Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

[jubilee1919]

A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking
through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning, he came upon a large
crowd gathered by the side of the road. Going by instinct, the lawyer figured that there was some sort of auto collision. He was eager to get business from the injured parties, but couldn't get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through!
Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

 

[jubilee1919]

I guess a repeat but still makes me laugh...

 

[jubilee1919]

 

[jubilee1919]

 

[yinyang]

Jub, didn't know you a manga fan :p

Gents (assuming no chabors lurking around here). You know what's the diference between a whore and bitch?

Someone said, whores actually do some work (when you pay). Nah, try this:

Whores sleep with everyone at the party. Bitch sleep with everyone at party, except YOU.:p

 

[jubilee1919]

Jub, didn't know you a manga fan :p

Gents (assuming no chabors lurking around here). You know what's the diference between a whore and bitch?

Someone said, whores actually do some work (when you pay). Nah, try this:

Whores sleep with everyone at the party. Bitch sleep with everyone at party, except YOU.:p

Not much into manga YY. Maybe 3 or 4 that I have watched and yes, found them to be quite enjoyable. Wish that I have more time but unfortunate that age is catching up.:(

 

[jubilee1919]

Duh.....I made a mistake, it was at Facebook HQ.

 

[tanwahtiu]

I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."

Something similar to this one about ringing in the ears.

A patient told his doctor about the ringing in his ears and they doctor says cut off the ear drums and he will not hear the ringing again.

The next visit , the patient talk to the doctor very loudly and the doctor was shocked why was he shouting at him.

The patient replied he told him to cut off the ear drums and he did as told.

Real Honesty

MY DOCTOR...
Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good! If you tell him you want a second opinion, He'll go out and come in again.
~~~~~
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese.
~~~~~
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months.
~~~~~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."
~~~~~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!" The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."
~~~~~
One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The doctor asked,"When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?"
~~~~~
I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."
~~~~~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell." The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these - If they don't work, give me a ring."
~~~~~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."
~~~~~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, He told me to stop going to those places.
~~~~~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner

 

[sirus]

The Making Of Real Sex Dolls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q64a3jCBsdc&oref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DQ64a3jCBsdc&has_verified=1

 

[Faidenk]

What’s the difference between a refugee and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learnt English, didn’t claim benefits, had his own fucking bike and wanted to go home!






"My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”




I was shagging this sheila over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!” . . .thinking back, I really should have legged it – but you don’t get offers like that every day.




Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this bloke at a party. In my defence... when you hear an Muslim counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.




The wife said to me last night “If you turn the bedside lamp off
I'll take it up the arse”.
Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first.

 

[Faidenk]

3 old ladies were strolling along at the Botanical Gardens when a man in a raincoat jumped out in front of them and exposed himself. The 3 old ladies gasped and the 1st old lady had a stroke. The 2nd old lady too had a stroke.

The 3rd old lady refused to stroke it.

 

[yinyang]

The Pharmacist

The Pharmacist

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, “hello, could u give me a condom. im going to my girlfriend’s home for dinner and i think i may be in with a chance!”

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out; he returns and says, “give me another condom because my girlfriend sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and i thinkl i might strike it lucky there too”.

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, “go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend’s mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me, she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, i think she is expecting me to make a move!”

During dinner,the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. when the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, “dear lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all u give us.” A minute later the boy is still praying “and thank you lord for your kindness”.

Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. the others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, “i didn’t know u were so religious”.

Boy replies, “i didn’t know your dad was a pharmacist!”

 

[jubilee1919]

Have got a pen?



I was in a pub on Saturday night when this really brutally ugly woman came up to me, squeezed my arse and said "Give me your number sexy."

I replied "Have you got a pen?"

She smiled and said "Yes"

I replied "Well you better get back to it, before the farmer notices you're missing."

 

[hornylee]

Calorie Burning tips for those trying to lose weight:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.................................12 Calories
Without her consent.......................2187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands...................................8 Calories
With one hand....................................12 Calories
With your teeth.................................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection..................................6 Calories
Without an erection......................3315 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary.......................................1 2 Calories
69 lying down..................................78 Calories
69 standing up..............................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow.................................216 Calories
Doggy Style...................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier........................ 2912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real............................................11 2 Calories
Fake.........................................1315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging........................................... ......18 Calories
Getting up immediately....................................... ......36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years........................................36 Calories
30-39 years........................................80 Calories
40-49 years......................................124 Calories
50-59 years....................................1972 Calories
60-69 years...................................7916 Calories
70 and over........................Results are still pending.

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................................................32 Calories
In a hurry............................................. ................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door...........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.........13,521 Calories

 

[jubilee1919]

Calorie Burning tips for those trying to lose weight:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.................................12 Calories
Without her consent.......................2187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands...................................8 Calories
With one hand....................................12 Calories
With your teeth.................................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection..................................6 Calories
Without an erection......................3315 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary.......................................1 2 Calories
69 lying down..................................78 Calories
69 standing up..............................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow.................................216 Calories
Doggy Style...................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier........................ 2912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real............................................11 2 Calories
Fake.........................................1315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging........................................... ......18 Calories
Getting up immediately....................................... ......36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years........................................36 Calories
30-39 years........................................80 Calories
40-49 years......................................124 Calories
50-59 years....................................1972 Calories
60-69 years...................................7916 Calories
70 and over........................Results are still pending.

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................................................32 Calories
In a hurry............................................. ................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door...........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.........13,521 Calories

This is one of the best jokes I read this year. Good one bro. If you can top this one, my hat to you.

 

[hornylee]

lol....thanks bro.....i've been chuckling at yours too man.

This is one of the best jokes I read this year. Good one bro. If you can top this one, my hat to you.

 

[yinyang]

If you can top this one, my hat to you.

He's always on top (when doing the deed), staying true to his moniker. But no relation to you-know-who. And not sure if he wears the 'hat'. :p

 

[yinyang]

TGIF :p

 

[yinyang]

TGIF 2

[/URL]

 

[yinyang]

Some help with Monday blues...:p