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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Political Correctness and Feminism
Gatis Sluka
Formula 1 to get rid of grid girls before grands prix in response to darts ban. F1 managing director Sean Bratches has announced that the use of grid girls 'does not resonate with our brand values', with the change being enforced ahead of the new season.
Gatis Sluka
Formula 1 to get rid of grid girls before grands prix in response to darts ban. F1 managing director Sean Bratches has announced that the use of grid girls 'does not resonate with our brand values', with the change being enforced ahead of the new season.
And Finally a Religious Joke ... worth telling. Agnostic or free sinner?
I went to a Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.
The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”
I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.
The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!
I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!”
I snapped at him, “There’s nothing wrong with me”
The Hindu sadhu came and said "Beta, you will walk on your legs today."
I said "Babaji - nothing wrong with my legs"
The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!”
I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.
After the Seminar, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.
I believe in all religions now......
I went to a Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.
The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”
I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.
The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!
I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!”
I snapped at him, “There’s nothing wrong with me”
The Hindu sadhu came and said "Beta, you will walk on your legs today."
I said "Babaji - nothing wrong with my legs"
The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!”
I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.
After the Seminar, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.
I believe in all religions now......
The nun and gynae
A nun went to a Gynecologist.
Doctor: “What is the problem?”
Nun: “Something, is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina.”
Doctor checked and said: “Those aren’t postage stamps dear. They’re stickers pasted on the bananas imported from Costa Rica...”.
A nun went to a Gynecologist.
Doctor: “What is the problem?”
Nun: “Something, is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina.”
Doctor checked and said: “Those aren’t postage stamps dear. They’re stickers pasted on the bananas imported from Costa Rica...”.
Same old, but still good for laughs
How a marriage works
All men should read this!!!
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'
'Where are you going, honey bunch?'
asked the wife.
'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.'
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my
love?'
She went and opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India , etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...'
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,
'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes,
tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise.. OK?'
You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi
pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps,pork strips, etc.
'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'
'You want dirty words, you bastard? Drink your fucking beer in your damn frozen mug and eat your shitty snacks, because you are married now, and you aren't going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?'
so he stayed home............
........and, they lived happily ever after.
How a marriage works
All men should read this!!!
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'
'Where are you going, honey bunch?'
asked the wife.
'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.'
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my
love?'
She went and opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India , etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...'
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,
'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes,
tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise.. OK?'
You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi
pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps,pork strips, etc.
'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'
'You want dirty words, you bastard? Drink your fucking beer in your damn frozen mug and eat your shitty snacks, because you are married now, and you aren't going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?'
so he stayed home............
........and, they lived happily ever after.
Why Condoms are Packed in 3s, 6s & 12s?
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the Condom Display, and the boy Asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man
Matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms, son.
Men use them to have Safe Sex."
Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.."
"Cool" says the boy... He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then, who are these for?
"Those are for college men," the dad answers. "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy,
"Then, who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh and a Tear in his Eye, the dad replied, "Those are for Married men. One for January, one for February, one for March.. up to December."
The boy replied; "I am not Getting Married!"
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the Condom Display, and the boy Asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man
Matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms, son.
Men use them to have Safe Sex."
Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.."
"Cool" says the boy... He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then, who are these for?
"Those are for college men," the dad answers. "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy,
"Then, who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh and a Tear in his Eye, the dad replied, "Those are for Married men. One for January, one for February, one for March.. up to December."
The boy replied; "I am not Getting Married!"
Uber ride
An UBER passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as an UBER driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
An UBER passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as an UBER driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
Visiting CNY?
An elderly man in Malaysia calls his son in Hong Kong and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.
Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pa, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in England and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there in a day or two. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Chinese New Year and paying their own airfares."
An elderly man in Malaysia calls his son in Hong Kong and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.
Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pa, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in England and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there in a day or two. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Chinese New Year and paying their own airfares."
Earth Annihilation
Miguel Morales Madrigal
Then, a rock almost destroys our world, now we are
12 Feb 2018
Miguel Morales Madrigal
Then, a rock almost destroys our world, now we are
12 Feb 2018
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