Daily Rubbish

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle and sammyleong were having a round of golf in sheepland. they took a long time to go to each of the following hole,

because they were playing behind 2 amateurish women who needed to take too many extra putts to hit their balls into the hole.

eventually kopiuncle and sammyleong got sick and tired of waiting.

kopiuncle: that's it, enough!!!!i am going to tell them to let us pass.

as kopiuncle was nearing them, kopiuncle made a quick U turn back.

kopiuncle: i cannot talk to them because that's my wife and my mistress.

sammyleong: well in that case, i go and talk to them.

halfway sammyleong also make a hasty retreat.

sammyleong: i cannot talk to them also, that's also my wife and my mistress.

.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle: kopison, you can have the privilege to say the prayers before our dinner tonight,

kopison: but kopiuncle dad, i don't know what to pray.

ilovesingapore: son, just pray for your family members, friends, neighbours, the poor and so on......

kopison: okay, dear lord, thank you for our visitors and their children who finished our bakkwa and icecream. bless them not

come again. forgive our neighbour's father who removed my mum ilovesingapore clothes and wrestled with her. this xmas

please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy kopiuncle phone and also provide shelter for the homeless

men who used dad/mum room when my daddy kopiuncle is at work. AMEN.

dinner was cancelled after this.

 

[bakkuttay]

ilovesingapore was having her monthly,

ilovesingapore: here kopiuncle is $100, go to next door neighbour theblackhole, give her $100, she will have sex with you.

kopiuncle left after taking the money, but came back within a couple of minutes.

kopiuncle: theblackhole insisted being paid $150.

ilovesingapore: oh that slut!!! the last time, her husband lionheart came over, paid me $100 only.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopishit was urgently called to come to the doctor's office to discuss the test results of checkup done couple of days earlier.

doctor: i am afraid you have only 2 months to live,

kopishit: oh jesus christ!!!!! isn't there a treatment for my illness?????

doctor: i suggest from today you should go daily to a spa, for m&d scrub and m&d pack treatment.

kopishit: you mean i can be cured by this routine

doctor: i am afraid not, it is only to prepare you to get used to dirt.

 

[bakkuttay]

when sammyleong absconded to sheepland trying to start life anew with a dairy farm.

he ordered a brand new milking machine.

when the machine arrived, a mischievous thought came into his mind.

he attached the milk sucking cap to his penis and started the milking machine.

he had the greatest ever cum sensation in his entire life.

when it is all over, he tried to remove the cap, despite all means and methods, the sucking cap remained stuck to his penis.

in desperation, he called the milking machine manufacturer.

sammyleong: hello, i used your machine on the tits of my cow and now i could not remove the sucking caps.

manufacturer: not to worry, the sucking caps will automatically detached after milking 4 litres.

 

[bakkuttay]

while pinky was attending the retreat, holyjinx feeling bored, went down to the hotel lounge for a drink.

after watching 2 butch guys at the other end of the counter, she asked the barman to send two drinks to them.

they acknowledged the drinks by nodding their heads and continued with their intimate conversation.

20 minutes later holyjinx walked to them and offered them directly another drink.

butch guys: it won't do you any good.

holyjinx: i don't understand what you mean?????

butch guys: because we are actually lesbians.

holyjinx: that's very good, hi bartender, please serve another round of drinks to us 3 lesbians,

 

[bakkuttay]

ilovesingapore was watching kopison doing his arithmetic and heard....

kopison: two add five son of bitch is seven.

quietly ilovesingapore summoned kopiuncle to listen to kopison together.

kopison: five add four son of bitch is nine.

the next day kopiuncle went to see kopison teacher and complained.

kopiuncle: why do you teach my kopison to say two add two son of bitch is four.

teacher: oh no oh no, i said two add two sum of which is four,

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle went for his in-camp training. on a rainy day one, kopiuncle and platoon went hiking thru a muddy forest.

after the hike, they went for a shower to clean off the m&d from their bodies,

midway through the shower, drill sergeant came in: platoon attention!!!!!

everyone stood naked at attention back to front in a straight row facing the sergeant.

while the sergeant walked down to inspect the platoon members, he noticed that kopiuncle had a huge hard-on.

the sergeant then used his staff and whacked kopiuncle hard-on prick. kopiuncle just stood there grinning.

drill sergeant: kopiuncle, why are you still grinning when i just whacked your hard-on.

kopiuncle: sergeant!!!!!!!!!!! the hard-on belongs to the guy behind me.


as interest in daily rubbish appear to be waning. probably the jokes are not to par. this will be last post. thank you for reading
.

 

[bakkuttay]

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The Singaporean doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. A few years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no balls and made him Prime Minister. Now, the citizens, especially the retirees, are looking for work!"

 

[bakkuttay]

In the Malaysian Parliament recently, an UMNO MP during his speech told a story........

"There was a father who gave RM100/- each to his 3 sons and asked them to buy things and fill up a room completely.

First son bought hay for RM100/- but couldn't fill the room entirely.

Second son bought cotton for RM100/- but couldn't fill the room entirely.

Third son bought a candle for RM1/- and lit it up and the room was filled with light completely.

"The proud UMNO MP declared: "Our Prime Minister NAJIB is like the third son. From the day he has taken charge of his office,
our country is filled with the bright light of prosperity"

A voice from the backbench asked "Where is the remaining RM99/-??

Now the whole nation is asking this same question!!!

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle went for a holiday in america.

having only $100 bills, bought a local lottery at the airport and got $99 change in small bills.

next day, kopiuncle found that he won top prize of $10million.

at the lottery office,

agent: we pay you $1million now and the rest in 9 $1miilion yearly payout.

kopiuncle: no!!!!! i want my $10million now in one go.

agent: but sir, this is the condition of this lottery.

kopiuncle: no, no, no!!!!! in that case you can keep the ticket. i want a refund.

kopiuncle got his $1 bill, pocketed it and walked happily out of the lottery office.

 

[bakkuttay]

ilovesingapore told her husband kopiuncle

2 inches - i can't hold it properly
3 inches - never been so unsatisfied before
4 inches - i had bigger than that
5 inches - good but not enough
6 inches - almost ok to me
7 inches - cannot complain now
8 inches - that is perfact
9 inches - a bit too long for me but still manageable
10 inches- means pressure in my stomach and intestines


.

kopiuncle, now go and go fill that into subway survey form on ideal sandwich size

 

[bakkuttay]

an elderly woman kneeling at the open door inside her flat: praise the Lord.
her neighbour, nasty kopiuncle walked past her: there ain't no Lord.

elderly woman continued: please send me some food, i have not taken a proper meal lately

the next morning elderly woman found few bags of groceries at her door: praise the Lord
kopiuncle came to her elderly nieghbour, sniggled: ahah! there ain't no Lord. i bought and placed groceries by your doorstep

elderly woman knelt down: praise the Lord, you sent me groceries and made the Devil pay for them. praise the Lord

 

[bakkuttay]

ilovesingapore: kopiuncle i am wet...

kopiuncle: you want a paper towel

ilovesingapore: no , i want more than that

kopiuncle: so you want 2 paper towels

ilovesingapore: i want something big and round

kopiuncle: damn it, you want the whole roll!!!!!!!!!!

 

[bakkuttay]

kopison came back from school and asked kopiuncle.

kopison: kopiuncle dad, what is difference between p*ssy and c*nt?

kopiuncle: come to my bedroom now.

kopiuncle (lifting the blanket off ilovesingapore naked body): son, the hairy patch below there is a p*ssy.

kopison: can i touch the pussy?

kopiuncle: no no no!!!!! don't touch the p*ssy, you will wake up the c*nt.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle went for an audition for the part of romeo.

when kopiuncle went on stage and began role play, suddenly

director: hey stop, stop STOP, you low class and despicable, get off now immediately.

kopiuncle: but but director, i am acting according to the script.

kopiuncle then showed the script to the director which read

"enter to juliet from the rear".

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle went to church one sunday and waited till all left, kopiuncle then approached the elderly Father,

kopiuncle: Father, remember, i was one of your altar boys long long ago.

Father: oh yes, i actually cannot recall.

kopiuncle: you remember, you abused me way back then????

Father(shaken): OH! OH!!!! OOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

kopiuncle: well it is payback time.

Father: what..w.w.w.what...wwwwwhhhhat do you mean????

kopiuncle: put your pants down now, or i will tell the next congregation on what you did to me as altar boy.

Father unsteadily unbuckled and let the pants drop.

kopiuncle knelt down and put elderly Father prick into his mouth and did him a bj.

when finished, kopiuncle walked out of church with a smirk on his face, thinking

kopiuncle: "finally i have my revenge, doing what he did to me as an altar boy".

 

[bakkuttay]

during a rimming session by kopiunca, pinky confided he wanted another baby but jinxy is barren.

kopiunca suggested pinky to go to a nanjing hospital to extract his sperm and also be provided with a surrogate mother.

so pinky went incognito to nanjing hospital and his sperm was extracted using

http://www.iflscience.com/technology/automatic-sperm-extractor-introduced-chinese-hospital

10 months later, being informed the baby was born, pinky and jinxy rushed all the way to nanjing hospital.

at nanjing hospital baby nursery. pinky and jinxy were confronted with 19 wailing babies with one baby smiling at the corner.

pinky: which one is my baby?

nurse: the smiling one at the corner.

pinky: great!!! can i take the smiling baby to singapore now.

nurse: yes, of course.

pinky: all the other babies are so unhappy, and my baby so contented and smiling.

nurse: he is happy now, but wait till you remove the pacifier from his ....................................................arsehole.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle after giving pinky a rimming session.

kopiuncle: i saw a video of your papa hairyli sextape online last nite. must say that he got an enormous penis...

pinky: i know

kopiuncle: in his mouth.

pinky: ughhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[bakkuttay]

pinky walked into his oxlee road home coming back from nanyang primary school.

ahqua: pinky son, what have you done in school today??

pinky: i had sex with my teacher.

ahqua: whatttttt!!!!!! go to your room now, i will tell your father hellee when he comes home.

a while later, hellee walked in,

ahqua: your son pinky said, he had sex with his teacher today. go talk to him in his room.

in pinky room,

hellee: pinky my son, well done. come to the gate, i want to reward you for growing up fast.

pinky: ok hellee dad, what is it???

at the gate,

hellee: see the raleigh bicycle there that i just bought you, do you want to cycle that into the yard on your own ???

pinky: no hellee dad, my backside still hurts.