Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

[Thick Face Black Heart]

Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"


Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"


Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"


Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.

Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson. "Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."


"Very good, Sam. Thank you."


Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."

 

[yinyang]

Verbatim

36

Number of entries for Zimbabwe’s Mister Ugly pageant, a record
------------
‘Maybe they’re dumb and they don’t know what they’re going to get, but I don’t think so.’

Bernie Sanders, Democratic presidential candidate, arguing at the second debate that rival Hillary Clinton’s strong support from Wall Street makes her beholden to the financial industry
---------------------------

 

[JOKERCHEW]

so, is this true?




.

 

[JOKERCHEW]

Please support your local farmers.





.

 

[JOKERCHEW]

Do we have such Condoms?





A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of condoms—Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home, the man informs his wife of his new purchase.

“Olympic condoms?” she asks. “What makes them so special?”

“There are three colors,” he replies. “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”

“What color are you going to wear tonight?” she asks cheekily.

“Gold, of course,” says the man proudly.

The wife responds, “Really, why don’t you wear Silver?”

“Why silver?” asks the man. 

”Well, it would be nice if you came second for a change.”

-

 

[JOKERCHEW]

FICTION, OF COURSE.





“I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.

I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.”

- See more at: http://lazer1033.com/moose/dirty-joke-first-time-with-a-condom/#sthash.oheY78o5.dpuf

 

[JOKERCHEW]

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound
coming from her daughter’s bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. What are you doing?” she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”



Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator. “What are you doing?” he exclaimed.

The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”



A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this
time in the living room. In there, she found her husband watching the
Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.
“What are you doing?” she exclaimed.

“Watching the game with my son-in-law.”​

-

 

[DFashionist]

jesus was a man not a woman....thats why we say Amen not Awoman....and sing hymns not hers :p

It makes sense.

 

[yinyang]

On ISIS...

​

 

[yinyang]

 

[yinyang]

HOW THE CHINESE STAY PUT IN ITALY

About a century or two ago,the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave Italy . Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would have to leave.

The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. So they picked an old man named Ah Pek to represent them.

As Ah Pek was not conversant in Italian language, he asked for one condition to be added to the debate.

'To be fair', he said, 'neither side would be allowed to talk'.
The Pope agreed.

On the day of the big debate, Ah Pek and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Ah Pek looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine.

Ah Pek pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said: 'I give up. This man is too good in religious knowledge. The Chinese can stay.'

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.

The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity.
He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.

Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.

I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin.

He had an answer for everything. What could I do??'

Meanwhile, the Chinese community also crowded around Ah Pek and asked him what's happened in the debate.

'Well', said Ah Pek. 'First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I raised my third finger and asked him to f*@k off, and that none of us was leaving.

Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here.'

'Yes, and then???' asked the crowd.

'I don't know', said Ah Pek, 'He took out his lunch, and I took out mine.'

Chinaman powerrrr

 

[yinyang]

Evolution? :p

 

[yinyang]

Burn calories by farting? What trivia to ask mr Google :p

 

[yinyang]

 

[yinyang]

 

[yinyang]

Thanksgiving? :p

 

[yinyang]

TGIF ...powderful england

 

[yinyang]

TGIF ver 2 (and reminds us of some1 we know here)

 

[HellBoy]

Caption?.....

 

[yinyang]

Caption?.....

Try this: I can do reverse ass job too:p