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Dear all,
I am right now at the cross-road and I really dont know what to do.
I am in my late 20s, non-Singaporean, working as senior executive level in a good company, earning comfortable income, not enough to buy a house but enough to cover my needs.My current bf is in his late 30s, Singaporean, having a successful career, earning 6 figures, has his own decent apartment and a flashy car.
We know each other thru friends. I have never been a fan of his look or his wealth so I always kinda ignore him. That must have attracted him and for me, I am impressed by his wit. 4 months after we first met, we officially dated each other. Throughout the course of the dating, he would pay for food when we are out to eat ( 90% food court and 10% restaurant), I will pay for groceries that I bought for home cook food ( i love to cook at home). Throughout the relationship the only expensive gift that he gave me was a branded wallet ( less than 600) for my birthday. For his birthday, I also spend equivalent amount of money. So sorry for ranting on this, I just want to share that..not even once during the relationship that i expect any monetary benefit out of him. We never talked about our financial position. I did share with him how much I earn but he didnt want to disclose his income to me. Well, who care...i thought to myself.
10 months in the relationship, I found out that I was pregnant. As my period has been hay wired all the times, he has always said (maybe jokingly) he longs to be a dad and he really wants to settle down. When I broke the news to him, I actually gave him a choice of a wedding or others as I know 1 year is such a short period for us and I dont want to force him into anything. He actually agreed to a wedding. A month after my pregnancy, things are still great between us till his family steps in. His mother was interrogating me about my bank account saving during dinner. I told her that i dont have enough saving to buy a house now cos I have been supporting my lil bro study overseas and my parents but i ensure her that now that my bro is year 3 in university, he is capable of earning money on his own to support himself. For my parents, I used to give them about 20-30k per year ( this amount inclusive my bro study expense) but if I am having my own family here in Singapore, I would give them maybe a token amount of 5k per year. My parents will understand and they have never asked money from me ever. just that I feel it is my duty to support them. My bf parents dont seem to be pleased with my answers.
What makes me a filial daughter has rendered my family to be a possible liability to my bf and his family.They were so scared that one fine day, my parents will have cancer and I will demand money from my husband to save them. I quoted what my bf said to me " I cant spend my hard earned money on strangers" I choked on my tears when saying that "my family wants nothing from you"
We had a small wedding celebration in my country. My bf and his parents attended. They saw my house, knew that I didnt come from a poor family but they didnt let the matter rest. Shortly after that, my bf demanded a pre-up to be signed before our marriage. I fought against this hard..because I believed in love...not in money. My Bf went on and on pressuring me that if i dont want his money, why i dont agree to a pre-up. He said a pre-up will bring him a peace of mind, will help our relationship better, without a pre-up, he wont marry me. He even agrees to abortion if I dont sign pre-up.
I cried myself to sleep for three nights and decided for the sake of my baby, i will sign a preup. I even told him that a pre-up is not legalised in Singapore, court will have the final say so if you want to protect your asset you should set up a trust with sole beneficiary is your name. He kept silent.
For the baby, I forgave him and try to continue our relationship like nothing has ever happened.On and off, he will pressure me about how our child will get disadvantage ( if a gal) as her mother is not affiliated member of any primary school or when his friend whom i have never met, think of me as some kind of terrible, money súcker foreigner woman that Singaporean woman will lose out to. I just cried, brushed it off and think tomorrow will be a new day.
I thought...everything will be fine as long as i keep the faith...And one day he told me he too lazy to draft the pre-up and we dont need one. I said sure..and thought my prayers were answered.
One Sunday morning, he was busy searching house moving date on this ipad. We are staying in his private apartment ( 3 bedrooms) and he told me that he thinks it is too small with a maid and a baby on the way so he has been actively searching for house. I was quite touched by his care then. But our wedding will be held in 2 weeks, he has not even bought me an engagement ring ( he claimed he too busy with the wedding) but he has the time to move house? When I asked him why all of a sudden, he replied that owner may give a discount of 100 bucks if moving in earlier. I initially planned to move in after our wedding, "so what is 2400 bucks saving ( 2 year lease) comparing to 1 month rental (almost 5k)"-I told him..I didnt understand any of it and asked him why he didnt discuss with me. He said as he paid for the house and arranged for mover, I would not need to lift a finger,so I should not care so much.
I was puzzled. I knew something was not right but he refused to tell me. As a last resort, I told him if he didnt tell me the truth I will move out and leave him. Only then did I find out, his parents dont want me to stay in the property after marriage because the house may be considered matrimonial property and in the case of divorce, I maybe able to claim a share of the house. My heart stopped for a bit. I realized now the reason why he doesnt need a pre-up because its content is highly debatable and all his care for my child and my well-being was fake. It was just because he wanted to get my áss out of the house.
I was crying a river again. I was helpless and alone. I didnt dare to tell my parents because I scared this would hurt them even more.
He was saying that nobody from his family is out to harm me. Why did I agree to a pre-up yet make such a big fuss about moving out? What do I have to hide?
I went on and on explaining the hurt that he has brought on me. It is simply as if you were cut by a knife before a week ago and now you are cut again. It doesnt matter whether the wound is the same, the knife is the same, the position of the cut is the same, it still hurts!
I thought I have agreed to the Ultimatum and I can go on live my life peacefully but no...now I have to move house within a week..I really dont know what else will happen in the future.
I packed my things at his house. I have left the house and staying with my friend now.I have talked to him today but to him, I am just blowing the matter out of its portion. "It is just a small matter anyway". I dont know what should I do now.
Should I have an abortion and kill an innocent life?
Should I put my baby for adoption so that there will be couples to love him or her?
Should I just súck it up for my baby sake? just make a sacrifice to enter in something that already broke my heart?
Please help me...
- Jamie
http://singaporebrides.com/forumboar...tml?1361174205
I am right now at the cross-road and I really dont know what to do.
I am in my late 20s, non-Singaporean, working as senior executive level in a good company, earning comfortable income, not enough to buy a house but enough to cover my needs.My current bf is in his late 30s, Singaporean, having a successful career, earning 6 figures, has his own decent apartment and a flashy car.
We know each other thru friends. I have never been a fan of his look or his wealth so I always kinda ignore him. That must have attracted him and for me, I am impressed by his wit. 4 months after we first met, we officially dated each other. Throughout the course of the dating, he would pay for food when we are out to eat ( 90% food court and 10% restaurant), I will pay for groceries that I bought for home cook food ( i love to cook at home). Throughout the relationship the only expensive gift that he gave me was a branded wallet ( less than 600) for my birthday. For his birthday, I also spend equivalent amount of money. So sorry for ranting on this, I just want to share that..not even once during the relationship that i expect any monetary benefit out of him. We never talked about our financial position. I did share with him how much I earn but he didnt want to disclose his income to me. Well, who care...i thought to myself.
10 months in the relationship, I found out that I was pregnant. As my period has been hay wired all the times, he has always said (maybe jokingly) he longs to be a dad and he really wants to settle down. When I broke the news to him, I actually gave him a choice of a wedding or others as I know 1 year is such a short period for us and I dont want to force him into anything. He actually agreed to a wedding. A month after my pregnancy, things are still great between us till his family steps in. His mother was interrogating me about my bank account saving during dinner. I told her that i dont have enough saving to buy a house now cos I have been supporting my lil bro study overseas and my parents but i ensure her that now that my bro is year 3 in university, he is capable of earning money on his own to support himself. For my parents, I used to give them about 20-30k per year ( this amount inclusive my bro study expense) but if I am having my own family here in Singapore, I would give them maybe a token amount of 5k per year. My parents will understand and they have never asked money from me ever. just that I feel it is my duty to support them. My bf parents dont seem to be pleased with my answers.
What makes me a filial daughter has rendered my family to be a possible liability to my bf and his family.They were so scared that one fine day, my parents will have cancer and I will demand money from my husband to save them. I quoted what my bf said to me " I cant spend my hard earned money on strangers" I choked on my tears when saying that "my family wants nothing from you"
We had a small wedding celebration in my country. My bf and his parents attended. They saw my house, knew that I didnt come from a poor family but they didnt let the matter rest. Shortly after that, my bf demanded a pre-up to be signed before our marriage. I fought against this hard..because I believed in love...not in money. My Bf went on and on pressuring me that if i dont want his money, why i dont agree to a pre-up. He said a pre-up will bring him a peace of mind, will help our relationship better, without a pre-up, he wont marry me. He even agrees to abortion if I dont sign pre-up.
I cried myself to sleep for three nights and decided for the sake of my baby, i will sign a preup. I even told him that a pre-up is not legalised in Singapore, court will have the final say so if you want to protect your asset you should set up a trust with sole beneficiary is your name. He kept silent.
For the baby, I forgave him and try to continue our relationship like nothing has ever happened.On and off, he will pressure me about how our child will get disadvantage ( if a gal) as her mother is not affiliated member of any primary school or when his friend whom i have never met, think of me as some kind of terrible, money súcker foreigner woman that Singaporean woman will lose out to. I just cried, brushed it off and think tomorrow will be a new day.
I thought...everything will be fine as long as i keep the faith...And one day he told me he too lazy to draft the pre-up and we dont need one. I said sure..and thought my prayers were answered.
One Sunday morning, he was busy searching house moving date on this ipad. We are staying in his private apartment ( 3 bedrooms) and he told me that he thinks it is too small with a maid and a baby on the way so he has been actively searching for house. I was quite touched by his care then. But our wedding will be held in 2 weeks, he has not even bought me an engagement ring ( he claimed he too busy with the wedding) but he has the time to move house? When I asked him why all of a sudden, he replied that owner may give a discount of 100 bucks if moving in earlier. I initially planned to move in after our wedding, "so what is 2400 bucks saving ( 2 year lease) comparing to 1 month rental (almost 5k)"-I told him..I didnt understand any of it and asked him why he didnt discuss with me. He said as he paid for the house and arranged for mover, I would not need to lift a finger,so I should not care so much.
I was puzzled. I knew something was not right but he refused to tell me. As a last resort, I told him if he didnt tell me the truth I will move out and leave him. Only then did I find out, his parents dont want me to stay in the property after marriage because the house may be considered matrimonial property and in the case of divorce, I maybe able to claim a share of the house. My heart stopped for a bit. I realized now the reason why he doesnt need a pre-up because its content is highly debatable and all his care for my child and my well-being was fake. It was just because he wanted to get my áss out of the house.
I was crying a river again. I was helpless and alone. I didnt dare to tell my parents because I scared this would hurt them even more.
He was saying that nobody from his family is out to harm me. Why did I agree to a pre-up yet make such a big fuss about moving out? What do I have to hide?
I went on and on explaining the hurt that he has brought on me. It is simply as if you were cut by a knife before a week ago and now you are cut again. It doesnt matter whether the wound is the same, the knife is the same, the position of the cut is the same, it still hurts!
I thought I have agreed to the Ultimatum and I can go on live my life peacefully but no...now I have to move house within a week..I really dont know what else will happen in the future.
I packed my things at his house. I have left the house and staying with my friend now.I have talked to him today but to him, I am just blowing the matter out of its portion. "It is just a small matter anyway". I dont know what should I do now.
Should I have an abortion and kill an innocent life?
Should I put my baby for adoption so that there will be couples to love him or her?
Should I just súck it up for my baby sake? just make a sacrifice to enter in something that already broke my heart?
Please help me...
- Jamie
http://singaporebrides.com/forumboar...tml?1361174205
