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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Rules of a new Golf Club:-
1. Ladies are prohibited from touching gentlemen's balls, either with hands or clubs.
2. All holes must be kept clean.
3. Gentlemen making a hole-in-one, must change lady partners in the second round.
4. Ladies are requested to remain quiet while gentlemen are taking short strokes.
5. Partners are requested to tee off together at each tee.
6. When the lady partner goes off first, the gentleman must not delay the stroke but continue to play.
7. In cases where the lay is impossible, ladies have the privilege of choosing a new position.
8. When the gentleman finds this impossible, he may choose a new lay starting at least a ball's length from the hole.
9. Players are requested to refrain from playing any holes under repair or with red flag in white background.
10. While the management strives to improve the course in every way, they cannot be held responsible for the loss or damage of balls in the brush or around the holes.
1. Ladies are prohibited from touching gentlemen's balls, either with hands or clubs.
2. All holes must be kept clean.
3. Gentlemen making a hole-in-one, must change lady partners in the second round.
4. Ladies are requested to remain quiet while gentlemen are taking short strokes.
5. Partners are requested to tee off together at each tee.
6. When the lady partner goes off first, the gentleman must not delay the stroke but continue to play.
7. In cases where the lay is impossible, ladies have the privilege of choosing a new position.
8. When the gentleman finds this impossible, he may choose a new lay starting at least a ball's length from the hole.
9. Players are requested to refrain from playing any holes under repair or with red flag in white background.
10. While the management strives to improve the course in every way, they cannot be held responsible for the loss or damage of balls in the brush or around the holes.
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, Wearing an oxygen mask over his Mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.
A young student nurse appears to give him a Partial sponge bath.
Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask
'Are my Testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies
'I don't know, Sir.
I'm only here to wash your upper body.'
He struggles to ask again,
'Nurse, are my Testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her Embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his
Penis in one hand and his Testicles in the other, Lifting and moving them around gently.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen Very, very closely.....
'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?'
A young student nurse appears to give him a Partial sponge bath.
Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask
'Are my Testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies
'I don't know, Sir.
I'm only here to wash your upper body.'
He struggles to ask again,
'Nurse, are my Testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her Embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his
Penis in one hand and his Testicles in the other, Lifting and moving them around gently.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen Very, very closely.....
'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?'
Some wisdoms for start of week:p
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain . God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Frankness
HUSBAND in good mood.... Darling, remember 25 years ago I had a rented one room apartment, a table fan, a black & white tv and a cycle to use. But, at night I used to sleep besides a 25 yr old beautiful girl. Now I own a luxurious centrally a/c bungalow 4 LED TVs & a limousine but I sleep with a 50 yr old woman...
WIFE: Dont worry. Just find yourself a 25 yr old beautiful woman & I will make sure that you go back to your 1 room rented apartment, table fan, black & white TV and cycle in no time....!!
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN
YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !!
ωσмєη ωιll вє ωσмєη...
.
.
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up ?"
God said, "No, you have another 34 years to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital & have a face-lift surgery, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color
Finally she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she asked,
"You said I had another 34 years to live.
Why didn't you save me from the truck?"
(You'll love this)
God replied:
"I couldn't recognize you!"
Aur karo makeup
.
.
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up ?"
God said, "No, you have another 34 years to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital & have a face-lift surgery, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color
Finally she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she asked,
"You said I had another 34 years to live.
Why didn't you save me from the truck?"
(You'll love this)
God replied:
"I couldn't recognize you!"
Aur karo makeup
A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a
Flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of
'a house of ill repute' and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the
Money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she
Told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the
Girls have any diseases?'
Of course the Madam said 'No'. The boy said, 'I heard all the men
Talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber -
THAT'S the
Girl I want.'
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it,
The Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten
Minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam,
And headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in
The place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'
He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents
Are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a
Baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she
Just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught.
When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the
Way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to
Bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the
Milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the
Bugger who ran over my FROG!'
Flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of
'a house of ill repute' and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the
Money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she
Told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the
Girls have any diseases?'
Of course the Madam said 'No'. The boy said, 'I heard all the men
Talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber -
THAT'S the
Girl I want.'
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it,
The Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten
Minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam,
And headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in
The place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'
He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents
Are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a
Baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she
Just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught.
When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the
Way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to
Bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the
Milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the
Bugger who ran over my FROG!'
how 'bout those who ran over my CPF!
Rules of a new Golf Club:-
1. Ladies are prohibited from touching gentlemen's balls, either with hands or clubs.
2. All holes must be kept clean.
3. Gentlemen making a hole-in-one, must change lady partners in the second round.
4. Ladies are requested to remain quiet while gentlemen are taking short strokes.
5. Partners are requested to tee off together at each tee.
6. When the lady partner goes off first, the gentleman must not delay the stroke but continue to play.
7. In cases where the lay is impossible, ladies have the privilege of choosing a new position.
8. When the gentleman finds this impossible, he may choose a new lay starting at least a ball's length from the hole.
9. Players are requested to refrain from playing any holes under repair or with red flag in white background.
10. While the management strives to improve the course in every way, they cannot be held responsible for the loss or damage of balls in the brush or around the holes.
1. Ladies are prohibited from touching gentlemen's balls, either with hands or clubs.
2. All holes must be kept clean.
3. Gentlemen making a hole-in-one, must change lady partners in the second round.
4. Ladies are requested to remain quiet while gentlemen are taking short strokes.
5. Partners are requested to tee off together at each tee.
6. When the lady partner goes off first, the gentleman must not delay the stroke but continue to play.
7. In cases where the lay is impossible, ladies have the privilege of choosing a new position.
8. When the gentleman finds this impossible, he may choose a new lay starting at least a ball's length from the hole.
9. Players are requested to refrain from playing any holes under repair or with red flag in white background.
10. While the management strives to improve the course in every way, they cannot be held responsible for the loss or damage of balls in the brush or around the holes.
Belong to the same club I guess.
Life in Thai Train
Perhaps what one remembers best about a third-class train ride in Thailand is the shower you take afterwards — the lumps of dust coming out of your nose, the grimy water running off your body and how washing your hair three times is not enough to take away the metal odour.
Perhaps what one remembers best about a third-class train ride in Thailand is the shower you take afterwards — the lumps of dust coming out of your nose, the grimy water running off your body and how washing your hair three times is not enough to take away the metal odour.
By the time you read through this you will understand
"TANJOOBERRYMUTTS".
Here goes... The following is a telephonic exchange between a Hotel
guest & room-service in China ...
Room Service: "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service."
Room Service: "Rye, Roon sirbees... morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen?"
Guest: "Uh... Yes, I'd like to order bacon & eggs."
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"
Guest: " .......What?"
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. ulai sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."
RoomService: "No? Udo wan sahn toes?"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan
sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!... Why Uoo don wan toes?... Ow bow anglish
moppin we botter?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...
Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We botter?"
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
Room Service: "Copy.. tea... meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin,
we botter on sigh & copy... Rye?"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
Room Service: "Tanjooberrymutts."
Guest: "You're welcome"
Remember I did say "By the time you read through this... YOU WILL
UNDERSTAND 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS'
"TANJOOBERRYMUTTS".
Here goes... The following is a telephonic exchange between a Hotel
guest & room-service in China ...
Room Service: "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service."
Room Service: "Rye, Roon sirbees... morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen?"
Guest: "Uh... Yes, I'd like to order bacon & eggs."
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"
Guest: " .......What?"
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. ulai sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."
RoomService: "No? Udo wan sahn toes?"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan
sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!... Why Uoo don wan toes?... Ow bow anglish
moppin we botter?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...
Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We botter?"
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
Room Service: "Copy.. tea... meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin,
we botter on sigh & copy... Rye?"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
Room Service: "Tanjooberrymutts."
Guest: "You're welcome"
Remember I did say "By the time you read through this... YOU WILL
UNDERSTAND 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS'
A Chineseman and an Englishman were asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10.
The Englishman tried very hard but could not do it. Then the Englishman turned to the Chineseman and very confidently said, "If I cannot do this, I am very sure that this would be way beyond your ability."
The Chineseman thought for a while and this is what he came up with.....
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down! I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
The Englishman tried very hard but could not do it. Then the Englishman turned to the Chineseman and very confidently said, "If I cannot do this, I am very sure that this would be way beyond your ability."
The Chineseman thought for a while and this is what he came up with.....
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down! I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
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