In step

[RiverOL]

Eternity and Immutability of God​

The Eternity and Immutability of God according to Hermann Cremer in The Christian Doctrine of the Divine Attributes, 4:4, pp. 76-81



Kudos to those who are continuing reading this book with me! For those who have not read these pages, please do not comment. You may, however, ask a question. In about a week I will comment here on 5: The Unity of the Divine Attributes, or the Glory of God, pp. 82-84 and wrap up discussion of this book.


According to Cremer, this important but little known German theologian who so influenced Barth (sometimes I think I’m reading Barth!), God’s eternity means “the exercise of [God’s] transcendence over the law of becoming and passing away upon us and our life.” (77) God does not “become.” “God…transcends the nature of time and the succession of moments…[in] an eternity of simultaneity.” (78)

I like clear and distinct ideas. The only clear and distinct idea I can grasp of “eternity” is “everlastingness” (Wolterstorff). And I cannot conceive how God, experiencing simultaneity with all times, can “act differently.” (80) To act differently is to act in time.

But, on to God’s immutability. According to Cremer, God’s immutability is “the constancy of [his] love in the wealth of its manifestations.” (80) With that I can whole heartedly agree. Cremer goes on to say about God’s appearance to us to accomplish redemption: “Of this appearance, the content is the same, the subject is the same, and the attributes are the same. Only the manner of its appearing differs, as it takes particular form for its task, so that it would have been otherwise had there been no sin.” (80) Cremer also affirms “a diversity of the working of [God’s] love.” (80)

So, according to Cremer, God’s appearing and working takes different forms, but God’s essence and attributes never change. Again, I can agree with that. But I worry that here Cremer has driven something of a wedge between God in himself and God for us—something he goes on to reject. According to him, God determined himself before the world and its time “to be for the world.” (78) (That is a belief Barth strongly affirmed.)


Not very long before Cremer wrote this book, I. A. Dorner, a very important and influential German theologian, wrote a very long essay, almost book-length, about God’s “ethical immutability.” I find Dorner’s discussion very helpful. In his view, and mine, God changes in his ways and even being affected by the world and its history, but does not change in his essence. I only wish that Cremer had interacted with Dorner’s view. I see echoes but not identity.

 

[RiverOL]

My PostChristmas Meditation on the Passage of Time​

Never Enough Time

Gift shopping–check

Packed and mailed gifts to those who live far away–check

Elementary Christmas program–check

High school Christmas program–check

Exams, administered, graded, posted (except for research papers to be graded over the holidays)–check

Grocery shopping–check

Last minute gift shopping (took my very life into my hands)–check

Somehow located a last hour pizza–check

Wrapped those gifts–check

Christmas Eve church–check

Cooked special holiday breakfast–check


Gifts unwrapped–check

Clean-up–check

Doesn’t the Bible call Jesus the Prince of Peace? Isn’t this His birthday celebration? Then why is there so much work and stress leading up to the climax?

Well, in a word, the reason is LOVE.

Why have a Time Checklist?​

For years, the driving force behind all the Christmas activity was my children. I always wanted a great Christmas for them and I was the only one who could pull it off. When someone else took over, it wasn’t done right, and I wanted it right because I loved them so much.

I realize now that when I was a child, my mother probably had a checklist, too. I have never thanked her.

These days, my children are grown with children of their own, and they live hundreds of miles away. We see them as often as possible, but rarely on Christmas day. Still, the love remains. Creating ways to make their Christmas special continues. And the list goes on.

Now, the business of preparing for Christmas morning is for my parents. All the same events fill the list. All the same events are checked off one-by-one. And we pack up gifts and food and holiday smiles to burst through the door of their kitchenless apartment before 8:30 AM … because of LOVE.

Another List​

I wonder if there was a frenzied attempt to prepare in heaven as the great day of the birth of Jesus arrived …

Come to think of it, Roman occupation, crazy Herod on the throne, an ordered census, a long road trip, a full house, no regular room available, locating a space with animals near a manger, labor and delivery far from mother and home, and the immediate arrival of strange guests–that was a stressful checklist, too. Why did it happen? LOVE.

Why?​

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

And Today …​

This morning is quiet and there is time to meditate. I realize that one of these years I will no longer be able to accomplish an elaborate checklist. I wonder, how our family traditions will go on? Will my children work out the checklist for me? In a way, I hope not. I don’t want to be a source of stress for them, ever. Still, if the day comes when I am unable to do it, and I continue to walk on this planet, I hope I will be a participant in all their celebrations of love: birthdays, weddings, and, of course, Christmas. We shall see what that looks like some day, if I remain and if the Lord tarries.




“May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with [us] all” (2 Corinthians 13:14).



God bless you, and after your checklist is complete, take time to rest, and meditate on the wonder of it all..

 

[RiverOL]

Mary’s Magnificat: A Prophetic Love for the People of God​

Over the next few days, many of us will gather with friends and family. At some point, gifts will be exchanged. Many of us give gifts because, in this season, we remember the greatest gift we have received—Jesus. Christmas is defined as a season of giving. As I have been exploring Mary’s Magnificat, I am convinced it has something to say about our practices of gift giving.

Yet, there’s also the reality that gift-giving has gotten out of hand. The average family spends well over a thousand dollars on presents alone. A New York Post article shared this week, “The Holidays aren’t cheap: The average American will spend over $2,000 this season, according to a recent study.” Though it is a shocking number, it’s easy to do when our lists are filled with children, parents, grandparents, co-workers, teachers, and friends. There is travel, food, light shows, and decorations. But all of this can also seem to stand in stark contrast to the humble beginnings of Christmas. Perhaps it isn’t the amount that is concerning, but how we give not out of the relationship but out of a belief that gifts can demonstrate our love. Our culture has taught our children that gifts are love, it’s taught us that as well.

I am not against gifts. We have probably more gifts under our tree than we need. Perhaps we spent more than we should of too. I am not against decoration. I love making my house merry and bright in as many corners as I can. The light represents Jesus’ hope pushing back in the darkness. Fully celebrating the Christmas season has the power to unfold with a beauty that weaves together hope, peace, joy, and love—found in quiet moments of reflection, the warmth of cherished traditions, and the deep connections we share with others, all pointing to the wonder of Christ’s presence among us.


Mary’s song reflects the quiet confidence of a life rooted in God’s enduring promises—much like the call in 1 Thessalonians 4:11 that this Lead a Quiet Life blog on Patheos explores. A quiet life is the outcome a life that trusts in God’s faithfulness and loving mercy across generations.

The Christmas gifts we remember reflect and celebrate the importance of relationship.​

If you are like me, I love looking back at photos from my childhood. I have some old ones that remind me of how the Christmases of my youth looked. Christmas always seems more nostalgic in hindsight. We forget the bickering and problems. I also enjoy seeing the toys and presents I receive during different seasons. Over the years, many gifts have faded from memory. At the same time, some gifts remain unforgettable. Actually, the truth is that there’s something deeply moving about gifts—especially certain ones.

The most memorable Christmas presents often stand out because of the relationship tied to them. These gifts celebrate the connection we have with someone, truly reflecting the heart of the Christmas season. The best gifts celebrate relationships. Alan Hirsch once said that Christmas brings the ultimate relational gift. As he put it: “The one who spoke galaxies into existence moved into our neighborhood in an act of humble love, the likes of which the world has never known.” Christmas reminds us that God’s gift was a relational gift. The best gifts we can give to others are gifts that celebrate relationships. These are the gifts that matter—those that mirror the love and humility of Christ’s arrival.

God’s love promises spiritual fulfillment​

Read with me one last time (this year), to Luke 1:39-54. Throughout this blog series on Mary’s Magnificat, we have explored Mary’s song in Luke 1:39-54—not just as a song of worship, but as a prophetic declaration, a statement of faith, and a song of rejoicing. As we’ve seen over the past few weeks, Mary’s words draw deeply from the Old Testament—from Psalms to Isaiah to Hannah’s prayer—showing her understanding of what the coming of Jesus meant and celebrating God’s faithfulness both in the present and in the hope of what is to come. She magnifies the Lord for lifting the humble, filling the hungry, and fulfilling long-awaited promises.

This past week, I took a day for spiritual direction on Tuesday. After walking through a prayer garden and listening to a few podcasts, I sat down to read. One book I picked up, and try to read most years, Advent Conspiracy, noted, “Every day advertisements implore us to get more from life. Fulfillment is within our grasp—and we deserve it. Why wait when we can have everything now?”

Mary, however, speaks of a different kind of fulfillment in this passage. Fulfillment is found as our spirit rejoices in God. It is found in the awareness that God is mindful of our humble state, and in how God works through us, allowing others to see God’s blessing in our lives. True fulfillment comes as God extends mercy to each generation and to those who worship and revere Him. Mary sings of a fulfillment that is found when God flexes his muscles and power—bringing down the proud and lifting up the lowly. She sings of the hungry being filled with good things and of the joy that comes from experiencing God’s mercy and faithfulness.


Mary’s words remind us that fulfillment is indeed within our grasp, but it is not something we deserve, nor can we buy or achieve it on our own. Though the world promises instant gratification, the greatest fulfillment comes through God alone. Mary knows that the coming of Jesus brings the ultimate fulfillment we long for.

That fulfillment is God’s loving Mercy in Mary’s song. In the Greco-Roman world, mercy was not always regarded as a virtue of love; rather, it was often seen as a weakness. However, in Jewish and Christian thought, mercy is rooted in the understanding that God shows mercy because God is love, as John affirms. Mercy is a central attribute of God and a fundamental ethical requirement for Jesus followers, for God, because of love, God has shown mercy. The biblical concept of mercy is deeply tied to the loving covenant relationship between God and the people of God, where God’s mercy is a response to God’s love for all people, even in their sin and suffering.

There are times when we find ourselves among the humble, hungry, lonely, and overlooked. In those cases, Mary’s words can bring us hope. However, the truth is, more often than not, we find ourselves on the other side of the spectrum. As the Advent Conspiracy authors remark, “We are not the humble lifted by God of whom Mary sings. We are the powerful, the rich, the self-absorbed. Hundreds of millions of people throughout the world live without clean water, housing, food, and education. These are the humble and hungry to whom Mary promises deliverance. Through her son, the Messiah, tyrants will be defeated, and the oppressed will be liberated and ushered into a kingdom that will have no end.”


This reality, being among the powerful, too, reveals our search for fulfillment. While those in last place, the spiritually lost, and the least of these long for fulfillment, those in positions of power often pursue control out of the same desire for fulfillment. We attempt to create and secure our own satisfaction. Yet, there is something particularly dangerous about being the one in control—about holding power—in this quest for fulfillment. Mary’s song reminds us that we find true fulfillment through humility, where God is. There is a reason God chose the humble things of this world. Through Mary’s song, God calls us to be found among the humble, not among those in the pursuit of power or self-interest but in surrender to the God who lifts the lowly and fills the hungry with good things.

What gift do we owe a God of justice?​

What do we owe to a God who stepped into our world to bring justice and fulfillment to God’s creation and children? Like Mary, may we respond with creativity and conviction—let poets write about God’s justice, musicians sing of God’s mercy, and prophets rise to reveal God’s vision of justice and right living in the world. Preachers preach, teachers teach, apostles carry the hope, and evangelists bring it to others. Prophets declare the whispers and promises of God. Mary tells us that the birth of God’s Son marks the dawn of justice and the undoing of all that is wrong.


Even now, one of the most faithful ways to celebrate Advent is by embracing those who never believed they’d belong. It means letting go of our positions of power and sharing the good news and goodness of God with others through hospitality and inclusitivty. Christmas is the gift of fulfillment, given out of God’s great love, which took flesh in Jesus. The best gifts at Christmas celebrate relationship, especially the relationship we can have with God and God’s ways. The most meaningful gifts are those that reflect this love and justice, given to others with whom we share relationship.

Mary declares that God’s fulfillment comes from an act of love. This is what she intends in her last theological points of the song. Look at that last line of her prophetic song again, “He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, just as he promised our ancestors.” Mary sings of God’s love, God is remembering to be lovingly merciful to his promise to Abraham and his descendants.

Mary is theologizing other passages.​

What Mary is singing about here once again references the Old Testament. She draws influence from passages like Deuteronomy 7:7-8, which reminds the people of God, “The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to your ancestors that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh, king of Egypt.”


Mary’s song also echoes passages like Isaiah, chapters 42-49, where God promises the people of God that a servant is coming—and that he will make them a servant. In those chapters, God promises that in those days he will not remain silent but will cry out, like a woman in labor, bringing forth the justice and redemption of the people of God. That is coming true here.

If you read those chapters, you see that God promises this fulfillment to the people of God because they are God’s people that they are “precious and honored in my sight… because I love you.” In those chapters, God calls them to be lovers of God, who first loved them, rather than lovers of pleasure. A good reminder in this Christmas season. Mary is referencing passages that speak to God as one of love, who speaks of love, who demonstrates goodness because of love, and who longs to bring love to those forgotten and downtrodden.
Jesus says this same thing: God’s love, too, is the reason he came.

Jesus says that he was sent because “God so loved the world.” Out of that love, God did not come to “condemn the world, but to save the world.” God’s desire, through His Son and His love, is that all would “not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16-17). Jesus taught us that there is no greater love than to “lay down one’s life for one’s friends,” which is exactly what He came to do. In Matthew, Jesus reminds us that God desires mercy, not sacrifice, declaring, “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners” (Matthew 9:13). Though a thief is active in the world, seeking to steal life and joy from us, Jesus came as the Good Shepherd who loves His sheep, willing to “lay down His life” (John 10:10-11). Jesus reveals that the love of God is the reason He came “to seek and save the lost” (Luke 19:10).


This love is what Mary is singing about. Jesus was God’s help. She is singing of God’s act of loving mercy. God was giving a gift celebrating relationship. God wanted relationship with the world. So, God gave the gift of Jesus so that Jesus can make way, and show us what relationship with God looks like.

Love is a costly gift.​

One author writes in the Advent Conspiracy, “The simple truth is…giving is still a good way to celebrate the birth of Jesus.” He also points out, “It points to a way out of the chaos of consumerism that Christmas has become, taking us back to the joy that can still be found at the heart of this story.” When we learn to give out of love, reflecting God’s goodness and celebrating a relationship, “our giving can actually reflect, in some small way, the power and beauty of God coming into our world as one of us” (Advent Conspiracy). God’s love actually calls us to give more, not physical gifts alone, but costly gifts of ourselves to others, to those around us. Even when people don’t deserve it. We are called to mirror God’s loving mercy. Hospitality and inclusivity to the underserving is not weaknesses; it is the acts of God and the message for God’s people.

The gift of mercy God gives is an indescribable gift – he gives himself. The infinite God became tangible, accessible, approachable, and more understandable through the gift of Jesus. Through Jesus, we see what the eternal and great God of the universe looks like. This is a gift of loving relationship. God gave us His presence, and the challenge in this season is to “creatively express to a friend or family member how much you want to be with them” (Advent Conspiracy). Through Jesus, we receive a personal gift from God—relational giving. Relational giving means paying attention to the other person, considering who they are, what they care about, and how we can share God’s goodness and good news with them.


There are four things I think Mary teaches us in this last line of her Magnificat that can inform our practice of giving gifts.

• Through love, God gave a costly gift. Mary sings that God gave himself to show a loving mercy tot hose undeserving. As the Advent Conspiracy book states, “His gift was costly… The gift God gave us cost Him everything. What does that mean for us as we now give to one another? In practical terms, it means we must accept that relational giving will cost us… Relational giving will also be risky at times… Didn’t Jesus give Himself knowing full well that some would reject or misunderstand Him?” Our gifts should be relationally costly. Sometimes, it’s risky to give relationally.
• Through love, God bridged the gap. Mary confesses that while we were sinners, lost in darkness, and humbled – God moved into town. God gave a gift of himself that bridged the gap between heaven and earth. Our gifts should bridge gaps. To give a gift that echoes this kind of giving requires time, energy, and creativity.
• Through love, Jesus taught us what it meant to give gifts to those who feel forgotten. Again, the Advent Conspiracy reflects, “Jesus gave up the glory of heaven to be born into a sin-scarred world…Jesus became poor for our sake. Jesus entered our poverty so we would no longer be poor.” Through the Christmas story, Jesus reveals that God stands with the weary and the broken, even when others do not. God’s love fulfills his promises to all people. Just as God honored the covenant with Israel, Theophilus (Luke’s audience)– and all Gentile believers – can trust that God’s promises extend to them. Christmas is a reminder that God’s love is for the whole world, offering inclusion and hospitality to everyone. Our gift giving must echo this.
• Through love, God reminds us that he does the heavy lifting. Mary declares in her song what God has done. God is the one flexing the power and muscle. Reggie McNeal reminds us, “God is the One doing the heavy lifting!” Mary’s job is to just show up. Through her example, Christmas reminds us that when we show up and love in the name of God, God shows up. That’s part of the mystery of partnering with Jesus in the work that the Holy Spirit is still doing and we get to be part of. We give gifts but trust God to do something with them.

A few final thoughts.​

This season calls us to receive God’s love; those who do are called children of God. However, it also calls us to bring God’s love to others. Mary knows that the mercy God was pouring out on His people was an act of love that calls us to carry and bring it to others. Jesus Himself called us to be defined by two things: loving God with all that we are and overflowing from that relationship of love to those around us. As we love our neighbors and one another, the kingdom of God grows, and the world takes notice.

In this season, the book, the Advent Conspiracy says, “If we can resist the trap of giving easy gifts and reject the assumption that giving expensive gifts or many gifts is the best way to express love, something else might begin to happen. “We might experience moments of relational giving that our friends and family will care about and remember. Our kids will learn what it means to give gifts that are personal and meaningful. Our neighbors, coworkers, and friends will watch us celebrate Christmas differently, and they’ll hear the good news loud and clear through the seasonal static.” We are then left with the question, How does the love of God, shown through the birth of Jesus, mobilize me to love others during the Advent season?

 

[RiverOL]

The Light at the Core of Christmas​

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Light: image by geralt

Darkness to Light​

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When it comes to Christmas, I’m sure every single facet has been explored over and over, dissected, examined, and studied … but the Word is alive, and it can speak to one in different ways at different times. For me this year, the focus was light.
The winter solstice has just passed: December 21–the darkest day of the year. That means that even now, the days are growing lighter. The process is slow, perhaps undetectable on a day-to-day basis, but the process is happening. The light is returning to bring new life and illumination to our physical darkness, just like the Light came to us to bring new life and illumination to our spiritual darkness.
In his prophesy, Isaiah saw into the future and wrote: “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone” (9:2)..
The disciple John also wrote about light: (1:1-5, 9-14) “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”
Light in the darkness was certainly a theme at the birth of the Savior. Darkness shrouded the world in so many forms:

• When Christ was born, no new word of God had been heard for four centuries.
• The people of God were under the oppressive rule of Rome.
• The nation of Israel was fracturing.
• The census was a considerable imposition on the people.
• Herod was a hostile and unpredictable ruler.

Into that environment, the Savior of the world was born, far from home, in Bethlehem.

The Shepherds and the Light​

The scriptures go on to tell:

“And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.”
What about that word shone? I don’t speak Greek, but my lexicon tells me it comes from the word lampo, illuminate, bring light! The angel of the Lord lit up that dark hillside and illumined the hearts and spirits of the shepherds!
“And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us” (Luke 2:8-15).

The Wise Men and the Light​

Then in Matthew’s gospel, there is, of course, that amazing star!
“After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”
I have heard the theory that during the time of the story, the star Regulus (the brightest star in the constellation Leo (the lion, and Christ is the “Lion of Judah”) converged with Jupiter (In Hebrew, Jupiter is known as Sedeq, which means righteousness, also often considered the “king” of the planets) and Venus (often seen as a symbol of love, fertility, and birth) to create the miraculous light in the sky. Who knows, but God arranged it somehow.
“When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born. ‘In Bethlehem in Judea,’ they replied, ‘for this is what the prophet has written: ‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for out of you will come a ruler who will shepherd my people Israel.’
“Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, ‘Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.’ After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh” (Matthew 2:1-11).
From that moment on, the Light began to flicker, and shine, and burn, and to bring new life and illumination to the world–to all who would receive Him.
With that in mind, please humor me as I repeat a story I have told before, about a different Christmas with a different kind of lights:

Amazing, Not Normal, Christmas Eve​

I was in junior high, I believe, when this took place. It was Christmas Eve, the snow was falling, and at the house, my mother, brother, Grandma, and I turned on a Christmas movie. Grandma dozed in her chair, then finally went to bed. The hands of the clock passed eleven. Snow outside was getting pretty deep.
Then my mother made one of the most unexpected and spontaneous offers I can ever remember: “Anybody want to go for a walk?”
“Well, yeah!”
We quickly donned coats, hats, gloves, and boots, and ventured out into the frozen night. As we walked down our street, Christmas lights glowed radiant from porches and were echoed by colorful reflections in the snow. We got to the end of our street, but kept walking.
Turning to look back, our own footprints were the only marks we could see in the pristine snow. We saw no cars, no other person, not even a dog or cat.
Without talking, we walked the streets of downtown. The Christmas displays in the stores devoid of customers and nearly emptied of inventory, gleamed like topaz against the cold nighttime. The decorations on the light poles and the traffic lights twinkled and winked, enchanting the holy night that was all about light and love and the coming of the baby who was the light that shined in men’s darkness. It was like walking through a miracle.
We walked all the way back to our church. Then the chimes from the clock tower broke the perfect silence, and as though it were a signal, we headed back in the direction of home.
Back in our own kitchen, Mom started the hot chocolate, even as my gloves were still coming off my hands. We were all uncommonly quiet, but it was the quiet of peaceful hearts in a loving home. Ever since, I have referred to that night as “the best Christmas gift of all time.” Well, maybe it was the second greatest!
I think we can all agree that Jesus Christ stepping out of eternity to be born into this world to redeem us to the Father is the best Christmas gift of all time. Not all Christmas gifts are under a tree, but Christmas is not really about a box under a tree anyway. It’s all about love, isn’t it?

“The Lord’s Light Within”​

We began this meditation with the light, let’s conclude with the light, and a poem by M S Lowndes:
The Lord’s Light Within
Lord, we reflect with thankful hearts
On the wonder of your birth
The love you expressed when you left
Your glory to come to earth
For your life was like a beacon, Lord
Shining brightly in the night
Filling the world with the radiance of
The Father’s glorious light
And we, too, long to have inside
Your light for others to see
The beautiful reflection of your grace
And the wonder of your majesty
For as your life indwells our hearts,
We can shine wherever we are
And arise to take hold of each new day
With your light ablaze in our hearts
So rekindle the flame within us, Lord
So it will not flicker nor dim
Ignite us with the light of your love,
So you will shine brightly within.
God bless you, and may His miraculous light shine upon you and within you, and shine forth from you! Amen.​

 

[RiverOL]

A Year of Highlights: Reflecting on the Past to Move Forward​

In this blog post, I explore the highlights of the past year on the Lead a Quiet Life blog, reflecting on key moments, spiritual growth, and insights for slowing down and moving forward with intention.

The Discipline of an Annual Examen

This week, like perhaps many of you, I have been practicing an annual examen. This is about taking time to reflect on the past year, evaluating my progress against my own goals, and identifying areas where I’ve fallen short of goals and pursuits. At the beginning of 2024, I had created a new rule of life, set specific goals, and established a disciplined daily schedule. While I was largely able to stay on track, there were certainly some moments when distractions and challenges led to some plateaued progress and setbacks.

The purpose of this spiritual discipline of an annual examen, or an end-of-the-year reflection, is to help me recognize where adjustments to my goals are needed and to take inventory of where I’ve experienced growth. After completing my reflections, I plan to revise my rule of life, set new goals, refine existing ones, and fine-tune my daily schedule to better align with my values and aspirations for the year ahead.

Another Year Blogging on Patheos​

Over the past week, I have also been reflecting on my journey to discover what it means to lead a quiet life. This Lead a Quiet Life blog on Patheos explores what it means to live a quieter life at a slower pace, discovering a simple faith that embraces downward mobility in a world and church often obsessed with excess. The journey to lead a quiet life is one of seeking contentment amidst the chaos, prioritizing meaning over many, awareness over achievement, and choosing intentional living over the demands of our fast-paced, success-driven culture. It is also about stewarding well what I have been given and learning to live in the moment, aware of what God is doing and saying.

For me, this Lead a Quiet Life blog on Patheos is a reflection of what I believe God is calling me to—a life rooted in simplicity, mindfulness, and a deeper connection with the Holy Spirit – a life defined by Paul’s challenge in 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12. As I enter my third year of focusing on 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 as a key verse for my life, I continue to be taken aback by how strenuous, trying, and difficult this journey toward a quiet life can be. The consumeristic pull of our culture is strong, and the pressure to conform is ever-pressing, but through disciplines of regular reflection, I’m learning to push back with discipline and God’s guidance. Each day brings new lessons on how to slow down and align my life more content.


I am also learning the pursuit of leading a quiet life is more about the journey than the arrival. As I reflect this evening by candlelight, I sense that I am still a few years away from unlearning old patterns and cultivating the neuroplasticity in my thinking that will allow me to develop new habits and paradigms that empower this way of living.

A Look Back at the Past Year for the Lead a Quiet Life Blog​

Since January 2024, this Lead a Quiet Life blog on Patheos has welcomed over 6,500 unique visitors, resulting in approximately 9,538 visits. While these numbers may not compete with top-performing blog platforms, nor are they a top-performing blog on Patheos, for a blogger focused on downward mobility, I am not looking to set records, build a platform, or gain fame. Rather, what these numbers reflect for me is a genuine and growing interest in pursuing what it means to lead a quiet life.

The readership of this blog also extends well beyond the United States, with noteworthy engagement from the United Kingdom, Canada, India, Germany, and Australia. Regular visitors from Ireland, South Africa, the Philippines, and Norway join the conversation. This global reach may in no way be impressive, but it again highlights that the desire for a quieter, more contemplative way of living is not confined to any one nation or culture. Instead, it reflects a movement of the Holy Spirit, stirring hearts worldwide to seek simplicity and stillness in God’s presence and towards a 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 way of life. I choose to see these patterns as this – global readers are exploring the meaning of leading a quiet life, embracing downward mobility, and discovering ways to foster a deeper spiritual connection.


It is humbling to witness this shared journey – as individuals from diverse backgrounds, united by a longing for a life marked by greater peace and purpose, journey at our own paces and in our own ways. In 2025, I not only want to grow in my capacity to lead a quiet life, but also to share the resources, theological insights, and reflections that will help others who are on this journey. I hope you’ll stay and continue this journey with me. These numbers reflect a significant shift from last year, reinforcing the belief that a growing, global response is emerging. It’s encouraging to see that the pursuit of simplicity and a deeper relationship with God resonates across cultures, pointing to a broader spiritual awakening.

The Top 5 log Posts of 2024 on Lead a Quiet Life​

In the spirit of reflection, I wanted to highlight some of my top-read articles from the Lead a Quiet Life blog on Patheos. These pieces have seemingly sparked meaningful conversations and resonated deeply with readers in the past year. These five blog posts, in this order, have garnered the most attention on my Lead a Quiet Life blog on Patheos. As I post them here, I hope they challenge you, and I hope they invite you to want to read more – but I also hope they resource you to go deeper into this journey of leading a quiet life.


If you missed any of these blog posts, here is a quick recap of my 2024 Year in Review:

• 6 Proverbs for Ambitiously Leading a Quiet Life
The Proverbs are full of wisdom, and these six proverbs offer timeless advice for those seeking to lead a peaceful, intentional, and purposeful life in a chaotic world.
• The Lord’s Prayer: A Help in Leading A Quiet Life
This article explores how the discipline of the Lord’s Prayer can serve as a guide for cultivating contentment and navigating life’s challenges with grace and intention.
• The Transformative Practice of A Daily Prayer Rhythm
Building a daily rhythm of prayer can be life-changing. In this post, I share a prayer routine that nourishes the soul and helps quiet the mind amidst the busyness of life.
• Mary’s Magnificat: A Prophetic Hope for the Humbled
In this blog series, I dive into Mary’s Magnificat and how it speaks to God’s promises of hope, peace, joy, and love through the birth of Jesus.
• Lead a Quiet Life: A Costly and Sacrificial Way of Living
Leading a quiet life isn’t always easy. This post explores what it means to make space for a peaceful, intentional life in a world full of distractions.

As we approach 2025, I’m eager to continue sharing insights, reflections, and spiritual practices with you. Whether you’re revisiting familiar topics or exploring new ones, I hope this season inspires you to focus on what matters most and create content that reflects your heart’s purpose.

Invitation to Practice the Annual Examen​

I also invite you to embrace the spiritual discipline of an annual examen, or the practice of an end-of-year reflection. Drawing from the influence of Phil Strout’s How Is Your Soul booklet (Vineyard Resources), I’ve found this framework deeply helpful:

• Reflective Stillness – Quiet your heart, become aware of God’s presence, and reflect on the past year. Ask God to reveal moments that shaped you and write down anything you need to release.
• Reflective Gratitude – Look back on the year with thankfulness, recognizing God’s presence in both the joys and challenges. Take time to write a prayer of gratitude for all that the year has held.
• Reflective Hope – Look ahead to 2025 with expectation. Ask God to bring clarity and direction for the year to come, trusting in God’s guidance for growth and renewal.

This simple practice can help align our hearts with God’s purpose, allowing us to step into the new year with faith, hope, and courage. I look forward to continuing this journey together as we seek simplicity, stillness, and a deeper connection with God in the year ahead. Let’s step into 2025 with open hearts, ready to embrace what God has in store.

Closing Thoughts​

I’m always interested in a good conversation or a cup of coffee. Let’s connect! I love hearing others’ stories and sharing my own while finding ways to support others on their journey. Feel free to reach out to me via email—I’d love to hear from you. Online you can also connect with me through Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, X, Bluesky, Threads, TikTok, and YouTube.

 

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God Will Be With Us As We Walk Into The New Year​

You shall not go out with haste…for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.

Isaiah 52:12



One of the best ways to leave this year behind is to look toward the coming year with absolute dependence and confidence in the supernatural provision of God.

In Oswald Chambers’ fine devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, Chambers succinctly tells us how we should look forward with faithful expectancy because of God’s enduring faithfulness.

Step Into The New Year With Faithful Expectancy​

Here is what he writes…

God Uses Our Past Mistakes For Good​

Security from Yesterday. “…God requires an account of what is past” (Ecclesiastes 3:15). At the end of the year we turn with eagerness to all that God has for the future, and yet anxiety is apt to arise when we remember our yesterdays. Our present enjoyment of God’s grace tends to be lessened by the memory of yesterday’s sins and blunders. But God is the God of our yesterdays, and He allows the memory of them to turn the past into a ministry of spiritual growth for our future. God reminds us of the past to protect us from a very shallow security in the present.

God Promises To Go Before Us​

Security for Tomorrow. “…The Lord will go before you…” This is a gracious revelation – that God will send His forces to where we have failed to do so. He will keep watch so that we will not be tripped up again by the same failures, as would undoubtedly happen if He were not our “rear guard.” And God’s hand reaches back to the past, settling all claims against our conscience.

God Wants Us To Let The Past Rest​

Security for Today. “You shall not go out with haste…” As we go forth into the coming year, let it not be in the haste of impetuous, forgetful delight, nor with the quickness of impulsive thoughtlessness. But let us go out with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us. Our yesterdays hold broken and irreversible things for us. It is true that we have lost opportunities that will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past rest, but let it rest in the sweet embrace of Christ.

Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him.


As we learn to reframe our past mistakes and failings through the lens of God’s redemptive power, everything changes. Yes, we have failed. Yes, we have made some poor decisions. Yes, we may feel some keen regret over lost opportunities. However, God is our great Savior, Redeemer, and Friend. He will help us to learn from our failings so that we choose more wisely in the future. He will walk beside us to provide the daily strength and grace we require. God is in our past. God is in our present. God will be in our future. There is nowhere we can flee from his blessed presence.

 

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For Richer, for Poorer: How to Steward Money in Marriage​

The process of discovering God’s countercultural will about money and possessions can both excite and liberate. | Image courtesy of Juan Pablo Serrano/Pexels


Were you to survey married couples about their money-management goals, most answers would focus on some form of financial success. Most people strive to accumulate better houses, nicer cars, more toys, and bigger retirement accounts. But when it comes to the dream of financial prosperity and security, we should ask, “Whose dream is it?” It may be the American dream—but is it the dream of the risen Jesus? And since what glorifies him is also for our good, is it a dream that’s ultimately in the best interests of our family?


The process of discovering God’s countercultural will about money and possessions can both excite and liberate. For my late wife, Nanci, and me, our growth in financial stewardship paralleled our spiritual growth. In fact, it propelled it. We learned about faith, grace, commitment, generosity, and God’s provision. We had challenging giving discussions that ultimately strengthened our marriage and bonded us around the common goal of investing in eternity.

Using the word makarios, which means “happy-making,” Jesus said, “There is more happiness in giving than in receiving” (Acts 20:35 GNT). Nanci and I found that happiness, not duty, permeates a God-honoring theology of money. When grace-saturated, kingdom-minded disciples use God’s money and possessions, we fulfill the first and second greatest commandments. We store up treasures in heaven and “take hold of that which is truly life” (1 Timothy 6:19).

The following principles can help you and your spouse develop a lifestyle of good stewardship that will yield dividends, now and forever.

1. Recognize the dangers of a possessions-centered life.​

Although there is nothing inherently wrong with money, something is desperately wrong with devotion to money. “Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare. . . . For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils” (1 Timothy 6:9–10).

Understanding the dangers of materialism can liberate us to experience the joys of Christ-centered stewardship. Jesus speaks of the “deceitfulness of riches” (Mark 4:19). The psalmist warns, “Though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them” (Psalm 62:10 NIV). None of us is immune to the value-changing nature of wealth.

Things have mass, mass exerts gravity, and gravity holds us in orbit around the things we accumulate. A friend told me that when he and his wife were first married, they spent their time taking walks, playing games, and reading together. They were content. Later, as their income rose, they found themselves trapped by shifting priorities. Little by little, money and possessions took precedence over God, church, and meaningful time together.

Studies and anecdotal evidence have shown a connection between an increase in income and marital infidelity since having access to more money can provide greater temptation and opportunity to sin. Of course, the point is not the income itself, but the lifestyle it underwrites. A Christian can make a million dollars a year, give generously, live modestly, and avoid much of that added temptation to immorality. It is not how much we make that matters. It is how much we keep.


How can we recognize if we are falling into materialism’s trap? “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). Jesus is saying, “Show me your bank statement, your credit card statement, and your receipts, and I’ll show you where your heart is.” What we do with our money is an inarguable statement of our values.

God declares, “Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine” (Job 41:11). God’s ownership of everything provides the foundation of a biblical theology of money and the antidote to materialism. Acutely aware of the fact that what we have is God’s and not ours, faithful money-managing stewards regularly consult him to implement his biblical investment priorities.

2. Make generous giving a priority.​

I encourage you to commit to giving regularly to your local church and, above and beyond that, to missions and other ministries. Begin by setting an amount to give — I recommend not less than 10 percent — and stick with it so you honor God with your first fruits (Proverbs 3:9). If you want him to bless your family’s finances, don’t place yourself under the curse of disobedience.

As thunder follows lightning, giving follows grace (2 Corinthians 8:1–2). If God’s grace touches you, you can’t help but give generously! Then, when God entrusts you with more, remind yourselves why: “So that you can be generous on every occasion” (2 Corinthians 9:11 NIV). (Contrary to the health-and-wealth gospel, God prospers us not to raise our standard of living, but to raise our standard of giving.)


If you have not been in the habit of giving, it can be challenging to begin. However, I ask people, “If you got a 10 percent pay cut, would you die?” Of course not! God is big enough to take care of you if you step out in faith and return to him what is his in the first place. (Even though I think in most cases people really can afford to give away ten percent, obviously if you believe it is impossible for you to do so or your children would go hungry if you did, then, by all means, feed your family and God will be pleased if you do. I am just encouraging you to take an honest look at whether you are spending money on non-necessities that you could have given away without inflicting suffering on your family.)

What if you and your spouse are not on the same page about giving? I learned over the years that my desire to give sacrificially could sometimes feel insensitive to Nanci. When I learned to be more generous with her (and our daughters), Nanci no longer felt that giving to kingdom causes competed with our family’s needs. Through many conversations, she learned to find increasing joy in giving, and I learned to find increasing joy in growing together and leading—but not pushing or pulling. We were holding hands, even if sometimes one of us was a step ahead. (As the years went by, the one ahead was increasingly her.)


Of course, God wants us to do many good things with money that do not involve giving. We must provide for our family’s basic material needs, for example (1 Timothy 5:8). But these good things are only a beginning. The money God entrusts to us is eternal investment capital. Every day is an opportunity to buy up more shares in his kingdom!

3. Set a budget so you can spend and save wisely.​

Since the long-term consequences are severe when a couple disagrees about money, I can’t stress enough the importance of discussing financial matters. Start by making a careful record of spending so you can find out where your money is currently going. Then determine where it should be going. This will become the basis for your budget. (When I was a pastor, I met with families who followed a budget and did fine on a meager income. I met with others who made much more and were regularly in financial crisis.)

For some, the most practical way to budget is the envelope system. When paychecks are cashed, the cash goes into envelopes designated for giving, housing, food, gas, utilities, entertainment, clothing, saving, and so on. If nothing is left in the entertainment envelope halfway through the month, no more movies or eating out. If we overspend in one area, we must underspend elsewhere to compensate. The envelope system may seem antiquated, but it teaches us that resources are limited, which is an invaluable lesson.


What is the right balance between how much we give, use for needs and wants, and save? I believe the tension reflected in that question is healthy. We can prayerfully seek God’s guidance, determined to follow his lead as best as we can discern it.

Jesus tells us, “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things [what you eat, drink, and wear] will be given to you” (Matthew 6:33 NIV). Unlike the pagans who “run after all these things” and “worry about tomorrow,” believers can trust God (Matthew 6:25–34). If we believe that God can create us, redeem us, and bring us through death to spend eternity with him, we can take him at his word when he says he will provide for our material needs.

4. Avoid debt, except in rare instances.​

The choice to live under debt (except in manageable amounts, such as with a mortgage payment well within your means) is ultimately deadening to the soul and to a marriage. It is always unwise to live above your income. It will invariably produce conflict in your marriage.

Trust means believing God will take care of our needs. When we go into debt, however, we usually do so to obtain wants, not needs. So the Bible cautions us against debt. The ESV translates the beginning of Romans 13:8, “Owe no one anything.” This would appear to prohibit debt. The NIV reads, “Let no debt remain outstanding.” This would allow debt, if paid off as soon as possible.


Not all debt is the same, however. I’m sympathetic to those in situations where, after prayer and evaluation, debt seems the only alternative. In such cases, nothing is wiser than giving first to God, cutting back expenditures, and systematically paying off debt as aggressively as possible.

Some consider mortgages an exception to avoiding debt, and a case can be made for borrowing to buy a reasonably priced house instead of renting. Unfortunately, many aspiring homeowners buy a house outside their budget. A couple I know assumed a large mortgage that depended on both of their incomes. When the wife became pregnant, they realized that to keep the house, they would have to violate their convictions against leaving their child in a day-care center while the mother worked.

What about credit cards? Some use them for convenience, paying off the amount owed on every statement to avoid interest. Nanci and I did this. This approach has advantages, but it also has drawbacks. The very convenience of having a credit card is often a liability—and constitutes temptation. Here are some prudent guidelines:

• Never use credit cards for anything except budgeted purchases.
• Pay off your credit cards every month.
• The first month you have a credit card bill you cannot pay in full, destroy the card, pay it off, and don’t get another one.

5. Enjoy life to God’s glory.​

As believers in a materialistic culture, we should embrace lifestyles that free up money to further the progress of the gospel. And yet, the answer is not asceticism, believing that money and possessions are inherently evil. Our God is a lavish giver (Romans 8:32). He provides pleasures and comforts he desires us to enjoy: “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

Over the years, Nanci and I spent reasonable amounts of money on vacations that served to renew us. Even when our girls were small, we would have a date night, believing one of the best things we could do for our children was to maintain a strong marriage. (Make it a priority to date your spouse. Put it in your schedule and budget!)

Scripture says we are to put our hope not in material things but “in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment” (1 Timothy 6:17 NIV). That means we shouldn’t feel guilty for enjoying his provisions! God does not expect his followers to live like prisoners in a cell, never feasting or celebrating life. He entrusts us with money to care for our needs and the needs of others, but also so we can take pleasure in the life he has given us.

Invest in Eternity—Together​

Many Christians store up their treasures on earth. They end up backing into eternity, heading away from their treasures. Christ calls us to turn it around—to store up our treasures in heaven. That way, every day moves us closer to our Treasure.

In her last years, Nanci and I reflected on the ways, by God’s grace, we had invested in eternity and served the Lord Jesus together. What lay behind us was meaningful, but what awaited us on death’s other side was what we spent our lives preparing for.

Shortly before she died, I was holding Nanci’s hand, and she said, with a smile and tears, “Randy, thank you for my life.” I replied, also crying, “Nanci, thank you for my life.” God had used us to grow each other spiritually and make us better followers of Jesus. We certainly didn’t do everything right, but with God’s help, we sought to store up far greater treasures in heaven than on earth.

I encourage you to put Christ in the center of your marriage and finances. You will never regret it. The eternal payoffs will forever bring you joy and your Savior glory!

Several years ago, I had the privilege of doing a Q&A with Wayne Grudem at a conference. One of the questions I was asked was how I would counsel a young couple about financial matters. At the end, Wayne shares a lesson he and Margaret learned about finances and obeying God:

 

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What Moves Your Heart?​

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. . . give, and it will be given to you—Luke 6:38

When we begin following Jesus Christ, he shapes for us new hearts—just as God promised for Israel: “I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26; Ephesians 4:17-24). These new hearts move more like God’s heart. They are not, however, all shaped alike. They still reflect our God-created and God-anointed individuality (1 Corinthians 12:14-20). Notice when you view tough situations—sometimes your heart is moved, deeply. Notice also—sometimes it isn’t.

You see, we’re all created for good works (Ephesians 2:10). But, as individuals, we aren’t created for every work. We couldn’t possibly be. We’re all called to help those in need (Matthew 22:39; 1 John 3:17-18). But, as individuals, we aren’t called to every need. Near his death, St. Francis of Assisi prayed for his fellow friars: “I have done what is mine to do. May Christ teach you what is yours.” The movements of our new hearts are one way God teaches us what is ours. For our hearts are made to notice, to care, to move more for certain people and certain needs: when their needs are met, our hearts are satisfied; when they aren’t, our hearts hurt with their hearts. So here’s the good part—when we become aware of the movements of our new hearts, and begin working ourselves to meet the needs of people who are ours to help, we increase not only their joy, but ours too.​

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Okay, so what do we do?

Continue to bend your focus away from yourself, brother. Take some time to consider your heart. Can you identify the particular people and particular needs for which it moves, uniquely?​

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The Creator vs. the created [Jesus or AI]​

Early in the school year I was required to attend a three hour lecture about AI and the classroom student. It is a new inconvenience that we who teach writing are attempting to deal with. About the time there is a program that will detect the use of AI, someone makes AI more undetectable. In other words, when one group invents a better mousetrap, AI becomes a better mouse. Predictive text on my phone used to freak me out; AI really, really concerns me. It is terrifying that words generated by technology can come across as so … human.

What is AI?​

Just in case there are those who are unaware, Effie explains AI writing this way:

• AI writing uses artificial intelligence to create content like essays and stories.
• It works by gathering internet data based on prompts and making it into human-like text.
• The process combines linguistics, data science, computer science, and AI.
• AI writing is fast but can’t match humans in emotional and engaging content.
• AI tools are used for many types of writing, from social media to emails.

That lecture taught me that AI was quite beneficial to students, particularly those who struggle with reading and writing because it can be used to frame ideas in creative text, or reduce text already written to grade-level or comprehension-level reading. It might allow instructors to simply list what facts they want to teach, and it will create lectures, tests, and other evaluation tools. It all sounds really good, but it is only an artificial entity masquerading as human.

AI Pastors?​

Scary enough right there, but I have just learned that AI has made its way into the church world. One may receive instruction, counseling, and even prayer from an artificial source. I quote: “The Ron Carpenter Ministries Advanced Archive app is a unique place where people from every background, race, and walk of life come together in a place of community and purpose. This resource is dedicated to seeing people’s lives changed and leaders equipped. Get ready to change your mindset, master your feelings, and overcome life’s pressures. Transcend traditional time and access barriers by enabling 1-on-1 personalized interactions not possible at before now.”

Substitution is nothing new:​

The Book of Ecclesiastes says that “there’s nothing new under the sun.” Perhaps not. There was a time, long ago, when people used a substitute for a human to reach God. “Substitution is one of the major themes of the Bible. God instituted the principle of substitution in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve sinned. By killing an animal to cover their nakedness (Genesis 3:21), God began to paint a picture of what it would take to bring humanity back into proper relationship with Him. He continued that theme with His chosen people Israel. By giving them the Law, God showed them His holiness and demonstrated their inability to achieve that holiness. God then granted them a substitute to pay the price for their sin, in the form of blood sacrifices (Exodus 29:41-42; 34:19; Numbers 29:2). By sacrificing an innocent animal according to God’s specifications, human beings could have their sins forgiven and enter the presence of God. The animal died in the sinner’s place, thereby allowing the sinner to go free, vindicated. Leviticus 16 tells of the scapegoat, upon which the elders of Israel would place their hands, symbolically transferring the sins of the people onto the goat. The goat was then set free into the wilderness, bearing the sins of the people far away” (Doctrine of Substitution).

God’s substitution​

Of course, this was not the perfect plan. It satisfied the debt only temporarily, and animals had to continue to die. But God Almighty, YHWH, had arranged that in the fullness of time, there would be a substitute who would become the once and for all sacrifice–the perfect lamb. He would come Himself, but as a human.



And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth (John 1:14).



“The Word continues the opening words of the prologue in John 1:1. Became flesh does not mean the Word ceased being God; rather, the Word, who was God, also took on humanity (cf. Phil. 2:6–7). This is the most amazing event in all of history: the eternal, omnipotent, omnipresent, infinitely holy Son of God took on a human nature and lived among humanity as one who was both God and man at the same time, in one person. Dwelt among us means more literally “pitched his tent” (Gk. skēnoō), an allusion to God’s dwelling among the Israelites in the tabernacle (cf. Ex. 25:8–9; 33:7). In the past, God had manifested his presence to his people in the tabernacle and the temple. Now God takes up residence among his people in the incarnate Word, Jesus Christ (cf. John 1:17). Thus, the coming of Christ fulfills the OT symbolism for God’s dwelling with man in the tabernacle and the temple” (ESV Study Bible Notes).




Of God’s commitment to becoming human, the scriptures also say:



Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted (Hebrews 2:17-18).



Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father (Philippians 2:5-11).

Creator​

The Creator replaced the artificial with the real; the created, AI, replaces the real with the artificial. Sounds like we’re taking a precarious step backwards.



I like Pastor Cody Hale’s (Iron City Baptist Church near Anniston, Alabama) comments:

“Real pastors aren’t faces on a screen kept at a safe distance. They counsel you during hard times, take an interest in your kids, and celebrate your wedding. They know you, visit you in the hospital, and preach your funeral. They don’t just preach exciting messages. They spend time with God in study with the unique needs and struggles of their people in mind, because they know them personally and love them deeply.

“If your pastors aren’t close enough to you to disappoint you, they aren’t close enough. If your pastors would not counsel you through a hard time in your marriage, a loss of a loved one, or spiritual confusion, they’re not shepherding the flock. If your pastors wouldn’t officiate your wedding or preach your funeral, they would be unrecognizable to the New Testament.

“Christmas reminds us that God himself came to live among his people. Pastors — imperfectly and incompletely — aim to paint a similar picture with their lives.” AI, no matter how sophisticated, can not do that.


So, Jesus or AI? One day, it’s probably going to come down to a choice. Do you know which creator you will choose?

May God, the Creator, bless you in a real and enduring way through His sacrifice in Jesus Christ.

 

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Minimum Safe Distance​

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Let us then with confidence draw near
to the throne of grace—Hebrews 4:16

Have you gotten to where you stay at a “minimum safe distance” from God, for fear of what he might ask—what assignment he might put on your heart, what calling he might put on your life? Do you ever worry, if you allow yourself to get too close, he might leverage his position to press you to become . . . say . . . a monk in the mountains; or missionary to Africa; or evangelist at your work; or confessor to your friends; or something else, equally disrupting to your plans?

For many of us men, fears like these characterize our relationships with God. You see, we know the plans we have for ourselves—plans for good things ahead—and we trust ourselves to know what’s “good.” So, we’re wary of potential disruptions, even from the God we love.

King David wrote, though, it’s precisely when we close the distance to God that we actually discover what we’ve been looking for, all along:

“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).​

Not the “boredom of your heart” or “annoyance of your heart” or “frustration of your heart”—the “desires of your heart”—what you’ve always wanted, but haven’t found. The key, brother, is trust (Psalm 37:5). We must trust that the God of the universe might know better what is, in fact, “good” for us. And we must trust that he wills our good and knows how to bring it about (Psalm 37:5-6).​

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Okay, so what do we do?

What's been on your heart, or in your mind, to do that you've not yet done . . . reading Scripture regularly, joining some brothers in community, confessing something to a friend? God's put that thing on your heart to bring you closer to him. Go ahead, move closer.​

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[RiverOL]

Living As An Introvert in a Big, Loud World​

According to the Meyers-Briggs Personality Inventory, I am an extreme introvert. This did not come as a surprise to me. I have always been what one might call shy. At the age of 68, I am still learning to live as an introvert in a big, loud world.

Living as an Introvert​

The first indications of my introvert status came when I was a child. I lived in a small town and everyone walked everywhere. One day when I was walking downtown to run an errand for my grandmother, I saw our pastor, with whom I was well-acquainted, coming down the street in my direction. I was seized by nervousness, looked down at the ground, and crossed the street hoping he didn’t see me because I was in terror of having to say “hello.”



By the 8th grade, I would sooner take an F than answer a question out loud in class, even if I knew the answer beyond a shadow of a doubt.



In high school, there were a few close friends in my life, but those were people with whom I grew up. In a group of students who were mildly familiar, I would say nothing. I tried to keep a book with me all the time, so if I got into a group by accident, I could pretend to be reading. Once or twice, I did venture to open my mouth to offer a comment, and I felt the blush move hotly up my face and I perceived the foolishness of my words (maybe they weren’t really foolish, but that was my perception). Most of the time, I just smiled.



The only place I really felt at home was in my church youth group. That went on through my high school years, as well.



In college, I found out that drinking and substance abuse lifted me (dangerously) out of my shyness, but only until it was out of my system. That led to a pretty bad lifestyle with some potential consequences that I will leave to your imagination. It may be a blog for another day, and you get the picture.



As a young adult, I took the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory. It told me I was an INFJ: “The Counselor”: “INFJs are creative nurturers with a strong sense of personal integrity and a drive to help others realize their potential. Creative and dedicated, they have a talent for helping others with original solutions to their personal challenges.” I liked that, and I really found it accurate, even in the expanded version.

God Can Use An Introvert!​

Because I hated to talk, it was a total miracle of God that I entered a classroom to teach. There was a kindergarten class in rural Georgia that desperately needed a teacher. I desperately needed a job. So when the assistant superintendent with whom I attended church asked me if I would be interested, I decided to give it a try (and no, I did not have a teaching certificate, but it was the 70s in rural Georgia). That job was the vehicle God used to put me right where He wanted me–in front of a group.

I found out that I loved interacting with those children, and even the other faculty members. Kindergarten became my home for the next 20 years, but when the opportunity came up for me to go back to school and follow my passion, I opted to get a secondary education/language arts degree and then a masters in English.

He always knew the plans He had for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11, paraphrased).

Let me just say, the introversion did not go away. I am created the way God chose, and He showed me that I really could talk about the things I knew, and the best thing I knew was Him. I began teaching English to junior high and high school students in a Christian school, and I began teaching Sunday school, as well. Then He started opening doors for seminars and conferences. People actually wanted to hear what I had to say! So I talked … for Him.



A very wise colleague once told me that if you go more than 60 miles from home and carry a briefcase, everyone will think you know what you’re talking about. Humorous, but kind of true. I carried my briefcase and my Bible.



Today, I speak in classrooms on a daily basis. On occasions, I have spoken to groups of hundreds of people. A couple weeks ago, I gave an impromptu speech to nearly 200 people about the mystery of salvation through Jesus Chriist when the speaker was called away on an emergency. As Paul told Timothy, “preach the word; be instant in season and out of season (II Timothy 4:2). That means one must be ready at all times, even if it is an unexpected, inconvenient, or awkward moment. The mind must be prepared, and the heart must be willing and obedient. That right there is the key to living as an introvert in a big, loud world.

Jesus Might Have Been an Introvert, Too​

Jesus gave the example in this, as well as so many other situations. As Pastor Bill Gaultiere says, “The priority of Jesus’ solitude and silence is everywhere in the Gospels. It’s how he began his ministry. It’s how he made important decisions. It’s how he dealt with troubling emotions like grief. It’s how he dealt with the constant demands of his ministry and cared for his soul. It’s how he prepared for his death on the cross.”

In his article “Nine Times Jesus Retreated to Be Alone With God,” Jacob Hess gives the following evidence:​

1. Preparatory desert retreat. “At once the Spirit sent [Jesus] out into the desert, and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him.” (Mark 1:12)
2. After an exhausting day of ministry to the sick. “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” (Mark 1:35) [Everyone was looking for Jesus, but after his time in prayer he told his disciples that it was time for them to move on to another village.]
3. A place of frequent retreat amidst the busy crowds seeking him. “[Despite Jesus’ plea that his miracles be kept secret] the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:15-16; see also Mark 1:45)
4. Preparatory for more healing and the sermon on the mount. “Jesus went out to a mountain side to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him.” (Luke 6:12-13. See also Mark 3:13)
5. 
   
6. After hearing that John the Baptist had been beheaded. “When Jesus heard, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place.” (Matthew 14:13)
7. After the Twelve returned, and before he fed the 5000. “Because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, [Jesus] said to [his disciples], ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’ So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.” (Mark 6:31-32)
8. After he fed the 5000, and before Peter walked to him on the water. “After [Jesus] had dismissed [the crowds], he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was [still] there alone.” (Matthew 14:23; see also Mark 6:46)
9. After healing many, and before feeding the 4000. “Jesus went on from there and walked beside the Sea of Galilee. And he went up on the mountain and sat down there.” (Matthew 15:29)
10. Initiating the agonizing ending. “They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Sit here while I pray.’” (Mark 14:32)

The Secret to Living as an Introvert in a Big, Loud World​

Living and surviving as an introvert in a big, loud world is just like living and surviving as a Christian in a big loud world. One must make the time to be alone with God, to intentionally place ourselves into the Hands of the Potter so He can make us useful for the increase of His kingdom. To be right in the center of what He is doing is the very best (and most fun!) place to be.



I had to learn that my life is not about me. It’s about what God wants to do with me and through me that matters. He doesn’t give directions that don’t work. We may not see the outcome, but that’s OK. He has it all under control. My purpose isn’t to figure it out; my purpose is to be obedient.



Most days after I finish a full teaching schedule, I head home exhausted. It’s what happens to introverts. We need alone time to recharge, and some of that alone time needs to be spent talking to God, to Abba, and listening for His response, or even just resting in His Presence.



I wake up each morning excited for a new day! Let me just testify here–this particular introvert in a big, loud world wouldn’t have life any other way.

Introvert or extrovert, “God bless us every one!”

 

[RiverOL]

Why Does How We View Money Matter?​

If the Bible were written today and judged by what it says about money and possessions, it would never be published. If it were published, it would be mercilessly panned by its reviewers and not see a second printing.

When it comes to money and possessions, the Bible is sometimes redundant, often extreme, and occasionally shocking. It turns many readers away, making it a hard sell in today’s marketplace. It interferes with our lives and commits the unpardonable sin—it makes us feel guilty. If we want to avoid guilt feelings, it forces us to invent fancy interpretations to get around its plain meanings.

We come to the Bible for comfort, not financial instruction. If we want to know about money, we’re more apt to read the Wall Street Journal, Fortune, Forbes, or Money. Let God talk about love and grace and brotherhood, thank you. Let the rest of us talk about money and possessions—and do whatever we want with them.

How could the Bible’s Author and Editor justify devoting twice as many verses to money (about 2,350 of them) than to faith and prayer combined? How could Jesus say more about money than about both Heaven and Hell? Didn’t He know what was really important?


When I was a pastor, I planned a three-week sermon series on money. I began by compiling a cross section of Bible passages. Every passage led to another and another. I quickly became convinced that God cares a great deal about our money—a great deal more than most of us imagine.

The sheer enormity of Scripture’s teaching on this subject screams for our attention. And the haunting question is, “Why?” Considering everything else He could have told us that we really want to know, why did the Savior of the world spend 15 percent of His recorded words on this one subject? What did He know about money and possessions that we don’t?

Hitting Close to Home​

And what are we to think of all the current teaching on money and possessions that emphasizes what does not apply to us? Confident voices assure us that the Old Testament practice of tithing doesn’t apply to us, that the New Testament practice of sacrificial giving by liquidating assets and giving to the poor doesn’t apply to us, that the biblical prohibitions of interest and the restriction of debt don’t apply to us, that the commands not to hoard and stockpile assets don’t apply to us, and so on. It’s time to ask, “What does apply to us?”


Can we put Christ before all, deny ourselves, take up our crosses and follow Him (Matthew 10:38; Mark 8:34; Luke 14:27), with no apparent effect on what we do with our money and possessions?

Sometimes more can be learned from the passages of Scripture we ignore than those we underline. No wonder C. S. Lewis called God “The Transcendental Interferer.” God has this annoying habit of stepping into our lives even when we’ve pulled in the welcome mat and bolted the door. The more we allow ourselves to grapple with these unsettling passages, the more we are pierced. Jesus wounds us with His words about money. Then, just when we think we’re healed, we run into another sharp passage, and God’s Word pierces us again. Our only options, it seems, are to let Jesus wound us until He accomplishes what He wishes, or to avoid His words and His gaze altogether by staying away from His Word. The latter option is easier in the short run. But no true disciple can be content with it.

You may be thinking, I’d rather not deal with these issues; I’m content with what I’m doing. But are you really content? I, for one, hate to live with that nagging feeling deep inside that when Jesus called people to follow Him He had more in mind than I am experiencing.


The fear of dealing with what God expects me to do with my money is exceeded by the fear of not dealing with it. I don’t want to stand before Him one day and try to give an answer for how I could call myself a disciple without ever coming to grips with money and possessions. Not when even a cursory reading of the New Testament shows this issue to be right at the heart of discipleship.

I must quickly add that for me the process of discovering God’s will about money and possessions has been exciting and liberating. My growth in financial stewardship has closely paralleled my overall spiritual growth. In fact, it has propelled it. I have learned more about faith, trust, grace, commitment, and God’s provision in this area than in any other.

I have also learned why Paul said, “God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7). I have found that cheerful givers love God and love Him more deeply each time they give. To me, one of the few experiences comparable to the joy of leading someone to Christ is the joy of making wise and generous choices with my money and possessions. Both are supreme acts of worship. Both are exhilarating. Both are what we were made for.

What we do with our money will—and I choose these words deliberately—influence the very course of eternity.​

My study of this subject has reinforced the reality that we were made for only one person and one place. Jesus is the person and Heaven is the place. Our purpose should pervade our approach to money. If it does, the door will be unlocked to exhilarating Christian discipleship, where “following Christ” is not merely a comforting but meaningless cliché; instead it is an electrifying, life-changing reality.

I believe that most of the financial matters we typically discuss are on the fringes of what’s important, light years away from the core of the issue. We tend to focus on things that belong at the tail end of stewardship discussions, not the beginning. In effect we’re trying to install the gutters before we’ve laid the foundation and started the framing. We must realize that many of the things our society considers to be at the heart of financial planning (such things as insurance, the stock market, and retirement, for instance) never existed before the modern era and still don’t exist in much of the world. That doesn’t mean they’re wrong—only that they are secondary.

Advice about how to accomplish our financial goals is valuable only if the goals we set are biblically based and Christ-centered. It’s not only important to know how to get the canoe down the river, it’s also essential to know where the river is taking you.


Before we learn the fine art of building a sturdy boat or the skill of staying in the boat as we head down the rapids, we should make certain that our desired destination is really downstream rather than upstream. Because if it’s upstream, we would do better to get off the river altogether, forget the boat, and plot our course by land. It may be a harder trip, but isn’t the whole point to arrive at the correct destination?

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). If we prefer to think as the world thinks about money and possessions, we needn’t change a thing. Conformity is as natural as swimming downstream. But if we’re committed to thinking about money and possessions as God does, it’s a different matter. We need to set aside the bookshelves and magazine racks filled with advice on how to make, spend, and invest our money and blow the dust off our Bibles. The Bible is the only book worthy of the title chosen by a popular financial counselor for his own book: The Only Investment Guide You’ll Ever Need.

 

[RiverOL]

A Snowy Day with a Happy Ending​

Happy Ending
Today school was canceled because of snow and icy roads. It sent me back to a similar day, probably 35 years ago. The roads were bad, but as always, God was good.

True story:

It was an unusual morning in Anniston, Alabama with steel gray clouds dumping inches of snow on top of icy roads. Getting to school wasn’t a problem because it was Sunday. I lived about three blocks from the church and I never missed church on Sunday. Hey, I’m an Ohio girl, so it always tickled me that everything in the South was canceled at the sight of the first dozen snowflakes. But church … they wouldn’t cancel church. Right?

So I bundled up my children and put them in the car. We half drove, half slid down the three blocks to the church and turned into the empty parking lot. Since I figured we wouldn’t make it back up the hill until the road crew came by, we went on in. Hmmm … lights were on. We weren’t alone after all!


The associate pastor, a friend of mine, Tony, was in the sanctuary, apparently the only other person who was willing to brave the weather. I let the children go to play in the nursery and went to talk to Tony. We chatted for a few minutes, even discussed going on home.

Then through the back doors we saw an eighteen-wheeler pull slowly into the parking lot. A few minutes later, the driver got out and entered the foyer. We stepped out to greet him, and a little self-consciously he said, “Hi. I’m Bill. It’s getting pretty bad out there. Could I wait it out in here for a while?”

“You sure can!” We introduced ourselves and talked for a while. Then I went to check on the children.

When I came back, the men were talking about Jesus. Tony was telling our new friend about how Jesus was our safe place in any storm. He asked Bill if he had ever asked Jesus into his heart. Bill said, “no,” then looked down at the floor.

“Would you like to? We’ll pray with you.”

Bill nodded his head and we prayed. Then Bill repeated the words after us: “Jesus, I’m a sinner. I believe you are Lord, and that you lived and died for me. I know you’re alive today and that you hear me now. Come into my heart and help me from this day on to live for you.”


Right there in the foyer of that nearly empty church, a truck driver met the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! A “new name was written down in glory!”

The children and I decided to walk home. Tony stayed with Bill until the road crew came through. And Jesus, I think He was smiling.

I never saw nor heard of Bill again, and as far as I know, neither did Tony, but I believe that a life was changed that snowy, Southern Sunday. I’m so glad Bill didn’t pull up to find a cold, empty church with locked doors!

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For one believes with the heart and so is justified, and one confesses with the mouth and so is saved. For the scripture says, ‘No one who believes in Him will be put to shame’” (Romans 10:9-11).

God bless you and give you peace!

 

[RiverOL]

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Who Are Your Fellow Conspirators?​

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[ 1 min read ★ ]​

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For where two or three are gathered in my name,
there am I among them—Matthew 18:20

For many of us men, our default is go-it-alone. We prefer to work alone, make decisions alone, muscle through struggles alone, get credit for our accomplishments alone. Go-it-alone gives us control and allows us to avoid vulnerability. The problem is, our King, Jesus Christ, doesn’t think much of the go-it-alone approach, especially in the service of others. He didn’t go-it-alone during his time of ministry; he doesn’t go-it-alone now (John 10:22-39; 14:7-14). And when he sent followers to preach and do miracles, he sent them in pairs, so they wouldn’t go-it-alone either (Mark 6:7-13; Luke 10:1-12). Clearly this is important. But, why are pairs or groups such better units for service than is one man, on his own?

Well, the reasons are a few—and each is as compelling as the ask-for-help approach is counter to our nature. First, and most importantly, Jesus is uniquely present when two or more people join together in his name (Matthew 18:20). Moreover, two or more people, joined together, working together, in friendship and trust, are often more confident and more impactful, than is just one man (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). And, two or more people, joined together, who know one another, who pray together and pray for one another, are more supported and more protected (from sin and from opposition), than is that same man, on his own (Ecclesiastes 4:10-12; Hebrews 3:13).​

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Okay, so what do we do?

Do you go-it-alone, brother? Take a moment. Wherever you’re serving now, serving God and serving others—in ways large or small—consider whether it might be advantageous to pair-up with another follower of God. Pray and listen too. If the answer is yes, betray your instincts and your pride and ask God to send the right person. Then, begin to look around.​

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[RiverOL]

6 Things to Try Before Giving Up On Your Marriage​

We’ve long understood the pain and perils of relationships characterized by physical and emotional abuse. The toxic and often tragic consequences of abuse between couples are as wide ranging as they are reprehensible.

However, there is another kind of abuse, often obscured and unseen, that wreaks havoc on relationships and leaves dissatisfaction, distress, and divorce in its wake. In a recent article for The Good Men Project, Thomas G. Fiffer explores the silent suffering of those in unhealthy and unloving marriages.



Fiffer describes the all too common, but equally overlooked unions marked by emotional withholding as one in which “coldness replaces warmth, silence replaces conversation, turning away replaces turning towards, dismissiveness replaces receptivity, and contempt replaces respect.” And because of the insidious, creeping and passive aggressive nature of this sort of dysfunction, Fiffer argues that it is difficult to identify and remedy.

Arising out of chronic breakdowns in communication, and likely informed by self-esteem issues and a lack of connectivity on the part of the abusive partner, the fallout manifests as a failure to love and be loved. Couples talk past and look through one another, and the problems triggered by loneliness and isolation begin to pile up on each other.

For instance, Christine and Jake have been married for fourteen years and they three children ranging from ages three to twelve. During a recent counseling session, Christine declared that they have fallen out of love and are considering getting a divorce. With intensity in her voice she states, “Jake has a pattern of withholding his thoughts and feelings from me and I’ve become very resentful and lonely.”

Christine put it like this, “For a few years, I saw myself as saving Jake from his unfortunate childhood. His mom died when he was eight and he was raised by an alcoholic grandfather and passive grandmother. But after we had our second child, things became unbearable, like I wasn’t even in the room and he only responded to our boys when he absolutely had to.”

Because emotional withholding lacks the obvious and overt trauma of physical and verbal abuse, the distance between partners grows slowly over time, giving way to quiet desperation. Without the closeness and companionship of a successful and supportive relationship, the emotional center of the couple is all but missing. The spouse who is the object of abuse is left with fear, doubt and the inability to trust in their partner or their future together.

Fiffer points out that victims of emotional withhold are paradoxically “wish[ing] for the fight… because even a shouting match, an ugly scene, would involve an exchange of words, because even physical conflict would constitute physical connection, because fire, even if it burns you, is preferable to ice.” And like a pot about to boil over, the possibility for physical and verbal abuse naturally grows out of this condition of emotional neglect.

The fragility and anguish caused by emotional withholding is described eloquently by Fiffer: “Your accomplishments go unrecognized, your contributions unmentioned, your presence at best grudgingly acknowledged, and any effort at bridging the chasm is spurned.” Indeed, the desperate search for love in a loveless relationship leads to “pleading, begging, literally on your knees, apologizing for everything, offering things that are distasteful to you, promising to be better, just to re-secure your partner’s affection.”

Christine continues, “Sometimes it’s like I’m so desperate to get Jake’s attention that I will go to great lengths to get him to notice me – even shouting at him or threatening to leave.”

In the end, Fiffer asserts that “there’s only one way to deal effectively with a partner who withholds from you, and it’s this: You must make it clear that the relationship is OVER, FOREVER, if your partner does not start acknowledging you and communicating.”

While ultimatums and hard decisions may lay ahead, it’s plain to see that an emotionally healthy and stable marriage starts with fostering — and actively practicing — an open dialogue, expressions of love, and the kind of supportive give and take that can make your relationship a two-way street.

Now that you know the signs that your relationship is suffering or dying due to emotional withholding, here are six things you can try before giving up.

1. Stop criticizing your partner.

Talking about specific issues will reap better results than attacking your partner. It’s okay to complain a bit but criticism is a leading cause of divorce, according to Dr. John Gottman. For instance, a complaint is: “I’m upset because you didn’t talk to me about your problem at work. We agreed to be open with each other.” Versus a criticism: “You never tell me the truth. How can I trust you?”

1. Take responsibility for our own actions and ask for what you need in a positive way.

Ask for what you need in an affirmative way, such as “I know I’m not good at asking for support but I’d appreciate it if you’d help more with preparing meals.” Be sure to turn towards each other with good eye contact and body language rather than turning away (such as starring at a computer screen) when your partner is talking to you.

1. Practice managing conflicts as they arise.

Don’t put aside resentments that can harm communication. Experiencing conflict is inevitable and couples who strive to avoid it are at risk of developing stagnant relationships. Take responsibility for your part in a dispute. Avoid defensiveness and showing contempt for your partner (rolling your eyes, ridicule, name-calling, sarcasm). If you feel flooded take a short break and agree to talk later but don’t wait more than a day. During conflict, be sure to have five positive comments to every negative one.

1. Boost up physical affection and sex.

Try to double the amount of physical touch you have as a couple daily by hugging and kissing more, cuddling on the couch, and having sex more often. According to author Dr. Kory Floyd, physical contact releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone) that reduces pain and causes a calming sensation. It’s released during sexual orgasm and affectionate touch as well. Physical affection also reduces stress hormones, lowering daily levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

1. Practice a ritual of connection daily.

A positive activity such as giving each other a kiss on the cheek as you leave for the day can boost positive feelings. Also, going for a picnic, listening to music, or a daily walk after dinner can strengthen your bond. In The Intentional Family, researcher William J. Doherty says that a daily ritual is the surest antidote to marital failure.

1. Nurture fondness and admiration for your partner.

Remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities — even as you grapple with their flaws — and express your positive feelings out loud several times each day. Search for common ground rather than insisting on getting your way when you have a disagreement. Listen to their point of view and avoid the stonewalling, which is shutting yourself off from communication.

A happy couple is free from the agony of emotional withholding. As a result, they are able to build and maintain trust, and acknowledge their fears of failure; hopefully viewing their relationship as a source of security and strength. They turn toward each other often and look for opportunities for emotional and physical connection to enhance intimacy and communication.

 

[RiverOL]

Don’t Let This Ruin Your Marriage​

Keep your stupid chocolate bunny!

That’s what I heard anyway.


Do you ever hear your husband’s words through the filter of your hurt and not the way he intended them?

Don’t let this mistake ruin your marriage: Listen with your ears instead of your feelings.

And learn how to cope when you think your husband has rejected you.

I thought an Easter “basket” would be a nice surprise and a way to show my husband how much I appreciated him. I collected gum, mints, socks and other useful stuff I thought he’d like, and put them in a gift bag. As a final gesture I topped it with a chocolate bunny, and left it on his sink before going to bed.

The next morning, the chocolate bunny was sitting on my sink. Chocolate bunnies don’t hop.

“Why’s the bunny on my sink?” I asked him.

“Keep your stupid chocolate bunny,” he said. Or at least that’s what I heard.

Has that ever happened to you? Do you ever listen with your feelings?

Your husband says something and you think you know what he really means but just doesn’t want to say it. Your belief is based on the way you feel.

Well that’s what happened to me. I listened with my feelings. Feelings are reinforced by a voice in our heads reminding us of the hurts he’s caused. They also tell us we’re unlovable, inadequate, or stupid.

Pools forming in my eyes, I snatched my bunny off the sink and crushed his hollow soul. His aluminum foil suit partially hung on his torso. Shards of his chocolate head pelted against the trashcan as I slammed his decapitated body into the trashcan and walked hard down the stairs. “I’ll tell you what you can do with this chocolate bunny,” I mumbled.

Bunny situation escalated to DEFCON 1 in a matter of minutes.

Extreme? Yeah. Extreme hurt causes extreme reactions.

It was just a chocolate bunny. Why did I overreact?

We go to extremes when we feel rejected, ashamed, or unappreciated. Because of past hurts and resentments in our relationship I heard him say, “Keep your stupid chocolate bunny. How could you be dumb enough to give me a chocolate bunny when I’m cutting back?”

He actually said something like, “Thanks for the bunny. I want to eat it for breakfast. But, I’m trying to cut back on the sugar. I’d like to keep it all to myself, but would you mind if I shared it with the kids and you?”

When his words were filtered though my hurt, their meaning was lost in translation. So every time I thought about the bunny that day, I got madder.

I felt like I needed to be super angry to let him know he’d hurt my feelings. I slammed the ham on the platter at dinner. And I silently ran my own commentary with God alongside my husband’s prayer.

“Lord, we’re so grateful for your son Jesus Christ. . . “

Grateful? You’re talking about grateful? You weren’t thinking about grateful when you threw that bunny back in my face.

If I’d moved my feelings out of the way for a second and listened to what he’d really said, I could’ve responded differently.

Bottom line. If you find yourself feeling hurt over something your husband says, be sure you heard him with your ears not your feelings. Even if he is wrong, I choose how I’ll respond.

Instead feeling hurt or angry:

1. Ask for clarification.
2. Repeat what you thought you heard.
3. Explain what you thought you heard and how it made you feel.
4. No matter what the offense, decide it’s not more important than your relationship.
5. Even if he is wrong, I choose how I’ll respond.

Should my husband have handled the chocolate bunny situation differently? Maybe. There was no easy way out of the situation, so he decided to be honest with me.

DEFCON 1 dropped to DEFCON 5 by bedtime. But I wasted the day being mad when I didn’t have to be.

I felt even worse when he got into bed that night, snuggled up next to me and whispered, “Where’s the chocolate bunny?”

Can you name a time you listened with your feelings instead of your ears?

 

[RiverOL]

Discovering Your Workplace Sweet Spot​

It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
Psalm 18: 32

Sometimes we need guidance over tough terrain, and other times all we really need is some company.

Vinita Hampton Wright

It’s been said that up to 80% of working men and women hate their jobs. I believe it. From where I sit, this statistic is one of the saddest commentaries in life. To think that the setting where most people spend the bulk of their hours and days is a place they despise is, well, unthinkable. But oh so common.

Reflecting back in my own life to my early twenties, I remember lamenting daily to my longsuffering mother about how I felt impatient and so full of angst to find the right vocational fit for myself. I tried retail, restaurants, accounting…nothing made my heart sing. In all honesty, it wasn’t until I had given birth to my eldest daughter and was a stay-at-home-mom that I discovered my love for writing. That’s when the vocational clicking happened to me. Looking back, I can see how God open and closed doors for me along the way (and I was finding out a lot about my strengths and weaknesses every step of the way.)

Vocational Mistakes Are Teaching Tools​

Still, I recall keenly the emotional distress I felt at that young age and I remember praying that God would help me figure out what He wanted me to do given how He created me. Eventually, He answered that prayer. But it wasn’t until I’d experienced lots of bumps and bruises and even more vocational mishaps, mistakes and setbacks during those early years.

Of course, I now understand that God was wanting me first to trust Him and to submit myself to His timing and plans for me. But it was hard. Longsuffering comes to mind again as I then believed that particular season of waiting would never come to an end.

All Of Life’s Experiences Grow Us​

The fact is (and always will be), God is always more interested in making me more like Jesus than He is with my shortsighted pleading prayers to make my life one big, happy, happy, happy adventure. And I realize something now, I wouldn’t be able to accomplish the work God has given me today if I hadn’t endured those rough patches through the years.

Our experiences give us the opportunity and the voice to speak into others’ lives with a keen effectiveness that comes only after we’ve dug some trenches and emptied stinky garbage cans with our blood, sweat, and tears. Only then, can God use our gifts and talents to shine bright in the workplace because character always comes first.

We Can Trust God To Use Even The Hardest Seasons​

Author Jerry Bridges writes in his excellent book, Trusting God, that so many folks are unhappy in their workplaces primarily because they use the wrong tools to select their career. Bridges believes that the majority of people struggle against who God made them to be and rather than try to discover their talents, gifts, and natural bents, they rail against their God-given design and choose careers where they won’t succeed.

Makes sense to me. I would guess that we’ve all observed men and women who pursued certain career paths because they blindly followed in their parents’ footsteps. Others chose their colleges and subsequent careers because they felt pressured by peers to do so. Still more select vocations solely based on the how much monetary return they’ll receive. None of these reasons alone are good parameters for making career choices.

Others Can Often Recognize Our Gifts Before We Do​

I’ve always been a fan of those gifts and talents testing services where individuals can fill out the forms to find out what types of workplace scenarios they’ll be most likely to succeed at and be happy doing. Another good way to discern what areas might be worth pursuing is to listen to others’ assessments of what you excel at…we often don’t see ourselves clearly, but onlookers do. When a person consistently hears others telling them they excel at leading…take note. When someone tells me I’ve encouraged them, I take note. When I observe an individual handling money expertly and I tell them so, they take note. There are clues all around us that God uses to direct our paths and some of those can be unveiled through the comments and observations of people we trust most.


Another key principle to workplace success is embracing the truth that God uses even the most unlikely work situations and people to bring out our best (and worst) so that we do grow strong in character. If you have a wonderful boss, thank God for him. If you are dealing with an unreasonable boss, then thank God for the opportunity to evidence unconditional love toward that person and perhaps be used as the instrument to bring that difficult one to saving faith in Christ. That scenario happens every day…a strong-hearted, hardworking employee who submits first to God and then to his unreasonable employer…what better way to shine bright?

 

[RiverOL]

What does “take every thought captive” mean?​

Quick Answer: What does “take every thought captive” mean? There are many false teachings that go against the gospel of grace (Acts 20:24). In 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, we’re told to combat these false teachings by taking every thought captive. We’re invited to make every thought obedient to Christ. This means we make the conscious decision to reject lies and embrace the truth of God’s grace. This keeps the finished work of Christ in focus in our attitudes and belief systems.

Diving Deeper: Lies and deception are rampant on planet Earth. Many of these lies directly contradict the finished work of Christ. Whatever the lie, God’s solution is that we make a conscious decision to reject the lie and embrace the truth of God’s grace.

In 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, the Apostle Paul states that this conscious decision to “take every thought captive” to Christ has the power to “demolish strongholds” and to “destroy arguments” raised against the Gospel. The message of Jesus’ death and resurrection is our weapon against spiritual lies. Therefore, we are called to apply the Gospel as our “filter” for every thought we take in.

For example, if we hear a teaching claiming we need more, ongoing forgiveness from God, we can take that teaching captive to the truth of our once-for-all forgiveness in Christ (Hebrews 10:14, 18). After all, we cannot simultaneously be forgiven yet not forgiven. Taking such false doctrines captive enables us to avoid confusion and hold fast to the simple truth of Christ’s finished work.

In conclusion, the Christian faith is not a passive faith. We are not called to idleness. We are called to be light in the world, dispelling the lies of the enemy with the truth that sets people free (Ephesians 5:11).

 

[RiverOL]

A Snowy Day with a​

Happy Ending

Today school was canceled because of snow and icy roads. It sent me back to a similar day, probably 35 years ago. The roads were bad, but as always, God was good.

True story:

It was an unusual morning in Anniston, Alabama with steel gray clouds dumping inches of snow on top of icy roads. Getting to school wasn’t a problem because it was Sunday. I lived about three blocks from the church and I never missed church on Sunday. Hey, I’m an Ohio girl, so it always tickled me that everything in the South was canceled at the sight of the first dozen snowflakes. But church … they wouldn’t cancel church. Right?

So I bundled up my children and put them in the car. We half drove, half slid down the three blocks to the church and turned into the empty parking lot. Since I figured we wouldn’t make it back up the hill until the road crew came by, we went on in. Hmmm … lights were on. We weren’t alone after all!


The associate pastor, a friend of mine, Tony, was in the sanctuary, apparently the only other person who was willing to brave the weather. I let the children go to play in the nursery and went to talk to Tony. We chatted for a few minutes, even discussed going on home.

Then through the back doors we saw an eighteen-wheeler pull slowly into the parking lot. A few minutes later, the driver got out and entered the foyer. We stepped out to greet him, and a little self-consciously he said, “Hi. I’m Bill. It’s getting pretty bad out there. Could I wait it out in here for a while?”

“You sure can!” We introduced ourselves and talked for a while. Then I went to check on the children.

When I came back, the men were talking about Jesus. Tony was telling our new friend about how Jesus was our safe place in any storm. He asked Bill if he had ever asked Jesus into his heart. Bill said, “no,” then looked down at the floor.

“Would you like to? We’ll pray with you.”

Bill nodded his head and we prayed. Then Bill repeated the words after us: “Jesus, I’m a sinner. I believe you are Lord, and that you lived and died for me. I know you’re alive today and that you hear me now. Come into my heart and help me from this day on to live for you.”


Right there in the foyer of that nearly empty church, a truck driver met the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! A “new name was written down in glory!”

The children and I decided to walk home. Tony stayed with Bill until the road crew came through. And Jesus, I think He was smiling.

I never saw nor heard of Bill again, and as far as I know, neither did Tony, but I believe that a life was changed that snowy, Southern Sunday. I’m so glad Bill didn’t pull up to find a cold, empty church with locked doors!

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For one believes with the heart and so is justified, and one confesses with the mouth and so is saved. For the scripture says, ‘No one who believes in Him will be put to shame’” (Romans 10:9-11).

God bless you and give you peace!