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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2008
- Messages
- 20,448
- Points
- 113
Beers?
This is very worrying
Beer contains female hormones, last month scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the these men :
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologise when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional a
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary. Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer! And women who can laugh at it! CheersTo a glass of beer
This is very worrying
Beer contains female hormones, last month scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the these men :
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologise when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional a
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary. Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer! And women who can laugh at it! CheersTo a glass of beer
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2012
- Messages
- 220
- Points
- 63
To Whom Much Is Given
======================
A Mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school
in the morning.
"Nobody in school likes me," he complained.
"The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the
superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me,
the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have
it in for me. I just don't want to go to school."
"But, John, you have to go to school," said his mother sternly.
"You're healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to
offer others, you are a leader.
And besides, you're 40 years old and YOU ARE THE PRINCIPAL."
======================
A Mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school
in the morning.
"Nobody in school likes me," he complained.
"The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the
superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me,
the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have
it in for me. I just don't want to go to school."
"But, John, you have to go to school," said his mother sternly.
"You're healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to
offer others, you are a leader.
And besides, you're 40 years old and YOU ARE THE PRINCIPAL."
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2008
- Messages
- 20,448
- Points
- 113
Re: Noah's ark & Woodpecker
kongkek. nice nick
You by any chance FT? No worries, employment act covers likes of you:pkongkek said:
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2012
- Messages
- 220
- Points
- 63
Re: Noah's ark & Woodpecker
Islamic Dancing Rules
A Muslim couple, preparing for their wedding, meet the Mullah
for counselling. He asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
The man asks, "We realise it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men,
and women to dance with women.
But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together."
"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always
dance separately."
"So, after the ceremony, I can't even dance with my own wife?" says the man.
"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam."
"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"
"Of course!" replies the Mullah, "Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!"
"What about different positions?" asks the man.
"No problem," says the Mullah.
"Woman on top?"
"Sure," says the Mullah. "Go for it!"
"Doggy style?"
"Sure!"
"On the kitchen table?" "Yes, yes!"
"Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot
oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porn video?"
"You may indeed!"
"Can we do it standing up?"
"Absolutely not!" says the Mullah."
"Why not?" asks the man.
"It could lead to dancing!"
Islamic Dancing Rules
A Muslim couple, preparing for their wedding, meet the Mullah
for counselling. He asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
The man asks, "We realise it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men,
and women to dance with women.
But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together."
"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always
dance separately."
"So, after the ceremony, I can't even dance with my own wife?" says the man.
"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam."
"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"
"Of course!" replies the Mullah, "Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!"
"What about different positions?" asks the man.
"No problem," says the Mullah.
"Woman on top?"
"Sure," says the Mullah. "Go for it!"
"Doggy style?"
"Sure!"
"On the kitchen table?" "Yes, yes!"
"Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot
oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porn video?"
"You may indeed!"
"Can we do it standing up?"
"Absolutely not!" says the Mullah."
"Why not?" asks the man.
"It could lead to dancing!"
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2008
- Messages
- 20,448
- Points
- 113
Re: Good English?
The Grim Reaper came for me last night , and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin , 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself , they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Blow this , I thought , I can get one cheaper off the web..
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance , so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RACQ van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown..
Statistically , 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that , 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
Paddy says "Mick , I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."Bugger that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
Man calls 000 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The s_x is the same but the ironing is building up!"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not listening.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London . Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today , she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead , until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
The wife was counting all the 5c's and 10c's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself , "She's going through the change."
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkas saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman.
What a pair of sexists. I mean , it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' , who has stabbed six people in the ar_e in the last 48 hours , believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern..
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh , I forgot to tell you , today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
Murphy says to Paddy "What ya talkin to an envelope for?" "I'm sending a voicemail ya thick sod!"
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.
19 paddies go to the cinema , the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Mick replies , "The film said 18 or over."
An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world , swum with sharks , wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night , and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin , 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself , they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Blow this , I thought , I can get one cheaper off the web..
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance , so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RACQ van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown..
Statistically , 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that , 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
Paddy says "Mick , I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."Bugger that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
Man calls 000 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The s_x is the same but the ironing is building up!"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said you're obviously not listening.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London . Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today , she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead , until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
The wife was counting all the 5c's and 10c's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself , "She's going through the change."
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkas saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman.
What a pair of sexists. I mean , it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' , who has stabbed six people in the ar_e in the last 48 hours , believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern..
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh , I forgot to tell you , today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
Murphy says to Paddy "What ya talkin to an envelope for?" "I'm sending a voicemail ya thick sod!"
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.
19 paddies go to the cinema , the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Mick replies , "The film said 18 or over."
An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world , swum with sharks , wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2013
- Messages
- 145
- Points
- 0
I just realized something about this thread. Other than my members, everyone else in this thread including jw5, yinyang is small caps.
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2008
- Messages
- 89,158
- Points
- 113
I just realized something about this thread. Other than my members, everyone else in this thread including jw5, yinyang is small caps.
scroocheebye, whose arse your head is in, is also small caps.
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2008
- Messages
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- Points
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- Joined
- Oct 18, 2012
- Messages
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- Points
- 63
I dont know about ED but I do know ESND.
Gents, chill. A blue pill a day rid all your ED blues away.
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2008
- Messages
- 20,448
- Points
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- Joined
- Jul 15, 2008
- Messages
- 20,448
- Points
- 113
So what gives?
What are you insinuating here? If you have an axe to grind, it's your own aggro. Only BIG cap is a french cap, but then I'm being kind
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2008
- Messages
- 89,158
- Points
- 113
I know ESPN. :o
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