But how come in the Lee household, Whore Jinx eats first and Pinky washes the dishes?
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Rules of one Malaysian Malay household : "In this house, Women must let Men eat meals first, then wash their dishes for them"
- Thread starter UltimaOnline
- Start date
If a man marries, one of the perks surely is getting to decide when and how to use his wife as he wishes. Or it should be like that imo
Its the modern Nordic way.
In the old days, they were Vikings.
Rules are ways to manipulate others and power over others. very dark and cabal-like. I suggest the women to walk away from the household if they do not like such rules and control. No one has any right to control over you or other. you are your own sovereignty. Proper/ highly evolved humans in a proper/ highly evolved household do not have any rules to power over others.
Not easy for full time housewife to do unless she is financially independent.
That’s why should diam diam & just be a good housewife haha
i suggest all women to find ways to get themselves finanically independent first before getting married. This is what lousy men do when they use such womens' dependency to their advantage. It bring nothing of happiness from such manipulation and abuse.
And suffer physical and verbal abuse occasionally? Not a good way to live,
Wife becomes the maid.....well said
.that is what marriage is for. If not marry for wat?
.that is what marriage is for. If not marry for wat?
Many women ask this question too! Marry for what? To be enslaved?
Than why women marry n complain n set up AWARE etc? Don't marry than no need for AWARE n feminism right?
Alamak I talked about being forerunner of using iRobot, dryer and dishwasher only ccb Malaysian and sinkie dogs can twist it to I am poor thing. Please lah I bought all these home appliances but either my ex husband used them more or jointly. He is the neat freak while I am the messy one and hardly even mop my floor and wear slippers at home all the time ok.
Pui your filthy Malaysian slut mother wife daughters phua cb the real mangoes while I am a virgin viciously slandered by you vicious evil filthy coward dogs sons of chickens.I quite like this way of living. Women have always existed to serve men...and not just food
In fact I didn’t start cooking at all until after being fired from sfc. I am a late developer in life hahaha.
It takes a while before established customs are altered.
That goes to show how stressful my job at sfc was indeed. Where got time and mood to cook - let alone wash dishes - with either high risk audit issues or vicious liar slanderer Indian bitch slut kt latha biting me non stop?
Women don't know their place in marriage. N dont know their place at home...n this is wat happens.
More couples seek counselling as circuit breaker, working from home put strain on marriages
File photo of wedding rings. (Photo: AFP/Jay DIRECTO)Bookmark
SINGAPORE: After months of fighting and added stress at home, Jack and Rose* considered getting a divorce due to “deep levels of hurt” resulting from tensions during the COVID-19 “circuit breaker” period.
With everyone at home, there were more chores and cleaning up to do. As schools were closed, they also had to supervise their seven-year-old child doing home-based learning.
Speaking to CNA about the couple’s experience, chief wellbeing officer of the Singapore Counselling Centre (SCC) John Shepherd Lim said: “The wife, being the main caregiver, was highly stressed out and was frustrated at the fact that her husband was not helping around the house despite his presence at home.”
This is a “very typical situation” for families during the circuit breaker period, Mr Lim noted, adding that the “levels of hurt” and “extent of relational strain” in the case of Jack and Rose were due to the tone and abrasiveness when the couple communicated with each other.
The real names of the couple were not given because of confidentiality issues.
“The wife accused her husband of being useless and nonchalant, causing the husband to feel unvalidated as he worked hard to feed the family; the husband accused his wife of being noisy and irritating, causing the wife to feel all the more upset as her feelings were not understood,” said Mr Lim.
The couple are not the only ones seeing tensions at home escalate after extended periods of staying home and working from home together. Therapists and counsellors CNA spoke to saw an increase in the number of couples and individuals approaching them because of relationship problems.
CHALLENGES ADJUSTING TO NEW ROUTINES
Alliance Counselling saw about 30 to 40 per cent more couples and individuals over the past six months, said counsellor Martine Hill.
Working from home together puts more strain on couples because their daily routines have been disrupted and they find it challenging to adjust to the changes, said Ms Hill.
“They haven't learned how to set appropriate boundaries around who is doing what. How are they going to split their time? Who gets the computer? And in some ways there are many factors that can be influencing them, particularly the actual confinement of space,” she added.
With the COVID-19 pandemic, life as they knew it has disappeared, and many people were not able to explain what they were experiencing, said Ms Hill.
“They knew that they were so tired. They knew that they were feeling sluggish, but weren't able to put into words what they were experiencing ... Therefore, they’re often more irritable or less patient with people around them, but they weren't able to communicate,” she added.
“So it was kind of like - why are we getting into these arguments? Why are we getting into big fights? Why am I so irritable? Why is everybody driving me crazy?”
LESS PERSONAL SPACE, BLURRED BOUNDARIES
At SCC, Mr Lim saw a 20 per cent increase in the number of couples going for counselling sessions over the past six months compared to earlier this year.
Decreased personal space is a “major stressor”, said Mr Lim. “In every relationship, it is healthy for couples to maintain a good balance of personal and shared space, as personal space allows the individual to retain a sense of self and identity as well as meet their own wants and needs.”
“When tensions do arise, having to go to work can serve as a much-needed reprieve for both parties to calm down, allowing them to be in a better state of mind to deal with the conflict calmly when they get back,” he added.
“However, having to face each other for long periods of time at home tends to cause individuals to feel frustrated, thus reducing the emotional capacity of both parties to tolerate and enjoy each other."
Having both partners working from home also “blurs the work-family boundaries”, said Mr Lim.
Before the pandemic, people could focus on work in the office and dedicate time to the family when they are at home. However, the presence of family members or children in one’s workspace at home could result in conflicts in work and family demands, he added.
“With the added demand of having to tend to family needs, differences in expectations and values when it comes to the distribution of load in this aspect is also a common point of conflict,” said Mr Lim.
Those who work longer hours may expect their partners who do not have jobs or who finish work earlier to take on more household responsibilities, noted Ms Hill. “It could be something like ‘If you finished early how come you didn't make dinner?’”
READ: Retrenchments in Singapore spike in first half of the year, surpassing SARS peak: MOM
Counsellors also noted that monetary and job issues were another factor in many disagreements among couples they saw.
“There can be the pressures of not knowing if they have a job, or maybe they've already lost a job. There’s an external pressure of money. There's also the external pressure of not knowing how long this will last,” said Ms Hill.
“And then there’s the thing about whose job is more important,” she added.
MORE ENQUIRIES ABOUT DIVORCE
While the Family Justice Court said it “has yet to see a rising trend in the number of divorce applications filed”, several lawyers told CNA that they have had more enquiries since the start of the circuit breaker.
Lawyer Gloria James-Civetta from Gloria James-Civetta & Co said that the firm received between 60 and 80 calls and emails per month from April to June from people looking to get a divorce.
On the reasons commonly cited for divorce and separation, Ms James-Civetta said: “Being confined with the person 24/7 made them realise that it is inevitable and no point prolonging the suffering.”
Lawyer Nureliza Syahidain Effendy from IRB Law LLP said she has seen at least 20 per cent more divorce enquiries since April, with many couples specifically citing the circuit breaker as a reason.
“Prior to (the circuit breaker), they would actually say … oh this person is unreasonable, because of our character differences et cetera, we are not able to remain married to each other.
“But when it comes to the circuit breaker itself, they actually quote those reasons specifically, (saying) that because of the recent circuit breaker, we realised that we are not compatible, and I am unable to stand this kind of behaviour for too long,” she said.
Financial issues are another reason cited. With people losing their jobs or being forced to go on no-pay leave, these stressors could take a toll on the marriage, Ms Nureliza said.
Some have filed on the basis of family violence.
Citing a case that she is handling, Ms Nureliza said the woman sought help from the firm as a victim of domestic abuse.
“And then, later on, she decided that look, because of this domestic abuse, I don't think I can tolerate this behaviour; it's very stressful for me, it’s very scary to stay with a person who has displayed this kind of behaviour to me. So she has decided to proceed with her divorce.”
Such cases make up a significant portion of recent divorce enquiries, she said, attributing it to the rise of domestic violence over the circuit breaker.
READ: COVID-19: MSF keeping 'close watch' on domestic abuse cases as more reach out for help over circuit breaker period
But not all couples eventually go through with the divorce. Some started proceedings, only to ask later if they can withdraw from the process.
“I say, sure. Whichever works for you because at the end of the day, make sure that whatever decision (you’re) going to make is not something that (you) will regret in the future, just over a one-time incident,” Ms Nureliza said.
SETTING BOUNDARIES AND COMMUNICATING BETTER
In resolving tensions in the relationship, therapists said couples should set time and space boundaries to ensure a balance of personal and shared space.
This could include having fixed work spaces in separate rooms. They could also discuss which parts of the day they would prefer not to be disturbed, while committing to being more present at home for other parts of the day, said Mr Lim.
Dr Tracie Lazaroo, a clinical psychologist at Inner Light Psychological Services and LP Clinic, said couples should manage expectations of each other and fine-tune communicative skills to facilitate conflict resolution.
“It was also important to teach couples how to manage their anxiety and uncertainty over the lockdown to prevent them from becoming an echo chamber with each other where their projected discomfort and worry creates more tension and strain within the relationship,” she added.
Partners should also be mindful that both parties are going through a difficult period, with “heightened demands and emotions”, said Mr Lim.
“Being self-aware about the increased emotionality one is experiencing would allow the individual to take a step back to recognise the impact that the external environment has on the relationship.”
He added: “While the COVID-19 situation has caused much abrasion in relationships, it has also surfaced many problems in our communication and relational styles that need work. If handled well, we would emerge from this crisis stronger and closer.”
More couples seek counselling as circuit breaker, working from home put strain on marriages
File photo of wedding rings. (Photo: AFP/Jay DIRECTO)Bookmark
SINGAPORE: After months of fighting and added stress at home, Jack and Rose* considered getting a divorce due to “deep levels of hurt” resulting from tensions during the COVID-19 “circuit breaker” period.
With everyone at home, there were more chores and cleaning up to do. As schools were closed, they also had to supervise their seven-year-old child doing home-based learning.
Speaking to CNA about the couple’s experience, chief wellbeing officer of the Singapore Counselling Centre (SCC) John Shepherd Lim said: “The wife, being the main caregiver, was highly stressed out and was frustrated at the fact that her husband was not helping around the house despite his presence at home.”
This is a “very typical situation” for families during the circuit breaker period, Mr Lim noted, adding that the “levels of hurt” and “extent of relational strain” in the case of Jack and Rose were due to the tone and abrasiveness when the couple communicated with each other.
The real names of the couple were not given because of confidentiality issues.
“The wife accused her husband of being useless and nonchalant, causing the husband to feel unvalidated as he worked hard to feed the family; the husband accused his wife of being noisy and irritating, causing the wife to feel all the more upset as her feelings were not understood,” said Mr Lim.
The couple are not the only ones seeing tensions at home escalate after extended periods of staying home and working from home together. Therapists and counsellors CNA spoke to saw an increase in the number of couples and individuals approaching them because of relationship problems.
CHALLENGES ADJUSTING TO NEW ROUTINES
Alliance Counselling saw about 30 to 40 per cent more couples and individuals over the past six months, said counsellor Martine Hill.
Working from home together puts more strain on couples because their daily routines have been disrupted and they find it challenging to adjust to the changes, said Ms Hill.
“They haven't learned how to set appropriate boundaries around who is doing what. How are they going to split their time? Who gets the computer? And in some ways there are many factors that can be influencing them, particularly the actual confinement of space,” she added.
With the COVID-19 pandemic, life as they knew it has disappeared, and many people were not able to explain what they were experiencing, said Ms Hill.
“They knew that they were so tired. They knew that they were feeling sluggish, but weren't able to put into words what they were experiencing ... Therefore, they’re often more irritable or less patient with people around them, but they weren't able to communicate,” she added.
“So it was kind of like - why are we getting into these arguments? Why are we getting into big fights? Why am I so irritable? Why is everybody driving me crazy?”
LESS PERSONAL SPACE, BLURRED BOUNDARIES
At SCC, Mr Lim saw a 20 per cent increase in the number of couples going for counselling sessions over the past six months compared to earlier this year.
Decreased personal space is a “major stressor”, said Mr Lim. “In every relationship, it is healthy for couples to maintain a good balance of personal and shared space, as personal space allows the individual to retain a sense of self and identity as well as meet their own wants and needs.”
“When tensions do arise, having to go to work can serve as a much-needed reprieve for both parties to calm down, allowing them to be in a better state of mind to deal with the conflict calmly when they get back,” he added.
“However, having to face each other for long periods of time at home tends to cause individuals to feel frustrated, thus reducing the emotional capacity of both parties to tolerate and enjoy each other."
Having both partners working from home also “blurs the work-family boundaries”, said Mr Lim.
Before the pandemic, people could focus on work in the office and dedicate time to the family when they are at home. However, the presence of family members or children in one’s workspace at home could result in conflicts in work and family demands, he added.
“With the added demand of having to tend to family needs, differences in expectations and values when it comes to the distribution of load in this aspect is also a common point of conflict,” said Mr Lim.
Those who work longer hours may expect their partners who do not have jobs or who finish work earlier to take on more household responsibilities, noted Ms Hill. “It could be something like ‘If you finished early how come you didn't make dinner?’”
READ: Retrenchments in Singapore spike in first half of the year, surpassing SARS peak: MOM
Counsellors also noted that monetary and job issues were another factor in many disagreements among couples they saw.
“There can be the pressures of not knowing if they have a job, or maybe they've already lost a job. There’s an external pressure of money. There's also the external pressure of not knowing how long this will last,” said Ms Hill.
“And then there’s the thing about whose job is more important,” she added.
MORE ENQUIRIES ABOUT DIVORCE
While the Family Justice Court said it “has yet to see a rising trend in the number of divorce applications filed”, several lawyers told CNA that they have had more enquiries since the start of the circuit breaker.
Lawyer Gloria James-Civetta from Gloria James-Civetta & Co said that the firm received between 60 and 80 calls and emails per month from April to June from people looking to get a divorce.
On the reasons commonly cited for divorce and separation, Ms James-Civetta said: “Being confined with the person 24/7 made them realise that it is inevitable and no point prolonging the suffering.”
Lawyer Nureliza Syahidain Effendy from IRB Law LLP said she has seen at least 20 per cent more divorce enquiries since April, with many couples specifically citing the circuit breaker as a reason.
“Prior to (the circuit breaker), they would actually say … oh this person is unreasonable, because of our character differences et cetera, we are not able to remain married to each other.
“But when it comes to the circuit breaker itself, they actually quote those reasons specifically, (saying) that because of the recent circuit breaker, we realised that we are not compatible, and I am unable to stand this kind of behaviour for too long,” she said.
Financial issues are another reason cited. With people losing their jobs or being forced to go on no-pay leave, these stressors could take a toll on the marriage, Ms Nureliza said.
Some have filed on the basis of family violence.
Citing a case that she is handling, Ms Nureliza said the woman sought help from the firm as a victim of domestic abuse.
“And then, later on, she decided that look, because of this domestic abuse, I don't think I can tolerate this behaviour; it's very stressful for me, it’s very scary to stay with a person who has displayed this kind of behaviour to me. So she has decided to proceed with her divorce.”
Such cases make up a significant portion of recent divorce enquiries, she said, attributing it to the rise of domestic violence over the circuit breaker.
READ: COVID-19: MSF keeping 'close watch' on domestic abuse cases as more reach out for help over circuit breaker period
But not all couples eventually go through with the divorce. Some started proceedings, only to ask later if they can withdraw from the process.
“I say, sure. Whichever works for you because at the end of the day, make sure that whatever decision (you’re) going to make is not something that (you) will regret in the future, just over a one-time incident,” Ms Nureliza said.
SETTING BOUNDARIES AND COMMUNICATING BETTER
In resolving tensions in the relationship, therapists said couples should set time and space boundaries to ensure a balance of personal and shared space.
This could include having fixed work spaces in separate rooms. They could also discuss which parts of the day they would prefer not to be disturbed, while committing to being more present at home for other parts of the day, said Mr Lim.
Dr Tracie Lazaroo, a clinical psychologist at Inner Light Psychological Services and LP Clinic, said couples should manage expectations of each other and fine-tune communicative skills to facilitate conflict resolution.
“It was also important to teach couples how to manage their anxiety and uncertainty over the lockdown to prevent them from becoming an echo chamber with each other where their projected discomfort and worry creates more tension and strain within the relationship,” she added.
Partners should also be mindful that both parties are going through a difficult period, with “heightened demands and emotions”, said Mr Lim.
“Being self-aware about the increased emotionality one is experiencing would allow the individual to take a step back to recognise the impact that the external environment has on the relationship.”
He added: “While the COVID-19 situation has caused much abrasion in relationships, it has also surfaced many problems in our communication and relational styles that need work. If handled well, we would emerge from this crisis stronger and closer.”
Divorce rates goes up in Japan after the men retire because he fusses too much at home as sleep all day doing nothing hindering housewives daily chores.
Women need to know their place in the world, and is sham a faggot? He seems to be subservient to those men with tits
Commentary: Goodbye to those days, when women were 'pieces of meat for men to slice'
Parliament’s passing of the Women’s Charter in 1961 was groundbreaking but the women’s movement has since stalled – until the recent announcement by Home Affairs and Law Minister K Shanmugam, says AWARE president Margaret Thomas.
Women holding the Singapore national flag pose for a photograph at the Merlion Park to mark the 55th National Day celebrations in Singapore on Aug 9, 2020. (Photo: AFP/Rosland Rahman)Bookmark
SINGAPORE: Women in our society are like pieces of meat put on the table for men to slice, declared Chan Choy Siong in a fiery speech in the Legislative Assembly in April 1960.
Choy Siong, the People's Action Party (PAP) Member for Delta and a passionate champion of women’s rights, was speaking in support of the Women’s Charter Bill.
She said it would bring about “a revolutionary change in society” as men would no longer be able to “take women as pieces of merchandise”.
The bill, which became law in 1961, was indeed remarkably progressive for the times. It gave women and men equal standing in marriage and banned polygamy for non-Muslims.
The five female PAP candidates for the 1959 elections. Left to right: Oh Su Chen, Che Sahorah binte Ahmat, Chan Choy Siong, Ho Puay Choo and Fung Yin Ching. (Photo: Voices and Choices: The Women’s Movement in Singapore. Used with permission from Singapore Council of Women's Organisations)
FIGHTING AGAINST POLYGAMY AND MUCH MORE IN 1950S
This ban on polygamy was what another pioneering feminist, Shirin Fozdar, campaigned for relentlessly during the 1950s.
Shirin, who began making speeches about women’s rights when she was a schoolgirl in India, came to Singapore in 1950 with her husband to spread the Baha’i faith. She soon discovered that many of the men she and her husband met at social events were there not with, as she had presumed, their one and only wife, but with their second, third or fourth wife.
Horrified that polygamy was so rife and that women and children had so little legal protection, Shirin got together some of the leading women in Singapore and formed the Singapore Council of Women (SCW).
Shirin and the SCW wrote letters, gave talks, and met with political and community leaders throughout the 1950s.
Following the 1955 Legislative Assembly general election, which was Singapore’s first political election and which saw David Marshall of the Labour Front becoming the Chief Minister, Shirin wrote an open and angry letter to Mr Marshall.
“Before the elections, the Labour Front and the PAP promised to work for the uplift of the underdog and see that justice and equality prevailed. The women in this country were praying for the election of courageous and just men, who would remove the inequalities between the sexes in this country,” she said.
But “political rivalry and immature statesmanship have plunged this country into turmoil and unrest,” Shirin said.
“How much better it would be if instead of making the Legislative Assembly an arena for politicians to indulge in verbal bouts, the elected representatives would unite together on this one important issue of removing the injustices done to women. This would be repaying to some extent the debt of gratitude that you each owe to your mother, who happened to be a woman.”
The SCW’s open letter had, however, little effect on the politicians. It was only during the campaigning for the 1959 General Election that women’s rights made an appearance, and the issue was only raised by the PAP.
Voting had become compulsory in 1959, and with women forming half of the electorate, the PAP, then an opposition party, went all out to secure the female vote.
Its The Tasks Ahead manifesto spoke of monogamous marriage laws, jobs for women, equal pay for equal work, care of widows and orphans, and of encouraging women to be active in politics.
Chan Choy Siong and others from the PAP’s Women’s League spoke rousingly at PAP rallies about how women needed to be freed from being the playthings of men.
Even Kwa Geok Choo, the wife of PAP leader Lee Kuan Yew, joined the fray.
Mr Lee Kuan Yew, Mdm Kwa Geok Choo and their first son Lee Hsien Loong. (Photo: Mrs Lee Kuan Yew’s collection, Mr Lee Hsien Loong's Facebook
In her first and only political speech, Mrs Lee argued the case for equal pay for equal work, saying: “Our society is still built on the assumption that women are the social, political and economic inferiors of men. This myth has been made the excuse for the exploitation of female labour.”
Having convincingly won the 1959 election, the PAP government set out to deliver on its promise to the women of Singapore and in 1960 it tabled the Women’s Charter Bill.
At the final reading of the Bill in Parliament in March 1961, Choy Siong declared that the law would “give the women's movement a very flat and level road on which to travel”.
THEN THE WOMEN’S MOVEMENT DISAPPEARED FOR A LONG TIME
The Women’s Charter indeed was a “landmark legislation”, as Law and Home Affairs Minister K Shanmugam noted in his recent speech about women and gender equality – a speech that is itself likely to become another landmark in the women’s movement here.
READ: Review on women's issues goes beyond the law, aims to 'deeply ingrain' gender equality in society: Shanmugam
But the road for women has not been quite as flat and level as Choy Siong anticipated and as the rest of us would have liked.
The lively women’s movement of the 1950s all but disappeared in the 1960s. With the Women’s Charter in place and polygamy banned, the SCW had little else to campaign for.
Shirin moved in 1961 to Thailand to work with destitute women and girls. Without her galvanising presence, SCW’s membership dwindled and it was dissolved in 1971.
Meanwhile, the PAP’s interest in getting more women into politics also seemed to dwindle. Most of its women MPs left when the Barisan Socialis faction split from the party, leaving just Choy Siong in Parliament.
Choy Siong, a passionate champion of women’s rights. (Photo: Voices and Choices: The Women’s Movement in Singapore. Used with permission from Singapore Council of Women's Organisations)
When Choy Siong retired from politics in 1970, the House became an all-male affair. It would remain without the benefit of women’s views and voices for 14 years, until the general elections of 1984. The opposition parties did have some women candidates, but none got elected.
When in 1979 the Government announced a quota on the number of women admitted to medical school, there was no woman in Parliament to argue against this blatantly discriminatory move.
There was no woman in the nation’s highest policy-making body to take issue with statements like that of Health Minister Toh Chin Chye who said it was difficult for a woman to be a good doctor because “she had to be a wife and a mother besides performing night duty in government hospitals”.
The quota, which meant women could only make up a third of each intake of medical students, would remain in place until 2003. It was one of several discriminatory laws and policies that AWARE campaigned against for many years, and which were only rectified about 15 years ago.
READ: Commentary: Here’s what women really want regarding gender equality
A "PROPER ROLE"
The problem was that while the Women’s Charter was, at that time, a progressive law in making women and men equals in a marriage, it was not legislation that established gender equality as a fundamental value for Singapore.
Polygamy was banished, but patriarchy persisted.
File photo of Parliament House. (Photo: Hani Amin)
It was evident in the all-male Parliament we had for 14 years, and in sexist statements such as “girls should be girls” that emerged in the wake of Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew’s controversial 1983 National Day Rally speech.
The late Mr Lee’s remarks sparked what became known as the Great Marriage Debate that led to a slew of sexist, elitist, and eugenicist comments and schemes designed to get graduate women to marry and have lots of children.
Shortly after this speech, Minister of State for Education Tay Eng Soon called for girls’ schools to cater to “feminine” interests and activities so that the girls would grow up better prepared for their ‘natural and proper role in life’ as wives and mothers.
Commentary: Goodbye to those days, when women were 'pieces of meat for men to slice'
Parliament’s passing of the Women’s Charter in 1961 was groundbreaking but the women’s movement has since stalled – until the recent announcement by Home Affairs and Law Minister K Shanmugam, says AWARE president Margaret Thomas.
Women holding the Singapore national flag pose for a photograph at the Merlion Park to mark the 55th National Day celebrations in Singapore on Aug 9, 2020. (Photo: AFP/Rosland Rahman)Bookmark
SINGAPORE: Women in our society are like pieces of meat put on the table for men to slice, declared Chan Choy Siong in a fiery speech in the Legislative Assembly in April 1960.
Choy Siong, the People's Action Party (PAP) Member for Delta and a passionate champion of women’s rights, was speaking in support of the Women’s Charter Bill.
She said it would bring about “a revolutionary change in society” as men would no longer be able to “take women as pieces of merchandise”.
The bill, which became law in 1961, was indeed remarkably progressive for the times. It gave women and men equal standing in marriage and banned polygamy for non-Muslims.
The five female PAP candidates for the 1959 elections. Left to right: Oh Su Chen, Che Sahorah binte Ahmat, Chan Choy Siong, Ho Puay Choo and Fung Yin Ching. (Photo: Voices and Choices: The Women’s Movement in Singapore. Used with permission from Singapore Council of Women's Organisations)
FIGHTING AGAINST POLYGAMY AND MUCH MORE IN 1950S
This ban on polygamy was what another pioneering feminist, Shirin Fozdar, campaigned for relentlessly during the 1950s.
Shirin, who began making speeches about women’s rights when she was a schoolgirl in India, came to Singapore in 1950 with her husband to spread the Baha’i faith. She soon discovered that many of the men she and her husband met at social events were there not with, as she had presumed, their one and only wife, but with their second, third or fourth wife.
Horrified that polygamy was so rife and that women and children had so little legal protection, Shirin got together some of the leading women in Singapore and formed the Singapore Council of Women (SCW).
Shirin and the SCW wrote letters, gave talks, and met with political and community leaders throughout the 1950s.
Following the 1955 Legislative Assembly general election, which was Singapore’s first political election and which saw David Marshall of the Labour Front becoming the Chief Minister, Shirin wrote an open and angry letter to Mr Marshall.
“Before the elections, the Labour Front and the PAP promised to work for the uplift of the underdog and see that justice and equality prevailed. The women in this country were praying for the election of courageous and just men, who would remove the inequalities between the sexes in this country,” she said.
But “political rivalry and immature statesmanship have plunged this country into turmoil and unrest,” Shirin said.
“How much better it would be if instead of making the Legislative Assembly an arena for politicians to indulge in verbal bouts, the elected representatives would unite together on this one important issue of removing the injustices done to women. This would be repaying to some extent the debt of gratitude that you each owe to your mother, who happened to be a woman.”
The SCW’s open letter had, however, little effect on the politicians. It was only during the campaigning for the 1959 General Election that women’s rights made an appearance, and the issue was only raised by the PAP.
Voting had become compulsory in 1959, and with women forming half of the electorate, the PAP, then an opposition party, went all out to secure the female vote.
Its The Tasks Ahead manifesto spoke of monogamous marriage laws, jobs for women, equal pay for equal work, care of widows and orphans, and of encouraging women to be active in politics.
Chan Choy Siong and others from the PAP’s Women’s League spoke rousingly at PAP rallies about how women needed to be freed from being the playthings of men.
Even Kwa Geok Choo, the wife of PAP leader Lee Kuan Yew, joined the fray.
Mr Lee Kuan Yew, Mdm Kwa Geok Choo and their first son Lee Hsien Loong. (Photo: Mrs Lee Kuan Yew’s collection, Mr Lee Hsien Loong's Facebook
In her first and only political speech, Mrs Lee argued the case for equal pay for equal work, saying: “Our society is still built on the assumption that women are the social, political and economic inferiors of men. This myth has been made the excuse for the exploitation of female labour.”
Having convincingly won the 1959 election, the PAP government set out to deliver on its promise to the women of Singapore and in 1960 it tabled the Women’s Charter Bill.
At the final reading of the Bill in Parliament in March 1961, Choy Siong declared that the law would “give the women's movement a very flat and level road on which to travel”.
THEN THE WOMEN’S MOVEMENT DISAPPEARED FOR A LONG TIME
The Women’s Charter indeed was a “landmark legislation”, as Law and Home Affairs Minister K Shanmugam noted in his recent speech about women and gender equality – a speech that is itself likely to become another landmark in the women’s movement here.
READ: Review on women's issues goes beyond the law, aims to 'deeply ingrain' gender equality in society: Shanmugam
But the road for women has not been quite as flat and level as Choy Siong anticipated and as the rest of us would have liked.
The lively women’s movement of the 1950s all but disappeared in the 1960s. With the Women’s Charter in place and polygamy banned, the SCW had little else to campaign for.
Shirin moved in 1961 to Thailand to work with destitute women and girls. Without her galvanising presence, SCW’s membership dwindled and it was dissolved in 1971.
Meanwhile, the PAP’s interest in getting more women into politics also seemed to dwindle. Most of its women MPs left when the Barisan Socialis faction split from the party, leaving just Choy Siong in Parliament.
Choy Siong, a passionate champion of women’s rights. (Photo: Voices and Choices: The Women’s Movement in Singapore. Used with permission from Singapore Council of Women's Organisations)
When Choy Siong retired from politics in 1970, the House became an all-male affair. It would remain without the benefit of women’s views and voices for 14 years, until the general elections of 1984. The opposition parties did have some women candidates, but none got elected.
When in 1979 the Government announced a quota on the number of women admitted to medical school, there was no woman in Parliament to argue against this blatantly discriminatory move.
There was no woman in the nation’s highest policy-making body to take issue with statements like that of Health Minister Toh Chin Chye who said it was difficult for a woman to be a good doctor because “she had to be a wife and a mother besides performing night duty in government hospitals”.
The quota, which meant women could only make up a third of each intake of medical students, would remain in place until 2003. It was one of several discriminatory laws and policies that AWARE campaigned against for many years, and which were only rectified about 15 years ago.
READ: Commentary: Here’s what women really want regarding gender equality
A "PROPER ROLE"
The problem was that while the Women’s Charter was, at that time, a progressive law in making women and men equals in a marriage, it was not legislation that established gender equality as a fundamental value for Singapore.
Polygamy was banished, but patriarchy persisted.
File photo of Parliament House. (Photo: Hani Amin)
It was evident in the all-male Parliament we had for 14 years, and in sexist statements such as “girls should be girls” that emerged in the wake of Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew’s controversial 1983 National Day Rally speech.
The late Mr Lee’s remarks sparked what became known as the Great Marriage Debate that led to a slew of sexist, elitist, and eugenicist comments and schemes designed to get graduate women to marry and have lots of children.
Shortly after this speech, Minister of State for Education Tay Eng Soon called for girls’ schools to cater to “feminine” interests and activities so that the girls would grow up better prepared for their ‘natural and proper role in life’ as wives and mothers.
