Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

[sirus]

Some naughty facts.....Some of Them Are Really Good...........
-------------------------------------------------------
Q : What is the strongest muscle?
A : Tongue.... Because it can raise woman's hip with just one lick.
…………………………………………………………………….
Q: What is the lightest muscle?
A : Penis..... Because it can be raised by a woman's lips!
………………………………………………………………..
Fact: A woman can guide a 1.5" diameter penis into an inch diameter vagina in pitch dark without looking,
But cannot park a 6ft long car in a 7ft.long parking space in daylight!
………………………………………………………………………………………………...
Advantages of having an affair with married women.
They give like hell. They do not yell.
They do not tell. They do not swell and there are no wedding bells!
…………………………………………………………………………………………….
The Pussy Poem; This is a hole that never heals, the more you rub it the better it feels.
But all the soap from here to hell, can never remove that fucking smell.
…………………………………………………………………………………………
Q : What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
A : A chicken is the result of a SITTING HEN, whereas a baby is the result of a STANDING COCK!
………………………………………………………………………………………………
My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise.
Why?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
……………………………………………………………………………………………….
Q : Why do men snore when lying on their backs?
A : Because their balls flop over their asshole and this causes an airlock
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Q: What is the difference between a black and a white fairy tale?
A : White begins "Once upon a time........"
Black begins "Y'all MO 'fuckers you a'int gonna believe this shit......"
………………………………………………………………………………………………...........................
Q : What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A : When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... It’s SHOWTIME!
………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A : Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later.

 

[yinyang]

Señor Sirus, your naughtiest deserve to pass on to my cronies :p

 

[yinyang]

Senior trying to set a password

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourBumIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourBumIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow


WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

 

[yinyang]

Funny signs :p

 

[yinyang]

 

[sirus]

Señor Sirus, your naughtiest deserve to pass on to my cronies :p

Monsieur YY,

It has always been my pleasure to share.

 

[yinyang]

More funny signs :p

 

[yinyang]

TGIF, more funny signs:p

 

[hornylee]

A man and woman were dating and he asked her to marry him. She told him to prove his love to her she wanted him to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. When it was erect is said Wendy and when it was limp if said Wy. They got married and went to Jamaica to a nude beach for their honeymoon. Wendy told her husband to go get them a drink so he went to a stand on the beach and noticed the man who was waiting on him also has a Wy on his penis. He said oh you must have a wife named Wendy to and the waiter said no mine says Welcome to Jamaica man have a nice day!!!

 

[bushtucker]

****
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, ‘THAT’S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.’

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with Heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off..

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: ‘It’s gone! It’s all GONE! ‘I lost everything when the power went out!’

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work..

Satan observed this and became irate.

‘Wait!’ he screamed. ‘That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?’

God just shrugged his shoulders and said, “JESUS SAVES”
***

A pastor’s son had just got his driving permit.

He asked his father if they could discuss the use of the car.

His father took him to his study and said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it.”

About a month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car.

They again went to the father’s study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your Bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!”

The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair….”

To which his father replied, “Yes, and they walked every where they went!”
***

Pastor was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group had surrounded a dog.

Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked “What are you doing with that dog?”

One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we’ve decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog.”

Of course, the reverend was taken aback.

“You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed.

He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie,” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.”

There was dead silence for about a minute.

Just as the reverend was beginning to think he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, “All right, give him the dog.”
***

Many many centuries ago, God came down to earth, went to the Germans and said, “I have Commandments that will help you live better lives.”

The Germans ask, “What are Commandments?”

And the Lord says, “Rules for living.”

“Can you give us an example?” said the Germans.

God says, “Thou shalt not kill.”

“Not kill? We’re not interested.”

So God went to the Italians and said, “I have Commandments…”

The Italians wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shalt not steal.”

“Not steal? We’re not interested.”

Next the Lord went to the French saying, “I have Commandments…”

The French wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”

And the French were not interested either.

God then went to the Jews and said, “I have Commandments…”

“Commandments,” said the Jews, “How much are they?”

“They’re free.”

“Perfect. We’ll take 10.”
***

Llittle girl asked her mother, ‘How did the human race appear?’

The mother answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve and they had children and that’s how all mankind was made.’

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, ‘Many years ago there were monkeys, from which the human race evolved.’

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, ‘Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?’

The mother answered, ‘Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.
***

 

[yinyang]

Find the black & white cat, then send this puzzle along to annoy your friends!!!!
Do not forward this until you find the cat!!!!
It is there, walking in plain sight.

 

[yinyang]

Dick got home real late last night after a full day of golf and hanging out with the guys, and Dick’s wife left a message in the kitchen:



I think she wants Dick to eat more fruit. Bless her heart.
__,_._,___

 

[yinyang]

 

[SAMMMYBOY]

Ref YY #1613,
non-violent version.

 

[yinyang]

 

[yinyang]

 

[yinyang]

You may have seen this before, but encore here :p

[video=youtube;wJpR9n-L680]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=wJpR9n-L680[/video]

 

[yinyang]

Not in funny vein this one. Simply amazing (iilegal) video by drone on Beijing.

[video]http://rare.us/story/a-man-took-an-illegal-video-of-beijing-using-a-drone-and-the-result-is-positively-stunning/[/video]

[video=youtube;A8I5Z01OKvw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8I5Z01OKvw&feature=player_embedded[/video]

 

[sirus]

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

 

[hornylee]

THE NEW GENERATION!!

Daughter:

Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had 2 months of relationship through Viber. Dad, I need your blessings and good wishes.


Father:

Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and send them through Paypal. And if you are fed up with your husband.... sell him on Ebay.