best and if she avoids tyranny, as much as she can, build civilization. If she becomes unwilling to lose, even a bit, then that generation will become tyrannical. No government is so good that it cannot be monstrous.

How can a person avoid tyranny? Find the dialectic. Engage in discussion. Practice Christian humility and live by faith. Realize that what seems most certain today may be swept away tomorrow if one is keeping score by the pieties of the “winners.” Losing, even being crucified, is better than one moment of injustice to avoid the same. Why? The courage of our convictions tells us to endure and leave victory to God.
Most of all, pray daily: “Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.”
 
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