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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Men's Pearls of Wisdom:p
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't
Breasts are proof that men can focus on 2 things at a time
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't
Breasts are proof that men can focus on 2 things at a time
One for raya hols 
Home Security for Seniors
Now that I'm on a fixed income, I've disconnected my home alarm system,
Turned off my external lights and de-registered from the Neighbourhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front garden, one at each corner,
And the black flag of ISIS in the centre.
Local Police, Federal Police, the Army and all my neighbours are watching the house 24/7.
I am watched everywhere I go.
I've never felt safer, and I'm saving $149.50 a month
Home Security for Seniors
Now that I'm on a fixed income, I've disconnected my home alarm system,
Turned off my external lights and de-registered from the Neighbourhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front garden, one at each corner,
And the black flag of ISIS in the centre.
Local Police, Federal Police, the Army and all my neighbours are watching the house 24/7.
I am watched everywhere I go.
I've never felt safer, and I'm saving $149.50 a month
Greece and Indonesia, a matter of degree?:p
> In 1990 Suharto visited the Greek prime minister. Suharto was impressed by the huge palace the Greek PM was living in and asked him "how can you afford all this" ??
> The Greek PM answer" you see this bridge over there ?"
> We get funding from European Union for a 4 lane super highway bridge, but we just build a one lane bridge with traffic lights in each end.
> Suharto is impressed and goes back to Jakarta .
> Few years later Suharto host the Greek PM in his new super luxurious private 800 room presidential palace.
> Greek PM ask "how can you afford this ? " .
> Suharto answer " can you see this high speed monorail train over there" ?!
> Greek PM answers " noo ".......
> In 1990 Suharto visited the Greek prime minister. Suharto was impressed by the huge palace the Greek PM was living in and asked him "how can you afford all this" ??
> The Greek PM answer" you see this bridge over there ?"
> We get funding from European Union for a 4 lane super highway bridge, but we just build a one lane bridge with traffic lights in each end.
> Suharto is impressed and goes back to Jakarta .
> Few years later Suharto host the Greek PM in his new super luxurious private 800 room presidential palace.
> Greek PM ask "how can you afford this ? " .
> Suharto answer " can you see this high speed monorail train over there" ?!
> Greek PM answers " noo ".......
The Penis story... :p
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary on the following reasons:
•I do physical labor.
•I work at great depths.
•I work in high temperatures.
•I work in a damp environment.
•I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
•I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
•My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
•I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
Sincerely,
Penis
..
..
The Response....
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
•You are unable to work double shifts.
•You do not work 8 hours straight.
•You will retire well before you are 60.
•You fall asleep after brief work periods.
•You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
•You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
•You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
•You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
•You do not always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the required protective clothing/ headgear.
•You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed an assigned task.
•And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
VaGina.
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary on the following reasons:
•I do physical labor.
•I work at great depths.
•I work in high temperatures.
•I work in a damp environment.
•I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
•I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
•My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
•I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
Sincerely,
Penis
..
..
The Response....
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
•You are unable to work double shifts.
•You do not work 8 hours straight.
•You will retire well before you are 60.
•You fall asleep after brief work periods.
•You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
•You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
•You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
•You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
•You do not always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the required protective clothing/ headgear.
•You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed an assigned task.
•And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
VaGina.
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