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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
The matrix of 69 is one ate one (1 8 1)
couldn't you just say a Singapore doctor!
A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies:
"Why? What happened at 8:30?"
The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies:
"Why? What happened at 8:30?"
the boss would have answered back" to meet your replacement!!!!" hahhahha
Hahaha good retort that would have been.
Teo Saman.
N
You looking for me?
Sirius, you mug shots drew a blank?
You looking for me?
Bro thanks for sharing, that was niceFlasher??
Two ladies talking in heaven
1st woman: Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad.... After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
PRICELESS!!
1st woman: Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad.... After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
PRICELESS!!
3 dogs sittin at the vets...
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s, when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said: “So, why are you here?”
The yellow Lab replied: “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything….the sofa, the curtains, the cat and the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.”
The black Lab said: “So what’s the vet going to do?”
“Gonna cut my nuts off,” came the replies the yellow Lab.
“They reckon it’ll calm me down.”
The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked: “So, why are you here?”
The Black Lab said: “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets, but I went over the line last night, when I dug a great big hole in my owners’ couch.”
“So what are they going to do to you ? ” the Yellow Lab enquired.
“Looks like I’m losing my nuts too,” the dejected Black Lab said.
The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked: “Why are you here?”
“I’m a humper,” said the Great Dane. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts; I want to hump everything I see.”
Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away.”
The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said: “So, it’s nuts off for you too, huh?”
The Great Dane said: “No. Apparently I’m here to get my nails clipped!”
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s, when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said: “So, why are you here?”
The yellow Lab replied: “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything….the sofa, the curtains, the cat and the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.”
The black Lab said: “So what’s the vet going to do?”
“Gonna cut my nuts off,” came the replies the yellow Lab.
“They reckon it’ll calm me down.”
The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked: “So, why are you here?”
The Black Lab said: “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets, but I went over the line last night, when I dug a great big hole in my owners’ couch.”
“So what are they going to do to you ? ” the Yellow Lab enquired.
“Looks like I’m losing my nuts too,” the dejected Black Lab said.
The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked: “Why are you here?”
“I’m a humper,” said the Great Dane. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts; I want to hump everything I see.”
Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away.”
The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said: “So, it’s nuts off for you too, huh?”
The Great Dane said: “No. Apparently I’m here to get my nails clipped!”
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he
started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and
shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your
mouth shut.
started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and
shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your
mouth shut.
Whisky Trivia - Interesting!
The world's most expensive bottle of Scotch whisky is Isabella’s Islay ($6.2 million).
The oldest Scotch whisky on the market is the Aisla T’Orten 107 years old, distilled in 1906. It costs $ 1.43 million
Glenfiddich is the world's best-selling single malt
Johnnie Walker Red Label is the world's best-selling Scotch
The Famous Grouse is the best-selling whisky in Scotland
Glenmorangie is the best-selling single malt in Scotland.
The world's fastest growing Scotch today is Black Dog. India is a major contributor to its sales.
The five most popular single malts globally are Glenfiddich, The Glenlivet, Glenmorangie Original, Aberlour and Laphroaig
Bruichladdich’s The Octomore is the most heavily peated whisky in the world (167ppm)
The three oldest single malts currently sold are Glenturret, Oban and Glenlivet
The oldest distillery in Scotland is Glenturret (1775), followed by Bowmore (1779)
With each bottle of Laphroaig that you buy, you are entitled to a lifetime lease of one sq foot of the distillery’s land, along with a personalized certificate of ownership
Cadenhead’s Whisky Shop on Canongate, has a unique selling point: customers can have a bottle poured straight from a cask and labeled with their name. When sealed it has a label with the ‘born on date’, as whisky stops aging as soon as it leaves the wooden barrel, so each bottle is a unique blend.
The highest price paid at an auction for a bottle of Scotch was $631,850 for a 6-liter The Macallan “M” single malt, in a decanter by Lalique. (The highest price paid at an auction for a standard sized Scotch was $460,000 for a 64-year-old Macallan malt whisky)
Edradour is the smallest distillery in Scotland. The entire operation is run by just three people
The Glenmorangie distillery is one of the smallest in the Highlands and employs just sixteen craftsmen, called ‘The Sixteen Men of Tain’
The most expensive country in which to buy Scotch, ironically, is the UK, where it is made
In the UK, its home country, the five most popular blended Scotch whiskies are The Famous Grouse, William Grant’s, Bell’s, Teacher’s and J&B Rare. Note: Johnnie Walker does not feature in the list of best-selling blends in its home country.
A closed bottle of Scotch can be kept for 100 years and still be good to drink. After opening, a bottle of Scotch whisky will remain good for five years.
The Australian Wine Research Institute has introduced a measure called a standard drink. In Australia, a standard drink contains 10 g (12.67 ml) of alcohol, the amount that an average adult male can metabolize in one hour.
Although their proof differs, standard drinks of beer, wine and spirits contain the same amount of alcohol – 0.6 ounces each. They’re all the same to a breathalyzer.
18,000 litres of Scotch whisky worth over $800,000 were accidentally flushed down the drain at Chivas Brothers’ Dumbarton bottling plant in 2013.
Experts advise you to drink single malt with just a dash of water. The water supposedly ‘releases the serpent’ from the whisky
If there is a serpent, there is also an angel. As it ages, 2-2.5 % of the whisky maturing in a barrel is lost to evaporation every year. Distillers refer to this as the ‘angel’s share’.
There is also a devil. The whisky absorbed by the wood of barrel during maturation is known as the 'devil's cut’
Some sources claim that the Irish whiskey distillers brought the Irish custom of triple distillation with them to Scotland. Auchentoshan was probably started by Irish settlers, led by the MacBeathas, starting this custom. The source of the name Auchentoshan is Gaelic. It means 'corner of the field'.
The United States and Ireland spell it as 'whiskey'. A simple way to remember the spelling: if it comes from a country without an ‘e’ in its spelling, then it is spelt 'whisky'. (e.g., Scotland, Canada, Japan, India, etc.)
Indian 'whisky' is technically flavoured rum, because it's essentially made from sugar
The world's most expensive bottle of Scotch whisky is Isabella’s Islay ($6.2 million).
The oldest Scotch whisky on the market is the Aisla T’Orten 107 years old, distilled in 1906. It costs $ 1.43 million
Glenfiddich is the world's best-selling single malt
Johnnie Walker Red Label is the world's best-selling Scotch
The Famous Grouse is the best-selling whisky in Scotland
Glenmorangie is the best-selling single malt in Scotland.
The world's fastest growing Scotch today is Black Dog. India is a major contributor to its sales.
The five most popular single malts globally are Glenfiddich, The Glenlivet, Glenmorangie Original, Aberlour and Laphroaig
Bruichladdich’s The Octomore is the most heavily peated whisky in the world (167ppm)
The three oldest single malts currently sold are Glenturret, Oban and Glenlivet
The oldest distillery in Scotland is Glenturret (1775), followed by Bowmore (1779)
With each bottle of Laphroaig that you buy, you are entitled to a lifetime lease of one sq foot of the distillery’s land, along with a personalized certificate of ownership
Cadenhead’s Whisky Shop on Canongate, has a unique selling point: customers can have a bottle poured straight from a cask and labeled with their name. When sealed it has a label with the ‘born on date’, as whisky stops aging as soon as it leaves the wooden barrel, so each bottle is a unique blend.
The highest price paid at an auction for a bottle of Scotch was $631,850 for a 6-liter The Macallan “M” single malt, in a decanter by Lalique. (The highest price paid at an auction for a standard sized Scotch was $460,000 for a 64-year-old Macallan malt whisky)
Edradour is the smallest distillery in Scotland. The entire operation is run by just three people
The Glenmorangie distillery is one of the smallest in the Highlands and employs just sixteen craftsmen, called ‘The Sixteen Men of Tain’
The most expensive country in which to buy Scotch, ironically, is the UK, where it is made
In the UK, its home country, the five most popular blended Scotch whiskies are The Famous Grouse, William Grant’s, Bell’s, Teacher’s and J&B Rare. Note: Johnnie Walker does not feature in the list of best-selling blends in its home country.
A closed bottle of Scotch can be kept for 100 years and still be good to drink. After opening, a bottle of Scotch whisky will remain good for five years.
The Australian Wine Research Institute has introduced a measure called a standard drink. In Australia, a standard drink contains 10 g (12.67 ml) of alcohol, the amount that an average adult male can metabolize in one hour.
Although their proof differs, standard drinks of beer, wine and spirits contain the same amount of alcohol – 0.6 ounces each. They’re all the same to a breathalyzer.
18,000 litres of Scotch whisky worth over $800,000 were accidentally flushed down the drain at Chivas Brothers’ Dumbarton bottling plant in 2013.
Experts advise you to drink single malt with just a dash of water. The water supposedly ‘releases the serpent’ from the whisky
If there is a serpent, there is also an angel. As it ages, 2-2.5 % of the whisky maturing in a barrel is lost to evaporation every year. Distillers refer to this as the ‘angel’s share’.
There is also a devil. The whisky absorbed by the wood of barrel during maturation is known as the 'devil's cut’
Some sources claim that the Irish whiskey distillers brought the Irish custom of triple distillation with them to Scotland. Auchentoshan was probably started by Irish settlers, led by the MacBeathas, starting this custom. The source of the name Auchentoshan is Gaelic. It means 'corner of the field'.
The United States and Ireland spell it as 'whiskey'. A simple way to remember the spelling: if it comes from a country without an ‘e’ in its spelling, then it is spelt 'whisky'. (e.g., Scotland, Canada, Japan, India, etc.)
Indian 'whisky' is technically flavoured rum, because it's essentially made from sugar
You are most welCUM. Good to know this has gone some way to brighten you up. Chin up (ref your other thread)
If you got any howlers, pls throw in your lot :p
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