Daily Rubbish

[bakkuttay]

lionheart: happy new year kopiuncle!!! why are you at the corner this bananaleg bar drinking looking miserable???

kopiuncle: i am having a very serious problem with my widowed mother-in-law.

lionheart: almost everybody have problems with mother-in-law, look even sammy run to nz to live with sheep.

kopiuncle: but not everybody gottened a widowed mother-in-law pregnant.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle and ilovesingapore took a drive around margaret river in western australia came upon an isolated beach.

decided to have sex amongst the shrubs. weather was hot and ilovesingapore vagina was very dry.

kopiuncle decided to pour a few capful of honeydrink to wet the pussy, just then a bee flew deep into the vagina depth.

kopiuncle finger and penis was too short to reach bee, just then an aussieman with a visibly huge bulge came by and suggested,

aussieman: i can help by pouring honeydrink onto my extra long penis to lure it out.

kopiuncle agreed, and the aussieman slowly inserted his honeydrink soaked penis into ilovesingapore vagina,

after a while the stroke became more and more intense, more and more vigorous, to which kopiuncle yelled

kopiuncle: hey, hey what are you doing????

aussieman: change of plan, now i am going to drown the bastard instead!!!!!!.

 

[bakkuttay]

ilovesingapore: kopiuncle darling, you are like my umbrella..

kopiuncle: ilovesingapore darling, you mean i am always around to protect you.

ilovesingapore: no darling, i mean you never make me get wet,

 

[bakkuttay]

ilovesingapore, theblackhole and a nun stayed after chuirch service chatting on housekeeping for Father the previous week.

ilovesingapore: oh, i found some pornograhic magazines under the sofa and i threw them away.

theblackhole: when dusting, i found some condoms behind the books on the bookshelf and i pinpricked holes in them,

then the nun fainted .

 

[bakkuttay]

thank you mbsslots

.

last month on last day in thailand, kopiuncle consulted doctor in chiangmai for severe intestinal pains.

agreed to 2 courses of suppositories inserted deep into arsehole which is very painful.

standing with eyes closed, allowed doctor to insert suppository inserted deep with pain and discomfort.

next day back in singapore, finding difficulty, asked ilovesingapore to insert second dose of suppository.

ilovesingapore put one hand on kopiuncle shoulder, using ky inserted suppository deep in with the other hand.

suddenly, kopiuncle gave a very loud scream.

ilovesingapore: oh darling, i am sorry, did it hurt very bad?????

kopiuncle: nope, i remembered the doctor had both hands on my shoulders. aarrgghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle working part-time at unlicenced bar at bananaleg, trying to talk fresh to tipsy sexychick at counter.

kopiuncle: do you like to suck my cock???

sexychick: no!! no!!! of course not.

kopiuncle: ok ok, anyway mine has a label reading choking hazard,

sexychick: i know i know, this type of label is always found on tiny objects.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopison was feeling awkward and uneasy over breakfast,

kopiuncle asked: kopison, what is the problem??

kopison: penis???

then kopiuncle took kopison to the bedroom,

pulling down pajama pants, kopiuncle: see!! this is a perfect penis.

then kopison went to school and kopiclassmate caught up with kopison,

kopiclassmate: have you found out what is a penis??

opening his fly, kopison: this is a penis but if only 10cm shorter, it will be a perfect penis.

 

[bakkuttay]

sammy leong in nz was invited to a chinese new year fancy dress party last week,

he turned up wearing nothing except a glass bottle on his penis.

host: why do you come like that and what are you supposed to be???

sammy leong: i am here as a fireman, in case of emergency, break glass, i'll cum as fast as i can.

 

[bakkuttay]

one fine evening, ilovesingapore went into the bedroom.

ilovesingapore: kopiuincle, please take off shirt.
kopiuncle obliged.

ilovesingapore: now take off my bra.
kopiuncle also obliged.

ilovesingapore: also remove my skirt.
kopiuncle silently obliged.

ilovesingapore: finally, remove my panties.
kopiuncle again did as told.

ilovesingapore: don't ever let me catch you wearing my clothes again.

 

[escher]

sammy leong in nz was invited to a chinese new year fancy dress party last week,

he turned up wearing nothing except a glass bottle on his penis.

host: why do you come like that and what are you supposed to be???

sammy leong: i am here as a fireman, in case of emergency, break glass, i'll cum as fast as i can.

Wahhaa haa haa haaaa

ROTFFLMFAO

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle dreamt that he was kingarthur preparing to go to war.

kopiarthur ordered a chastity belt with a hole in centrefront for her queen, hole is for pee, if there's entry is a guillotine.

kopiarthur returned after 2 years and ordered his knights in court assembled before him with their pants down for inspection.

on inspection, all the knights that remained behind in the court had either nicked or maimed penises except sir galasamleong.

kopiarthur started to praised sir galasamleong being virteous and asked how sir galasamleong managed to keep clear of queen?

sir galasamleong just stood there and remained speechless without his tongue.


.
.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopison coming home from school early, walked to bedroom and saw ilovesingapore on top of kopiuncle.

ilovesingapore quickly got up, wore her clothes and went to kopison bedroom.

ilovesingapore: son, your kopiuncle daddy has a big tummy. i lie on top of him to flatten his stomach.

kopison: useless ilovesingapore mum, when you go to work, auntie theblackhole will come and blow up kopiuncle dad again.
.

 

[bakkuttay]

ilovesingapore was making love with kopiuncle best friend the lionheart the whole nite till morn and the phone rang.

ilovesingapore: hello, hi, hi.

ilovesingapore put her on finger on her lips. lionheart could not hear who was on the other end

ilovesingapore: that is very good, ............... that is marvellous............... love to be there also

lionheart was trying to listen in but ilovesingapore pushed his head away.

ilovesingapore: great, great, wow wow good, good!!!!! . . . . . ok then bye. see you.

lionheart: who is that??? seemed a very happy call from a very happy person.

ilovesingapore: yes it's hubby kopiuncle telling me great time and making some money at genting whole nite together with you.

 

[bakkuttay]

kopiuncle came out of bar at bananaleg and stepped on dogshit, went to clean off. returning saw same happened to another man.

kopiuncle: i just did that.

man: YOU DIRTY BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!

then whacked kopiuncle and gave him 2 black eyes

 

[bakkuttay]

the last trip to thailand, kopiuncle went to a northern town and went to a bar serving a very very special fruit.

at the bar, there were wellknown blackmagic mangoes which autoflavour to your the drinks that you ordered.

customer 1 ordered gin tonic, took a bite on a mango, sure it is gin flavour. a bite on opposite side had tonic flavour.

customer 2 ordered barcardi coke, first bite on one side has barcadi flavour, bite on opposite side had coke flavour.

kopiuncle thought he would pull a fast one ordered pussy, was also given a mango. kopiuncle took one bite.........

kopiuncle: aiyah, aioyah, this is bluddy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bartender: oh oh, you bitten on the wrong side, you must bite the opposite side.

 

[bakkuttay]

one morning, kopiuncle gave ilovesingapore a pinch on the buttocks and said

kopiuncle: if you can firmed up your buttocks, you can stop using those expensive buttock firming panties.

ilovesingapore stood silently fuming within herself.

the next morning, kopiuncle gave ilovesingapore breasts a lift and said

kopiuncle: if you can also firmed up your breasts, you can stop using those expensive lift up bras

ilovesingapore was silently boiling within herself, suddenly went over and squeezed kopiuncle penis and said

ilovesingapore: if you can firmed up your penis, i can stop using lionheart, sammyleong and the driver as well.

 

[bakkuttay]

lionheart packed and went for overnite business trip, wife theblackhole called kopiuncle for marathon sex that nite.

kopiuncle was licking deep into theblackhole pussy when they heard the main door slammed shut.

theblackhole whispered: oh bloody hell, my husband lionheart suddenly come back early.

desperate naked kopiuncle jumped out of window dangling only with fingers holding onto the window sill.

lionheart thot naked theblackhole wanted to have sex badly, pissed out of window spraying kopiuncle face.

then put on a condom, turned theblackhole around and fucked theblackhole hard in the arsehole.

job done, removed sperm ladened and shitcovered condom and throw out of window, landed into kopiuncle gaping mouth.

then lionheart used tissue to clean theblackhole wet shitty arsehole, thrown wet shitty tissue landed, pasting kopiuncle eyes.

kopiuncle having suffered enough finally said a prayed, released finger grip to drop off.

only on landing, kopiuncle realised that the ground was only couple of centimetres from the sole of his feeet.

at home, kopiuncle fumed having facewash by lionheart urine, drink his sperm, ate theblackhole shit, eyes pasted with turd.
.

 

[bakkuttay]

ilovesingapore: kopiuncle, i am afraid of having sex with you.

kopiuncle: my dear ilovesingapore!!!! is mine too big and hurting????

ilovesingapore: no no kopiuncle , it takes you half a day for you to put your taugay into my pussy. no more mood, becomes so boring!!!!!

 

[bakkuttay]

last nite, on way home from supermarket, ilovesingapore and kopison saw a couple having sex behind some bushes.

ilovesingapore: leave them alone, do not disturb. they are only making cake.

the next morning, kopison came into the kitchen with a big wide grin on his face.

ilovesingapore: hey kopison, why are you so happy about????

kopison: at midnite, i saw you and daddy kopiuncle making cake, left you alone without disturbing. i just lick the icing off couch.
.

 

[bakkuttay]

lionheart: darling theblackhole, what happens if i won the million dollar sweep lottery????

theblackhole: i would take half the winnings and leave you!!!!

lionheart: ok, i won the new $6 extra consolation. now take this $3 and fuck off immediately.,