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Jokes for laugh
- Thread starter super_kindaichi
- Start date
Whu u so angry for what ?? relax lah !!
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.
After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men
picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H - Husband, W - Wife)
H - "Hello?"
W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
H - "Yes."
W -"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a
beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
H -"What's the price?"
W - "Only $1,000."
H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
W -"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005
models. I saw one I really liked. It's a SLK model. I spoke with the
salesman and he gave me a really good price. and since we need to
exchange the BMW that we bought last year...
H - "What price did he quote you?"
W - "Only $65,000..."
H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else...
H -"What?"
W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account
and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we
had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool,
English garden, acre of park area, beach front property."
H - "How much are they asking?"
W - "Only $450,000 -- a magnificent price...and I see that we have that
much in the bank to cover..."
H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"
W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
H - "Bye...I love you too..."
The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at
him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while
holding the phone and asks "Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong
to???"
After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men
picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H - Husband, W - Wife)
H - "Hello?"
W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
H - "Yes."
W -"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a
beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
H -"What's the price?"
W - "Only $1,000."
H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
W -"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005
models. I saw one I really liked. It's a SLK model. I spoke with the
salesman and he gave me a really good price. and since we need to
exchange the BMW that we bought last year...
H - "What price did he quote you?"
W - "Only $65,000..."
H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else...
H -"What?"
W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account
and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we
had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool,
English garden, acre of park area, beach front property."
H - "How much are they asking?"
W - "Only $450,000 -- a magnificent price...and I see that we have that
much in the bank to cover..."
H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"
W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
H - "Bye...I love you too..."
The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at
him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while
holding the phone and asks "Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong
to???"
Subject: Two Red Indians and an Irishman
Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all
about. 'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'
The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening.
If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in
there waiting for us.
Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...............
"NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!"
Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all
about. 'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'
The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening.
If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in
there waiting for us.
Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...............
"NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!"
10Q for sharing bro
Keep the jokes coming. Can keep me relax during worktime.
Dear Prem Ministar
We citizens of Singapore urge you to PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
We DO NOT NEED your help.
Every time, you mention HELP, we have to run for cover!!!
Help the poor? Raise GST!
Help traffic flow? Up ERP!
Help passenger service? Up Bus fare/MRT fare!
Help us get taxi? Raise taxi fare!
Help us get good government? Raise Minister and Civil servant salary!
Everytime YOU WANT TO HELP, we all PAY FOR IT!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU...TOLONG LAH, please, we w! ill HELP OURSELVES, no
need
your help liao.
We DARE NOT ask for help any more!!!
Sir, most honoured sir, I urge you NOT TO HELP Singapore INVEST also!
Everytime your wife invest, we all lose money! Kao liao, kum siah!
Just let us have a dose of bad governance, like recently the Mat
Selamat
case, like dat....so far, it is ok,
your incompetence, we ACCEPT!
PLEASE DO NOT help us have better security! Wait we all kena PAY FOR
IT!!
I believe ALL SINGAPOREANS PREFER NOT TO HAVE CRUTCH MENTALITY!
I think it is ok lah, please just take your salary and enjoy life ok?
Thank you thank you,
I am very chin chai one, any how any how, no need to help oso can on
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Chin Chai One
10Q you for your letter. On behalf of the Prime Minister, I am replying
to your letter as follows.
As the erected party of Singaporeans, we are here to serve.
We are demon-cratic country, you are master, we gahmen servant, we
serve you. You got problems we must help. You say no need our help?
That means your not Singapore 's master. You say you run for cover?
Cannot one, our police will find you.
GST is to help the Gahmen to help yourself. The Gahmen Service Tax is
everywhere, you go America also have one, cannot run one.
Traffic very bad, so bad that we have to hold car racing at nite to
avoid traffic jam. We believe there is no free lunch like PM's father
say before, you use, you must pay, so Every Road Pay. So you see no ERP
cannot one.
Needless to say, passenger service also must pay. The increase in bus
fare and MRT and taxi fare are very little already. We forsee world
inflation coming: oil, steel, pay of foreign talents etc, so we have to
pay for the service.
You see, many foreign talents come to Singapore . If we don't pay our
ministers well, they will go other countries to be their foreign
talents. So must raise salary to keep them. If not, Nathan, Shanmugam,
Bala etc will go India and work. Khaw will go Malaysia . etc etc. Must
keep them. To keep them must pay well..
You are right, any help also must pay.
To help yourself? No, it's illegal. You mean you can build your own
MRT? Run your own buses? Drive your Ba-Ong-Chia? Build your own roads?
Seow liao!! Eve! ry one h elp himself then how? No social order lah! Ga
ga ask for help, we are here to serve you.
We understand some of you have temporary problem. Dont worry, it is
only short term. We must look long term. We must invest long term. Now
lose a bit dont cow beh cow boo, long term! Yes, remember. 30 or 50
years later we will own Swiss banks, US banks, UK properties, maybe
even South Pole condominiums. We must tighten our seat belt and bite
our false teeth. The future very bright. As long as you continue to
support the gahmen 30 to 50 years you will see bright future. So Chiang
See Tong a bit lah. Also, investing is very complicated business, not
easy. We must pay school fee to learn from advanced countries.
On Selamat's case, we also must learn our lesson. We encourage
life-long-learning. I learn whole life time, you learn whole life, Mr
Wong Cant Sing also whole life learning. It's actually good. Mr Wong
already apologise, dont force a dog to jump over the wall, the wall may
collapse. Old dog cannot jump high also.
Selamat's case gives us many lessons. We must be on alert, not too
complacent. Now every Singaporean know there can be a terrorist among
us any time. This is the best self defence education !! PM will give Mr
Wong another salary increment for that.
Also now we merge the prisons and detention centre, more space will be
available now. We will build it like another IR, Integrated Retention -
so those dont want our service and thinking of doing illegal service
will go there. We will pass a new law too, the expenses for stay in
that IR will be deducted from your CPF money.
Remember we must be grateful to people who help us -- and pay.
I hope I have explained the situation and give you the message clearly.
If you still need help, please call my handphone: 9990-6767 , it's
toll-free.
By the way, Mr Chin Chai One, our pioneer Toh Chin Chai already toh
long ago. So if you choose to be Chin Chin Chai Chai! , you wi ll also
Toh..
10Q you again,
Reguards,
Ah Beng
Grassrude secretary
We citizens of Singapore urge you to PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
We DO NOT NEED your help.
Every time, you mention HELP, we have to run for cover!!!
Help the poor? Raise GST!
Help traffic flow? Up ERP!
Help passenger service? Up Bus fare/MRT fare!
Help us get taxi? Raise taxi fare!
Help us get good government? Raise Minister and Civil servant salary!
Everytime YOU WANT TO HELP, we all PAY FOR IT!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU...TOLONG LAH, please, we w! ill HELP OURSELVES, no
need
your help liao.
We DARE NOT ask for help any more!!!
Sir, most honoured sir, I urge you NOT TO HELP Singapore INVEST also!
Everytime your wife invest, we all lose money! Kao liao, kum siah!
Just let us have a dose of bad governance, like recently the Mat
Selamat
case, like dat....so far, it is ok,
your incompetence, we ACCEPT!
PLEASE DO NOT help us have better security! Wait we all kena PAY FOR
IT!!
I believe ALL SINGAPOREANS PREFER NOT TO HAVE CRUTCH MENTALITY!
I think it is ok lah, please just take your salary and enjoy life ok?
Thank you thank you,
I am very chin chai one, any how any how, no need to help oso can on
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Chin Chai One
10Q you for your letter. On behalf of the Prime Minister, I am replying
to your letter as follows.
As the erected party of Singaporeans, we are here to serve.
We are demon-cratic country, you are master, we gahmen servant, we
serve you. You got problems we must help. You say no need our help?
That means your not Singapore 's master. You say you run for cover?
Cannot one, our police will find you.
GST is to help the Gahmen to help yourself. The Gahmen Service Tax is
everywhere, you go America also have one, cannot run one.
Traffic very bad, so bad that we have to hold car racing at nite to
avoid traffic jam. We believe there is no free lunch like PM's father
say before, you use, you must pay, so Every Road Pay. So you see no ERP
cannot one.
Needless to say, passenger service also must pay. The increase in bus
fare and MRT and taxi fare are very little already. We forsee world
inflation coming: oil, steel, pay of foreign talents etc, so we have to
pay for the service.
You see, many foreign talents come to Singapore . If we don't pay our
ministers well, they will go other countries to be their foreign
talents. So must raise salary to keep them. If not, Nathan, Shanmugam,
Bala etc will go India and work. Khaw will go Malaysia . etc etc. Must
keep them. To keep them must pay well..
You are right, any help also must pay.
To help yourself? No, it's illegal. You mean you can build your own
MRT? Run your own buses? Drive your Ba-Ong-Chia? Build your own roads?
Seow liao!! Eve! ry one h elp himself then how? No social order lah! Ga
ga ask for help, we are here to serve you.
We understand some of you have temporary problem. Dont worry, it is
only short term. We must look long term. We must invest long term. Now
lose a bit dont cow beh cow boo, long term! Yes, remember. 30 or 50
years later we will own Swiss banks, US banks, UK properties, maybe
even South Pole condominiums. We must tighten our seat belt and bite
our false teeth. The future very bright. As long as you continue to
support the gahmen 30 to 50 years you will see bright future. So Chiang
See Tong a bit lah. Also, investing is very complicated business, not
easy. We must pay school fee to learn from advanced countries.
On Selamat's case, we also must learn our lesson. We encourage
life-long-learning. I learn whole life time, you learn whole life, Mr
Wong Cant Sing also whole life learning. It's actually good. Mr Wong
already apologise, dont force a dog to jump over the wall, the wall may
collapse. Old dog cannot jump high also.
Selamat's case gives us many lessons. We must be on alert, not too
complacent. Now every Singaporean know there can be a terrorist among
us any time. This is the best self defence education !! PM will give Mr
Wong another salary increment for that.
Also now we merge the prisons and detention centre, more space will be
available now. We will build it like another IR, Integrated Retention -
so those dont want our service and thinking of doing illegal service
will go there. We will pass a new law too, the expenses for stay in
that IR will be deducted from your CPF money.
Remember we must be grateful to people who help us -- and pay.
I hope I have explained the situation and give you the message clearly.
If you still need help, please call my handphone: 9990-6767 , it's
toll-free.
By the way, Mr Chin Chai One, our pioneer Toh Chin Chai already toh
long ago. So if you choose to be Chin Chin Chai Chai! , you wi ll also
Toh..
10Q you again,
Reguards,
Ah Beng
Grassrude secretary
Ice Cream
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems
when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence
and you shot one with your gun how many would be left."
"None," replied Johnny, "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I
like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now.
If there were three women eating ice cream cones in
a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting
the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one
is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one
sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding
ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems
when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence
and you shot one with your gun how many would be left."
"None," replied Johnny, "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I
like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now.
If there were three women eating ice cream cones in
a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting
the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one
is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one
sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding
ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:
Room Service (RS): 'Morrin. Roon sirbees.'
Guest (G): 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.'
RS: ' Rye ..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??'
G: 'Uh..yes.I'd like some bacon and eggs.'
RS: 'Ow July den?'
G: 'What??'
RS: 'Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?'
G : 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them?
Sorry, scrambled please.'
RS: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'
G: 'Crisp will be fine.'
RS : 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'
G: 'What?'
RS:'An toes. July Sahn toes?'
G: 'I don't think so.'
RS: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes??'
G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.'
RS: 'Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?'
G: 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.'
RS: 'We bodder?'
G: 'No...just put the bodder on the side.'
RS: 'Wad! ?'
G: 'I mean butter...just put it on the side.'
RS: 'Copy?'
G: 'Excuse me?'
RS: 'Copy...tea...meel?'
G: 'Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.! '
RS: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin w bodder on sigh and copy....rye??'
G: 'Whatever you say.'
RS: 'Tenjewberrymuds.'
G : 'You're very welcome.'
Room Service (RS): 'Morrin. Roon sirbees.'
Guest (G): 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.'
RS: ' Rye ..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??'
G: 'Uh..yes.I'd like some bacon and eggs.'
RS: 'Ow July den?'
G: 'What??'
RS: 'Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?'
G : 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them?
Sorry, scrambled please.'
RS: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'
G: 'Crisp will be fine.'
RS : 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'
G: 'What?'
RS:'An toes. July Sahn toes?'
G: 'I don't think so.'
RS: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes??'
G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.'
RS: 'Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?'
G: 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.'
RS: 'We bodder?'
G: 'No...just put the bodder on the side.'
RS: 'Wad! ?'
G: 'I mean butter...just put it on the side.'
RS: 'Copy?'
G: 'Excuse me?'
RS: 'Copy...tea...meel?'
G: 'Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.! '
RS: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin w bodder on sigh and copy....rye??'
G: 'Whatever you say.'
RS: 'Tenjewberrymuds.'
G : 'You're very welcome.'
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