In step

[RiverOL]

How To Interact With The Earth​

It may not be the sexiest of holidays, but Earth Day has a strange way of making me pause and contemplate the world we live in. Kylie and I moved to New York a few years ago and it makes me laugh to think we live and work on two separate islands (Brooklyn [Long Island] and Manhattan). The concrete jungle of the big city is really a chain of islands.
Like most New Yorkers, we sometimes yearn for a bit more of nature. We love the mountains and hiking; we appreciate the beach. Even living in the city, the little pockets of the natural world are beautiful and appreciated.

Applause​

What I am trying to say is we are fans of nature. We appreciate the planet and all of its naked wonder. Like most people, we too often take it for granted. But the world is a beautiful place.

The thing that makes me pause and contemplate on Earth Day is just how striking the world is. We sense this when we travel and when we watch documentaries like Planet Earth. The world is a crazy place, intricate and vast, diverse and intoxicating.
I like to think the natural world is the applause of creation. Humans, like many animals, swoop in and sometimes make a mess of things. But, also like other animals, are a part of the intricate ecosystem that adds a sense of messiness that strangely enhances the wonder.

The climate change conversation has been sweeping the world in these modern times. But it can be a little annoying when we treat nature as strictly utilitarian. We need to value it because it provides oxygen for us! Don’t get me wrong, I love oxygen as much as the next guy. What I am saying is that one of the most amazing things about nature is that it stretches us beyond ourselves. Standing on top of a mountain or looking into the horizon of an ocean, we are ineffably transformed, humbled, moved in a way that is impossible to really explain.


The Earth is a resource but it is also a trophy. Is there anything more beautiful, more inspiring than the natural world?

Stewards​

That being said, the next logical thought is thinking about how I interact with this Earth. How can I engage with and even participate in the beauty of our planet?
The earliest command in the Bible is for man to steward the earth. God gives an order to name the animals, work the ground, and exercise restraint in The Garden full of trees.
The first humans messed it up and we’ve hardly let up since. We toggle between trying to be lord of the earth and ignoring it altogether, neither of which are precisely stewardship.
What seems most productive is to think about how to engage with the world without leeching from it or ignoring it. How do we seek an existence of mutual benefit? It is harder than it sounds. And I don’t consider it often enough.

 

[RiverOL]

How The Trinity Works In Our Salvation​

We are saved by the redeeming work of Jesus Christ, but the other members of the Trinity are also at work in our salvation.

The Father​

How does the Father work with the Son and the Holy Spirit in our salvation? Jesus mentions the Father’s role when He says, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day” (John 6:44). To make it even clearer, He says “that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father” (John 6:65), so it is not we who found God (Who was not missing!), but God found us; He called us. Salvation is not a decision we make. It is an act of God upon those whom He brings to repentance and faith (Acts 5:11, 11:18; 2 Tim 2:24-26).

Jesus assures believers that “All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out” (John 6:37). It is the Father’s promise to deliver you into the kingdom as Jesus again says, “this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day” (John 6:39). Twice in three sentences, Jesus says that “All” will come to Him and of all given to Him (Jesus), so not one will be lost, as a result of the Father drawing us to Christ. Think of it this way; God thought us; God sought us; God caught us; God bought us; and God taught us. It’s all about God and not about us (Psalm 115:1).

The Son​

During Jesus’ earthly ministry, the disciples were always concerned with where they’d be ruling in the coming Kingdom, but Jesus told them that they had it all wrong. Here is the Living God, Jesus Christ; the omnipotent God, telling them that “even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). They thought like most of the world thinks; the greatest person is the one with the most servants, but Jesus flips that on its head, saying that “whoever would be first among you must be slave of all” (Mark 10:44). The Apostle Peter could not be clearer about how Jesus Christ brings salvation to the sinner. Peter says “that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold” (1 Pet 1:18). All the wealth in the universe would not be sufficient to redeem even on sinner. It took “the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot” (1 Pet 1:19) to redeem us. There was absolutely no other way (Acts 4:12).

The Spirit​

The Holy Spirit has a special role as He seals us for eternity, just as a letter from a king had a wax seal on it, and anyone who was unauthorized to open it would meet a certain death. Only those who had the authority could open it, and in this case, it was the Lamb of God. The Apostle Paul says that God has “predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will” (Eph 1:5), and “when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him [you] were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit” (Eph 1:13).

The Holy Spirit was how God quickened us to new life and birthed us from above (John 3:3-7). Every believer should think back and remember that “you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—“ (Eph 2:1-2). In fact, “we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind” (Eph 2:3), and without hope. So what changed? It was the fact that “God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved” (Eph 2:4-5).



Lazarus could not have resurrected himself any more than we could have quickened ourselves to new life in Christ. The work of the Spirit is also found in the Word of God, since “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” (2 Tim 3:16), and no prophecy, and I would say, no Scripture would have been written except for the Spirit of God. Scripture was never “produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit” (2 Pet 1:21), and the Word of God is living and active, and discerns the innermost “thoughts and intents of the heart” (Heb 4:12), revealing to us what sin is (Rom 7:7; 1 John 3:4). The Spirit of God brings home the fact that we are sinners and we need saving. Jesus, speaking of the coming Holy Spirit, said that when He comes, “he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment” (John 16:8), and that is just what He’s done to untold numbers throughout the ages.

Conclusion​

The Trinity are always in perfect agreement with one another. All Three are working together in our salvation, so all Three Persons of the Trinity are actively involved in our redemption. The Father calls us or draws us to Christ, and as Jesus said, all that He draws, will all be delivered to the Son. The Son saves us; giving His perfect, sinless life of obedience as a ransom for us. The Holy Spirit convicts us of our sins, making us aware of our need for Christ through His inner work, and through the outer Word, the Word of God. It is the Word of God, shared by a person of God, with the Spirit of God, to birth a child of God, through the Son of God and for the glory of God.

 

[RiverOL]

How to Set Relationship Goals​

We were very lucky early in our marriage to be introduced to the value of goal setting. As simple (and to some, maybe cheesy) as it sounds, goal setting is essential in a relationship.

Something within us knows this. Which is why #relationshipgoals is a trending aspect of our modern culture. We usually use this to reference some sweet or adventurous moment we see in others we want to replicate. But it points to the desire within each of us to achieve something in our relationships and at least a hint of our willingness to be intentional about reaching that something.

Vision​

The first step toward relationship goals is vision casting. What is your relationship about? Too often, we are in a hurry and want to set goals based on the whims and trends of the day. We just want what we want in the moment. And we never reach it because tomorrow’s allure is always waiting.
A vision for your relationship gives your goals a place to go. It tethers them to something meaningful. You’ll need it when chasing the goal gets difficult. It is the motivator, the why behind what you are doing.

Assessment​

The next step to goal setting is an assessment of where you are. What is true about your relationship? What is lacking? What opportunities, desires, and gifts are contained within your relationship?
A quick assessment helps you discern where to begin. It creates a structural tension between where you want to go (your vision) and where you are.

Baby Steps​

Now, you are ready to name and chase your goals. With the vision of your relationship in mind, the key to goal setting is to keep your goals SMART.

Because most people dive into goals without first establishing vision, our goals tend to be too big, too far away. The key to effective goal setting is baby-steps. Give yourself a time limit for goals (i.e. a date night once a week for a month).
This allows you to measure small and measure often. When the month is over, you have the chance to evaluate your goal. Did you achieve it? Why or why not? Did it bring you closer to your vision?

By measuring small and often, our goals have an exponential effect on our relationship. Togetherness becomes an intentional journey. Not only our goals, but the big-picture vision for our relationship starts to become a reality.
Goals are hard work. It is easy to daydream about what could be. But if you are serious about setting goals and chasing after the best relationship possible, it is going to take intentional steps. The key, like everything to do with relationships, is commitment. And the courage to begin.

 

[RiverOL]

Galatians 3 – The Law And Faith​

The Apostle Paul explains the reason for God’s laws, which makes God’s grace even more amazing.

By Faith or by Works​

The Apostle Paul addressed a very big problem for the Galatians, but also for a lot of believers, and that was legalism. Just after they were introduced to the gospel of salvation by grace and not by works, some cunning Jews came in to subvert the gospel by adding works to it. Even though many of them had been eye witnesses of Jesus’ crucifixion, they were “bewitched” (Gal 3:1), and told that they needed to completed their salvation by keeping the law, however, trying to keep the law as part one’s salvation, makes it an altogether different gospel, and one that can’t save!

He reminded them that “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness” (Gal 3:6). When Abraham believed God, God accounted that to Him as righteousness. Today, if we believe in Christ, we receive the righteousness of Christ (2 Cor 5:21). Paul’s point is, “it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham” (Gal 3:7). This same faith was opened to Gentiles who trusted in Christ, and thus “all the nations [were] blessed” (Gal 3:8c). Regardless of who you are or how many works of the law you do, “those who are of faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith” (Gal 3:9), but they’re not blessed by their works…but by their faith in Christ.

Law Keeping​

Since it is in our nature to try and justify ourselves before God, we tend to think that our works will help us on the Day of Judgment. It’s almost subconscious in a way, but it is who we are by nature, however, Paul has a serious warning for those who try to justify themselves before God by keeping the law. He says that “all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them” (Gal 3:10). That’s bad news for us since none of us can keep the law perfectly. James adds it’s not worth trying, since “whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it” (James 2:10).

This doesn’t mean we head to the other ditch and think we can break God’s laws. We ought to strive to live by them, but still recognize we are not saved by obedience to the law. Paul says “it is evident that no one is justified before God by the law, for “The righteous shall live by faith” (Gal 3:11). Only Jesus Christ kept the law with perfection, but He is God, and we are not. Our nature is to sin, but thankfully we’re forgiven and justified by Christ, standing in His righteousness before God (2 Cor 5:21), so “the law is not of faith” (Gal 3:12).

Imprisoned by Sin​

We ought to give thanks to God that “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Gal 3:13a). To try and keep the law is to put that curse back on us. Jesus has already redeemed us from the curse of the law, so there’s no reason to try and keep ourselves saved by keeping the law (Rom 7:19-20). It just can’t be done. I wouldn’t trust the best 10 minutes of my life to buy me a split-second in heaven! The law is good…it actually shows us what sin is (Rom 7:7), but the law cannot save. The law makes us all stand guilty before God and flee to the cross and our Savior. Paul wrote that “the Scripture imprisoned everything under sin, so that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe” (Gal 3:22).

The law shows us our only hope is the grace of God found only in Christ, so “before faith came, we were held captive under the law, imprisoned until the coming faith would be revealed” (Gal 3:23), and that faith was revealed in Jesus Christ. Paul states that law takes away our excuses or disables our argument that we’ve done enough good things that we ought to go to heaven. He says, “we know that whatever the law says it speaks to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be stopped, and the whole world may be held accountable to God” (Rom 3:19). The law condemned us all (Rom 3:23, 6:23), “so that every mouth may be stopped.”

Faith Alone​

Since we know we can’t be saved by works, we must not go to the other extreme and think there won’t be any works. James wrote that “faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead” (James 2:17). God has prepared opportunities for good works in our lives (Eph 2:10), but we recognize those works don’t save us. We are not saved by works, but the saved will do works; but not to justify themselves. They are doing it as unto Christ (Matt 25:40). We are not saved by works but by grace (Eph 2:8-9), since “now that faith has come, we are no longer under a guardian” (Gal 3:25) of the law (Gal 2:23-24). We are set free from the curse of the law, and we are saved by grace through faith in Christ, so “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal 3:28).

Conclusion​

The Apostle Paul was not the only one who battled legalism. We can battle it too, but it’s almost a silent invasion. It’s our nature to be seen by others and to do good works in front of people so we can get recognition, but there’s a hidden danger with doing good works. Many who have stated they believe in Jesus will be turned away on Judgment Day because they never had a saving relationship with Him, therefore He doesn’t even know them. They boast of their many works for the Lord, but those same “many” will be turned away forever (Matt 7:21-23).

I love what Voddie Baucham said: “It amazes me that we believe this: that God would crush and kill His own Son, but let you slide.” In fact, He won’t. Without Jesus’ own righteousness accredited to you (2 Cor 5:21), you will stand before God and be judged according to your works. Scripture tells us that it will not turn out well (Rev 20:12-15). Repent and believe today and be redeemed from the curse of the law.

 

[RiverOL]

5 Ways to Let Go of Resentment Toward Your Partner​

Sitting in my office, Felicia, 35, described the bitterness and resentment she has toward Erik, 37, because he invited his mother to visit for two weeks without consulting her. She has never felt close with her mother-in-law, who she feels is intrusive and gives unsolicited advice.

As is the case with many mother-in-law and daughter in law relationships, Felicia feels like she has to walk on egg shells around Erik’s mother, Karen. Their relationship is very complicated and has been a touchy topic throughout Felicia and Erik’s ten-year marriage. Felicia feels that Erik gets defensive when she brings up her feelings about wanting to set boundaries with his mother.


Felicia put it like this, “I told Erik when we were engaged that I’m a private person and that I was worried that I would clash with his mother who has no filter. When she visits, she often gives me advice about how to raise our two young children and I resent it. It makes me feel that she is judging me. Erik had no right to invite her to stay with us for two weeks without checking with me.”
Erik responds, “My father died last year and my mother just sold our family home. She’s getting ready to move into a retirement village and needs a place to stay while the escrow closes. When she asked if she could stay with us, I didn’t have the heart to say no. I realize that I should have checked with Felicia first but she won’t let go of her resentment about it and it’s destroying our marriage.”


Truth be told, many mistakes are not intentional, so it is best not to make them into something they’re not. One of the biggest problems with ongoing resentment in a relationship is that it often leads to withdrawal and poor communication. And if you are bottling up feelings of anger, sadness, or disappointment often, this can lead to feelings of resentment.
If your resentment toward your partner is persistent, it can cause you to hold a grudge, which is usually deep seated and often the result of an injury or insult that has occurred. People hold grudges due to both real and fancied wrong doing. Either way, the bitterness that comes with a grudge – even if understandable – comes with a price because it can lead to emotional distance between partners.

5 Ways to Let Go of Resentment Toward Your Partner

1. Write down three ways your hurt feelings have impacted (or are still impacting) your life. Gain awareness of the emotions you experience about your past hurt. Talking to a close friend or therapist can help facilitate this process.
2. Find a way to dislodge yourself from negative emotions. Examples include therapy, yoga, improving your physical health, and practicing expressing thoughts, feelings, and wishes in a respectful way. Resentment can build when people sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don’t bury negative feelings.
3. Take small steps to let go of grudges or grievances. Repair the damage by finding ways to soothe hurt feelings. This might include writing a letter or release to the person who injured you – even if you don’t mail it. Your letter might read something like: “I release you from the pain you caused me when we used to argue.”
4. Don’t let wounds fester. Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about holding on to hurt feelings. Processing what happened briefly will allow you to let resentments go so you can move on to a healthier relationship. Keep the big picture in mind.
5. Accept that people do the best they can and attempt to be more understanding. This does not mean that you condone the hurtful actions of others. You simply come to a more realistic view of your past. As you take stock, you will realize that all people operate out of the same basic drives, including self-interest.

Studies show that letting resentment fester can lead to depression, anxiety, and also a variety of health problems such as cardiovascular disease, immune system problems, and put you at a higher risk of stroke. In Felicia’s case, her resentment was causing emotional distance and bitterness between her and her husband Erik. Even though Erik apologized for his ack of thoughtfulness when he invited his mother for a long visit, Felicia was unable to forgive him.

Rather than holding on to resentment, it’s a good idea to practice forgiveness. Do your best to listen to your partner’s side of the story, and avoid blaming or criticizing him or her when you confront them with your concerns. Apologizing and granting forgiveness are about giving yourself and your partner the kind of future you and they deserve. It is about choosing to live a life wherein others don’t have power over you and you’re not dominated by unresolved anger, bitterness, and resentment

 

[RiverOL]

The Easy Life: How Work, Rest, and Meaning Intertwine​

We went on vacation recently and it was wonderful. Work has been pretty busy and pretty intense lately. We love what we get to do, but it sometimes feels overwhelming. The pressure gets weighty, even though it is mostly a pressure we put on ourselves. The expectations and deadlines loom and swirl. It is so nice to get to take a break, to relax and breathe a little slower.
There is a reason tourism is one of the highest sources of income for most municipalities. Whether it be a country or a city, people love to visit things. They love to get away.


All of this is nice and lovely, but it can be dangerous too.
Like most people, we found ourselves imagining retirement. We talked about what we would do and how we would just rest forever. I think we all sometimes dream about retirement as this kind of eternal vacation. A time when we just take it easy. We are free of the worry and work of life. Extreme comfort. A never-ending vacation.

The Meaning of Work​

We are back home now and I am currently working. I hope most people feel this way, though I am not sure they do: I love coming home from vacation about as much as I love getting away. We adore our lives in Brooklyn. And, with all of its challenges, we enjoy our work.

I am not sure retirement is going to be the haven I imagine. Life needs meaning. And comfort is not the same as meaning. The thing that usually comes with that sense of stress and worry is a sense of purpose. We are worried because we are taking risks. We are stressed because we are doing something that matters. We are tired because we are working very hard at it.


Obviously, this is not true of everyone. A lot of people are just working to work. They might retire and prefer it. But they will probably just rest to rest. It won’t really mean any more or less than their working times. If we are worried and stressed for no reason, the reprieve of retirement is certainly preferable. But not ideal.
Retirement (or vacations, or rest) can become a sort of numbing. Its value is not in and of itself but in the absence of what was numbing us before. We replace one numbing agent with another. And that is not really the same thing as rest.

A Matter of Perspective​

One of the things that most annoys me about living in New York is when people talk about how terrible life in the city must be. How they could not possibly live in a place like New York. I get what people are saying and I know they mean well. But if you cannot live somewhere, that says more about you as a person than it does anything about the inherent value of the place. I really think Kylie and I could live anywhere. We love nature and we love the city. We love crowds and we love privacy. We love the challenge of being around lots of diverse perspectives and the comfort of being around like-minded people. There is value in it all.



The same is true about work and rest. There is value in work. Value in rest. The key to a happy and meaningful life is not finding the easy road. It is not freeing oneself from stress. It is about finding a proper perspective. One that repurposes our stress for what it is – a desire for meaning and a byproduct of that pursuit.
Life is not meant to be easy. It is meant to be meaningful. And to achieve a meaningful life, we need to rest. We need to play. And we need to work. The key to it all is the perspective we choose along the way.

 

[RiverOL]

5 ways to instantly improve communication in your marriage​

I recently sat down with a couple who is struggling through some miscommunication in their marriage. They love each other, and they have a strong relationship, but their communication in marriage seems to be stuck in a dysfunctional cycle of misunderstanding and frustration. Their struggle is a common one. Miscommunication is at the core of many marriage problems, and when a couple improves their communication, they’ll usually improve the overall health of their marriage at the same time.



I gave this couple some tips that I’ve learned along the way from some of the healthiest and happiest couples on the planet. I believe that if you’ll apply these five communication tools in your own marriage, you’ll see some instant improvements.
In no particular order…
1.In disagreements, remember that there won’t be a “WINNER” and a “LOSER.”
In marriage, disagreements are inevitable, but fighting is optional. Couples shouldn’t fight because a “fight” has a winner and a loser, but in marriage, you’re always on the same time so you’ll either win together or lose together. In disagreements, move forward with mutual respect to find a solution where you can win together.
2. When your spouse is sharing with you, ask, “Do you want me to LISTEN and offer SUPPORT or listen and offer ADVICE?”
Especially for my fellow husbands, we tend to want to “fix” every struggle our wife shares, but sometimes we just need to listen and offer support and encouragement instead of a 12-step action plan for “fixing” the problem. Your spouse usually needs your encouragement and support more than he/she needs your advice. When you ask these clarifying questions up front, it can help you both gain more for the conversation and avoid mutual frustration.



3. Answer the PHONE when your spouse is calling and try to stay off your phone when your spouse is with you.
Our smart phones are powerful tools for staying connected, BUT they can also be powerful distractions that harm communication in marriage. When your spouse calls, do everything you can to answer. It’s a simple way to show him/her their place of priority in your schedule. When you’re together with your spouse, do all you can to stay off the devices so you can focus on each other.
4. Take the “SECRET-FREE Guarantee.”
The healthiest marriages are completely honest, transparent and vulnerable in their communication with each other. They don’t keep secrets from each other and they don’t tell lies. There are no hidden passwords, purchases or pursuits. If you’re keeping secrets in your marriage, please come clean. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy in marriage.



5. Be each other’s biggest ENCOURAGER; NOT the biggest CRITIC.
Your marriage should be a safe refuge where you both gain encouragement from each other and not constant criticism. If the tone of your communication is characterized by nagging, correcting, complaining, criticizing or any other form of negativity, then a toxic environment is being creative. Speak life to each other. Build each other up, and don’t tear each other down. Be the one who wipes away your spouse’s tears; not the one who causes them.

 

[RiverOL]

Is Our Suffering Pointless?​

Perhaps the greatest test of whether we believe Romans 8:28—“In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”—is to identify the very worst things that have happened to us, then ask if we believe that in the end God will somehow use them for our good.


Fold a paper in half. Then write on the top half the worst things that have happened to you and on the bottom half the best.
Invariably, if you’ve lived long enough, if enough time has passed since some of those “worst things” happened to you, then you’ll almost certainly find an overlap. Experiences labeled as the worst things that ever happened, over time become some of the best. That’s because God uses the painful, difficult experiences of life for our ultimate good.

How is this possible? Because God is both loving and sovereign. Our lists provide persuasive proof that while evil and suffering are not good, God can use them to accomplish immeasurable good. This knowledge should give us great confidence that even when we don’t see any redemptive meaning in our suffering, God can see it—and one day we will too. Therefore, we need not run from suffering or lose hope if God doesn’t remove it. We can trust that God has a purpose for whatever He permits.


For more related to the subject of suffering, see Randy’s book If God Is Good, as well as the devotional 90 Days of God’s Goodness and book The Goodness of God.

 

[RiverOL]

4 Characteristics of a Good and Faithful Servant​

What does Jesus mean by calling some, “Good and faithful servant?” Who is a faithful servant?

Faithful​

What believer doesn’t long for the day when Jesus will say to them, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master” (Matt 25:23). This is opposed to those who wouldn’t even invest in what God had entrusted to them (Matt 25:24-27), but what does it mean to be a faithful servant. Jesus doesn’t say “good and gifted servant,” or “good and skilled servant.”

It is being faithful where He puts the emphasis, so what does it mean to be faithful, particularly a faithful servant of Christ? You don’t have to look far to find out what we are commanded do (Matt 25:35-36; James 1:27). In fact, God has preordained good works for you do to, if you and I would only walk in (or do) them (Eph 2:10). Being faithful is going where and when one’s needed. Ninety-percent of serving is just showing up, so being faithful means being available.

One person that doesn’t show up is one person who won’t serve. That means more for someone else to do, so just showing up is essential to being a faithful servant. If you think what you are doing is insignificant, don’t miss the fact that Jesus said that if “You have been faithful over a little,” He “will set you over much,” so you might “Enter into the joy of your master” (Matt 25:23). Your faithfulness doesn’t depend on how little or how much you have, but what you do with it. Are you faithful in showing up and in using what you have been given by God?

Available​

If we make ourselves available, we’ll be more faithful, but the world competes with our time and resources. It’s a battle of the flesh verses the Spirit. It is just as the Apostle Paul wrote, “For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate” (Rom 7:15), and as a result, “I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” (Rom 7:19).

God often places opportunities to serve or share Christ, but sometimes we are thinking of ourselves too much and fear rejection. Let’s face it. We all like to be liked, but that’s not what we’re called to. We are called to share Christ, and serve Christ by doing unto others, which Jesus’ takes personally (Matt 25:40). The day will come when “each of us will give an account of himself to God” (Rom 14:12). For some that will be a day of rejoicing, but apparently, for some, it will be a day of shame, as they knew they were negligent in their calling, doing little or nothing for Christ.

The Apostle John wrote in that context, saying, “And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming” (1 John 2:28). If you are abiding in Christ, you will be available for Christ. Abiding in Christ produces fruits of the Spirit, and Jesus said that it is “By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples” (John 15:8). It’s not so much ability as it is availability. I believe 90% of being a faithful servant is simply being available!

Teachable​

One way to look at being faithful is to be abiding in Jesus’ words, and those words are found in Scripture. The more we read the Bible, the more it reads us, and shows us where we come up short, but it also shows us ways we can be more faithful, and that’s our desire; to be good and faithful servant. One aspect of being a faithful servant is sitting at the Master’s feet and learning from Him, and that means reading His book, the Bible.

This book helps us to yield to the Spirit more easily. The Bible helps us grow in holiness (sanctification), teaches us how to witness, and it reveals who are Jesus’ disciples (John 13:34-35). A faithful servant learns from the Master, so more time spent with the Master and His Word, the more you will naturally want to serve Christ (Matt 25:35-36, 40). A person who has their portion of His daily Bread will recognize serving opportunities when they see them, having seen dozens in Scripture.

Flexible​

Your best friends, relatives, or spouse are generally the only ones you’d wouldn’t worry about calling at three in the mourning if their car broke down. There’s probably on a handful of people that most of us could call at that hour and ask for help, but that’s what separates the faithful ones from those who are only friends when it’s smooth sailing. When the waters get rough, many will bail out on us, but the faithful ones will not. It seems that the hardest times reveal who is and who is not closest to us. Scripture teaches us that “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Prov 17:17), even if that adversity comes at three in the morning.

One thing about helping out was in a case where a nursery worker called in sick and so they asked the congregation if someone would be willing to lend a hand to the nursery worker assistant. I realize that there is no gift for emptying diaper pails, changing diapers, and feeding babies, but not one person offered to help, even though they only needed them for half an hour. That is until my wife stepped up. She was faithful, making herself available, and was flexible in serving where she could.

Conclusion​

Today is closer than yesterday to the day when Jesus will say to some, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master” (Matt 25:23)? Notice that Jesus doesn’t emphasize what is being done, or how much a person has, but what they’ve done with what they’ve been given. The widow’s mite was the greatest of all giving that day. I believe that Jesus will say well done, good and faithful servant for being faithful in the things that He command us to do, and those things are revealed in Scripture (i.e. Matt 25:35-36, 28:19-20;James 1:27, etc.). He will see this being done to others, by in reality, it is being done unto Him (Matt 25:40). Having done nothing for Him is a serious problem (Matt 25:40), but that’s the point. We do it for Him, and we do it to Him, and we do it for His glory (Psalm 115:1; John 15:8).

Jesus is looking for those who will be faithful; who will make themselves available, those who will be open and remain teachable, and to be flexible in whatever situation God has placed them in. I worked as a janitor for seven years, and nothing is below our dignity if we do it as unto the Lord. There is no trivial servant who has so little that he or she could still not be faithful. Perhaps someday, maybe soon (?), you and I will hear Jesus say, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master” (Matt 25:23).

 

[RiverOL]

Why Believe?​

At the age of twenty I had a decision to make. I’d reached the end of the road with the faith of my childhood, which was inherited rather than forged. I was a devout young man, praying two hours a day in the hope that the touch-paper of spiritual experience might be lit, but after months of gruelling effort I’d hit rock bottom. My search had come to nothing, and I felt frustrated and let down. I’d heard that God is love, but had only felt that love on one occasion; I’d heard that he is a friend who sticks closer than a brother, but I’d never heard his voice. I turned to God with fire in my eyes:



“God! Knowing you should be the most amazing, absorbing, satisfying experience, but after all this effort I’m just bored and depressed. The way I see it, it’s my job to seek you and your job to bless me, but you’re not keeping up your side of the bargain.”

I waited, cringing, for the lightning bolt, but nothing came, and over the course of the next few days, I was taken by a quiet knowing – if I wanted to have a greater experience of faith, I should go to those who enjoyed their relationship with God, and who spoke of knowing his presence as if it were a lived experience. I acted on this, and that moment of raw feeling and honesty with God was the first step on a journey that has led to the rich spiritual life I enjoy today. It turns out that God can handle angry words and even rough speech, when the intention comes from faith. He is no snowflake. Did not Jacob wrestle with the Lord, refusing to let him go till he’d received a blessing? God appreciates that kind of faith, because it takes him seriously.

Over the next few years, my spiritual experience increased and deepened, with significant moments of breakthrough and growth. God answered my prayer more abundantly than I ever dared to dream, but if he hadn’t, that would almost certainly have been the end of faith for me. The reason for believing, then, begins with the fact that God exists – otherwise, how could prayer be answered?



In the twenty-six years since that moment of faith, God has answered many more prayers – some for provision, others for healing, more for wisdom. In all that time, and in many challenging circumstances, he has never let me down. When you’ve laid hands on a person and seen them miraculously healed, it becomes difficult to question the existence of the Healer. When your back is against the wall financially and provision comes out of nowhere to meet your need, it is hard to deny the faithfulness of the Provider. When you pray and are saturated by life-changing love, it is difficult to deny the presence of the Almighty, or that he is loving.

The presence of God changes me, as it changes all of us. It softens us, brings compassion, frees us from the pitfalls of judgement and self-righteousness, and leads us to service. It is not enough, then, to paddle in the shallows; we must take the plunge. It is not enough to explore the peripheries of divine love; we must get so lost in God that we can’t find our way out. That is how I try to live – saturated by the presence and love of God, and it is a tangible, transformative reality. I am fortunate, in a way, to know the contrast between the empty experience of untested religion and the felt abundance of divine love. The two could not be more different.



It feels entirely odd, as a result, when people tell me God doesn’t exist, or assume that people of faith are lying to comfort themselves. Telling me God doesn’t exist, and is not love, is like telling me water isn’t wet. The life of faith is a journey, rather than a static state. It is not inert. Discipleship requires sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and the willingness to follow his leading, but its fundamental nature is change. It is difficult after so much transformation to find grounds to question its legitimacy, especially when the changes wrought have benefited me and those I love.

And so I believe. Not from some inherited, theological position, but from a place of experience. I believe because God has always shown me love, and has always proved himself faithful. Hebrews 11:6,

‘But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.’

What about you? Do you believe, and if so, why? If you don’t, why not? If you want to move from one position to the other, what can you do to take steps on that journey?

 

[RiverOL]

What a mess, Julia thought as she walked into the kitchen and saw all the dishes. Then she remembered the special computerized glasses her dad had given her and told her to wear.

“They’ll help you see life differently,” he’d told her.

She pulled them out of her pocket and put them on. The words “opportunity to serve” flashed across the screen. Were these dishes really an opportunity for her to serve her family?

---

Julia blinked back the tears. Her friend’s words stung. Julia felt anger at the injustice rising in her heart. She pulled out her glasses. “Opportunity to love” flashed across the screen. Could her friend’s insensitivity and lies actually be an opportunity for her to grow in love?

---

For the third time that day, Julia rolled the bandage around her ankle. This sprained ankle had totally ruined all of her plans. She had a tennis practice and a game Saturday—or at least she did before this. The game meant so much to her, but now she wouldn’t be able to go.

Julia moped around the house for a day before she remembered her glasses. When she put them on and looked at her ankle, the words “opportunity to trust” flashed across the screen. Could even this ankle be an opportunity rather than an obstacle?

Little by little, Julia’s glasses changed how she saw the world and how she lived. She discovered that the very things she often complained about were really opportunities in disguise.

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 (ESV)

 

[RiverOL]

Living in the Tension​ [ 1 min read ★ ]

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth—Colossians 3:2​

You can’t be successful in life without compromising. That’s a lie. You can’t get ahead without adopting the values of the places where you live and where you work. That’s not true. Now, there’s tension, of course. Our cities, our workplaces are part of the world, and the ruler of this world is the enemy (John 12:31, John 14:30, 1 John 5:19). That’s why arrogance, greed, and materialism often characterize these places and bring admiration and status, recognition and promotion. There’s tension because, while the enemy may rule the world—for now—he doesn’t rule us (Colossians 1:13). The one who rules us stands for humility, generosity, and love. The lie is that we should try to ease this tension—that we should, by compromising, try to make things easier on ourselves. It’s from the enemy. It’s one he uses often: “Go ahead. It's just the way things work in the real world.” “You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to compete . . . to survive.” “Relax. Everybody does it.” But we’re “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession” (1 Peter 2:9). To be that is to live in the tension. You see, we’re sent “into the world,” but we mustn’t be “of the world” (John 17:14-19). When we’re willing to live in the tension, and only then, can this broken world feel the full weight of who we really are—who God intends us to be, with him.

Okay, so what do we do?​ This week, when you walk into any situation—into work in the morning; into conversations with colleagues; into the schools your kids attend; into a restaurant with friends—declare ahead of time, in prayer, that you’re bringing the Kingdom of Jesus with you. Then act like it.

 

[RiverOL]

The Joseph Principle – You Are Not Just an Ordinary Joe
​

Every man is like Joseph in more ways than we can imagine. Ordinary or not, your life is about to change. This is what I call the Joseph Principle. When you come to understand this principle, you willbe required to repent of your sins. But it isn’t only the obvious sins of lying, cheating, and stealing that you need to repent of. Sometimes you need to repent of more subtle sins, things that aren’t obviously bad, things that sometimes seem to be good.

Just an Ordinary Joe​

Once you understand the Joseph Principle you will have to repent of being too convinced that you are just and ordinary man and have no particularly important part to play in God’s plan for creation.
Joseph was an ordinary guy, from an ordinary family, living in an ordinary town, with an ordinary job. And God chose Joseph to be the earthly father to his Son. God chose Joseph to be provider and protector, teacher and guide for Jesus as he was growing up. God chose Joseph for a supporting-cast role that was tremendously important.

Have you ever been convinced that you are too ordinary for God to use in any particularly important purpose? Have you ever doubted the influence that you have on your children or your friends? You never know, your influence might be key in shaping someone for God’s purpose for them. Have you ever reached out to someone in need, someone you didn’t know and you never saw again, and then doubted that it really made any difference in the long run? You never know, that one conversation, that one experience of compassion from a stranger might turn out to be a turning point in that person’s personal journey. Or, it might turn out to be a turning point in yours.

Plan it out​

Once you get the Joseph Principle, you will have to repent of being too convinced that you are just an ordinary man and have no particularly important part to play in God’s plan for creation. And then you will have to repent of having your life too well-planned. Planning is a good thing. Goal-setting is a good thing. But if our own plans begin to stand in the way of God’s plans for us, then we have begun to move from prudence and responsibility to idolatry.

Joseph was in the midst of planning for the future he expected when God confronted him with a future he did not expect. Joseph’s plans had to be laid aside. Long-term planning gave way to living year-by-year, day-by-day according to God’s grace and guidance, never quite knowing what danger to his family might come next.
Yes, sometimes you will have to repent of having your life too well-planned.

We have always done it like this!​

When you understand the Joseph Principle, you will be confronted with the surprising actions of God. And when that happens, you will have to repent of doing things the way they have always been done and thinking that faithfulness to God and family is always obvious.


You see, when Joseph found out that the woman betrothed to him was expecting a child, Joseph knew the right thing to do. He was a righteous man, after all, and a kind one. He knew that the right thing to do was to divorce Mary, and to do it quietly so that he might not add to the attention and shame that she was already experiencing. Joseph knew the law. Surely this was the right thing to do to be faithful to his God and to his family.
Well, in this case, it wasn’t. In this case, Joseph found out that being faithful to God meant doing something entirely different from what at first seemed obviously right.

The Right Thing to Do​

Once you get the Joseph Principle you will have to repent of being too careful in being proper and thinking that gaining the respect of your peers is always a natural consequence of faithfulness to God.
Again, Joseph knew the right thing to do, the proper thing to do, the thing which would maintain his good standing in the eyes of his community. But Joseph was wrong. In this case, it turned out that faithfulness to God required Joseph to violate the customs of his culture. In this case, faithfulness to God required acting against conventional propriety and risking the loss of the respect of his peers.

I Don’t Think So!​

Finally, when you get the Joseph Principle, you will have to repent of having perfectly reasonable expectations that are too low.
Joseph didn’t expect anything particularly out of the ordinary to happen in his life. He was familiar with the circumstances of his life. It was perfectly reasonable for him to expect to get married, settle down, have children, work hard in his craft, and grow old in the same town in which he grew up. It is likely that that is what his father did, and his father before him, and his father before him. Perfectly reasonable.

But God had other plans. Plans which were utterly unimaginable and beyond any reasonable expectation. God had plans that were downright impossible! Plans that called for a small-town carpenter to leave everything he had ever known to care for and protect a newborn baby with an earth-shattering mission.
Sometimes we have to repent of perfectly reasonable expectations that are too low.
Praise to the God who is able to do far more than all we can ask or imagine. Amen.

Now go, and be a man!

 

[RiverOL]

Why The Fear Of God Is The Beginning Of Wisdom​

There is a misconception about the fear of God, but that’s where true wisdom begins.

Fearing God​

Fear is not always bad. It keeps us alive, it keeps us from hurting ourselves, it keeps us from hurting others, fear makes us take our children or ourselves to the doctor, and it can even keep us from getting food poisoning if something doesn’t smell right. Fear keeps former alcoholics away from social gatherings where alcohol may be served, so fear has kept people alive and out of trouble, but it can also become debilitating if it’s an irrational fear, however the fear of God is not this kind of fear. It’s not the fear of being struck dead or cast into hell because God gives us a choice. Jesus said, “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him” (John 3:36). If you reject Christ as your one and only hope, then you have every reason to fear. Jesus said we should “not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matt 10:28). For believers, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love” (1 John 4:18). Believers fear God, but it’s not the fear of judgment. Their sins were placed upon Christ. This fear is a deep, holy, reverential fear and respect for God and His Word. Fearing God means we obey God and His Word. That is the fear of the Lord, and that is where wisdom begins.


The fear of the Lord is having a deep, holy, reverential fear and respect for God and His Word.

Seeking Wisdom​

To have wisdom is to the ability to think and act using past knowledge and life’s experiences, and then understanding how these two relate. Wisdom is having a common sense and insight that only time, experience, and education can bring. Based upon this, we can act with confidence in making choices or decisions, and knowing when it is best to avoid certain situations. Most people gain wisdom the hard way…by making mistakes, but these are often the best teachers. If you’re faced with an important decision, then pray to God and ask Him for godly wisdom. James tells us that “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5). Scripture is full of wisdom. Moses wrote that we are to “Keep them and do them, for that will be your wisdom and your understanding in the sight of the peoples” (Deut 4:6a).

Wisdom​

In dozens of places, Scripture tells us that ”The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (Prov 1:7a), so “the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding” (Prov 2:6). You will not find such wisdom in the world. In fact, “the wisdom of this world is folly with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their craftiness” (1 Cor 1:26). Knowing that true wisdom begins with the fear of God, and then praying for and seeking after wisdom, we can say, “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding” (Prov 3:13). Wisdom doesn’t come with Ph.D.’s but “with the humble is wisdom” (Prov 11:2). If you are seeking godly wisdom, you can do a case study in the wisdom literature. For example, the Book of Proverb and the Book of James is full of godly wisdom.

Holy, Holy, Holy​

When Isaiah the Prophet had a vision, he “saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple” (Isaiah 6:1), and “Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew” (Isaiah 6:2). Each of these seraphim called to one another, saying, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory” (Isaiah 6:3b).

It was after this that “the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts” (Isaiah 6:4-5)! What was Isaiah’s reaction? Remember that Isaiah was one of the godliest men on the planet and perhaps Israel’s greatest prophet (save for Christ), and yet he regarded himself as a “man of unclean lips.”

If Isaiah, a holy man of God and a prophet of God could not stand before a holy God, how do we expect to!? Isaiah knew what it was like to fear God, but when he had his encounter with the Living God, he declared, “I’m done,” or basically, “I’m toast.” Who can stand before God….none but those who have repented and trusted in Christ (2 Cor 5:21). It was only after one of the seraphim’s came and took a coal from the altar and touched Isaiah’s lips that Isaiah’s guilt was taken away and his sin was atoned for. This is a foretaste of our salvation, as it requires a sovereign act of God (Eph 2:1-7).

Conclusion​

Unless we receive the very righteousness of Christ, we cannot stand before God. The Day of Judgment will come for all. For those of us who have trusted in Christ, “God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ” (I Thess 5:9), Who Himself “died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him” (1 Thess 5:10). If you have heard the gospel of repentance and faith (Mark 1:14-15) and rejected it time and again, I am sad to say that it is “because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed” (Rom2:5), so I pray that you trust in Christ today…while it is still called “today,” and while He can still hear your voice (Prov 27:1; 2 Cor 6:2; Heb 3:15; James 4:13).

 

[RiverOL]

The Contentment Cycle
​

The two of us are long time friends who chat regularly. In recent months, our conversations have focused on what it means to be content during this season of isolation and restriction. Over the course of our lives, contentment has often flowed easily. We have both been fortunate to have loving families, deep friendships, fruitful ministries, and adventures galore. But at other times, contentment has proven to be frustratingly elusive.

Almost nigh impossible. Besides the general aches and pains of life, one of us (Leighton) has buried a son while the other (Alec) nearly lost a daughter and has suffered through two cancers. And, like everyone, we are experiencing ongoing frustrations related to the pandemic. In his letter to the Philippians, the apostle Paul addressed this subject head-on. Rotting in a dank Roman jail, he claimed to have “learned the secret” of “being content whatever the circumstances.”

The term Paul used about learning is intriguing. It was utilized by the pagan mystery cults about initiating new members. In other words, contentment doesn’t just happen. There is a process of being initiated and learning! Through experience – including being a prisoner – Paul was discovering contentment. Assuming that Paul wasn’t blowing triumphal smoke, his promise of emotional equilibrium “in any and every situation… whether living in plenty or in want” is most appealing. Even when life disappoints, we can find contentment. Not necessarily happiness, but a place of equanimity and repose.


What exactly was Paul’s secret? And how did he learn it? We label this process of initiation “The “Contentment Cycle.” It is an oft repeated sequence consisting of four steps.

Step 1: Expectations Set

We all set expectations. As parents, we lay out behavior standards for our kids. As supervisors, we establish performance goals for our staff. As a mentor, Leighton encourages young leaders to aim for growth in every aspect of their lives. As a consultant, Alec challenges organizations to improve. Most of us set financial goals, envision levels of physical fitness, create reading lists, and organize vacations. Of course, if our expectations are unworthy (such as harming an annoying neighbor), we can create sour fruit. But in such cases, the problem is not in planning but in the outcome sought. Paul certainly loved to dream big. A bold personality, late in life he set himself the grand goal of planting churches in the western half of the Roman empire (even labeling it “my ambition.”)
Step 2: Expectations Disappointed


Sadly, in a broken world, our best plans often get quashed. This is particularly true during a pandemic. Over the past several months, the list of Covid-19 dream-killers feels endless – income lost, schools unattended, and promotions missed. Weddings, funerals, and vacations cancelled (or radically adjusted). Mo Gawdat, a senior leader at Google, labels these frustrations “the expectation gap.” Such gaps capture the dissonance between our optimistic hopes, on the one hand, and the harsh realities we often face, on the other. The wider the chasm, the greater our sense of discontentment. Paul deeply experienced this sense of loss. Rather than traveling to Spain to carry out his life’s calling, he was unjustly imprisoned in a Roman hole. It is easy to imagine his frustration at this injustice. Aware of his limited remaining time on earth, he chaffed at being involuntarily restrained (as is hinted by his four references to “chains” in Philippians 1).

Contentment may also elude us when we get caught up in unhealthy expectations. A friend of ours was invited to speak at a high-level conference in Aspen, Colorado. Checking in, he was assigned a luxurious room with fine furnishings and breathtaking views. He felt very special until he took a walk up the mountain and came to a row of large condos which made his single room look ordinary. Still further uphill he came to a magnificent private mansion which made even the condos look puny. His contentment decreased “with every step up I took up the hill!”


Step 3: Expectations Surrendered

This is the crucial – and most difficult – step in the cycle. Rather than emotionally shutting down post-disappointment – or simply growing bitter – we learn to release our original expectations. Often this includes both lament (for hopes dashed) and repentance (for a sense of privilege). When Paul wrote about learning to be content, he used a surprising word. It literally can be translated as being self-sufficient. But this is not what columnist David Brooks describes as the “hyper-individualism of the current moment.”

Rather Paul described inner resources which do not depend on outward circumstances. Paul’s secret was to empty himself of all entitlements. Traveling west? Held lightly. Visiting the church in Rome? Hoped it would happen. Living to an old age? Perhaps. A bull of man with a strong internal will, this certainly didn’t come naturally. But by seeing Jesus as his master and himself as his slave, he learned to let go of his own agenda. Through gritty self-denial, he gained the perspective of “not my will but yours be done.” Such surrender does not come easily.

Friedrich Nietzsche actually scorned it as being weak and unworthy. But when forces beyond our control intervene – whether ill-health, recessions, or Covid-19 – we are foolish to assume that we can chase them away through mere will power. Paul encourages us to humbly cast our plans into the hands of a reliable and good master – “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” To be content, however, is not to be passive. It is not mere acquiescence. It is a choice we make based on our trust in Christ.

Neither does it imply the acceptance of what is wrong. There is a time not to be content. Our Lord himself expressed holy discord: “I have come to set fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! I have a baptism to undergo, and how hampered I am until the ordeal is over!” (Luke 12:49) Certainly, we cannot be totally content while children starve, fellow believers are persecuted, the gospel goes unshared, and people of color are marginalized. Like Paul, we should have Christ’s strength for ourselves, and a refusal to accept the status quo for others. As Russian philosopher Nikolai Berdyaev reflected: “Bread for myself is a material problem. Bread for other people is a spiritual problem.”


Step 4: Expectations Recalibrated

The final step is to reassess our situation. Often, this is very difficult to do since it involves redefining hopes and plans. For example, how should an 18 year old move forward after receiving a rejection letter from her priority college? How should a patient diagnosed with chronic arthritis adjust to new physical limitations? How should a pastor released by his church approach the future? Or, more simply, during the isolation of a pandemic, how can we do an inventory on what we can do without? And what we can do with what we have? Paul faced his crisis head on.

Rather than getting lost in self-pity, he redirected his focus from Spain to his prison guards. What a remarkable recalibration! Though the scope of his plans had shrunk from half a continent to a mere handful of soldiers, he accepted his new reality and moved on. He wrote: “What has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard.” Amazingly, Paul’s letter to the Philippians contains not a single word of complaint. Rather, he uses the word “rejoice” six times, “joy” five times, and “thanks” thrice. This outcome did not come simply or without personal cost. No doubt, he labored to submit, recalibrate, and identify new aspirations.


Paul found contentment despite dire circumstances. And so did John Stott, a leader we both knew and who was famed for his ministry both in the heart of London and around the world. Near the end of his life and not in good health, he was living in a retirement home for elderly clergy. One of his former assistants asked if he was happy in his restricted quarters. “No,” he replied. “I am not happy. But I am learning to be content.” It is our ambition so to learn!

 

[RiverOL]

5 bad habits that can lead to infidelity​

I recently sat down with a young husband in my office and he began to tell me a story about how he had been caught by his wife after he’d had some very inappropriate and sexually explicit text message exchanges with a woman at his workplace. His wife had sensed something was going on, because he has been subconsciously pulling away from his wife emotionally and physically as he was giving more and more thought to this other woman. (For more on this, check out my post on 7 signs you’re having an “emotional affair” by clicking here.)


In this particular instance, no physical/sexual lines were crossed before the emotional affair came to light, but even still, great damage had already been done to the marriage. Like so many couples, they have found themselves in a place they never expected to be and now they’re starting the process of rebuilding trust and trying to restore their relationship.

My conversation with him got me thinking about the mistakes people commonly make which can often lead to adultery. Below I’m going to list out five warning signs I’ve seen often. These aren’t specifically related to an inappropriate relationship with someone that could lead to adultery, BUT these actions seem to create a mindset in your marriage where adultery is much more likely to happen.
In addition to avoiding these 5 warning signs below, for daily encouragement for your marriage, a library of marriage ebooks and some stellar communication tools to keep you and your spouse connected download our new Marriage App from iTunes by clicking here.



Five bad habits that can lead to infidelity (in no particular order):
1. Criticizing your spouse in public, in private or online.
Criticism, nagging, or constantly “correcting” your spouse can make both you and your spouse more vulnerable to an affair. When you look at your spouse with a critical eye, you’re more likely to have your eyes open to someone else and your spouse is more likely to be drawn in by someone who will compliment them instead of criticizing. If there’s a climate of criticism in your marriage, take immediate action to change it.
2. Lack of physical affection.
If you and your spouse aren’t hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc., that’s a big warning sign. Frequent sexual intimacy is obviously important as well, but these smaller acts of everyday physical touch are so important to the physical and emotional connectedness that keep a husband and wife bonded. If your marriage is lacking in this area, start initiating physical contact. If your spouse doesn’t receive your advances with warmth, start conversations about the reasons why there’s a disconnect.
For tips and tools to help you build a stronger marriage and family, download a FREE chapter from my new book “The 7 Laws of Love” by clicking here.



3. Surrounding yourself with friends who don’t know (or don’t like) your spouse.
I’m convinced that one of the biggest factors that lead people into affairs is the friends they choose to hang around. This might sound surprising to you, but I’ve seen it play out over and over. In most (not all) cases of adultery, the spouse who had the affair had also been spending time with friends or co-workers who don’t encourage marital faithfulness. Surround yourself with friends who strengthen your character and remove yourself from those who attempt to compromise your character.

4. Believing your way is always the right way or the only way.


When you start disrespecting your spouse by belittling his/her viewpoints, you’re opening the door for infidelity. Show mutual respect at all times. Respect and thoughtfulness aren’t just good tools for preventing adultery; they vital to health in every part of your marriage.


5. Keeping secrets from your spouse.
Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. The moment you start deleting text messages, hiding things or doing anything you hope your spouse doesn’t find out about, you’re already way out of line! If you want your marriage to thrive and be protected from adultery, make the “Secret-Free Guarantee.” Never keep secrets and never tell lies to your spouse. Full and transparent honesty is the only way a marriage can work.

 

[RiverOL]

Suffering Is No Accident​

I write this on the one-month anniversary of Nanci’s homegoing. Strange to think that our true home is a place we’ve never been. Paul said, “I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far” (Philippians 1:23). Yet our eternal home will be on the New Earth where “no longer will there be any curse” and “The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him” (Revelation 22:3).
Nanci was my beloved wife for 47 years and my best friend for 54 (we met at age 14 and never dated anyone else since). I recently shared this with a group of men online (it applies to both husbands and wives):

Brothers, cling to your wife, and don’t let a day go by without telling her how much you love her and thank God for her. By God’s grace, I can honestly say I don’t look back at my marriage with regrets. Like all husbands, I have a stupid gene, and I said my share of stupid things. But I also repented, often asked Nanci’s forgiveness, and had the privilege of becoming her primary caregiver, keeping my vows “for better or for worse” and “till death do us part.”

In her journal, Nanci shared these insights:

Serving God in our suffering is not an assignment given to us by God; it is the natural outcome of the level of trust which has been supernaturally infused into us by God through our study of God. Knowing God causes us to have the perspective which ignites our hearts and controls our actions. But we, in our complacent hearts, often fail to study God. We have other priorities. We don’t feel the need. Then when suffering/trials arise, we are ill-equipped to understand (and therefore not able to gain more understanding) of the good purposes God has for us in it all.
Faith is trust in what you have come to know as true. Faith is not instant. Faith comes from study. Faith comes from testing what you believe to be true.

As I share in today’s blog (from 90 Days of God’s Goodness), we owe it to God, ourselves, and those around us to prepare for suffering. Part of that preparation is choosing to allow suffering to drive us deeper into God’s love.

Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.
Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears

and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
—Psalm 34:11–19, ESV

Many believe that suffering is never God’s will. But this Scripture tells us that it often is. And these verses affirm God’s faithfulness even as we suffer.
A young woman battling cancer wrote me, “I was surprised that when it happened, it was hard and it hurt and I was sad and I couldn’t find anything good or redeeming about my losses. I never expected that a Christian who had access to God could feel so empty and alone.”

Unfortunately, most of us don’t give focused thought to evil and suffering until we experience them. This forces us to formulate perspective on the fly, at a time when our thinking is muddled, and we’re exhausted and consumed by pressing issues. If you’ve been there, you’ll attest to the fact that it’s far better to think through suffering in advance.
Pastor James Montgomery Boice had a clear perspective. In May 2000, he stood before his Philadelphia church and explained that he’d been diagnosed with liver cancer:

Should you pray for a miracle? Well, you’re free to do that, of course. My general impression is that the God who is able to do miracles—and He certainly can—is also able to keep you from getting the problem in the first place. So although miracles do happen, they’re rare by definition.… Above all, I would say pray for the glory of God. If you think of God glorifying Himself in history and you say, where in all of history has God most glorified Himself? He did it at the cross of Jesus Christ, and it wasn’t by delivering Jesus from the cross, though He could have.…

God is in charge. When things like this come into our lives, they are not accidental. It’s not as if God somehow forgot what was going on, and something bad slipped by.… God is not only the one who is in charge; God is also good. Everything He does is good.… If God does something in your life, would you change it? If you’d change it, you’d make it worse. It wouldn’t be as good.

Eight weeks later, having taught his people first how to live and then how to die, Pastor Boice departed this world to “be with Christ, which is better by far” (Philippians 1:23).
Suffering will come; we owe it to God, ourselves, and those around us to prepare for it.
Lord, as I and those I love face hardship and suffering, give me that same sense of your grace and purpose that Pastor Boice enjoyed. Remind me that for those who bow their knees to you in repentance and faith, our present suffering will be replaced by the eternal pleasures of your presence, where joy will be the air we breathe.

 

[RiverOL]

What God’s Like​ [ 1 min read ★ ]

I believe; help my unbelief—Mark 9:24​

What should we believe about God? We’re told he’s big and powerful—so big and so powerful, in fact, he created . . . everything (Colossians 1:16). We’re told he sees everything and knows everything and can do anything (Isaiah 55:9; Hebrews 4:13; Ephesians 3:20). We’re told it’s always been so (Psalm 90:1-2). “‘I am the Alpha and the Omega,’ says the Lord God, ‘who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty’” (Revelation 1:8). We're also told, despite his size and power, he cares about each of us (Matthew 10:29-31); he loves us, no matter what, even to the point of laying down his life for ours (John 3:16); he wants to spend time with us and for us to know him (Revelation 3:20); and he protects and helps us and never wavers (2 Thessalonians 3:3). We should believe all that, but do we, really? Most of us, if we were honest, would confess much belief, but some unbelief too. That’s okay; God can handle it. As his followers, though, we can’t leave it there. We must seek to learn more about him. We must seek to reconcile our beliefs with who he says he is. You see, how we see him, what we believe about him, affects everything we do. The “most portentous fact about any man is not what he at a given time may say or do,” wrote A.W. Tozer, “but what he in his deep heart conceives God to be like.”

Okay, so what do we do?​ Search your heart and mind, rigorously and honestly. Identify areas of unbelief. Then, be bold. Bring them to God, in prayer. Ask for help. Ask him to teach you about himself. Ask him to help your unbelief.

 

[RiverOL]

This is the Most Missed Diagnosis & It Could be Destroying Your Marriage​

J



Are you fatigued and depressed? Are you gaining weight but losing your hair?
Is your marriage in shambles because in addition to everything else, your sex drive is missing in action?
You could be suffering from hypothyroidism.
Hypothyroidism affects millions of people worldwide, mostly women. Yet it’s one of the most unrecognized and misdiagnosed illnesses in the world.



It can make you think you’re losing your mind.
You’re grumpy and overwhelmed by simple tasks.
I wasn’t suicidal, but death didn’t sound bad. I was tired and had gained 40 pounds in a year.

Something was wrong.​

I asked my doc for a copy of my bloodwork. Then I asked for a referral.
He gave me attitude.
“Doctors are human, too,” he said, avoiding eye contact. He scratched out a script for the sixth antidepressant in four years. He had no problem prescribing antidepressants. But a referral? Out of the question.
I insisted.

“When a doctor sees you’re on antidepressants,” he lectured, “he’s not going to take you seriously. I mean, you’re on an antidepressant. We’re human.” He handed me the script and the referral and walked out of the room.
For years, I’d complained of:

• depression
• dry, brittle nails and heels
• hair loss
• weight gain
• insomnia
• achy joints
• fatigue

His explanation for the fatigue? Children.
His explanation for the weight gain? Age.
He handed me script after script for sleeping pills and anti-depressants.

If I hadn’t demanded a referral, I might’ve been dead, divorced or both by 50.​

I was that miserable. My marriage was slowly deteriorating, along with everything else in my life.
My doc, like so many others, didn’t connect the dots and realize I’d been complaining of common hypothyroidism symptoms. My bloodwork “said” my hormone levels were “within normal range,” so my doctor said my thyroid was okay.
Everyone has a hormone level that’s ideal for them. Just because I was “within normal range” didn’t mean everything was normal.

My doc been treating my lab results—not me— for years and didn’t want to give me a referral . . . until I pushed back.
The thyroid is a butterfly-shaped gland that sits below your Adam’s apple, about 8 inches below your nose. According to the American Thyroid Association, when your thyroid hormone levels are too low, you can suffer from symptoms that wreak havoc on your life.
You gain weight. You’re exhausted. You’re depressed. You think you’re cray-cray, usually because your doctor can’t find anything wrong with you.


I took the referral, saw an endocrinologist, and realized my doctor was right. The endocrinologist didn’t take me seriously … after I told him I was taking antidepressants.

Even though I had family history and symptoms, after I said the “a” word, he switched gears.​

He said my numbers were normal and my symptoms could be attributed to lots of stuff.
I was a walking poster child for hypothyroidism.
But he wouldn’t cave. “No self-respecting endocrinologist in the world would prescribe thyroid hormone with your numbers,” he said.
He shamed me into going away. I did.

My life continued to crumble: my marriage, parenting, relationships. I felt like a failure.
Maybe I was little wacky because I went back to my same primary care doc a few months later complaining of the same symptoms.
He was ready for me. Armed with the endocrinologist’s report, he handed me a referral for a psychiatrist who could prescribe an anti-psychotic.
I walked out of the office near tears, doubting myself and feeling defeated.

Thank God my hair was falling out.​

Eventually I found a new doc, who noticed the short broken-off strands of hair, which were sprinkled all over the exam table, my shoulders and my back.
She sent me to a different endocrinologist, who after looking at my lab results, reluctantly (because of my numbers) agreed to try a three-month trial of thyroid hormone.

By the time the trial was over, my thyroid numbers had inched up into the middle of the range, and I had gotten my groove back. All of it.
I had a treatable condition, which took five years to diagnose because my doctor refused to look outside of the scope of common practices.
Your physical health is tied to the health of your marriage.

I trusted my doctor. It never occurred to me he might not be fully versed in hypothyroidism, its symptoms and causes.
Don’t get me wrong. I have huge respect for the medical profession. But this has taught me I’ve got to question my doc, get a second opinion and refuse to give up if I believe I’ve got a legitimate health issue.

Doctors are fallible.
After all, they’re human, too.

 

[RiverOL]

Is Tithing a Christian Concept?​

The Old Testament is very clear on tithing – give the whole 10% and you’ll be blessed, give anything less and you are robbing God. Malachi 3:8-12.

“Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me.”

‘But you ask, “How are we robbing you?”

‘In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse – your whole nation – because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,’ says the Lord Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is ripe,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land,’ says the Lord Almighty.’



Interestingly, this is an occasion when God invited the people of Israel to test him, which is contrary to Deuteronomy 6:16,

‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test as you did at Massah.’

I’ll save the topic of testing God – how and when it can be an act of faith – for another day.

There is no doubt in the Hebrew scriptures that for the people of Israel, tithing was fundamental to being the people of God, living in obedience to God, and knowing the blessing of God.

You will rarely hear this said from the pulpit, but Jesus had very little to say about tithing. It gets a few mentions, but typically as something that can be abused or hidden behind. Luke 18:10-14,

“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: “God, I thank you that I am not like other people – robbers, evildoers, adulterers – or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.”

‘But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”



‘I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God.”

Jesus did teach on giving and the attitude God looks for, but never emphasised tithing. In fact, tithing is not taught anywhere in the New Testament.

The clearest set of instructions on Christian giving can be found in 2 Corinthians 9, which seems to replace the notion of tithing with something more organic. 2 Corinthians 9:7,

‘Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.’

How often do you hear this in church? Every congregation I’ve ever been part of has emphasised tithing, but talk of giving freely, with good cheer, and giving what you’ve decided in your heart to give rather than a specific proportion of your income, is almost never mentioned.

Why might this be? The cynic might argue that teaching a legalistic, 10% tithe is a method of control, or that emphasising the 2 Corinthians 9 principles of cheerful, intentional giving of an amount you choose might lead to loss of income for the church. If there’s a positive reason this isn’t emphasised, I can’t think of it. Perhaps readers can offer some thoughts?



Looking back at the clear Old Testament instructions, there were good reasons to tithe. The Levites made no money for themselves, owned no businesses, sold no books, and earned no salary. They devoted themselves to service at the temple, and needed to be looked after in order for the temple to function. The other 11 tribes of Israel were commanded to tithe their produce to feed the Levite priests, their fabrics to clothe them etc. The tithing system enabled the temple to continue to operate, and the Hebrew temple was at the absolute heart of worship and community life. This is the reason behind the command to tithe.

How might that translate to giving to a church? The principles are the same. If you belong to a community and value what it brings to your life, and if you have unpaid people working full time to ensure that community continues to operate, then they need financial support. That’s not hard to understand, but what is hard to grasp, at least for me, is why churches continue to teach tithing as a rule that must be obeyed – a law of sorts. We are not under law, but under grace.

Churches that run as a community are a worthy recipient of financial giving. It makes sense to contribute where you’re fed, and where you belong. But if you go to a megachurch, your pastors or teachers are salaried, your church or pastor makes significant income from book sales or other forms of income, or a church is sponsored by the state and has state money propping it up, I implore you to redirect your money to places where it is needed. Money can feed the poor, clothe and house the destitute, and bring safety to the vulnerable. This is something God takes seriously, and for which we will all one day answer.



Under grace, generosity abounds more greatly than it ever could under law, but grace relies on actions that flow from the heart, on tapping into the Lord’s boundless resources and giving in his strength rather than our own. New Testament giving is personal, joyful, and between each individual and God. When believers live under law, believing tithing to be a fundamental rule they have to obey – the obligation of giving 10% of your income to your church – there is no room for joy. It is merely a rule, the breaking of which is considered a sin.

There will be many believers who’ve never thought much about this. Their pastors and leaders will have presented it as a fundamental part of believing, and they will have accepted that as part of a package of beliefs. I’m never comfortable with that, and like to ask the hard questions.

If you want to give a set proportion of your income to one place, then continue to do so, but cheerfully, knowing you are not under an obligation or compulsion. If you want to split your giving between church and other expressions of divine love, go for it. You don’t answer to anyone but God on this. Give yourself the freedom to think through what the Bible says, and in what context. My prayer is that readers will take the opportunity to walk more closely with God in their giving, finding the supernatural dynamic of flowing in the abundance of God, and giving where there is real need, as the Spirit leads. Next time you are about to give out of rote or obligation, perhaps pause and turn to the Bible for guidance, dwelling on these words in the presence of the Holy Spirit.

‘Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.’