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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
This one pattern liao liao.
Sirus, the knockers are nice. :p
Forgot to catch up with Putin's squeeze: The New Love of Vladimir: Athlete Alina Kabayewa
Alina Kabajewa. Translated from Russian -international lingo, money and love mix well :p
And a dig at Putin's Botox?
Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Lee Hsien Loong were sitting poolside, having tea and enjoying some idle banter.
Obama said: "You know, the US Navy SEALs are the best military force in the world. Those guys are fearless, and they will do anything their commander in chief tells them to!" He then instructs the groundskeeper to fill the pool full of alligators and pirahnas.
Having done so, he proceeds to order a US Navy SEAL to jump into the pool and swim all the way to the other end. The SEAL promptly does so, and emerges at the other end bitten and bleeding, but manages to snap off a salute to his president before collapsing.
Vladimir Putin then goes "Pssht, is nothing. Russian Spetsnasz commandos are braver, they will glady die for Mother Russia. I prove to you!"
He then tells the groundsman to throw floating mines, string anti-personnel mortars and concertina wire across the water surface, following which he orders a Spetsnasz commando to jump in the pool and swim to the other end. The Russian commando prompty snaps off a salute and does so, but unfortunately trips a mine and dies in the process. "You see, he die gladly for Mother Russia!" exclaims Putin.
Lee Hsien Loong then chips in with "You think that's impressive? You haven't seen anything yet. Bring one of my NSmen in, please." After an NSman arrived, LHL then tells the groundsman: "Hey, fill the whole pool with acid. Concentrated acid, anything that goes in sure die one." The groundsman does so, and soon the pool is overflowing with corrosive acid.
LHL then turns to the NSman, and says "You, jump in and swim to the other end." The NSman looks back at LHL, pulls a face, and shouts "WTF?!? YOU SIAO ARH?"
LHL then turns to the other two world leaders and says "You see? HE DARES TALK BACK TO ME!!!"
Obama said: "You know, the US Navy SEALs are the best military force in the world. Those guys are fearless, and they will do anything their commander in chief tells them to!" He then instructs the groundskeeper to fill the pool full of alligators and pirahnas.
Having done so, he proceeds to order a US Navy SEAL to jump into the pool and swim all the way to the other end. The SEAL promptly does so, and emerges at the other end bitten and bleeding, but manages to snap off a salute to his president before collapsing.
Vladimir Putin then goes "Pssht, is nothing. Russian Spetsnasz commandos are braver, they will glady die for Mother Russia. I prove to you!"
He then tells the groundsman to throw floating mines, string anti-personnel mortars and concertina wire across the water surface, following which he orders a Spetsnasz commando to jump in the pool and swim to the other end. The Russian commando prompty snaps off a salute and does so, but unfortunately trips a mine and dies in the process. "You see, he die gladly for Mother Russia!" exclaims Putin.
Lee Hsien Loong then chips in with "You think that's impressive? You haven't seen anything yet. Bring one of my NSmen in, please." After an NSman arrived, LHL then tells the groundsman: "Hey, fill the whole pool with acid. Concentrated acid, anything that goes in sure die one." The groundsman does so, and soon the pool is overflowing with corrosive acid.
LHL then turns to the NSman, and says "You, jump in and swim to the other end." The NSman looks back at LHL, pulls a face, and shouts "WTF?!? YOU SIAO ARH?"
LHL then turns to the other two world leaders and says "You see? HE DARES TALK BACK TO ME!!!"
Marine Corp regimen for blokes over 60 :p
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room on each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides. Hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags, and then eventually, try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, you can put a potato in each bag.
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room on each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides. Hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags, and then eventually, try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, you can put a potato in each bag.
Guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said 'How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way'T
he doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.'
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon.
That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, 'You're the first; no one has EVER touched these.'He immediately drops his pants and replies, ......'Look at this, ..........still in the CRATE:p
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said 'How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way'T
he doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.'
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon.
That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, 'You're the first; no one has EVER touched these.'He immediately drops his pants and replies, ......'Look at this, ..........still in the CRATE:p
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
My Dog
Went down this morning to the DHSS to sign my Dog on.
The woman said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw benefit".. I explained to her that my Dog is black, unemployed, idle, can't speak English and has no clue who his dad is.
She looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.
He gets his first cheque on Friday.
Damn this is a great country.
Went down this morning to the DHSS to sign my Dog on.
The woman said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw benefit".. I explained to her that my Dog is black, unemployed, idle, can't speak English and has no clue who his dad is.
She looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.
He gets his first cheque on Friday.
Damn this is a great country.
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