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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Cardiologist's Funeral - CARDIOLOGIST'S FUNERAL
This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral.
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him he said, 'I'm so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.
I'm a gynecologist!'
This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral.
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him he said, 'I'm so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.
I'm a gynecologist!'
Up In The Air
A study defines 19 different types of airline passenger: Which one are you?
There are at least 19 types of passenger on a plane, according to VR-Hyperspace, which describes itself as an ambitious €4.6 million (US$4.94 million) project funded by the European Commission's Seventh Framework Aeronautics and Air Transport programme.
Launched in October 2011 and completed in September 2014, the project carried out research by adopting radical approaches using virtual reality and mixed reality technologies, and the latest studies in neuroscience and psychology supported by nine universities, research institutes and industrial partners from six European countries.
Research into airline passengers was an important part of VR-Hyperspace's study and, interestingly, it concluded that there were 19 types. Can you spot yourself among them?
1. The aisle clogger
Passengers who do not notice the line of people behind them trying to get to their seats.
2. The armrest hog
Also known as "the armrest dominator", a type of passenger who is oblivious to your need or even right to share the armrest.
3. The children
While there can be well behaved children on a flight, generally most people are fearful when they see children, especially if they are sat anywhere near them.
4. The complainer
The passenger who demands a seat, snacks and drinks and constantly uses the call button.
5. The couples
This includes "the family who've never flown before" or who rarely travel, they do not have their passports ready, cannot find their tickets and cannot lock the lavatory door or find the light switch.
6. The disease sharer
The passenger that most people dread sitting next to, especially if they do not cover their mouth while coughing, or sneeze all over your food and wipe their hand on their tray.
7. The drinker
The passenger who orders a cocktail as soon as the drink cart arrives, complains about the cost, drinks some more, and either ends up smashed, embarrassing themselves or asleep snoring loudly.
8. The easy-going passenger
Also known as "Mr Easy Going", this type of passenger is the one who is considerate to fellow passengers and air attendants and who understands that bad weather can cause delays and that it is not anyone's fault.
9. The ill-mannered
This is the type of passenger who ignores the instructions of the flight attendants and places their bags in the middle of the overhead compartments, and uses their phone even after the flight attendant has asked them to turn it off.
10. The luggage hog
The passenger who will do anything to avoid a checked bag and brings on too much hand luggage, or refuses to admit that their bag is too large to fit in the overhead compartment, then complains that they cannot find a space and crushes everyone else's possessions.
11. The odour offender
In the small, confined space of the cabin, smells often seem amplified. The odour offender is the passenger who has foul body odour as if they haven't had a shower for weeks and do not believe in deodorant.
12. The oversized passenger
The constant downsizing of the plane and seats can cause real discomfort for fat passengers. They are required to take the armrest space and most of your personal space and force you against the window or into the aisle.
13. The personal space invader
The passenger who dominates the armrest, fidgets excessively and leaves the tray table down so people cannot go past.
14. The recliner
The recliner or "the lounger", also known as "The guy who still thinks it's okay to recline in coach" is the passenger who even though they know everyone is cramped, still reclines their seat so that you cannot even go to the toilet.
15. The self-important passenger
This category includes "The important first class passenger" or "Everyone in first class who do not deign to look at you when you board"; the type of passenger who looks down at people walking toward economy and does not believe that people in jeans should be in first class.
16. The sleeper
The sleeper, also known as the "guy who snores the entire flight" is the passenger who is either snoring loudly next to you or using you as a pillow.
17. The talker
The passenger who will continue to talk to you even when you have closed your eyes, put on your headphones, started your laptop or opened your book.
18. The techies
The techies include: the "gadget guy" or "smartphone addict" who insists that they are turning their phone off even though they are really texting; the "headphone wearer" who does not take their headphones off when the flight attendant is asking them a question and wonders why they cannot understand what they are being asked; and the headphone wearer who plays their music so loud that all the other passengers can hear it.
19. The toilet goer
The toilet goers, also known as "people with weak bladders", are those who spend most of their time walking up and down the aisles to go to the toilet.
A study defines 19 different types of airline passenger: Which one are you?
There are at least 19 types of passenger on a plane, according to VR-Hyperspace, which describes itself as an ambitious €4.6 million (US$4.94 million) project funded by the European Commission's Seventh Framework Aeronautics and Air Transport programme.
Launched in October 2011 and completed in September 2014, the project carried out research by adopting radical approaches using virtual reality and mixed reality technologies, and the latest studies in neuroscience and psychology supported by nine universities, research institutes and industrial partners from six European countries.
Research into airline passengers was an important part of VR-Hyperspace's study and, interestingly, it concluded that there were 19 types. Can you spot yourself among them?
1. The aisle clogger
Passengers who do not notice the line of people behind them trying to get to their seats.
2. The armrest hog
Also known as "the armrest dominator", a type of passenger who is oblivious to your need or even right to share the armrest.
3. The children
While there can be well behaved children on a flight, generally most people are fearful when they see children, especially if they are sat anywhere near them.
4. The complainer
The passenger who demands a seat, snacks and drinks and constantly uses the call button.
5. The couples
This includes "the family who've never flown before" or who rarely travel, they do not have their passports ready, cannot find their tickets and cannot lock the lavatory door or find the light switch.
6. The disease sharer
The passenger that most people dread sitting next to, especially if they do not cover their mouth while coughing, or sneeze all over your food and wipe their hand on their tray.
7. The drinker
The passenger who orders a cocktail as soon as the drink cart arrives, complains about the cost, drinks some more, and either ends up smashed, embarrassing themselves or asleep snoring loudly.
8. The easy-going passenger
Also known as "Mr Easy Going", this type of passenger is the one who is considerate to fellow passengers and air attendants and who understands that bad weather can cause delays and that it is not anyone's fault.
9. The ill-mannered
This is the type of passenger who ignores the instructions of the flight attendants and places their bags in the middle of the overhead compartments, and uses their phone even after the flight attendant has asked them to turn it off.
10. The luggage hog
The passenger who will do anything to avoid a checked bag and brings on too much hand luggage, or refuses to admit that their bag is too large to fit in the overhead compartment, then complains that they cannot find a space and crushes everyone else's possessions.
11. The odour offender
In the small, confined space of the cabin, smells often seem amplified. The odour offender is the passenger who has foul body odour as if they haven't had a shower for weeks and do not believe in deodorant.
12. The oversized passenger
The constant downsizing of the plane and seats can cause real discomfort for fat passengers. They are required to take the armrest space and most of your personal space and force you against the window or into the aisle.
13. The personal space invader
The passenger who dominates the armrest, fidgets excessively and leaves the tray table down so people cannot go past.
14. The recliner
The recliner or "the lounger", also known as "The guy who still thinks it's okay to recline in coach" is the passenger who even though they know everyone is cramped, still reclines their seat so that you cannot even go to the toilet.
15. The self-important passenger
This category includes "The important first class passenger" or "Everyone in first class who do not deign to look at you when you board"; the type of passenger who looks down at people walking toward economy and does not believe that people in jeans should be in first class.
16. The sleeper
The sleeper, also known as the "guy who snores the entire flight" is the passenger who is either snoring loudly next to you or using you as a pillow.
17. The talker
The passenger who will continue to talk to you even when you have closed your eyes, put on your headphones, started your laptop or opened your book.
18. The techies
The techies include: the "gadget guy" or "smartphone addict" who insists that they are turning their phone off even though they are really texting; the "headphone wearer" who does not take their headphones off when the flight attendant is asking them a question and wonders why they cannot understand what they are being asked; and the headphone wearer who plays their music so loud that all the other passengers can hear it.
19. The toilet goer
The toilet goers, also known as "people with weak bladders", are those who spend most of their time walking up and down the aisles to go to the toilet.
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Rather think this is a halleluyah story (under guise of ice cream!):p
Vanilla Ice Cream that puzzled General motors’!!!!
An Interesting Story
Never underestimate your Clients' Complaint, no matter how funny it might seem!
This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors and its Customer-Care Executive. Pls read on.....
A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:
'This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem.....
You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?" The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway.
The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.
The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.
Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc.
In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor.
Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. E..ureka - Time was now the problem - not the vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the answer: "vapor lock".
It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.
Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution, with cool thinking.
Don't just say "problem is at the other end or it is IMPOSSIBLE" without putting a sincere effort....
What really matters is your attitude and your perception.
Moral of the Story "Try to Fix the Bug instead of making it as a Known Issues
Vanilla Ice Cream that puzzled General motors’!!!!
An Interesting Story
Never underestimate your Clients' Complaint, no matter how funny it might seem!
This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors and its Customer-Care Executive. Pls read on.....
A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:
'This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem.....
You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?" The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway.
The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.
The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.
Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc.
In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor.
Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. E..ureka - Time was now the problem - not the vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the answer: "vapor lock".
It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.
Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution, with cool thinking.
Don't just say "problem is at the other end or it is IMPOSSIBLE" without putting a sincere effort....
What really matters is your attitude and your perception.
Moral of the Story "Try to Fix the Bug instead of making it as a Known Issues
A new teacher was
trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started
her class by saying, 'Everyone whothinks they're
stupid, stand up!'
After a few seconds, Little
Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think
you're stupid, Little Johnny?''No, ma'am,
but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started
her class by saying, 'Everyone whothinks they're
stupid, stand up!'
After a few seconds, Little
Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think
you're stupid, Little Johnny?''No, ma'am,
but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
Two fleas from Detroit had an agreement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. One flea gets to Miami and he's all blue, shivering and shaking, damn near frozen to death! The other flea asks him, "What the hell happened to you?"
The first flea says, "I rode down here from Detroit in the mustache of a guy on a Harley."
The other flea responds saying, "That's the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the Metro airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you're there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where it's warm and cozy. You'll be in Miami in no time. It's the best way to travel that I can think of."
The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.
A year goes by when the first flea shows up in Miami. He is all blue and shivering and shaking again. Damn near frozen to death. The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?"
Yes," says the first flea, "I did exactly as you said. I went to the Metro airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep immediately. When I woke up, I was back in the mustache of the guy on the Harley!"
The first flea says, "I rode down here from Detroit in the mustache of a guy on a Harley."
The other flea responds saying, "That's the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the Metro airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you're there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where it's warm and cozy. You'll be in Miami in no time. It's the best way to travel that I can think of."
The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.
A year goes by when the first flea shows up in Miami. He is all blue and shivering and shaking again. Damn near frozen to death. The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?"
Yes," says the first flea, "I did exactly as you said. I went to the Metro airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep immediately. When I woke up, I was back in the mustache of the guy on the Harley!"
Mom Was Horrified When Her Daughter Discovered This In The Bathroom. This Is Hilarious.
Do you remember what it was like to explore the house as a child. Did you ever find anything you weren't necessarily supposed to? Or something confusing. Here's how one mother tried to explain one of these examples, but ended up paying a hilarious price.
My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).
One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts about puberty at such an early age, she told me that those were for "special occasions."
Now fast forward a few months… It's my Mother’s Birthday, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.
When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.
Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top.
I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.
"But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!"
Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly...and for heavens sake, use the good napkins whenever you can. Pass this on to your friends who need a good laugh.
Do you remember what it was like to explore the house as a child. Did you ever find anything you weren't necessarily supposed to? Or something confusing. Here's how one mother tried to explain one of these examples, but ended up paying a hilarious price.
My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).
One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts about puberty at such an early age, she told me that those were for "special occasions."
Now fast forward a few months… It's my Mother’s Birthday, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.
When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.
Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top.
I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.
"But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!"
Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly...and for heavens sake, use the good napkins whenever you can. Pass this on to your friends who need a good laugh.
The Koala and the Lizard
A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says:
"Hey Koala!
What are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint."
"Come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up, sits next to the koala
and they enjoy a large doobie.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is dry
and he is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this, swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side then asks the little lizard:
"What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with the koala, got too stoned, and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to see this.
So they walk into the rain forest and find the tree where the koala is sitting, with yet another joint.
He looks up and says, "Hey you!"
The koala looks down at him and says...
"Fu-u-u-u-c-c-k, Dude.......
How much water did you drink?
A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says:
"Hey Koala!
What are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint."
"Come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up, sits next to the koala
and they enjoy a large doobie.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is dry
and he is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this, swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side then asks the little lizard:
"What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with the koala, got too stoned, and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to see this.
So they walk into the rain forest and find the tree where the koala is sitting, with yet another joint.
He looks up and says, "Hey you!"
The koala looks down at him and says...
"Fu-u-u-u-c-c-k, Dude.......
How much water did you drink?
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