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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Trump & May: Looking into future?
*President Donald Trump and Theresa May are shown a time machine which can see 50 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each.*
*President Trump goes first: "What will the USA be like in 50 years Time?"*
*The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out: "The country is in good hands under the new president, Jose Fernandez Alcalde De Los Salias, crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy.* *Vice President Jin Tao has declared Chinese language mandatory in all US schools. There are no worries."*
*Theresa May thinks, "It's not bad, this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so she asks: "What will England be like in 50 years time?" The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action, and she gets a printout. But she just stares at it.*
*"Come on, Theresa," says Trump, "Tell us what it says."*
*"I can't! It is all in Urdu" ...*
*President Donald Trump and Theresa May are shown a time machine which can see 50 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each.*
*President Trump goes first: "What will the USA be like in 50 years Time?"*
*The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out: "The country is in good hands under the new president, Jose Fernandez Alcalde De Los Salias, crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy.* *Vice President Jin Tao has declared Chinese language mandatory in all US schools. There are no worries."*
*Theresa May thinks, "It's not bad, this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so she asks: "What will England be like in 50 years time?" The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action, and she gets a printout. But she just stares at it.*
*"Come on, Theresa," says Trump, "Tell us what it says."*
*"I can't! It is all in Urdu" ...*
And the best part?
This ugly wretched couple rules over Stinkie assets in the form of Temasek and GIC.
In any civilized country, that would have called for investigations into corruption, nepotism, cronyism and abuse of power.
Not in stinkieland.
Wrong vocab?!
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word i was looking for!”
--
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word i was looking for!”
--
Worried Mad
NEMØ
MAD Magazine has been said to close, but not exactly... it will stop making new content, except for year-end specials, available only for subscribers and direct market (comic shops), and not on newsstands anymore.
“The editorial mission statement has always been the same: ‘everyone is lying to you, including magazines. Think for yourself. Question authority,'” editor John Ficarra told Fast Company in 2012.
Everone is lying, including MAD Mag.
NEMØ
MAD Magazine has been said to close, but not exactly... it will stop making new content, except for year-end specials, available only for subscribers and direct market (comic shops), and not on newsstands anymore.
“The editorial mission statement has always been the same: ‘everyone is lying to you, including magazines. Think for yourself. Question authority,'” editor John Ficarra told Fast Company in 2012.
Everone is lying, including MAD Mag.
The will and wife
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said,
Please wait it’s not like what you are thinking
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!”
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said,
Please wait it’s not like what you are thinking
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!”
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