Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

[yinyang]

One evening over dinner, life's giving lessons :p

Father of all non veg:
A family was at the dinner table. Son asked his father---' Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there??

Surprised father answered--
'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:? In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.?
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.?

After 50, they are like onions'.?

Son--'Onions?'?'
Father---Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'?

This made his wife and daughter mad.
So d daughter said--Mom, how many kinds of 'penises' are there??

The mother smiled and answered-- 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases.?In his 20's, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard? In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.?
After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'?

Daughter-A Christmas tree?
Mom-'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.

 

[yinyang]

Some tonic for you gents

2. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
You can be sure of one thing;
Either the car is new or the wife.

3. An angry china man entered a shop and shouted :
Where's my free gift with this cooking oil?
Shopkeeper : What free gift??
China man : Oi, here got put "Cholesterol FREE!"

5. What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.

6. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack
& our driver ran away...

7. A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential.

 

[Hydra]

good thread

 

[hofmann]

song dedication to beat the monday blues, especially to all who need to report back to camp:

[video=youtube;VMx9BU9BOps]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMx9BU9BOps[/video]

 

[sirus]

The art of sneezing.

 

[sirus]

I always thought "Meals on Wheels "
Was for the elderly.
I stand corrected !

 

[bloodycock]

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! GET OUT OF THE CAR!"...

The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

 

[bloodycock]

Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.

Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... Forward... Backward... Forward... Backward...
Forward... Stop and eject.

Q: What is the difference
Between riding a bicycle and a woman?

A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman
You fix your legs & move your ass.

 

[kongkek]

Me: Say "I am a man" after everything I say.
Friend: Alright.
Me: You broke up with your girlfriend.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You decided to get drunk.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You went to the bar.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You found a hot chick there.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You invited her to your house and she said yes.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You both came into your room and had sex.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: Next morning you wake up.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: And she says...
Friend: I am a man.

 

[sirus]

Q: What three things are
Common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both
Look better while going down and both disappear at night.

Q: What is the closest
Thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes
Once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it
Doesn't come means you are in big trouble

Q: What goes in dry,
Comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag.

Q: Who is a gynecologist?
A: He is the only fool on
The earth who looks for problems in a place, where
Most people find pleasure.


Q: What's the difference
Between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks
Like his dad, then it is biology.
When the baby looks like neighbor, then it is sociology.

 

[yinyang]

The Aphabet Wife

After being married for many many years, a wife asked her husband to
describe her.

He looked at her for a while, then said: "You're an alphabet wife... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks: "What the hell does that mean?"

He said: "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy,
Gorgeous and Hot".

She smiled happily and said: "Oh, that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?"
He said: "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

And when his wife visits him in hospital he continues with L.M.O.P .... ludicrous mother of pain

 

[Match]

I am looking for the red pill to Match the blue one.

 

[yinyang]

I am looking for the red pill to Match the blue one.

Errrr, that's a contraceptive. The morning after? :p

 

[yinyang]

Man asks his doctor,
"Can I have sex with my pregnant wife?"

The doctor replies,
"Yes. The first 3 months will be just like normal, the next three months you should do it like dog and the last three months you should do it like tiger….

The man replies
"Tiger? I don't know that method."

The doctor explains…..
"Like Tiger Woods, sleep with other women."

 

[hofmann]

Man asks his doctor,
"Can I have sex with my pregnant wife?"

The doctor replies,
"Yes. The first 3 months will be just like normal, the next three months you should do it like dog and the last three months you should do it like tiger….

The man replies
"Tiger? I don't know that method."

The doctor explains…..
"Like Tiger Woods, sleep with other women."

not bad, but it only made me grin and not laugh out loud.

good effort.

 

[yinyang]

not bad, but it only made me grin and not laugh out loud.
good effort.

No less, this made your cut with start of week. Seen better howlers, than this bar joke. :p

Perhaps, you can spread some goodwill here?

 

[yinyang]

Testicle Therapy...

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,’ she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

‘Feels great,’ he replied; ‘but I still think my thumb's broken!’

 

[yinyang]

what happens when you get blonde genies ?

a white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion , surrounded by 50 beautiful women.

After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door.

He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in ku klux klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, 'i can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to..

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But why he wanted to be hung like a black guy is beyond me...

 

[hofmann]

Testicle Therapy...

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,’ she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

‘Feels great,’ he replied; ‘but I still think my thumb's broken!’

heard this one before but it still made me laugh out loud.

i give u song in return:
[video=youtube;-uP46FZ_mkY]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uP46FZ_mkY[/video]

 

[yinyang]

heard this one before but it still made me laugh out loud.
i give u song in return

Pink Floyd, that makes my day (my location too) :p Just to add last funny business for the day


A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!"

Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."