Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

[hornylee]

#...Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

#...What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?
What the Fuck! And What a Fuck!

#...3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome.
So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

#...Life is like a dick,
Sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.

#...Practical thought:
A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life.......

According To William Sexfear___ A Drunk Guy Is A Liability,
But A Drunk woman is an asset

Boy and girl help each other to undress before sex.

How ever after sex they always dress on their own.

Moral: In life no one helps you once you are fucked.


When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her tummy and say congratulations.

But none of them come and touch the man's Dick and say good job.

Moral: Hard work is never appreciated only result matters.

 

[ZorrorroZ]

What actually happened to MH370:

 

[yinyang]

#...Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
#...What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?
What the Fuck! And What a Fuck!

Truely spoken of your moniker. Spread the cheer :p

 

[hornylee]

if miss Universe spreads her legs then I will spread some cheer there.

Truely spoken of your moniker. Spread the cheer :p

 

[yinyang]

if miss Universe spreads her legs then I will spread some cheer there.

Oh yeah, you more of a rear bandit. Arse spread is just the thing for you :p

 

[hornylee]

mistaken identity la its not me, its that erection2011 guy you are referring to.

Oh yeah, you more of a rear bandit. Arse spread is just the thing for you :p

 

[Fellaini]

mistaken identity la its not me, its that erection2011 guy you are referring to.

Ah Meow.... used up so tomorrow ok.

 

[yinyang]

Here's a gun story......

A guy walked walked into a crowded bar, waving his 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 shot clip, and yelled,
"I want to know who's been screwing my wife?"

A voice from the back of the room called out...

"You'll need more ammo!"

 

[ZorrorroZ]

more gun jokes...

A redneck walks into a gunshop, and asks for the largest gun in stock. Store owner shows off a 1911 .45ACP.


Redneck: You got something bigger?


Store owner shows off a .357Mag.


Redneck: You got something bigger?


Store owner shoes off a Taurus .50 revolver.


Redneck: This I like!


Store Owner: Why do you need such a large gun?


Redneck: I'm going to use it to shoot some cans!


Store Owner: Cans? What kind of cans?!!


Redneck: Just some AfriCANS, MexiCANS, Puerto RiCANS, and...

 

[Fellaini]

mistaken identity la its not me, its that erection2011 guy you are referring to.

Sure boh?

 

[Fellaini]

mistaken identity la its not me, its that erection2011 guy you are referring to.

Nevermind even if u are related to jubilee1919.

 

[hornylee]

A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says,

"You want to play 'Magic'?"

She says, "What's that?"

He says,
"We go to my house and Fuck, and then you disappear."

 

[yinyang]

A young man is walking down by the docks one day and decides to stop by a bar and have a beer. He walks into a bar, and sees a grizzled old fisherman, crying into his beer.

Curious, the young man sits down and says, “Hey old timer, why the long face?”

The old man looks at him and points out the window, “See that dock out there? I built that dock with my own two hands, plank by plank, nail by nail, but do they call me Simon the dockbuilder? No,no."

The old man continued, “And see that ship out there? I ’ve been fishing these waters for going on thirty-five years! but do they call me Simon the fisherman? No,no. ”

The old man starts to cry again, “But you fuck one goat … ”

 

[yinyang]

 

[hornylee]

Mens' English


"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd like to have sex with you after that.

"Can I call you sometime?" = Ultimately, I'd like to have sex with you.

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.


"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you." = Let's have sex now.

"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

And FINALLY... (while shopping) "I like that one better." = Just pick ANY dress and let's go home!

 

[jubilee1919]

What She Really Means


FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

WHATEVER

She no longer wants to fight, but will continue to hold a grudge. Even if she has not made it clear what you did wrong, you had better apologize immediately. How badly she treats you is exponentially proportional to how many minutes pass from when she says the word to when you apologize.

 

[yinyang]

What She Really Means
WHATEVER
She no longer wants to fight, but will continue to hold a grudge. Even if she has not made it clear what you did wrong, you had better apologize immediately. How badly she treats you is exponentially proportional to how many minutes pass from when she says the word to when you apologize.

Women! Death of us, but neither we can do without them -life giving lessons too :p

 

[looneytan]

Some bikers went on a camping weekend. No one wanted to tent with Leongsam, because he snored so badly.
They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turn.
The first guy slept in Leongsam's tent and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes bloodshot.
They said, "jubilee, what happened to you?"
jubilee said, "Ah Leong snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night"
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "horny, what happened to you? You look awful!?"
horny said, "Man, that Sam shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was yinyang's turn. yinyang was a tanned, older rider, a man's man.
The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "wah lao, what happened?"
yinyang said, "Well, we got ready for bed, I went and tucked Ah Sam in, patted him on the butt and kissed him goodnight, Ah Sam sat up and watched me all night!"

 

[yinyang]

..No one wanted to tent with Leongsam, because he snored so badly....voted to take turn.
The first guy slept in Leongsam's tent and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes bloodshot.
They said, "jubilee, what happened to you?"
jubilee said, "Ah Leong snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night"
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "horny, what happened to you? You look awful!?"
horny said, "Man, that Sam shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was yinyang's turn. yinyang was a tanned, older rider, a man's man.
The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "wah lao, what happened?"
yinyang said, "Well, we got ready for bed, I went and tucked Ah Sam in, patted him on the butt and kissed him goodnight, Ah Sam sat up and watched me all night!"

Good FR. Nothing like great sex with in-house celeb, brings on your endorphins :p

And you (conveniently) forgot to add, looneytan had to wait his turn ..with that forlorn look as his moniker :p

 

[JWNY]

tihs is my favourite thread