-
IP addresses are NOT logged in this forum so there's no point asking. Please note that this forum is full of homophobes, racists, lunatics, schizophrenics & absolute nut jobs with a smattering of geniuses, Chinese chauvinists, Moderate Muslims and last but not least a couple of "know-it-alls" constantly sprouting their dubious wisdom. If you believe that content generated by unsavory characters might cause you offense PLEASE LEAVE NOW! Sammyboy Admin and Staff are not responsible for your hurt feelings should you choose to read any of the content here. The OTHER forum is HERE so please stop asking.
Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Deaf Wife Problem?
Bob feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
'For God’s sake, Bob, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'
Bob feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
'For God’s sake, Bob, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'
Some funny snippets, to start your week 
70 year old man asks his wife, "do you feel sad when you see me running behind young girls?"
Wife replied, "No, not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it."
A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date, her mother warned her......
"1st he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he want to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name."
Next day, girl told Mom, "Everything happen exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgrace his family."
A white couple had a black baby......
The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.
Husband: Why the baby black?
Wife: You hot, I hot, baby burnt !!!
Wife: "Honey, what are you looking for?"
Husband: "Nothing "
Wife: "Nothing?" You have been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?
Husband: "I was looking for the expiry date!!"
Boy: Mom, why am I black and you are white?
Mom: Listen Son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!
70 year old man asks his wife, "do you feel sad when you see me running behind young girls?"
Wife replied, "No, not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it."
A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date, her mother warned her......
"1st he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he want to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name."
Next day, girl told Mom, "Everything happen exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgrace his family."
A white couple had a black baby......
The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.
Husband: Why the baby black?
Wife: You hot, I hot, baby burnt !!!
Wife: "Honey, what are you looking for?"
Husband: "Nothing "
Wife: "Nothing?" You have been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?
Husband: "I was looking for the expiry date!!"
Boy: Mom, why am I black and you are white?
Mom: Listen Son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!
More to lighten up your mon blues
1)Put your wife in a room & lock it. Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !
(Readers are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog!!)
Don't laugh loud ----
The extended version says.
(2) Put your husband in a room & lock it. Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!!
(3) Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver.
Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: "If I can handle this, I can handle anything!"… Superb Attitude for Life!!
(4) If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable. If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.
(5)A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- "Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband… “Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the years
(6) Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day!
Dad: What role are you playing?
Pappu: A husband!
Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!
(7) Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.
Man inside: “I am talking to my wife”
(8) Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!
(9)Best one line ad by a married man on OLX:
"For Sale – Wedding Suit, used only once by Mistake……"
1)Put your wife in a room & lock it. Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !
(Readers are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog!!)
Don't laugh loud ----
The extended version says.
(2) Put your husband in a room & lock it. Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!!
(3) Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver.
Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: "If I can handle this, I can handle anything!"… Superb Attitude for Life!!
(4) If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable. If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.
(5)A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- "Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband… “Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the years
(6) Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day!
Dad: What role are you playing?
Pappu: A husband!
Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!
(7) Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.
Man inside: “I am talking to my wife”
(8) Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!
(9)Best one line ad by a married man on OLX:
"For Sale – Wedding Suit, used only once by Mistake……"
Similar threads
