• IP addresses are NOT logged in this forum so there's no point asking. Please note that this forum is full of homophobes, racists, lunatics, schizophrenics & absolute nut jobs with a smattering of geniuses, Chinese chauvinists, Moderate Muslims and last but not least a couple of "know-it-alls" constantly sprouting their dubious wisdom. If you believe that content generated by unsavory characters might cause you offense PLEASE LEAVE NOW! Sammyboy Admin and Staff are not responsible for your hurt feelings should you choose to read any of the content here.

    The OTHER forum is HERE so please stop asking.

Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?


Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
 
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
' How long has what been going on?' said the man.


Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
 
Never Make a Woman Angry!

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to
greet her, she peeked through the gates and saw a beautiful banquet table.

Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and
who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her,
"Hello. How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,
"This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman
and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I
married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And
then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in
and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We
were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my
head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis", she replied.

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry . . . there will be Hell to pay!


NB: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the supposed
lung-disease pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).

Now you've learned a new word.
 
OZ's tsunami evacuation plan :p;)

B7099CD7-1030-4171-BF01-12A676078425-1970-00000621BB9BA941_zps8c0a9cb4.jpg
 
Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you... It's only when you leave her a virgin.
 
Something to think about...

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again..

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling... It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.... Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied..

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
May we all be COFFEE!!!!!! !
 
Something to think about...

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again..

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling... It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.... Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied..

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
May we all be COFFEE!!!!!! !

Every body is a carrot. It all depends on the heat.
 
OLD COUPLES SPAT


A very old couple that have been married forever are sitting on their porch
one night. Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband
knocking him off the porch and into the bushes.

He crawls back up and asks, "What was that for?"

She says, "For having a little pecker."

He sits there quietly a moment, then smacks her, sending her off the other
side of the porch and into the bushes.

She crawls back and says, "What was that for?"

He says, "For knowing there was more than one size."
 
Two older men are sitting on a park bench talking and one of them
asks the other about his sex life. The man answers that he has an
excellent sex life and is still very active.
The other man confesses that his sexual appetite has greatly
diminished with old age so he asks the other man if he has any secrets for
staying sexually vital.
"Well," answered the man, "I eat rye bread everyday. That is my
secret. If you just eat rye bread, your sex life will improve
dramatically."
The other man decides to follow this advice and finds a bakery nearby. He
tells the clerk behind the counter that he wants all of the loaves of rye
bread that they have in stock.
The clerk then asks the man, "do you want whole loaves or do you want us to
slice them?"
The man looks puzzled and asks the clerk, "what is the difference?"
The clerk responds, "Well when it's sliced, it gets harder faster."
To which the man responded, "How come everyone knew about this but me?"
 
WONDERFUL HUSBAND

Several men are in the locker room of Tam Dao golf club. A mobile phone
on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and
begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room
stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello?"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $500. Is it okay if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "Oh, thanks so very much. I also stopped by the Mercedes garage
this morning and saw the new models. There was one I really, really
liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$80.000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the optional extras."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year
is back on the market. They're asking $1,500,000."

MAN: "Well then, go ahead and make them an offer, no more than $1
,250,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in
absolute astonishment. Then he smiles and asks, "Anyone know whose mobile
this is?"
 
Last edited:
Men1.

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one
Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their
Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off
If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their
Mistakes and still try their luck with others.
 
Women

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive
Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have
something To wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress
Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always
just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still
Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't
Believe you.
 
farting at tiffany's


a lady walks into tiffany's .. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet
and walks over to inspect it...as she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts...
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays
that a salesperson was not anywhere near... As she turns around, her worst nightmare
materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her... Good looking as well .. Cool as a cucumber,
he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like tiffany's...
He politely greets the lady with, 'good day, madam .. How may we help you today???
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that he salesman somehow missed her little 'incident',
she asks, 'sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet ??' he answers,
"madam .. If you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit when i tell you the price .."
 
Moose Hunting Camp

Four guys have been going to the same moose camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site
only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday."

"Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said. 'guess Who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!

She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, here I am.
 
A teacher was giving a lecture on modern inventions.

"Can any of you mention something of importance that did not exist fifty years ago? she asked.

One bright lad in the front row raised his hand eagerly and said, "Me!"
 
Replay from thai thread, oppa gangnam style LOS :p

D73AE6C9-91D1-4A1A-B9CE-FF24A2A50F67-239-0000015D788BE8AE_zps299e7d68.jpg
 
Mother: "What does your girlfriend like in you."
Son: She thinks I'm handsome, talented, clever and a good dancer."


Mother: "And what do you like about her."
Son: "She thinks I'm handsome, talented, clever and a good dancer."
 
Love


Two women friends met after many years.


"Tell me," said one, "What happened to your son?"


"My son? the poor, poor lad!" sighed the other.
What an unfortunate marriage he made - to a girl who

won't do a stitch of work in the house. She won't cook,
she won't sew, she won't wash or clean. All she does
is sleep and loaf and read in bed. The poor boy

even has to bring her breakfast in bed, would you believe it?"


"That's awful!" And what about your daughter?"


"Ah, now she's the lucky one! She married an angel.
He won't let her do anything in the house.
He has servants to do the cooking and sewing and washing and cleaning.
And each morning he brings her breakfast in bed, would you believe it?
All she does is sleep for as long as she wishes and spends the rest of the day
relaxing and reading in bed."
 
Women, are the best vehicles in the world because:

2 beautiful headlights in front,
2 great bumpers at the back,
Self-lubricating when hot,
Finger touch ignition,
Automatic engine oil change every month,
Any type of pistons fit,
Multiple seating styles & adjustments,
Great accessories,
Highest mileage: 9 months with just 5 ml refill.

That's why MEN are dying to get a ride!!
 
Back
Top