You have all the classic symptoms of depression and I suggest you get help before it is too late.
Try
https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/transcranial-magnetic-stimulation/about/pac-20384625 and let me know if it works.
I've had my dark moments too when I felt the same way as you. There was one evening a few years ago where I logged into the server to delete this whole fucking website and all the backups.
Only one tiny factor stopped me. I knew that if I did that many people would say good riddance and I did not want to give them the satisfaction of winning.
I'm glad I changed my mind because I now enjoy running this site again and it gives me great satisfaction to have a place where I don't have to be "woke".
If I had relied on twitter and facebook my accounts would have been banned a long time ago.