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St. Johnstone manager Tommy Wright: "So Arsenal waited 10 years to lift a trophy again? Well, we waited 10 times longer! So Arsene Wenger finds that his muscles are no longer conditioned to hold up a trophy for long? Well, my muscles can't even lift up the Scottish Cup!"
(St. Johnstone wins the Scottish Cup, its first major trophy in 103 years.)
Ferguson: "Congratulations on being appointed the new manager of Manchester United. There are still some doubters who questioned whether you are the right manager for Man U. So why don't you declare your pedigree in the best possible way?"
van Gaal: "And what would that be?"
Ferguson: "Win the World Cup with the Netherlands first."
van Gaal: "........."
Ferguson: "Welcome van Gaal to Man United. As you know, I have retired and I never, ever never, meddle in how the new manager runs Man United..."
van Gaal: "I'm relieved to hear that."
Ferguson: "...so I am glad that you will be playing Rooney as number 10 and moving Mata to the left. I am also glad that you will be buying Kevin Strootman instead of Cesc Fabregas or Toni Kroos. And that Luke Shaw and William Carvalho, they are good buys. I know, because I recommended them."
van Gaal: "But...but...but I have not made those decisions yet!"
Balotelli: "Hey look! My ku ku cheow is showing a little erection. Is this what Brendan Rodgers mean when he said I must feel passion playing for Liverpool?"