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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Naughty ones
1. A 95-year-old man sucks his 90-year-old wife's breast for
half an hour and drinks 2 drops of milk.
POSTMORTEM REPORT - death due to drinking milk after EXPIRY
DATE!
2. Husband reading a book on bed with wife beside. His finger went to tease wife's water-hole.Wife started to strip herself
and asked , "you want sex"?
Husband answered "No, I just want to wet my finger to turn the page."
3. Rooster and cat going over bridge. Cat slips & falls into river.
Rooster can't stop laughing.The moral of the story?
Whenever there is a wet pussy, there's a happy cock.
4. There are 3 Males and 1 Female pencils in a box.
The Female pencil gets pregnant. Which Male pencil is
responsible?
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
5. Woman in bed with husband's best friend; phone rings!
She said, "YES.. OK, BYE." She turns to her lover and says,
"THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU."
6. There are 3 Roosters: one normal, one retarded and one gay.
Normal: "Cock-a-doodle-dooo!"
Retarded: "Doodle-cock-a-dooo!"
Gay: "Any-cock-will dooo!"
7. What's the most difficult GOLF COURSE in this world?
Answer: INTERCOURSE. No matter how many strokes or what
style you play, your balls will never go in!
8. FACT: Women can get a 2-inch wide penis into a 1.5-inch vagina in pitch
darkness, but can't get a fucking 15-feet car into a 40ft parking space in broad daylight!
9. COCK says to his two BALLS: "I am going to take you with me to a party."
The BALLS say: "You fucking liar! You always get INSIDE and leave us waiting OUTSIDE!!!"
10.Q: Why do men have pubic hair?
A: A nest for their bird...
Q: Why do women have pubic hair?
A: A resting place for the incoming bird!
11.Girlfriends are like appetizers - Taste good any time.
Mistresses are like tomyam - Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.
WIVES are like maggi mee - To be eaten when there's nothing to eat!
12. The income tax office asked a prostitute why she put her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied, "I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR!"
13. A girl who opens her hand receives gifts.
A girl who opens her heart receives love.
But when a girl opens her legs, she receives happiness.
1. A 95-year-old man sucks his 90-year-old wife's breast for
half an hour and drinks 2 drops of milk.
POSTMORTEM REPORT - death due to drinking milk after EXPIRY
DATE!
2. Husband reading a book on bed with wife beside. His finger went to tease wife's water-hole.Wife started to strip herself
and asked , "you want sex"?
Husband answered "No, I just want to wet my finger to turn the page."
3. Rooster and cat going over bridge. Cat slips & falls into river.
Rooster can't stop laughing.The moral of the story?
Whenever there is a wet pussy, there's a happy cock.
4. There are 3 Males and 1 Female pencils in a box.
The Female pencil gets pregnant. Which Male pencil is
responsible?
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
5. Woman in bed with husband's best friend; phone rings!
She said, "YES.. OK, BYE." She turns to her lover and says,
"THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU."
6. There are 3 Roosters: one normal, one retarded and one gay.
Normal: "Cock-a-doodle-dooo!"
Retarded: "Doodle-cock-a-dooo!"
Gay: "Any-cock-will dooo!"
7. What's the most difficult GOLF COURSE in this world?
Answer: INTERCOURSE. No matter how many strokes or what
style you play, your balls will never go in!
8. FACT: Women can get a 2-inch wide penis into a 1.5-inch vagina in pitch
darkness, but can't get a fucking 15-feet car into a 40ft parking space in broad daylight!
9. COCK says to his two BALLS: "I am going to take you with me to a party."
The BALLS say: "You fucking liar! You always get INSIDE and leave us waiting OUTSIDE!!!"
10.Q: Why do men have pubic hair?
A: A nest for their bird...
Q: Why do women have pubic hair?
A: A resting place for the incoming bird!
11.Girlfriends are like appetizers - Taste good any time.
Mistresses are like tomyam - Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.
WIVES are like maggi mee - To be eaten when there's nothing to eat!
12. The income tax office asked a prostitute why she put her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied, "I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR!"
13. A girl who opens her hand receives gifts.
A girl who opens her heart receives love.
But when a girl opens her legs, she receives happiness.
Place : Mental Hospital
Doctor : What is this?
Patient : This is the book I wrote, total 500 pages.
Doctor : You wrote 500 pages??!! What did you write??
Patient : 1st page I wrote -
1 king rode on a horse & going towards jungle.
And on the last page I wrote -
The king reached the jungle
Doctor : You idiot! The rest of 498 pages what did you write???
Patient :
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
Doctor : Who will read your story?
Patient : I'll put in watssapp and some mental stress reader will surely read.. like the one reading now.....Happy Friday !!!!
Doctor : What is this?
Patient : This is the book I wrote, total 500 pages.
Doctor : You wrote 500 pages??!! What did you write??
Patient : 1st page I wrote -
1 king rode on a horse & going towards jungle.
And on the last page I wrote -
The king reached the jungle
Doctor : You idiot! The rest of 498 pages what did you write???
Patient :
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
Doctor : Who will read your story?
Patient : I'll put in watssapp and some mental stress reader will surely read.. like the one reading now.....Happy Friday !!!!
Square Testicles
This is a true story that is supposed to bring you luck.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Scotland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'.
The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'
'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'
'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Scotland !'
The origin of this story is unknown but it brings luck to everyone to whom it is sent. Whoever breaks the chain would definitely be unlucky.
Do not keep this letter. And do
not send money. Just forward it to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck. Something good will happen to you in the next four days. If the chain is not broken, you will have good luck during the four days.
Even if all you do is make someone laugh, but do it now
This is a true story that is supposed to bring you luck.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Scotland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'.
The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'
'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'
'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Scotland !'
The origin of this story is unknown but it brings luck to everyone to whom it is sent. Whoever breaks the chain would definitely be unlucky.
Do not keep this letter. And do
not send money. Just forward it to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck. Something good will happen to you in the next four days. If the chain is not broken, you will have good luck during the four days.
Even if all you do is make someone laugh, but do it now
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition held in Britain
Banta Singh walks into a bar in London , orders 3 glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."
Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai , the other in Canada and I'm here in London . When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."
The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
Banta Singh became a regular in the bar and would always drink the same way. He'd order 3 Beers and drink them in turn.
One day, he came in and ordered only 2 Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bar tender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss."
Banta Singh looked confused for a moment, and then he laughs.... "Oh, no,"
He said, "Everyone's fine; both my brothers are alive. The only thing is . .
I have quit drinking"!!!
Instead of drinking some may be ducking on behalf of others.
Sorry, instead of drinking some may be fucking on behalf of others.
Banta Singh walks into a bar in London , orders 3 glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."
Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai , the other in Canada and I'm here in London . When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."
The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
Banta Singh became a regular in the bar and would always drink the same way. He'd order 3 Beers and drink them in turn.
One day, he came in and ordered only 2 Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bar tender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss."
Banta Singh looked confused for a moment, and then he laughs.... "Oh, no,"
He said, "Everyone's fine; both my brothers are alive. The only thing is . .
I have quit drinking"!!!
Instead of drinking some may be ducking on behalf of others.
Sorry, instead of drinking some may be fucking on behalf of others.
YOUR PHONE NUMBER. WILL REVEAL YOUR AGE.
AMAZING -AMAZING-AMAZING
Your Phone number will reveal your actual Age.
I do not know who discovered this?
but it is...Really accurate.
It will take about 15 seconds,
read and do it at the same time so that you will not lose the fun.
1- Take a look at your last digit of your cell phone number
2- Use this figure and multiply by 2
3- Then add 5
4- And then multiply by 50
5-And then add the number 1765
6- The last step; with this number, subtract your birth year.
Now you see a three-digits number.
The first digit is the last digit of your phone number, the next two digits are your actual age!
IS'NT THIS SURPRISING?
Try it...
Really amazing.
Helps prevent alzheimers too.Try la
AMAZING -AMAZING-AMAZING
Your Phone number will reveal your actual Age.
I do not know who discovered this?
but it is...Really accurate.
It will take about 15 seconds,
read and do it at the same time so that you will not lose the fun.
1- Take a look at your last digit of your cell phone number
2- Use this figure and multiply by 2
3- Then add 5
4- And then multiply by 50
5-And then add the number 1765
6- The last step; with this number, subtract your birth year.
Now you see a three-digits number.
The first digit is the last digit of your phone number, the next two digits are your actual age!
IS'NT THIS SURPRISING?
Try it...
Really amazing.
Helps prevent alzheimers too.Try la
Church Humour......................
A woman approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say: "Hi, we're hot and we want to have some fun?"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise the lord and worship."
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house.
His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The woman puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot and we want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims: "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered.”
A woman approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say: "Hi, we're hot and we want to have some fun?"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise the lord and worship."
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house.
His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The woman puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot and we want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims: "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered.”
What if you wanted to cheat, and be sweet 17 again? Get a new phone??! :p
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