Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

[yinyang]

Trump, Queen Elizabeth and Vladimir Putin all died and were sent to hell.


While there, they saw a red phone and asked what the phone was for. The devil told them it's for calling back to Earth. Putin asked to call Russia and talked for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informed him that the cost was a million US dollars, so Putin wrote him a cheque.

Next Queen Elizabeth called England and talked for 30 mins. When she hung up, the devil told her that the cost is 6 million Pounds dollars, so she made out a cheque for the amount.

Finally Trump got his turn and talked for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil asked him to pay US$5.00.
When Putin heard this he went totally ballistic and demanded to know why Trump got to call USA so cheaply.

The devil smiled and replied: "Since this chap took over, the country has gone to hell. So it's just a local call!"

 

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Blue?

 

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Great branding

 

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Halal diet?

 

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Size matters!

 

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Bad taste?

 

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Is there a double curve here (for some of us here)? :p

 

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Smoky enforcement

 

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Over in Indon...

 

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[yinyang]

Nudist Colony

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony....

On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.

A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you
call for me?'

The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'

She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that
if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way
with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the
sauna and, as he sits down, he farts...

Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.

'You must be new,' says
the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you
called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist,

'May I help you?' she says.
The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.'

The man replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an
erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day..:p

 

[yinyang]

4 Hour Erectio​n?

The 4 hour erection* ...

I went to a chemist store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman I spoke to said she was the only pharmacist and since she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.

She asked if she could help me.

I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male pharmacist. She assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.

I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, "As a shy man, this is tough for me to discuss, but here goes. I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it."

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do:

* 1/3rd ownership in the store
* a company car
* A furnished house
* a king size bed and
* £3,000 a month in living expenses."

 

[yinyang]

True proverbs?! :p

INTRIGUING AFRICAN PROVERBS.

1. The anger of a penis doesn't destroy the vagina. (Zimbabwe)

2. There's no virgin in a maternity ward. (Cameroon)

3. A child can play with it's mother's breasts but not with the father's testicles. (Ghana)

4. The man who marries a beautiful woman and the farmer who grows corn by the road side have the same problem. (Ghana)

5. When you see a woman sitting with her legs open, never tell her to close them, because u do not know her source of fresh air. (Ethiopia)

6. He who says that nothing lasts forever has never tried Hausa perfume. (Nigeria)

7. The only woman who knows where her man is every night is a widow. (Togo)

8. An erected penis has no conscience. (Uganda)

9. If u go to sleep with an itching anus, u are sure to wake up with smelly fingers. (Kenya)

10. The day a mosquito lands on your testicles is the day you will know there is a better way of resolving issues without using violence. (Senegal ) Don't laff alone...pls share with others!!!
--

 

[krafty]

who need a driver?

https://vid.me/2sYj

 

[yinyang]

TrumpCare?

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump's health care package:

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but

the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but

the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while

the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while

the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while

the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and

the Interns claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington

 

[yinyang]

*Women are the best vehicles in the world because:-*
*************************

*---2 beautiful headlights in the front*
*---2 great bumpers at the back.*
*---Self -lubricating when hot.*
*---Finger touch ignition.*
*---Automatic engine oil change every month.*
*---Any type of piston fits.*
*---Multiple seating styles & adjustments.*
*---Great accessories.*
*---Highest mileage 9months with just 5ml refill.*


*"That's why MEN are dying to own one": please send to the other luxurious cars u know, and to the men who appreciate fine vehicles. *

 

[yinyang]

Chinese 1st Lady's Wisdom?

China's 1st lady said：
It's a big achievement if women can control themselves, don't bother to control their men.

Obedient men don't need to be controlled, non obedient ones are uncontrollable. Men who treat you well don't need control, men who don't treat you well won't let you control.

Men who loves you don't need control, those who don't love you, it's not your duty to control :p

Now you know why her husband becomes China's president.

 

[yinyang]

Roses are red, nuts are brown.

Skirts go up, pants go down.

Body to body, skin to skin.

When it's stiff, stick it in.

The longer it's in, the stronger it gets.

It goes in dry & comes out wet.

It comes out dripping & starts to sag.

It's not what you think......it's a tea bag.

 

[yinyang]

Najib oh Najib.....


Najib asked the LKY, "Mr Lee, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

" Well," said LKY, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Najib frowned, and then asked, " But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

LKY took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."
LKY pushed a button on his intercom.
"Please send Tony Tan in here, would you?"
Tony Tan walked into the room and said, "Yes, Mr Lee?"

LKY smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child.
It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Tan answered, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," said LKY.

Najib went back home to ask Muhyiddin the same question. "answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child.
It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Muhyiddin. "Let me get back to you on that one..."
He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, he ended up in the men's room and recognized Lim Guan Eng's shoes in the next stall.
Muhyiddin didn't want but asked anyway, "Lim, can you answer this for me?
Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?n

Lim yelled back, "That's easy, it's me!"
Mahyudin smiled, and said, "Thanks!"

Then, he went back to speak with Najib.
"Sir, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle.
It's Lim Guan Eng!"
Najib got up, stomped over to Muhyiddin, and angrily yelled into his face.

"No! You idiot! It's Tony Tan!"

 

[yinyang]