Daily Rubbish

[bakkuttay]

this afternoon, whilst in bangkok, a girl was screaming to kopiuncle

sceaming girl: kopiuncle! come on! give it to me! give it to me!!, i'm so fucking wet. give it to me now!!!!!!!!!

.

'
nasty kopiuncle just held the ground and refused to pass the umbrella to the girl.

 

[bakkuttay]

in the younger days, kopiuncle worked as a construction worker, went to consult a doctor.

kopiuncle: doctor i have very severe constipation, could not shit for nearly 2 weeks'

doctor: ok, remove your pants, lie on the bed face downwards.

after examination. doctor took a baseball bat and give his arse a hard whack with kopiuncle yelled in pain.

doctor: now go to the toilet now. you should be ok.

after toilet, kopiuncle: thank you doctor, i can shit now, what was my problem????

doctor: just stop using cement bags to wipe your arsehole.

 

[escher]

in the younger days, kopiuncle worked as a construction worker, went to consult a doctor.

kopiuncle: doctor i have very severe constipation, could not shit for nearly 2 weeks'

doctor: ok, remove your pants, lie on the bed face downwards.

after examination. doctor took a baseball bat and give his arse a hard whack with kopiuncle yelled in pain.

doctor: now go to the toilet now. you should be ok.

after toilet, kopiuncle: thank you doctor, i can shit now, what was my problem????

doctor: just stop using cement bags to wipe your arsehole.

ha ha ha ha

rotflmao

 

[Scrooball (clone)]

Kopiuncle comes home from a hard day of work only to find his wife ilovesingapore laying infront of the fire place with her legs wide open. Kopiuncle asked, "Honey what are you doing?" ilovesingapore replied, "I'm heating up your dinner."

 

[bakkuttay]

do you know the most decisive decision pinky lee has to make??????

pinky was suffering from food poisoning resulting in severe diarrhea.

when kopiuncle was rimming him, he has to decide whether to fart or not.

well one day not too long ago, kopuncle went home with face full of shit. so now you know pinky final decision.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle took his illegitimate son tigerdimwit to the doctor

doctor gave prescription of 7 coloured pills, red, orange yellow green bliue indigo and violet for tigerdimwit.

take one pill per hour with a glass of water for all the colours per day.

following week kopiuncle informed doctor that his illegitimate son tigerdimwit is now ok.

kopiuncle: what are the pills for doctor for?????

doctor: as an extremed dull person, the pills is actually to ensure tigerdimwit take at least 7 glasses of water a day..

 

[bakkuttay]

a while ago, kopiuncle came out of a gay bar very tipsy. walked unsteadily on way to hotel,

saw in the backlane a dead body of a whore whom he recognised from prevous trip.

took off his pants to mount her, just then a policeman came by,

police: hey there!!!!, are your obsessed with necrophilia, trying to fuck a corpse

kopiuncle: oh!!!!!! this whore i tried to book last trip made an agreement to me.

policeman: what agreement are you talking about?????

kopiuncle: she said that if i want to book to fuck her, she said "over my dead body".

 

[bakkuttay]

when kopiuncle was in IMH as an inmate, there was ponding from heavy drain in IMH.

his fellow inmate fell into the drain, and kopiuncle jumped in and saved his fellow inmate.

this action was witnessed by IMH superintendent, a meeting was convened to discuss kopiuncle life saving deed.

since kopiuncle is capable of saving a drowning man, he should be mentally ok and safe to be discharged

doctor: kopiuncle, we have good news and bad news, good news is that you will be discharged.

kopiuncle: what is the bad news????

doctor: the fellow inmate you saved is dead, we found he hung himself in the bathroom.

kopiuncle: no!!! nooooo!!!!! he did not hang himself, i hung him up to dry.

kopiuncle discharge from IMH was withdrawn

.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle: ilovesingapore very cold and do not want any sex anymore. is there medication for this????

doctor: here is an experimental very potent for ilovesingapore only. pop just ONE into her drink at nite.

during dinner kopiuncle put one pill in ilovesingapore drink as well as his own.

after eating and drinking, ilovesingapore went to kitchen to warm up some cup cakes.

then ilovesingapore came in sweating from kitchen: oh oh ohhhh.... i need a m-m-m-man!!!!!

kopiuncle uncontrollably in a shaky quavering voice: m-m-m-m-mme-e t-t-t-tooo


.

 

[bushtucker]

kopiuncle: no!!! nooooo!!!!! he did not hang himself, i hung him up to dry.

kopiuncle discharge from IMH was withdrawn

.

LOL. good one dude!

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle was drunk but insisted to show friend sammy his new desker road home, whispering not to wake wife ilovesingapore.

kopiuncle went showing from living room to dining room to kitchen to guest room and then quietly opened bedroom door.

kopiuncle: shhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!, see the woman on right is my wife ilovesingapore, the person sleeping on left is me.

and then kopiuncle quietly closed the door

 

[escher]

where the fuck is kopiuncle?

He too long with his head below waterline of unflushed toilet bowl ?

Anyone in public toilets and seeing kopiuncle there tell him to check in here

 

[chonburifc]

Bro bkt, this thread really tok kong. Sometimes laugh until almost really want to Lao sai. Well done!

 

[bakkuttay]

ilovesingapore heard a burring sound from her daughter room. opening the door, saw naked daughter using dildo.
ilovesingpore: hey why are you using the dildo?
kopidaughter: at 30, you do not allow me a boyfriend, this is the only substitute to me...

another day, kopiuncle opened door to whirling sound coming from kopidaughter room.
kopiuncle: what??? you use that dildo on your naked body.
kopidaughter: at 30, you do not allow me to marry tigerdimwit. this is my only substitute to a husband.

at weekend, ilovesingapore went to check vibrating sound from tv room, saw dildo vibrating on sofa beside kopiuncle.
ilovesingapore: what the fuck are you doing with that dildo???
kopiuncle: oh!!! i am just watching tv with my son-in-law.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle: sammyboy, this is my first job and first day working, thank you for the blind date. what if i do not like the girl??

sammyboy: well tonight, if hoching is not to your liking, just yelp "aaauuuggghhhhhhh!!!" and fake an asthma attack.

ding dong, door opened and standing before kopiuncle a very pretty girl who could have qualified for miss youth finalist.

hoching: aaaauuuugggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle first wife was in deep coma in intensive care for a long while.

one day, kopiuncle touched her left breast, her finger gave a very light twitch
then kopiuncle touched her right breast, this time the toes twitched.

kopiuncle: doctor doctor!!! my wife fingers and toes twiched when i touched her left and right breast. is this a good sign??

doctor: yes, maybe you can have sex with her, she may show more positive signs. for privacy, i will be outside the door waiting.

after a moderate lapse, the door was hastily opened.

kopiuncle: doctor doctor doctor!!!!!!!!!, please help, my wife choked.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle woke up late and have no time to take the breakfast his wife ilovesingapore prepared for him.

kopiuncle to a gulp of kopi, ilovesingapore prepared and rush out to catch the bus.

on the bus, kopiuncle realised he forgot to take his mobile phone with him.

went home to get the phone at lunchtime and saw a sms message on the phone.

"kopi darling, you left the mobile phone on the kitchen table. call me if you want me to bring to the your office , love ils"

now we know how stooopigg ilovesingapore is.

.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle was driving a taxi, and the passenger tapped lightly on his shoulder.
suddenly, kopiuncle lost control of his taxi, swerved to the other side of the road and nearly hit the tree at changi coastal road.

passenger: i am sorry, i did not know a small tap on your shoulder can cause such a dramatic reaction.

kopiuncle: this is my first day as a taxi driver having just left my job of 10 years as a funeral van driver.

 

[bakkuttay]

ilovesingapore: your finger smelled like a vagina!!!!!!.

kopiuncle: because i just finger fucked you.

ilovesingapore: your thumb smelled like shit!!!!!

kopiuncle: how do you think i make myself cum.

 

[bakkuttay]

ilovesingapore suspected kopiuncle cheated on her, suddenly gave the maid the day off without telling kopiuncle.

when kopiuncle retired for the nite, ilovesingapore complained of stomach-ache and went to the toilet.

but instead sneaked to maid's room, switched off lights, went onto the bed and covered herself with the blanket.

quietly, with light footsteps came upon the bed and humped her so violently the way that she never experienced before.

when over, ilovesingapore switched the light and yelled: you never expected to be me, do you?

"no mum" kopison replied