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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Israelis airport security device
TEL AVIV, Israel
The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns associated with full-body scanners. It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.
Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.
You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement -
"Attention to all standby passengers, we are pleased to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London . . . Shalom!"
TEL AVIV, Israel
The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns associated with full-body scanners. It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.
Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.
You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement -
"Attention to all standby passengers, we are pleased to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London . . . Shalom!"
A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?"
The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel.."
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?"
The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel.."
No laughing matter, true Taiwan story today. 80 years in slammer for screwing and filming his chabor conquests?! 
Taiwan playboy to appeal 80-year sentence for multiple rapes
A well-known Taiwanese playboy vowed on Wednesday (Sep 3) to appeal his conviction after he was sentenced to nearly 80 years in jail for raping and secretly filming more than a dozen women.
Taipei - A well-known Taiwanese playboy vowed on Wednesday (Sep 3) to appeal his conviction after he was sentenced to nearly 80 years in jail for raping and secretly filming more than a dozen women. Justin Lee, a 29-year-old frequent fixture on Taiwan's party scene, was convicted of sexually assaulting 14 women and secretly taping them and five others, Taiwan's High Court said.
"Mr Lee denied the charges of drugging and raping the women," Lee's lawyer, Leo Tzou, told AFP. "We regret that the court did not take into account some of the evidence more favourable for him and the sentencing was much more heavier than we had expected." Lee insisted that the acts were consensual and will appeal the ruling, Tzou said.
According to the verdict, Lee, the son of a wealthy businessman formerly on the board of the financial group Yuanta Holdings, brought the victims who were often drunk from night clubs or bars to his apartment. There, it said, he sexually assaulted them and recorded the acts with unidentified taping devices and his mobile phone.
"Lee disregarded the friendship and trust between him and the victims to sexually assault them when they were mentally or physically incapable and were unable to resist," the High Court said in a statement. "His crimes are severe."
The court imposed a sentence of 79 years and seven months. Lee was previously sentenced to 18 years and six months by a district court on nine counts of sexual assault. However, Lee would only have to serve 30 years under the law, the court said.
Lee was also ordered to compensate the victims a total of T$27.75 million (US$925,000), the court said in a statement. Lee was visibly shaken and glaring with his mouth open in disbelief when he heard the verdict, the Taipei Times newspaper quoted witnesses as saying.
Lee's case was headline news in Taiwan in 2012 after local media reported that he had allegedly made sex videos of some models and actresses after drugging them. He failed to answer a summons for questioning that year but turned himself in after going into hiding for 20 days and has been detained since.
Lee's father resigned from his post as a director at Yuanta Holdings after the charges against his son were announced in 2012.
Taiwan playboy to appeal 80-year sentence for multiple rapes
A well-known Taiwanese playboy vowed on Wednesday (Sep 3) to appeal his conviction after he was sentenced to nearly 80 years in jail for raping and secretly filming more than a dozen women.
Taipei - A well-known Taiwanese playboy vowed on Wednesday (Sep 3) to appeal his conviction after he was sentenced to nearly 80 years in jail for raping and secretly filming more than a dozen women. Justin Lee, a 29-year-old frequent fixture on Taiwan's party scene, was convicted of sexually assaulting 14 women and secretly taping them and five others, Taiwan's High Court said.
"Mr Lee denied the charges of drugging and raping the women," Lee's lawyer, Leo Tzou, told AFP. "We regret that the court did not take into account some of the evidence more favourable for him and the sentencing was much more heavier than we had expected." Lee insisted that the acts were consensual and will appeal the ruling, Tzou said.
According to the verdict, Lee, the son of a wealthy businessman formerly on the board of the financial group Yuanta Holdings, brought the victims who were often drunk from night clubs or bars to his apartment. There, it said, he sexually assaulted them and recorded the acts with unidentified taping devices and his mobile phone.
"Lee disregarded the friendship and trust between him and the victims to sexually assault them when they were mentally or physically incapable and were unable to resist," the High Court said in a statement. "His crimes are severe."
The court imposed a sentence of 79 years and seven months. Lee was previously sentenced to 18 years and six months by a district court on nine counts of sexual assault. However, Lee would only have to serve 30 years under the law, the court said.
Lee was also ordered to compensate the victims a total of T$27.75 million (US$925,000), the court said in a statement. Lee was visibly shaken and glaring with his mouth open in disbelief when he heard the verdict, the Taipei Times newspaper quoted witnesses as saying.
Lee's case was headline news in Taiwan in 2012 after local media reported that he had allegedly made sex videos of some models and actresses after drugging them. He failed to answer a summons for questioning that year but turned himself in after going into hiding for 20 days and has been detained since.
Lee's father resigned from his post as a director at Yuanta Holdings after the charges against his son were announced in 2012.
Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.
3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.
Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?.
Paddy replies - I'm gonna take her with me!
3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.
Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?.
Paddy replies - I'm gonna take her with me!
Military Warning to Australia From Pakistan....
This morning, the Pakistan Minister of Immigration, Mohammed Omar Upperkhan, warned Australia to cease all military activities in Afghanistan.
He stated that if it does not stop immediately, Pakistan authorities will cut off Australia's supply of Cab Drivers and if this action does not yield sufficient results, Telstra Customer Service Reps will be next, followed by Centrelink Officers, Telemarketers, Supermarket trolley collectors
and finally, Queensland Doctors.
THIS IS STARTING TO GET UGLY
This morning, the Pakistan Minister of Immigration, Mohammed Omar Upperkhan, warned Australia to cease all military activities in Afghanistan.
He stated that if it does not stop immediately, Pakistan authorities will cut off Australia's supply of Cab Drivers and if this action does not yield sufficient results, Telstra Customer Service Reps will be next, followed by Centrelink Officers, Telemarketers, Supermarket trolley collectors
and finally, Queensland Doctors.
THIS IS STARTING TO GET UGLY
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I put a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it."
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I’m so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I'm disappointed and saddened by your behavior; however, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem."
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"
He answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center."
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I’m so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I'm disappointed and saddened by your behavior; however, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem."
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"
He answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center."
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO. .....," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
"HELLLOOOOOOO. .....," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
One day in ancient China, Confucius was walking back home.
Along the way, he needs to cross a narrow bridge that allows only one person to cross.
Half way on bridge, there was a woman wearing a broad straw hat coming from the other side.
Confucius says to the woman, "As a woman, you should back off and let me cross."
The woman then replied, "As a learned man, you should not look down on a woman and you back off and let me cross."
To resolve the deadlock, Confucius then suggest that whoever can guess the correct character form by the other person would get to cross the bridge.
Since man holds a higher position in society, Confucius says he would be the first to form the character for the woman to guess.
Standing with his legs wide apart and both hands fully stretch out parallel to the ground, he ask the woman to guess.
The woman says that that is easy, the character got to be “大“。
Confucius says wrong, since man has a penis, the character should be "太"
The woman was furious that as a learned man, Confucius took advantage of her.
When it is the woman's turn, she did the same as what Confucius did.
Confucius then says, "that is easy, with your outstretch limbs and broad straw hat, the word got to be "天""
The woman says, "wrong, the correct word is "吞""
Note: For those who is not familiar with chinese character "吞" is form by two words, "天"(sky) and "口"(mouth)
Along the way, he needs to cross a narrow bridge that allows only one person to cross.
Half way on bridge, there was a woman wearing a broad straw hat coming from the other side.
Confucius says to the woman, "As a woman, you should back off and let me cross."
The woman then replied, "As a learned man, you should not look down on a woman and you back off and let me cross."
To resolve the deadlock, Confucius then suggest that whoever can guess the correct character form by the other person would get to cross the bridge.
Since man holds a higher position in society, Confucius says he would be the first to form the character for the woman to guess.
Standing with his legs wide apart and both hands fully stretch out parallel to the ground, he ask the woman to guess.
The woman says that that is easy, the character got to be “大“。
Confucius says wrong, since man has a penis, the character should be "太"
The woman was furious that as a learned man, Confucius took advantage of her.
When it is the woman's turn, she did the same as what Confucius did.
Confucius then says, "that is easy, with your outstretch limbs and broad straw hat, the word got to be "天""
The woman says, "wrong, the correct word is "吞""
Note: For those who is not familiar with chinese character "吞" is form by two words, "天"(sky) and "口"(mouth)
A blonde hadn't been to church for many, many months. She always promised to go, but never did.
One day, the minister was astounded when she suddenly rocked up for Sunday service.
Thereafter, she was at every Sunday service, every prayer meeting, every home group meeting, etc.
Three months later, one Sunday after the service, the minister asks her,
"What happened to you?
You always dodged church and now it looks like you can't get enough of it?"
She replied,
"It’s this new car of mine pastor;
they told me the warranty will lapse if I miss even one service!"
One day, the minister was astounded when she suddenly rocked up for Sunday service.
Thereafter, she was at every Sunday service, every prayer meeting, every home group meeting, etc.
Three months later, one Sunday after the service, the minister asks her,
"What happened to you?
You always dodged church and now it looks like you can't get enough of it?"
She replied,
"It’s this new car of mine pastor;
they told me the warranty will lapse if I miss even one service!"
Catholic nun and a Muslim :p
A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a
Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.
Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her
direction, requiring her to deflect it.
He finished the box and threw it out the window.
Seeing this, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.
The Muslim looked at her and said, “ You’ll get fined $ 250 for doing
that, you stupid, Infidel, worthless Catholic bitch. ”
She laughed and said...... ; “ When I cry out rape and they
smell your fingers, you’ll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-fucker ! “
A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a
Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.
Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her
direction, requiring her to deflect it.
He finished the box and threw it out the window.
Seeing this, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.
The Muslim looked at her and said, “ You’ll get fined $ 250 for doing
that, you stupid, Infidel, worthless Catholic bitch. ”
She laughed and said...... ; “ When I cry out rape and they
smell your fingers, you’ll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-fucker ! “
This Is What Kamasutra Says
1. If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And t hat was the origin of "buy one get one free"!¡
2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body
With a "P" Petticoat, panties, pussy... No wonder men suffer from high B P!
3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're screwed.
4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.
5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! And What a Fuck!
6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!
Now that I've educated. You, go ahead and educate someone else.
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters.
The Bible says to love one another,
The Kamasutra shows you how.
1. If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And t hat was the origin of "buy one get one free"!¡
2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body
With a "P" Petticoat, panties, pussy... No wonder men suffer from high B P!
3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're screwed.
4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.
5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! And What a Fuck!
6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!
Now that I've educated. You, go ahead and educate someone else.
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters.
The Bible says to love one another,
The Kamasutra shows you how.
There was a service apartment owned by an Indian FT. The ground floor unit which was the most cramped was rented by two Singaporean brothers. The second floor unit which was more spacious was rented by a PRC couple. The third floor unit which was even more spacious was rented by 5 Burmese on work permit. The fourth floor unit was rented by 3 Malaysians on S pass. The fifth floor and most luxurious unit was rented by European expatriate.
One weekday night there was a fire. The Indian FT landlord, the PRC couple, the Burmese workers, the Malaysian workers and the European expat died of smoke inhalation. Only the Singaporean brothers survived.
Tan Chuan jin was furious. He asked the estate manager, how come the foreigners died but the Singaporeans survived? Is it because the Singaporeans lived on the ground floor and could escape?
The estate manager said no, the Singaporean brothers survived because on that weekday night, they were in camp serving NS.
One weekday night there was a fire. The Indian FT landlord, the PRC couple, the Burmese workers, the Malaysian workers and the European expat died of smoke inhalation. Only the Singaporean brothers survived.
Tan Chuan jin was furious. He asked the estate manager, how come the foreigners died but the Singaporeans survived? Is it because the Singaporeans lived on the ground floor and could escape?
The estate manager said no, the Singaporean brothers survived because on that weekday night, they were in camp serving NS.
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