My Journal, My Life

[ginfreely]

And lo and behold, the unsavoury stalker strikes. She barged in with her drivel.

You are a serial liar through and through when you are the one that @ me and not that i am stalking you. And you are the unsavoury character with no morals that twisted my factual disclosure of harassment to hallucinations based on nothing but your dislike of me.

 

[Claire]

July 18 2021

Verisimilitude

A bright and sunny morning.

Verisimilitude lies in between fantasy and reality.

I miss your touch.

I swipe through our photos in gallery of my mobile phone.

It makes me feel I am with you.

Fantasy is a lie when reality is unattainable.

Verisimilitude is my painkiller.

 

[yinyang]

July 18 2021

Verisimilitude

A bright and sunny morning.

Verisimilitude lies in between fantasy and reality.

I miss your touch.

I swipe through our photos in gallery of my mobile phone.

It makes me feel I am with you.

Fantasy is a lie when reality is unattainable.

Verisimilitude is my painkiller.

And poof !

 

[Claire]

Jul 18 2021

Never be a Woman that needs a Man. Be a Woman that a Man Needs

Sunday afternoon.

I needed fresh air.

I needed a latte to clear my mangled thoughts on a corporate restructuring project.

Went downstairs, crossed the road and dropped myself into Starbucks.

There were two Singaporean ladies in front of me in the ordering queue. (I reckoned Singaporeans, based on their strong Singlish accent and usage).

They are probably in the same age group as myself, above 35 but not 40, yet.

"Yet" is a disgusting word for me.

It conjures an imminent threat.

It means to me - inevitable, not an option, unattractive, less desirable to men, menopause, et cetera, et cetera, and the most repulsive of all, loneliness.

I overhead their short but interesting conversation, before they were interrupted by the cashier to place an order.

Lady 1 : "I old already. (I) think marry a man who treats me well can already. Even (I) don't love him 100% is ok for me lah. No need very handsome like 黄晓明 type. But not too ugly like that Mark Lee lah ".

Lady 2 : "He must be rich lah. Love and treat you well got what use. No use one lah. You think you still young girl ah!".

Lady 1 : "Ok lah, as long as he 乖乖 and not the go KTV type can already lah, or else don't know what type of disease like AIDS or Covid he infect me later".

Lady 2 : "True lah, but now maybe he don't go KTV, but next time got more money sure will go outside and "taojiak" one lah".

Later, sipping my latte in the safe distancing Starbucks seating, I noted their harebrained conversation (as above), in verbatim, into my mobile phone and pondered.

I concluded :

Never be a Woman that needs a Man.
Be a Woman that a Man Needs.

Good night.

I am looking for a great working week ahead.

 

[Claire]

Jul 21 2021

Rumpy Pumpy

Before our rumpy pumpy

You will always tell me "I love you".
I ask if tonight you have a curfew.
You say she's at home at Sixth Avenue.

During our rumpy pumpy

Frenching and frolicking in each other's skin.
Into me and I feel your warmth within.
Do you realise you have committed a sin?

After our rumpy pumpy

I am always hoping that you would stay.
You say she will suspect that you are astray.
Despondency and tears flow as you go away.

 

[yinyang]

Good inspiration after your humpy (ooops, rather prefer your innocuous rumpy pumpy)

 

[Claire]

Good inspiration after your humpy (ooops, rather prefer your innocuous rumpy pumpy)

It wasn't recent. I have been a good girl nowadays.

 

[Claire]

July 22 2021

Forgive Him For He Has Sinned

"Why do men visit KTVs, "health" centres, dodgy massage joints?"

That was the hot trending discussion topic in the ex-classmates WhatsApp chat group, of which, unfortunately, I am a member of, for "diplomatic" reasons.

The prudes expressed their torrents of indignation, as if this long established local cultural business practice, is as novel, as the new and ravaging coronavirus Covid-19.

Face-saving self assuring messages flooded the WhatsApp groupchat when one ex classmate asked if any of their husbands had brought Covid-19 back home: - "Nah, my husband never goes to KTVs"; "He's too busy with his work to even go for foot massage with me!"; "He's an awesome father, he doesn't even buy 4D or Toto"; "My husband loves me, he wouldn't", et cetera, et cetera.

Adamantly, they believe that the men by their side are unforgivingly pietistic boyfriends, husbands and fathers, who wouldn't indulge in such rendezvous, in the course of their marriage and fatherhood.

I beg to differ.

Well, I had a tryst with one of their "canonised" Saint Hubby some years ago. Need I say more?

All men lust. Period.

When I was a young and newly minted legal practitioner in a law firm, I often wondered why the male lawyers in the firm had an "entertainment privilege" that I wasn't entitled to.

They came into office late in the mornings without ramifications. Occasionally they would disappear in the early afternoon for some supposed "client meetings" with their male senior partners. By late afternoon, they returned, looking refreshed, shaven, neatly combed hair, and walking around with a shampoo fragrance wafting after their shadows.

Once in a while, in social conversations, they would also have their own secret code words, in the likes of names of branded luxury bags or perfumes (Eg. Gucci, Dior or Chanel).

It didn't take me long to realise what were the "itineraries" of their day "meetings" and night "entertainment" with clients.

Morality aside, it's a men's world in much of the Asian business landscape.

Singapore's business environment is no exception as it strives for commerical, property and financial investments from the elite rich in China, Japan, India, Indonesia.

And lust has always been men's privilege since time immemorial.

Nature (or God) created men's lust as a necessity, forming part and parcel of humans' procreational survival. It has been, and always will be, no matter what objections feminist movements may have. Feminists can scream their heads off in the Straits Times forum, Twitter or Facebook and it wouldn't make a slightest of difference.

Over the years, I have learnt to accept men's indiscretions.

Men will always be men.

Instead of going head-on and try to "beat" the men, women should just play the game. If I cannot "beat" the men, I will "arrange" for the men to be beaten.

For Lust is also men's intrinsic weakness, that can be exploited to my advantage.

Last but not least, to the prudish wife of the "canonised" Saint Hubby, with whom I had a tryst, I am glad that to date, ignorance is still bliss for you and your children.

I meant no harm, even though we had fun, at your expense.

Don't worry about diseases, I made sure he wore a condom.

Forgive him for he has sinned.

 

[Claire]

July 23 2021

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Almost Midnight.
It's still 22 July 2021.
Our special day.
In my balcony.
Alone.
A glass of bubbly.
Awesome bay view.
Beautiful.
Successful.
But soulless.
Dom Pérignon.
Fizzy, but will be flat.
Nothing is forever.
Life is finite.
Just like yours.
Years have passed.
Soon it's my turn.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,
Is He There With A Cigar?
Should I End And Join Him There?
Jump Off Here Up In The Air
Boo Bear Boo Bear Wait For Me
I Will Fly There And Be Free.

 

[glockman]

July 23 2021

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Almost Midnight.
It's still 22 July 2021.
Our special day.
In my balcony.
Alone.
A glass of bubbly.
Awesome bay view.
Beautiful.
Successful.
But soulless.
Dom Pérignon.
Fizzy, but will be flat.
Nothing is forever.
Life is finite.
Just like yours.
Years have passed.
Soon it's my turn.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,
Is He There With A Cigar?
Should I End And Join Him There?
Jump Off Here Up In The Air
Boo Bear Boo Bear Wait For Me
I Will Fly There And Be Free.

I am deeply perturbed by what you wrote. It's sad. And dark. I hope those are just mere words and you have no intention of translating them into action. Seek help if you need someone to talk to.

 

[yinyang]

July 23 2021

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

This tune (unconsciously) came to my mind. And nothing to do with concurrent Tokyo Olympics

 

[Claire]

Jul 25 2021

Fate, Destiny & Suicide

The other night.

Gazing at the night sky, the three magnificent 55-storey hotel towers glittered. Hundreds of tiny lights emanated from the windows of the hotel rooms.

The grim reaper probably hid in one of those tiny lights, looking at me from afar, warning me, "Claire, not now, it's not your time yet...".

The bubbly couldn't intoxicate me. Soju with soda followed. I felt dizzy, started wondering about my destiny.

I scored 10 distinctions in "O" Levels, straight As in "A" Levels, Upper 2nd class Honours in Bachelor of Laws followed by LLM.

I worked hard, I achieved, I shaped my own destiny. The same shaping of my own destiny repeats, for my successful career to date.

What about fate?

I have never relied on fate.

I don't buy 4D, Big Sweep, Toto or gamble my life away in the casinos, hoping that fate delivers me an avenue to a better life.

I wonder had I left my formative years to fate, what would be the Claire of today?

Would I become a fluent hokkien speaking specialist, selling S-hooks on social media, shamelessly pedalling my body to boorish men, taking advantage of the popularity of this new media platform?​

​

Or would I be a female pastor, co-founding an ultra rich modern church with my rogue husband, selling the "insurance" of afterlife, and meanwhile, dancing like a whore in an MTV, abusing the trust of those who paid the "insurance premiums"?​

​

Or maybe I would become a woman politician with Singapore's ruling party, mediocre, but fortunate enough to be made a Minister, (thanks to the trending gender diversity in leadership agenda), and spewing half-witted messages like "You need a very small space to have sex"?​

What about suicide? Am I fated to die at a certain day and time?

Mr Grim Reaper, answer me.

I demand an answer.

 

[Claire]

Jul 26 2021

Croissants & Edible Love

I seldom cook or bake. He was the one who monopolised my kitchen.

"Cooking and baking for you represents my edible love for you".

These were his words, not mine. Always sounded cringy and absolutely too "油腻“ to me.

Most times, he would say that when I suggested "Let's eat out tonight".

I suspected that he was reluctant to dine out too often, just in case we were "spotted" by her or her friends or relatives.

Anyway, my consistent reply to him was, "No cooking or baking can be christened as edible love unless my kitchen is cleaned up after you show-off your artisanal skills!".

I felt like having croissants yesterday.

He had left his recipe book behind. I searched the storeroom. Found his handwritten recipe notebook, in his box of unclaimed stuff.

6 croissants completed.

I had 3 yesterday, and the other 3 with ham and cheese for brunch today.

They looked acceptable to me, though the final product didn't seem to be "crescent" enough. And a bit on the plump side too.

I sent my home baked croissant pictures to Sue via WhatsApp yesterday, after they came out from my (thankfully still functioning) oven.

Sue sarcastically replied that the Austrians might be offended, and won't eat them.

I asked her why?

She went on a long commentary about European history.

She said the crescent shaped crossiant represented the Turks Islamic emblem. The Austrians created the croissants to celebrate the failure of the Turks to invade Vienna yonks ago. The Austrians devoured the Turks and their Islamic emblem!

Whatever. I am not into history. I am only interested to ascertain whether they are edible.

Well, they didn't taste a wee bit like edible love.

Nonetheless, i am proud of my baking skills. Though they looked overweight and fatty, they were buttery and flaky. I haven't lost my baking touch.

Should be sufficient enough for me to gain some pounds. I am losing too much weight from HIITs and alcohol.

A new week, a new beginning.

 

[yinyang]

Next tasty morsel of your dalliances, please

 

[Claire]

Next tasty morsel of your dalliances, please

Dalliances cannot be invented. It's fated.

I ain't as lucky as most of my peers who have already navigated into the realm of motherhood.

The men I get acquainted with, more often than not, attempt to use love to get sex. Maybe I have been attracting the wrong genre. I am losing hope, but not hopeless yet.

I am no longer young. Going to hit my big four zero in mid double digit months.

Desperate? Sort of. Tired, yes.

If I end up as an old maid, I accept my fate.

Better to die an attractive old maid, penning my life, my journal here, than to marry recklessly (again) and get myself in another quandary.

 

[Claire]

Jul 28 2021

A Fleeting Thought

 

[Claire]

July 30 2021

Goosebumps

 

[yinyang]

July 30 2021

Goosebumps

View attachment 117854

You outdid yourself with this.
Breathless

 

[yinyang]

What's next out of your woodwork?

Asides, just some interesting (creative?) synonyms for your love congress:

(makan related)
-Horizontal refreshment
-Bam-bam in the ham
-Planting the parsnip

Groping for trout in a peculiar river

Tromboning

Et al

 

[Claire]

You outdid yourself with this.
Breathless

Thank you Mr YinYang. I am just a little too free recently.

What's next out of your woodwork?

Asides, just some interesting (creative?) synonyms for your love congress:

(makan related)
-Horizontal refreshment
-Bam-bam in the ham
-Planting the parsnip

Groping for trout in a peculiar river

Tromboning

Et al

Oh dear

I am not a soft porn writer. I am merely recording my life happenings so that one day when I am old and unwanted, I will read the words I have written here and laugh at myself.

Provided of course if this forum is still in existence

Meanwhile....I am having a fever...