In step

[RiverOL]

You're Built for Opposition​ [ 1 min read ★ ]

The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne—Revelation 3:21​

Ever been in the middle of something tough, prayed for rescue, and heard . . . nothing? Ever questioned God, in frustration, “Why won’t you answer?” Could it be that God doesn’t always answer because, sometimes, he wants us to stay right where we are and learn, there, how to fight? Could it be that God sometimes allows trouble and pain to train us, to build our maturity, to make us more reliable conduits of his love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control? We often consider trouble and pain as unnecessary, to be avoided, hindrances to ease and happiness. Might it make more sense to consider trouble and pain as opposition, as a mountaineer views the pitch and the altitude, or as a linebacker views the block and the fake? We aren’t meant to be men who avoid opposition, numb it or deny it. We aren’t meant to run from battles, to hide and to let others fight. We’re built for opposition. Truthfully, we’d probably wither without it. We must see it, though, for what it is: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12). Our struggle is against being lured into selfishness, indifference, impatience, rage, resignation, or sin in the face of problems at work, or in our finances or relationships or families. These are epic struggles—battles worthy of any man.

Okay, so what do we do?​ God doesn’t always take opposition away, brother, because he’s built you to conquer, not to cower. And he’s given you everything you’ll need. Spend time this week reading and meditating upon Ephesians 6:10-17. Write out what the words mean to you, personally, practically.

 

[RiverOL]

Your past sins hindering your parent/child relationship today? Read this.​

When I was twenty years old, I did something that no Christian young man was supposed to do. I got my girlfriend pregnant. I can still remember, like it was yesterday, the moment I received the phone call from her to give me the news. She was crying. She was confused. And, she was terrified because she knew that she would have to tell her father, who had not quite embraced the idea of me dating his daughter. Plus, since her body would change and become a public reminder of our sin, she carried an additional burden of embarrassment.


I, too, was shaken but mostly, I was very disappointed in myself. Because of my lack of self-control, I put the woman that I loved in a very difficult situation. I had let her down. I had let my family down. And, most importantly, I had let God down because I knew well his principles in this area and I also knew well the possible consequences of violating them. You see, my father had gotten my mother pregnant when he was about 18 years old and my mother was about 16 years old. Although they eventually married, and remained so for a few years, they split up and my father, like too many others, became more distant and disconnected from my life. And, my mother was left to raise four small children on her own. So, early on, I vowed to not repeat my father’s mistake.


Truth be told, I also felt like a hypocrite and, of course, I was one. I was a Christian and most of my friends knew it. I went to church and Bible study regularly and was even a member of the university’s gospel choir. In fact, I used to be teased a bit because I proudly carried a big red Bible that I received in high school. I didn’t really “lord” my faith over people, but I certainly wasn’t shy about it either. So, the notion that I would get someone pregnant was a bit ironic, especially given that I had some friends who were clearly more sexually active than I was.

Some how, it just didn’t seem fair. But, actions—all actions—have consequences and although you can control your actions, you can’t control the consequences of your actions. This was a hard lesson to learn—one I am still challenged daily to never forget. So, I determined to do the right thing, after a few months, Yvette and I got married and had our first son, Jamin. A few years later, we had our second son, Justin.


As my boys grew, I was on a mission to break the cycle of teen fatherhood. So, when they were young, I would be sure to share and reinforce the Biblical principle of saving sex for marriage. It was really easy then because they were more interested in the Dallas Cowboys than their cheerleaders and Hershey kisses than girl kisses. But, I knew that this would change and this made me nervous.

You see, in a sense I was haunted by my past and how my first son was conceived. Therefore, as the time approached for me to have “the talk” with him, I began to worry about how my son would deal with the news that his father had violated a principle that he had stressed for as long as he could remember. I feared that, even if he respected me too much to say it, he would think that I was a hypocrite.

Also, every time, I thought about this, I was paralyzed, so much so that at times I was tempted not to have “the talk” at all. But, by the grace of God, I did and the conversations with both of my sons went well. I was very candid about my mistake and my hope and prayer that they would break the cycle of teen fatherhood in our family. The blessing was that they both did.

Over the years, as I have reflected on my dilemma, I realized that I was laboring under a paradigm I believe has held many parents back from taking needed action that would protect their children and families from hardship and pain resulting for sexual activity outside of God’s design as well as other problems. I believe they struggle with understanding the difference between hypocrisy and spiritual growth. You see, hypocrisy is when you try to stop your children from doing something that you are currently doing. For example, when a parent says, “do as a I say but not as I do.” So, if you try to admonish your children to stop doing something that is immoral or illegal while you continue to so, you are being a hypocrite. And, most likely your kids will call you on it.



However, spiritual growth is when you tell your children to not do something that you once did and you learned was not God’s best for you or that violated God’s principles. This is like a parent saying, “once I was blind but now I see.” Indeed, a blind man who receives his sight and helps others avoid a dangerous ditch that he once stumbled into is not a hypocrite. He’s a hero. So, too, are parents who protect their children from repeating mistakes they made in the past.


Indeed, there could be a very high price paid by children if parents fail to understand the difference between hypocrisy and growth. For example, many years ago when I was a young father, another father told me that he used and abused a lot of drugs in his youth. As we ended the conversation, he offered that although his drug use was not a good thing and he no longer used drugs, he would never tell his children not to use drugs because he would sound like a hypocrite. He also reasoned that he used drugs and turned out fine. Of course, it’s clear that this father was confusing hypocrisy with growth.


But, he also made another mistake in his reasoning. Specifically, he was projecting his consequences onto his children’s actions. You see, his children’s consequences are linked to their actions, not his. For example, pot today is not “your father’s” marijuana because, unknowingly to buyers, at times it’s laced with other new very additive substances like PCP and Crystal Meth. Moreover, his children are different people with different influences, temptations and drug tolerances than his and these differences are directly linked to the consequences they will face. In short, this father was paralyzed by his past from taking the right action to protect his children.


How very sad.
So, don’t let what happened to this father happen to you. Indeed, as Jesus Christ reminded us in Matthew 15:14, “If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.”

 

[RiverOL]

Here’s a Little Heresy​ [ 1 min read ★ ]

. . . what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world?—Matthew 16:26​

“Life’s not all about success.” Those are fairly heretical words for most of us men—men trying to ascend—men for whom success in careers, success in raising kids, or success in just looking successful have become so important. Planning for success, working for it, worrying about it—they dominate our everyday lives. And, I mean, look around. How could life not be all about success? Well, brother, it’s not. Our King, Jesus Christ, teaches us that it’s not. “Life is not defined by what you have, even when you have a lot” (Luke 12:15 MSG). Now, make no mistake, life is partially about success—we’ve got to spend our lives for something, and we should do that something as well as we can. So, we mustn’t forget success entirely. We just can’t make it an ultimate thing. “If you are too obsessed with success, you will forget to live,” wrote Thomas Merton. When we focus all, or even most, of our lives on achieving success, we fall short of the full life Jesus promises in John 10:10. We miss those parts of life we’re meant to devote to the success of others. How many of us sacrifice huge portions of the lives we’re meant to live—loving wives; spending time with kids; eating meals with families; hanging out with friends; helping people in need—spending too much time on our own success? How many of us are unavailable to those who need us most, whose lives are enriched by us—and who’ll enrich ours, right back?

Okay, so what do we do?​ If you struggle with this, start talking about it. Confess it to friends, to brothers in community. Confess it to God. Repent it too. Tell God you don’t want to be that man anymore. He’ll help you change, if you want to.

 

[RiverOL]

How to Live With a Procrastinator Without Losing Your Mind​

It’s the third time this week you’ve asked him to take out the trash. But the overflowing trash bin still sits in the same place, cluttering up the kitchen.
It’s such a simple thing (that he knows drives you cray-cray), but he won’t follow through. The more you ask, the more excuses he makes. Soon you’re ticked and engaged in marital combat: The Complainer vs The Procrastinator.


How do you deal with a procrastinating husband?
It’s a game I know well. I can predict the outcome. You’ll never win because complaining won’t change him.

Complaining Won’t Change Him​

David and Teresa Ferguson in Intimate Encounters* say the Complainer and the Procrastinator is a marital game. And marital games are driven by unmet emotional needs. Rather than share our true feelings, we play emotional games.
How are marital games related to intimacy?
Here’s the deal. Your husband might not be a lazy procrastinator. He might be responding to unhealed hurts in his childhood.

Huh? Childhood? Emotional needs? I just want him to Take. Out. The. Trash. What does childhood have to do with it?
Well. . . everything. His patterns of relating to people were established way before he met you. And yours were established before you met him.
We go into marriage with a big old sack of emotional baggage whether we want to or not. And that baggage can sabotage our marriages.


Early in my marriage, instead of telling my husband what I needed, I’d use unhealthy emotional tactics to get it. I was afraid to ask, so I’d resort to unsavory, relationship-repelling behaviors.

Learn About His Family​

Learning about your husband’s family life might be key to his habit of procrastination and can improve your marriage. Educate yourself not only on his childhood but also on yours.
If you learn your husband grew up in a household with excessive complaining or controlling, he may not respond well when you complain or make requests he interprets as controlling.
You may think he doesn’t care about what you want or he’s ignoring you. In reality, he may not be responding to you at all. He may be “responding” or mimicking the behavior of his controlling father or complaining mother. He’s using the only tactic he knows. The tactic he used as a child who had no power.

When you begin to understand the way he was raised and why he responds the way he does, you can make an effort to extend unconditional love. This might even encourage him to lower his defenses. It may encourage him to examine behaviors that were modeled for him in childhood, which may be affecting him now.
People usually engage in marital games because of the hurt from an unmet need in their life. Marital games are never fun, and there’s never a winner. When you have an unmet or unresolved need in your life, playing marital games only creates more negative emotions.

God created us with emotional intimacy needs. He also provides ways to get them met. Your procrastinator might need to feel appreciated. He might be dealing with unhealed anger issues if he grew up in a household with a controlling father or a complaining mother.
You might complain because you’re harboring unhealed hurts of your own over not feeling “special” as a child. Maybe your mother complained and your father procrastinated. Or you might complain because you want your husband’s attention.

7 Ways to Live With Him Without Losing Your Mind​

Here are seven ways you can live with a procrastinator without losing your mind:
1. Accept you can’t change him.
2. Decide not to get angry, bitter or nag.
3. When he procrastinates, clarify your request–Honey, will you take care of the trash when you get home today?
4. If he agrees but still doesn’t follow through, gently and lovingly point out it hasn’t been done and give him a timeframe–I can take care of the trash tomorrow if you can’t get to it tonight.
5. If he still doesn’t follow through, then:

• Do it yourself (without bitterness)
• Hire someone, if you can’t do it (without bitterness)
• Let the it remain undone, especially if the consequences will affect him

6. If he’s willing to talk, ask him to tell you how your request makes him feel.
7. Ask God to help you both understand your emotional needs and give you a desire to meet them for one another.

Set aside some time to talk about your emotional intimacy needs. You may discover learning about his childhood and understanding yours does wonders for your marriage.
How might your emotional needs be affecting your marriage?

 

[RiverOL]

How to Destroy an Idol​

By definition, an idol is something that is not true. Something to which we allow inaccurate importance, improper worship, and/or undue worth.
We all have idols in our lives. Some of our idols have made plain their inadequacies and we are fighting every day to rid ourselves of their hold. Others have promises on loan that we are clinging tightly to. Idols are a poison in our lives because they are untrue. They cause us to drift from reality, from the value of truth. They pervert our worldview and our ability to self-assess. Idols highjack our purpose and subvert our relationships.



They must be destroyed. But getting rid of an idol is like kicking an addiction. It is much harder than it seems. Even when we know it is destructive, it can be hard to let go. Here are a few tips for destroying an idol.

The Naming​

It might sound simple, but naming your idol accurately is an essential step. One of the things we love to do is hide our idols behind symptoms or false names. That way we can attack people or circumstances, political agendas or less precious weaknesses without having to truly risk our false love.

This is why we develop victim mentality, blame, and defensive walls. We focus on our circumstances rather than our idols. Because the truth is, we want to rid ourselves of the negative realities our idols have brought into our lives while still clinging to the hopes and promises the idol provides. We are double-minded. And so, we treat the symptoms rather than the disease. We imagine our struggle is against this person at work rather than our idol of control. We imagine our battle is with people who disagree with us rather than the idol of comfort.


Humans are so good at self-deception. If we want to destroy an idol, we have to face it down. Idols fester in darkness. As scary as it is, you have to bring it to the light in order to destroy it.

Re-Frame the Narrative​

All of our idols have one thing in common – they are a perversion of something good we desire. That is why they are so hard to let go of. They have just enough of a hint of truth to keep us hooked.

If you want to destroy an idol, figure out what good thing it is you are really after. Is it belonging or acceptance? Purpose or peace? Your idol is a false path to a good destination. It is the trick of idolatry. The idol of performance won’t gain the acceptance you truly desire. Just look at celebrities mired in scandal, divorce, and drug addiction. Most lottery winners (something like 85%) end up bankrupt and wishing the whole thing never happened. Sex isn’t the prerequisite for love (it’s the other way around). Controlling circumstances won’t bring you peace. Convincing people you are perfect won’t force them to love you.



We need to recalibrate our narrative. The journey needs to align properly with the destination. If you are struggling with an idol, figure out what you are truly after and scoot back to square one. What is the proper, healthy, legitimate way to reach that end? No shortcuts, no tricks, no lies. What are you after and how do you really get there?
Idols also have a tendency to jump. They change masks and rename themselves. What was once performance now turns into malaise. What was once an aggressive kind of power turns into a subtle kind of manipulation. Truth is your friend. And truth is the only thing that will chase these idols away for good, even as they try their chameleon tricks on you.

The Mood Curve
All idols feast on one lie – there is an easier way. You don’t have to suffer and struggle. It doesn’t have to be so hard. You don’t have to thrive or be confused.

Purpose is hard work. Living a dream takes effort. Thankfulness is a perspective not a perfect alignment of external situations. If you start to accept that struggles are a part of the journey, neither a definitive end or an avoidable inconvenience, your idols will find themselves on wobbly legs.


Your idols won’t give up without a fight. They have lied well to earn their spot in your life. It is not circumstance or setting that destroys idols, it is perspective. Adopting a proper perspective is not easy. As you try, you will find your idols put up a fight in defense. But a commitment to your true values and the true path to get you there will see those liars slowly exposed and destroyed.

 

[RiverOL]

7 lessons parents can learn from kids​

In the ancient world, children were not treated with the value and dignity we typically give our kids today. Children were seen as little more than a nuisance to endure until they got old enough to do something useful to contribute to the family’s livelihood. When Jesus came on the scene two thousand years ago, that all changed.


As Jesus taught in public, kids would run up to him and the grownups would rush in to try and pull the kids away, but Jesus always made a point to include and encourage the children. Jesus even went so far as to make the revolutionary claim that adults could actually learn some important lessons from children. Our kids possess some beautiful traits we once possessed, and we were never meant to lose.

I’ve written pretty extensively about the lessons parents must teach their children and the things your kids will remember most about you, but I also believe that there are lessons parents should learn from children. As I’ve studied what the Bible teaches about family dynamics, learned lessons from experts in our modern culture and absorbed experience from life with our own four children, I’m convinced that we could learn the following lessons from children better than grownups...


1. Keep asking questions.
I read a stat recently that says, on average, kids ask 125 questions per day which is more than ten times the amount of questions asked by the average adult. As adults, we’re so afraid of looking like we don’t know everything that we stop asking (which means we stop learning).
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
2. Be yourself.
Kids aren’t worried about looking “impressive.” They just want to express themselves and discover who they were created to be. Be real. There’s nothing more impressive than authenticity.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10



3. Laugh more.
Laughter is good medicine. It promotes physical and emotional health, but most adults don’t do it enough. Kids laugh more in a day than most adults do in a month. Adults specialize in “Drama,” but kids are all about the comedy.
“He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” Job 8:21

4. Don’t stress.
Kids don’t worry and stress the way grownups do. Sure, you could argue, that’s because they have grownups taking care of everything, but Jesus taught that God is ultimately taking care of us, so we shouldn’t worry either.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.” Philippians 4:6

5. Don’t judge people.
All our prejudices are learned. Kids aren’t born with any kind of racism, sexism or other -isms that would cause them to treat others differently or judge someone based on appearance. Sadly, they learn their prejudices from us.



“There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28
6. Have pure faith.
Childlike faith is one of the hallmarks of Christianity. Jesus wasn’t teaching us to abandon our intellects in favor of blind faith, but he was challenging us to approach God as the loving Father He is. Kids trust their parents (even though parents are imperfect). We need to have a childlike faith and trust in the perfect, all-knowing, all-powerful Heavenly Father.
“Jesus called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:2-3



7. Have Fun!
Kids never take themselves too seriously, so they’re free to enjoy life with uninhibited joy and wonder. We grownups could stand to lighten up and enjoy life a bit more!

 

[RiverOL]

Palm Sunday, Holy Week and Holy War​

Palm Sunday marks the beginning of Holy Week with Jesus’ triumphal entry into Jerusalem (Matthew 21:1-11). On this day, we celebrate Jesus in his humble glory riding a donkey into the city of David, as the crowds and children cry out, “Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest!” (Matthew 21:9; ESV). The crowds threw palm branches on the path before Jesus to celebrate him as their approaching King (Matthew 21:8), who came to bring lasting peace and gracious justice.


Many expected Jesus to deliver them from their Roman oppressors in keeping with their Messianic expectations. Like his disciples, they had no idea that Jesus would bring peace and justice paradoxically through the Roman symbol of oppression—the cross. In less than a week from Palm Sunday, Jesus would bear nail marks in his hands. How did they respond to his strategy for bringing about victory, when they saw it all play out? How about us?


Like the crowds, we may respond well during Palm Sunday celebrations. For instance, you will find many churches marking the occasion by distributing palm branches to those gathered for worship. This is a helpful, symbolic act. Palm Sunday helps us look back and forward at the same time: we look back to Jesus’ first coming leading up to his sacrificial death for the sins of the world followed by his resurrection to new life. We also look forward to his second coming, when he returns to rule the world with a just peace. At that time, multitudes from among the nations will worship him (See Revelation 7:9-10).


Not everyone marks Palm Sunday joyfully, though. In Matthew’s Gospel account, for example, many do not cast palm branches before Jesus’ path. They do not approach Jesus with an open hand of praise, but a closed fist, as revealed behind the scenes and within a few days (See the following accounts of how some of the rulers, people, and Romans reacted to Jesus: Matthew 21:15, 45-46; 26:1-5; 27:15-31). How do you and I approach Jesus today—with an open hand revealing our palms, or a closed fist?


As with the rulers noted in Matthew 21, we might not be able to see Jesus working wonders if we are consumed with power and control, whereas the blind, lame, and little children can truly see him (Matthew 21:14-15). These vulnerable ones have everything to gain and nothing to lose as a result of Jesus, whereas these leaders fear losing their grip on power, which they hold onto tightly with a closed fist. They cannot reach out and touch Jesus, like those longing for him, though they long to seize him and do him in (Matthew 21:45-46). What about us? Did we journey with Jesus through the season of Lent with his disciples simply to take matters into our own hands, like Judas did in his conspiracy with the establishment?

In our individualized, privatized religious culture, we may find it difficult to grasp the political overtones of all that transpired during Holy Week, which really initiated God’s holy war against idolatry, pride, and injustice. In Jesus’ day, there was no separation of church and state, or more accurately, temple and state. Going back to the time of God’s deliverance of Israel from Egypt through Moses and Aaron, God tabernacled with his people. Later, King Solomon built a temple for God’s glory to dwell in Jerusalem, the city of his father, King David. Now here’s David’s greater Son, Jesus, riding into Jerusalem as a humble prince of peace.

The crowds cheer because they recognize Jesus as David’s greater Son (Matthew 21:9). Immediately following this event according to Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus cleanses the temple (the second temple, which was reconstructed in remembrance of Solomon’s). Kings and priests as well as prophets all shared the same public space in Jewish history. Jesus intertwines and integrates all three functions of king, priest and prophet in his own person.
It is worth noting that the Roman Emperor also operated as a priest in addition to king. Here’s what N.T. Wright has to say about Tiberius, who like Caesar Augustus before him was hailed as divine:

After Augustus’s death, he too was divinized, and his successor, Tiberius, took the same titles. I have on my desk a coin from the reign of Tiberius (there are plenty of them, readily available). On the front, around Tiberius’s portrait, it says, “Tiberius Caesar, son of the Divine Augustus.” On the back is Tiberius portrayed, and described, as “chief priest.” It was a coin like this that they showed to Jesus of Nazareth, not long after he had ridden into Jerusalem, when they asked him whether or not they should pay tribute to Caesar. “Son of God”? “High priest”?…[1]

While many of the Jewish authorities wished for their Roman oppressors to be overthrown, they sought to trap Jesus at points by trying to get him to challenge Caesar’s authority as divine king and chief priest, as indicated here (Matthew 22:15-22). Politics and religion were not separate, but one.
The Jewish religious establishment also questioned Jesus’ authority to cleanse the temple. Matthew’s Gospel transitions immediately from Jesus’ triumphal royal entry on Palm Sunday to his priestly temple cleansing scene (Matthew 21:12-17).

A few chapters later Jesus weeps over Jerusalem during Holy Week. Why? Rather than turn to him for his kingly and priestly rule of peace—which would have brought about their deliverance, the Jewish nationalists determined at an opportune time to pursue direct confrontation with Rome in pursuit of liberty from its tyrannical power. In Luke’s Gospel, the lament over Jerusalem immediately follows the triumphal entry and immediately precedes the temple cleansing:

And when he drew near and saw the city, he wept over it, saying, “Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes. For the days will come upon you, when your enemies will set up a barricade around you and surround you and hem you in on every side and tear you down to the ground, you and your children within you. And they will not leave one stone upon another in you, because you did not know the time of your visitation (Luke 19:41-44; ESV).

Wright observes that Jesus

…continues with the warning of what was going to happen to Jerusalem, because, as he says, “You didn’t recognise the time of your visitation by God.” This is the moment, and you were looking the other way. Your dreams of national liberation, leading you into head-on confrontation with Rome, were not God’s dreams. God called Israel so that through Israel he might redeem the world; but Israel itself needs redeeming as well. Hence God comes to Israel riding on a donkey, in fulfilment of Zechariah’s prophecy of the coming peaceful kingdom, announcing judgment on the system and the city that have turned their vocation in upon themselves, and going off to take the weight of the world’s evil and hostility onto himself, so that by dying under it he might exhaust its power.[2]

Here we witness Jesus’ form of holy war. It does not involve an eye for an eye retributive pursuit of justice, but grace. Wright’s own teacher G. B. Caird argued that “Evil is defeated only if the injured person absorbs the evil and refuses to allow it to go any further.”[3] This is exactly what Jesus did. He took the evil and hostility upon himself and exhausted it, as Wright notes.

As a result, Jesus’ embrace and embodiment of grace threatened the logic and foundation stone of the Roman system of retributive justice, otherwise known as the Pax Romana or Roman peace.[4] If redemption is stronger than evil, hostility and retribution, having exhausted them, Rome rules the shadowy old world order, not the new age reality of the Messianic kingdom. Palm Sunday with its exemplification of Jesus’ humble lordship, gracious disposition and redemptive and equitable rule begins Holy Week. It also sweeps us up in Jesus’ ride into Jerusalem on a donkey to bring about God’s holy war. As the New Testament proclaims, the resurrected Jesus will conquer the world’s hostility by reigning in cruciform glory.

 

[RiverOL]

No, Actually, We Must Choose​ [ 1 min read ★ ]

And he said to them, “Follow me”—Matthew 4:19​

We confront two mutually exclusive, diametrically opposed if-then statements, each claiming to be true. The first is from the enemy and goes like this: if we chase created things—wealth, status, sex—then our lives will be more full, then we’ll have more peace, joy, security, freedom, fulfillment, significance. The second is from God: if we chase him, our Creator—if we listen to him, if we surrender, if we love, if we serve—our lives will be more full then, we’ll have more peace, joy, security, freedom, fulfillment, significance then. The simple question before us, therefore, is which statement we’ll believe and adopt and follow in faith. But, before we can answer, we’ve got to get serious. We’ve got to stop playing around, trying to convince ourselves the statements are not actually mutually exclusive and not actually diametrically opposed. We’ve got to stop trying to convince ourselves we can believe both statements at once, that we can prioritize both created things and the Creator—and that it’ll be okay if we try. We can’t and it’s not. “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Matthew 6:24). We must choose. And, it’s a real choice between good and evil. For, while God uses his if-then statement to invite us into “more and better life” than we could “ever dreamed of,” the enemy uses his to “steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:6-10 MSG).

Okay, so what do we do?​ Spend some time searching for, and meditating upon, those places in the Bible where God offers if-then statements. There are so many. Do any come to mind, right now? Focus most on his promises that, for you, stand out from the rest.

 

[RiverOL]

The only “rule” I teach my kids​

Yesterday, I forgot my keys and was temporarily locked out my own house. I had my 8-year-old son with me and he really had to use the bathroom (I’ve learned that kids always have to use the bathroom at the least convenient times). I told him to just go to a neighbor’s house, but he said it was an emergency and he would just “go in the woods.” We have a small, wooded lot between our house and our neighbor’s house, so I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal for him to go behind some trees and do his business.


Apparently, he didn’t want to to walk all the way into the woods, because when I looked over my shoulder, he was standing on the sidewalk emptying his bladder. I quickly look around to see if any of my neighbors are witnessing this redneck moment. To my dismay, there were plenty of eye witnesses. I was thankful he was too young to be arrested for indecent exposure.

Our next-door neighbors are in the process of selling their house, and their realtor was standing in their driveway with a sweet young family holding a baby and checking out the neighborhood. I think we made a less-than-stellar first impression on these potential new neighbors! I actually apologized to the homeowners who are good friends of ours and said, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure we prevented a house sale for you guys. We’ll try to make a better impression next time.”
I talked to our son afterwards and said, “Buddy, you can’t pee on the sidewalk.” (This isn’t the “one rule” stay tuned…)

To me, this potty guideline is pretty self-explanatory and not really something that needs to be debated, but in his eight-year-old brain, it seemed to make perfect sense to pee on the sidewalk, so he started debating with me. Finally, I reminded him there’s only one rule he needs to live by at this point in his life and he was failing at the one rule by continuing to argue with me about this. I reminded him that his only responsibility is to follow one single rule: OBEY WITH A GOOD ATTITUDE.


Sometimes, we make the mistake of bargaining with our kids or trying to use adult reasoning with our kids instead of reminding of the standard and their responsibility to honor it even when they don’t understand it.
As our children grow through adolescence and into adulthood, our relationship and parental authority will evolve into more of a mentoring relationship and then eventually (hopefully) into a friendship in adulthood, but when our children are young, we don’t need to overcomplicate the expectations. Of course, we should explain things to them and look for teachable moments, but the bottom line is they’re not going to understand all the reasons why they have to do something, and they don’t have to understand. All they really have to do is to obey with a good attitude.

This one rule has two vital parts: Obedience and Respect. Without both parts, we’ve missed the point of parenthood. A child can obey with a bad attitude or a child can have a positive attitude while being disobedient, but either way, they’ve missed the mark. When we teach our kids to obey with a good attitude, we’re training their young hearts to develop the right habits, so that as they grow in maturity and start reasoning through more decisions on their own, they’ll be more likely to make responsible choices in adulthood.



To teach your kids a powerful lessons let them take the famous “Marshmallow Test.” (You can check it out by clicking here. It’s FREE and easy).
I’m the first to admit that there are MANY times I’ve failed to properly teach and enforce this one rule and there have been MANY times my kinds have failed to follow it, but when the standard is this simple and consistently communicated, I’m convinced it will keep our kids on the right track. I’m comforted by the timeless parenting wisdom from the Book of Proverbs in the Bible which says, “Train children in the way they should go, and even when they are old, they won’t depart from it.”

 

[RiverOL]

4 Words No Husband Wants to Hear​

It seems innocent. But when have you ever said to your husband, “We need to talk,” and he’s responded with, “Wow! I thought you’d never ask. I can’t wait!”
Probably never because something delightful rarely follows.
“We need to talk” are words your husband dreads hearing.


It’s hardly ever, “We need to talk about how to make more time for sex” or “We need to talk about what a great husband you are.”
If you want to cause tension in your marriage, just say, “We need to talk.”
What you really mean is, “I need you to listen.”
When you say “we need to talk,” he hears “I’m going to tell you what’s wrong with you.”
He assumes he’s done something wrong before you ever say a word.

I loved to say it​

“We need to talk” is a signal you need to say something serious, and he may or may not like it.
Anytime something wasn’t to my satisfaction in our marriage, I’d get a stern look on my face, drop my voice an octave and solemnly say, “We need to talk.” Invariably tension followed.

But I loved to say it. It sounded serious and important. And so grownup.
And I knew I was going to get a chance to say what was on my mind. After our talks, I usually felt better.
When he hears “we need to talk,” he hears it as a criticism. You’re not happy about something. He isn’t eager to know what it is. Because when you’re unhappy, he sees it a poor reflection of him.

And truthfully, we usually use those words when there’s a problem.
We always hear communication is key to a great marriage. But “communication” doesn’t mean we need to talk more.
Women speak on average 20,000 words a day. Men speak on average only 7,000.
When you say those four little words, he may avoid you.

Why?
First, talking isn’t high on his list. Second, no one wants to be told what’s wrong with them. And last, no one wants to be controlled by being told how to fix it.
When we don’t say what we need to talk about, this leaves room for all kinds of possibilities.
If you have to say it, don’t leave him hanging. Finish the thought.

• We need to talk about money.
• We need to talk about the kids.
• We need to talk about our plans this weekend.

Or instead of saying, “We need to talk,” just talk. He’ll appreciate it, and you’ll have less tense moments in your marriage.

 

[RiverOL]

A Little Known Reason Why Judas Might Have Betrayed Jesus​

Then Satan entered Judas, called Iscariot, one of the Twelve. And Judas went to the chief priests and the officers of the temple guard and discussed with them how he might betray Jesus. Luke 22:3-4
Everyone knows that Judas betrayed Jesus, but why did Judas betray him? In the end we’ll never know, because Judas killed himself shortly afterward and his motives were lost to history. Luke records that “Satan entered Judas.” What in the world does that mean? Most of our minds go to the Exorcist with heads spinning around and levitating bodies. But I don’t think that’s what happened. More than likely, all Satan did was have to plant an idea, a deception in Judas’ mind, and Judas took it and ran with it. That’s been Satan’s preferred plan of attack from the very beginning (Genesis 3:1).


Why would Judas betray Jesus? Like the expectation of the crowds, he could have signed up to follow Jesus because he thought Jesus was his one-way ticket to a revolution against Rome. But Jesus would never pick a fight with the Romans. Every time Jesus got a crowd, he would offend them and send them away. Every time someone gave him money, he would give it away. So, perhaps Judas was disillusioned with Jesus and wanted his golden parachute. If was going to walk away, he might as well walk away with some money in his pocket.

There’s a lot of debate on this. Some think that Judas intentionally handed Jesus over to the chief priests precisely because he knew they couldn’t kill Jesus. They would beat him and humiliate him, but then let him go. Little did he know that they would conspire with the hated Romans to kill Jesus. Or perhaps he knew Jesus would be handed over to the Romans but he was convinced that the Messiah would never allow himself to be killed. Messiahs don’t die! Perhaps he was trying to force Jesus’ hand and start the revolution one way or another.

Whatever the reason, I’m convinced that when Judas betrayed Jesus, he was convinced in his own mind that he was doing the right thing, perhaps even doing God’s will. Just like the Pharisees and the chief priests were convinced they were doing God’s will when they put Jesus to death. Isn’t it amazing how much harm we can do when we’re convinced we’re doing God’s will? History is littered with hurt done by the church when she was convinced she was doing God’s will. Millions of people who have unnecessarily walked away from the church bear scars from the church when she thought she was doing God’s will. Isn’t that the enemy’s greatest deception?

 

[RiverOL]

5 Ground Rules When Studying the Old Testament​

The Old Testament is a treasure trove of inspiration and truth for modern Christians today, if you know how to study it and what questions to ask. Because the Old Testament is a narrative history of God’s interactions with the ancient Israelites, not everything applies today (for instance, no Christian scholar today would advocate living out the book of Leviticus literally). When we don’t approach the Old Testament, we are in danger of picking and choosing the parts we like and we end up with modern Old Testament churches. But there is a powerfully redemptive purpose to the Old Testament, and it is worth studying and cherishing. Here are five ground rules when studying the Old Testament:



1. The Old Testament is authoritative. The Old Testament is Scripture, inspired by God and holding the authority of God. Jesus himself regularly quoted from the Old Testament, and the New Testament authors themselves held the Old Testament Scripture as God-breathed.

2. The Old Testament is not always directly applicable. The Old Testament is descriptive but not always prescriptive. The Old Testament tells the story of how Joshua walked around the walls of Jericho to conquer it. By no means should we book a flight to Israel and start walking around the city today to conquer it. Much of the Old Testament Law prescribes rules and regulations that were fulfilled with the death and resurrection of Jesus. We are now people of the new covenant, not the old covenant.

3. Look for the timeless truths. God’s nature doesn’t change, nor does human nature. So in the midst of God’s dealing with ancient Israel we can pull out timeless truths that still apply today, whether it’s the holiness of God or the sinfulness of humanity. 40 Days Through Joshua is a journey to discover timeless truths from an Old Testament book.



4. Find correlations in the New Testament. This fourth step is key. It’s easy to take one verse out of context in the Old Testament and start claiming it in your life (think the Prayer of Jabez that swept Christianity twenty years ago). Before you can apply Old Testament truth to your life, you need to find correlation in the New Testament. That’s why God’s instructions to the Israelites to burn the city of Jericho to the ground is not applicable today: we never see a directive to burn cities in the New Testament. In fact, our directive in the New Testament is to love others through sacrificial service.

5. Find fulfillment in Jesus. The ultimate narrative of the Old Testament is humanity’s inability to be good enough on our own to earn God’s favor. We are too sinful. We need Jesus to save us. Jesus is the ultimate fulfillment of the Old Testament, so make sure that whenever you study the Old Testament, you always end up at Jesus.

 

[RiverOL]

Five things healthy couples do EVERY day​

After observing the habits of healthy couples from all over the world, I’m convinced that the healthiest couples share some important, daily habits. Below are five habits of happy, healthy couples. This isn’t a comprehensive list, but these five are a really good start. If you’ll implement these in your own marriage, I believe you’ll see some instant improvements!



1. Show physical affection to each other.
When couples stop touching each other regularly, this is a huge warning sign that “relational drift” is happening in the marriage. Physical touch is a powerful and practical way to stay connected, and I’m not just talking about sex (although you should be prioritizing your sex life too). Hold hands, give a foot rub, put your arm around each other, kiss often, hold each other, give a flirty smack on the butt, and look for ways to show physical affection every day.

2. Have an uninterrupted conversation with each other.
If you’re like me and you’ve got young kids at home, this one can be really difficult, but it’s also really important! Make some time daily (probably after the kids are asleep), where your phones are off and there’s nothing distracting you from meaningful, engaging conversation with each other. Communication does for your marriage what breathing does for your lungs!

3. Display thoughtfulness to each other.
You don’t have to bring home a dozen roses every day (though doing it occasionally would be nice), but daily thoughtfulness should always be a priority. Send text messages and give quick phone calls throughout the day to just to let him/her know they’re on your mind. Pick up their favorite coffee or snack and deliver it unexpectedly. Do a chore at home that your spouse would normally do. Look for little ways to serve each other.


4. Laugh with each other.
Laughter should fill the soundtrack to your marriage. When it isn’t happening often, that’s another warning sign that you need to make some adjustments. Even in difficult seasons (especially in difficult seasons), find reasons to laugh and celebrate together. Life has enough “drama” already, so work together to create some more comedy!

5. Say “I love you” with your words AND your actions.
Love needs to be communicated clearly and consistently. The healthiest couples make this a daily priority. Never leave your spouse wondering about your level of love and commitment to him/her. Let your love be obvious through everything you say and everything you do. Never let a day go by without saying, “I love you.”

 

[RiverOL]

5 Types of Nonsexual Affairs You Probably Didn’t Know About​

An affair is the violation of the marriage contract that occurs when the spouse is replaced by someone or something else. It is one of the worst things that can happen to a marriage because it violates everything you’ve built with a partner in such a personal way. We are often blindsided by these relationships because we didn’t see it coming. You might not have physically cheated on your spouse, but have you had an affair in a different way? There a number of unexpected types of affairs that can become a diving point in a marriage. They are less obvious ways for us to be unfaithful than by committing adultery. In these, you’ll find the same patterns of decreasing dependence in the marriage, emotional transfer to someone or something else, and the final crisis of making the decision either to rescue the marriage or to abandon it for the looming alternative. Before you know it, you’re so deep down the rabbit hole, you’re not sure how or if you’re willing to even pull yourself out. Here are five types of nonsexual affairs you probably didn’t know about.

Emotional Infidelity​

It might have started with a conversation online, or with a seemingly innocent friendship in the workplace. It may have even begun with an uncomplicated thought: Unlike my spouse, this person really understands me. When there are problems in your relationship, you or your partner may look to someone else to fill the void. You begin to share intimate and confidential information about your relationship and ask your “friend” for advice. These romances may seem harmless – perhaps even “safe” alternatives to cheating on your spouse but these affairs are especially dangerous because they often lead to physical affairs and a whole lot of denial along the way. There is often a lesser degree, or absence of guilt and shame, justified as innocent fun due to the lack of physical contact. They may not initially lead to physically involvement, but they can still devastate marriages.

Family of Origin​

The term “family of origin” refers to the family that you grew up in – your parents and siblings. It may also include a grandparent, other relative or divorced parents who lived with you during part of your childhood. These people strongly influence who we become. Some people never allow themselves to reach the level of absolute attachment and commitment of true love because they do not allow their lover to become the most important person in their lives. Instead, their attachment to their family members makes them so controlled by their original family that their lovers never take their rightful places in their hearts. Typically, this type of affair is hard to recognize as an unhealthy relationship because it involves your family. Some signs of unhealthy attachments include neglecting other relationships because of a preoccupation or compulsion to be in the relationship, or when there’s a conflict or disagreement in your relationship, you feel extreme anxiety, fear or a compulsion to fix the problem.

Mental​

There is no way we can talk about physical affairs without talking about mental affairs. It is one of the biggest problems destroying marriages today. Having a mental affair is to look with an intentional and conscious desire to gratify lust; to picture situations in the mind; to think cheating in the mind with a person to the point that if the opportunity were presented you would commit the physical act. These can also be considered the “Just-In-The-Head” affair. How can it be considered an affair if there’s no sex? Often, one or both parties doesn’t want to disrupt or leave the primary relationship, or “mess it up” so they choose to keep it platonic. That level of intimacy and intensity makes it an affair of the mind. It is definitely more than a friendship. They also must hope their primary partners continue to believe their telling the truth about the dynamic of their relationships.

Friendship​

Could a thing as good as a friendship break up a marriage? Yes, it can happen. A person can get so caught up and thoroughly involved – nonsexually – with a friend that they leave their spouse. People in these affairs believe that their friendship is more fulfilling and emotionally valuable than their marriages. Good friends respect your physical and emotional connection to your significant other. Good friends foster a positive relationship between you and your partner: they don’t get in the way. One thing to look out for is how they acknowledge a person’s significant other. If you mention your spouse to that friend, do they change the subject? Do they ever ask how your partner is doing? If you keep referencing your mate, and the other person keeps acting like he or she doesn’t exist, it’s because they don’t want them in your life.

Visual​

A visual affair is the act of committing adultery with your eyes. This can be with a person you know, and it can also be with a person you’ve never met before, but fantasize about. The typical affair used to the start in the office and move to a seedy motel room, but the vast reach of the internet has brought infidelity into many couples’ homes. The growth in steamy social media and chat room conversations, in addition to online pornography, has triggered a rethinking of the meaning of infidelity. It’s often deceiving and easy for those doing it to not think seriously of because they’re not committing a physical act. Many people think as long as they aren’t physically touching someone other than their spouse, they are not being unfaithful. But the more you commit visual adultery, the more likely you are to end up physically cheating on your partner.

Just because there is no physical contact doesn’t mean it isn’t an affair. These five forms of infidelity are some of the easiest ways to damage a relationship. Sometimes the harm is so great, the marriage can seem beyond repair. The reason these affairs are so hard to work through is because it destroys trust, which is the foundation to any healthy and working relationship. Infidelity can collapse even the strongest bonds and destroy your relationship from the inside out. Though you may not think these offenses are that serious now, if you continually participate in these forms of cheating, they can have some devastating consequences.

 

[RiverOL]

Begin to Pull it All Together​ [ 1 min read ★ ]

. . . ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you—Luke 11:9​

You can move, brother, into “an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you” (Ephesians 4:20-24 MSG). We can all be remade into new selves, true selves—but God won’t force change upon us. He wants us to ask and listen and learn and work with him. He wants us to do so continually, because he also won’t reveal those true selves all at once. Rather, he’ll teach. He’ll guide. And he’ll reveal identity iteratively, in a progression, in a process that builds on itself throughout our lives. How this actually happens will be different for each of us. We’re new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17). But, we’re unique creations too (1 Corinthians 12:14-26). So, when God gives us something, just for us, when he allows us to discover something about ourselves, we’ve got to treat those things with extraordinary care. We mustn’t allow them to be lost or forgotten in the rush and charge of life. We must collect and revisit them—so we can always have the best, most complete picture possible of who we really are and whom we’re really meant to become.

Okay, so what do we do?​ Get a notebook or create a document, one dedicated to this purpose. Record what God’s revealed already. Recall moments when you just knew he was speaking—maybe a trusted friend pointed out something true about you; or the story of a particular person in the Bible stood out from all the rest; or you sensed God showing you something about yourself, in prayer. Collect and compile these things. Add more as you get more. Protect and preserve them, so you can return to them . . . and return and return and return.

 

[RiverOL]

5 excuses unhappy couples make​

When we’re committed to something, we make a way. When we’re not, we make an excuse.
My wife, Ashley, and I have connected with couples from all over the world, and one alarming trend we’ve discovered is that there seems to be an “Epidemic of Excuses” in modern marriages. What I mean by that is many couples seem to be caught in a trap of justifying an unhealthy marriage or even a choice to divorce by making excuses instead of working together to make a better marriage.
Below are some of the most common and destructive “excuses” out there. If you find yourself using these, I encourage you to take a step back and reevaluate. This post isn’t meant to minimize the very real challenges you may be facing; it’s meant to give you hope by changing your perspective. Changing your perspective is the first step in changing your marriage.




This is not a comprehensive list, but these are among the most common marriage-damaging excuses:
1. My spouse doesn’t make me happy anymore.
One of the biggest dangers with romance novels and pornography (as well as much of our mainstream entertainment) is that it warps our minds into thinking other people (even our own spouses) exist for our our happiness and pleasure. This is a distorted and destructive view. It’s selfish, and selfishness is the enemy of love. It’s not your spouse’s responsibility to “make you happy.”

2. The kids have to come first.
It’s true that we should be willing to jump in front of a moving bus to protect our children, but I’ve heard way to many people use this excuse to justify an unhealthy marriage while trying to look like a selfless martyr for their kids. If you really want to protect your kids, then love your spouse! Give your children the security that comes from seeing their parents in a loving, committed relationship with each other! You’re teaching your kids what marriage should look like, and chances are good that they’ll grow up to repeat the kind of marriage (or divorce) you model for them.


3. We’d be better off apart.
On the surface, this seems like a selfless admission that the best thing for everyone would be to part ways. It’s almost never the truth. It’s usually an excuse to take a quick exit from your marriage instead of dealing with your issues and then taking those same issues into a new relationship and repeating the same dysfunctional cycle with someone else.

4. My spouse isn’t doing their share.
It can be incredibly frustrating when one spouse is consistently working harder than the other, but you need to give your very best even when your spouse isn’t doing the same. This is a very tough truth, but your level of commitment cannot be conditional upon your spouse’s level of commitment. Marriage is not 50-50; divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It’s not dividing everything in half, but giving everything you’ve got. Your spouse is more likely to respond positively to your selfless example of excellence than to nagging, coercing or complaining.

5. I’ve got nothing left to give.
I know many people are in exhausting and frustrating places where there seems to be no hope, but I’ve seen too many marriage miracles to believe in the word “hopeless.” Don’t give up! Invest in each other. The resources below can help you get started. Remember that a “perfect marriage” is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

 

[RiverOL]

Call Out or Call In?​ [ 1 min read ★ ]

. . . and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free—John 8:32​

We cannot mature in our faith without community. We just cannot. The process of maturing isn’t simple, isn’t smooth. It’s one of getting off track and getting on again—again and again. We need help with that. We’re designed to be together. We’re built to need one another. To “grow up healthy in God, robust in love” we need community (Ephesians 4:14-16 MSG). To help, though, our communities must actually be capable of picking us up and getting us on track and encouraging us on. Our communities must be places where we’re willing to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Speaking that way requires moving beyond simply being polite to one another—and ever ignoring or excusing sin. It also requires moving beyond just pointing out sin or shortcomings or what bothers us or what we think might bother God. Speaking the truth in love doesn’t require us to call each other out. It requires us to call each other in—into true identity. It requires us to call each other away from sin (e.g., “you don’t need to do that anymore . . .”) and into the identities God had in mind when he designed us, built us, and set us in motion (“. . . because this is who you really are”).

Okay, so what do we do?​ Do you have a sense for the true identities of your brothers in community? Get serious about learning. Get intentional about allowing God to show you. When you meet next, have each man bring a favorite story or verse from Scripture. Read them. Talk about them. They’ll point to something true. If a man loves the story of Caleb, for example, it’s likely he’s designed and built to be brave and bold and faithful like Caleb. And his community must help him do just that.

 

[RiverOL]

In Troubled Times, Remember How the Story Ends​

Early this year, you may have seen the meme that says, “Before I agree to 2022 I want to read the terms and conditions.” Doesn’t it capture where we are? Unbelievably, since that meme came out, things did indeed get way worse in our world. We find ourselves living in a time of great turbulence and uncertainty—not just a 2-and-a-half-year pandemic and cultural unrest, but now a devastating war in Ukraine, horrifying images on our screens, and all the security concerns that come with tension between nuclear powers. Not to mention the usual stresses of day-to-day life: work, finances, relationship issues. It’s enough to bring anyone to a place of worry and fear.


But when that worry knocks on our door, we need to remind ourselves of the true reality beyond what we can see. Because while things may seem out of control from our human perspective, they’re not. The reality is that God is in complete control—from the biggest world issues to the smallest details of our own personal struggles. And there’s tremendous peace to be found in that knowledge. I love how Billy Graham once put it: “I’ve read the last page of the Bible. It’s all going to turn out all right.”
I reflected on this very idea in my devotional Find Rest, and I thought it would be appropriate to share a reminder of this powerful, comforting truth today.

Have you ever known someone who reads the last few pages of a book before they start the beginning of the book? One friend of mine reads the ending of every book first. It puts her mind at ease to know how the story will end—whether it’s happy or sad and who lives or dies. This habit always seemed funny to me, since knowing the ending takes all the tension out of the intense chapters. At least I thought it was a funny habit, until I was reading one particular book and literally begged a friend to tell me what happened next. I needed reassurance that the story would turn out right in the end.

Our lives are a story. As we scroll through, page by page, some chapters are victorious, while others are full of struggle. Some are a bit mundane, but others contain milestones such as marriage, the birth of a child or grandchild, a big move, or a new job. Some are scary: that day we got a diagnosis or a loved one died.



Our stories are woven with many threads, including joy, worry, struggle, happiness, and—since we can’t know what will happen tomorrow—the great unknown.

But what if we knew the ending? Would that change how we read the suspenseful chapter that we’re in right now? How would we interpret those few pages that were filled with sadness or struggle?

As Christ followers, we do know the ending of our story. Jesus Himself tells us the plot: we will have trouble in this world, but He has overcome the world! (John 16:33) There will be chapters of pain and heartbreak because we live in a big, broken, messy world. But then He flips to the last chapter because He wants us to know that in the end, He will defeat everything that makes us sad, scared, or defeated. We can’t see eternity yet, but we can cling to the truth that once and for all, God does win against the enemy. And as children of God, we win too.



What is worrying you today? What dark threads of fear are trying to weave their way into your story? Trouble may be there, but fear doesn’t have to be. In intense times, remind yourself that you know the ultimate ending. For those who are followers of Jesus, He promises us that the last chapter of our story is well worth it.

 

[RiverOL]

It Matters ​ [ 1 min read ★ ] ​

. . . work with a smile on your face . . . you’re really serving God—Ephesians 6:5-8 ​

How do you think about work, about your work? Is it awesome? Drudgery? A calling? A means to an end? Separate from your faith? An expression of your faith? God designed us, built us, for work (Genesis 2:15). Work is his gift, not his punishment, nor even a necessary evil. It’s how we’re brought into how he’s blessing and helping his sons and daughters (Ephesians 4:28). You see, God provides his blessings and help . . . through people . . . through us. The blessing of a house, for example, is given by God, but through the people who build it; who assist in its purchase, like the realtor and the banker; who make and sell the furnishings; who maintain it; and even those who insure the house against its loss. All this seemingly secular work becomes sacred when it’s done (1) to love and serve God and his purposes, and (2) to love and serve God’s sons and daughters. It may not seem like it sometimes—especially with supply chains as long and complex as they are today—but it does. There’s no menial or meaningless work as long as it helps someone else in a positive way. It’s in this, in being part of God’s blessing and helping others, that we find our purpose and meaning (Matthew 20:26-28). It’s also how we find joy. Our King, Jesus Christ, teaches us this: "You’re far happier giving than getting" (Acts 20:33-35; John 15:11-15 MSG). Contrary to what our culture teaches, we’re happier exhausting ourselves for the good of others—putting their needs before our own. ​

Okay, so what do we do? Who are you serving? Who are you blessing with your work? How might God view it? Spend a few moments in prayer, asking these questions . . . and listening . . . listening for the Holy Spirit.​

 

[RiverOL]

The character Lee in Steinbeck’s East of Eden says that the Cain and Abel story is “the best-known story in the world because it is everybody’s story.” I would extend this point to include the stories of Sarah and Hagar, Esau and Jacob, and Leah and Rachel. I reread these accounts in Genesis this week. Then there are the individual characters like Abraham, Moses, Ruth, David, Jeremiah, Esther, Mary Magdalene, Peter, Thomas, and Timothy. The list goes on. I take comfort from the fact that the people in the Bible were like the rest of us. We can relate to them because the biblical figures were not superhuman, but very ordinary and fallible, often given to fears and doubts in the midst of disappointments, dangers, and tragedies. Still, God worked wonders through their lives and stories, building resilient faith in the face of adversity. He will do the same today, as we cry out to him. God’s not finished writing the script of our lives.



I encourage you to reflect upon Genesis and ask and answer the following questions:

Do you consider Adam and Eve’s stories, Cain and Abel’s stories, and/or those of the Patriarchs as “everybody’s” stories? Why or why not?

Do you tend, or find that others tend, to clean up the multitude of biblical characters so that they appear free of faults, even superhuman? If so, why might this be?

God did not give up on Adam and Eve. God even protected Cain, as hard as it is to believe. God worked wonders through ordinary lives that were often very messed up, like Abraham or his grandson Jacob. Consider, too, Jacob’s son Judah, through whom the Davidic kingly line arises, which ultimately leads to Jesus. If God makes something beautiful out of Judah’s really messed up life and family (just think of David’s own moral failures!), why wouldn’t God do the same today in our lives, as well as the lives of others? Repentance is vitally important and necessary.

But throwing in the towel and giving up hope has no place in God’s story for people’s lives. How might these reflections shape your perspective, including your hopes and fears? How might the God who closes the final chapter of Revelation with the hopeful words of making all things new help you not close the book on your own life? Just like Steinbeck’s not finished with Cal due to his grave misdeed in East of Eden, remember that God’s not finished writing your script. Are you?