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What does the Bible say about sex?

Is same-sex attraction a sin?​

ANSWER

In Matthew 5:27–28, Jesus equates lust with adultery. This establishes a biblical principle: if it is a sin to do something, it is also a sin to desire to do that something. The Bible clearly states that homosexuality is a sin (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:26–27; 1 Corinthians 6:9). Therefore, it is also sinful to desire to commit homosexual acts. Does this mean that same-sex attraction is a sin? To answer this, we must distinguish between active sin and the passive condition of being tempted.

It is not a sin to be tempted. Jesus was tempted, yet He sinned not (Matthew 4:1; Hebrews 4:15). Eve was tempted in the garden, and she definitely found the forbidden fruit to be appealing, but it seems that she did not actually sin until she took the fruit and ate it (Genesis 3:6–7). A struggle with temptation may lead to sin, but the struggle is not a sin itself.

Heterosexual lust is a sin (Matthew 5:27–28), but heterosexual attraction is not a sin. It is normal and natural for males to be attracted to females, and vice versa. There is absolutely nothing wrong with people finding the opposite gender attractive. It only becomes a sin if that attraction turns into lust. Once the attraction expands into a desire to do something sexually immoral, it has become sin in the heart.

Homosexuality is different. Homosexual behavior in any context is an action that the Bible forbids. But, stopping short of the behavior, is same-sex attraction sinful? Broadly speaking, any desire for something God has forbidden is the result of sin, in this way: sin has so infected the world and our natures that what is evil often looks good to us. We are infected with sin, and sin causes us to have warped and twisted thoughts, desires, and proclivities. We are sinners by nature (Romans 5:12). The feelings of same-sex attraction, per se, are not always an active, willful sin, but they are still rooted in the fallen nature. Same-sex attraction is, on some level, an expression of the sin nature.

Pastor and theologian John Piper has some insightful words on the matter of same-sex attraction: “It would be right to say that same-sex desires are sinful in the sense that they are disordered by sin and exist contrary to God’s revealed will. But to be caused by sin and rooted in sin does not make a sinful desire equal to sinning. Sinning is what happens when rebellion against God expresses itself through our disorders” (from the sermon “Let Marriage Be Held in Honor,” June 16, 2012).

A passing moment of same-sex attraction, even if it is repeated often, is better categorized as a temptation, not as a sin. If that spontaneous, fleeting moment is allowed to turn into something more—the passing temptation becomes a lustful intention—then it has become a sin. At what point does temptation become a sin of the heart? To ask it another way, how long can we entertain a temptation before it turns into a wrong thought? The answer is impossible to pinpoint. We do know this: we must all be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2) and “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Because of the sin nature humanity possesses, same-sex attraction may feel “natural” to some, but it is absurd to say that sin, if it comes “naturally,” should be embraced. Is it right for a person with a proclivity for anger to lash out in rage toward others? Is it right for a kleptomaniac to steal? Is it right for a husband to commit adultery simply because a strong sex drive is part of his nature? Of course not. People may not always be able to control how or what they feel, but they can control what they do with those feelings (1 Peter 1:5–8). And we all have the responsibility to resist temptation (Ephesians 6:13).

The children of God should think and act differently from the world. Many in the world accept same-sex attraction and homosexuality as a social norm, but a Christian’s standards for life should come from the Bible, not conventional wisdom (2 Timothy 3:16–17). We live in the world, and so we experience temptations every day. We have fallen, sinful natures, and so we struggle against ungodly desires. Some Christians struggle against the temptation to act upon same-sex attraction. The good news is that victory is possible. “Everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith” (1 John 5:4).

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

101 Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality by Mike Haley

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What should be a Christian’s response to a lack of sex in marriage (a sexless marriage)?​

lack of sex in marriage, sexless marriage
audio

ANSWER

Physical intimacy is part of God’s normal plan for marriage, and a husband and wife have a responsibility to meet each other’s needs in this area (1 Corinthians 7:2–4). Assuming there is no physical or medical condition that would prevent sexual activity, a lack of sex in marriage should come by mutual consent for spiritual pursuits for short periods of time (1 Corinthians 7:5).

A sexless marriage is a cause for concern. Again ruling out physical difficulties, the root is most likely a spiritual one. The first order of business is to pray for wisdom, mercy, and grace to help in the time of need (James 1:5; Hebrews 4:16). It is always good to put one’s own house in order before seeking to correct someone else; therefore, if a spouse feels wronged in this area, he/she should ask the Lord to reveal anything he/she may be doing to contribute to the problem (Psalm 139:23). God will answer such a prayer, provided we are willing to listen.

Should the deprived spouse discover that he or she has contributed to the cause of the lack of sex in the marriage, the sin should be confessed to God and the spouse and steps taken to correct the behavior (Proverbs 28:13). If this has been done and sexual intimacy is still withheld, the wronged spouse should continue praying daily for grace to love unconditionally and trusting God to work in His time. This is now a test of faith (James 1:2–4). All the while, the deprived spouse should take care to keep the lines of communication open with his or her partner and never neglect God’s commands concerning the marital relationship (Ephesians 5:22–33). It takes time and patience to wait on the Lord and to keep one’s eyes on Him to rise above the circumstances.

If the lack of sex in marriage is due to the wife refusing intimacy, the husband should consider if he is being obedient to God’s command to love his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25–33) or if he is living with her in “an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7, ESV). This is especially important if she has feelings of inferiority or rejection. Often, a husband may not recognize his part in his wife’s problems, and she is merely acting out of frustration or suppressed anger. Honest communication and forgiveness are the best ways to address this issue; be careful to avoid playing “the blame game.” First Corinthians 13 can be the checklist—does that chapter’s description of love match the husband’s treatment of his wife? Godly love will keep him from bitterness against his wife and harshness toward her (Colossians 3:19).

If the lack of sex in marriage is due to the husband refusing intimacy, the wife may be neglecting her responsibility before God to love, respect, and submit to her husband (Ephesians 5:22–24). If he feels neglected, inferior, or dominated, he may refuse intimacy to get even or to regain control, or he may lose interest altogether. Either way, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:15).

If a spouse is withholding sex seemingly without cause, there may be a deeper, suppressed problem stemming from the past. In this case, counseling could help the problem come to the surface and hopefully be dealt with. In any case, both parties should take some time off and sit down with the intent to talk it out without shifting the blame. A pastor or biblical counselor can be a wonderful help during these conversations. The goal should be to understand the perspective of one’s spouse, so the couple can then move together in the right direction and allow change to begin.

Healing cannot be forced and may take some time. In the meantime, forgiveness is an immediate command (Matthew 6:14–15). If both parties want God’s best and if the process is done in humility and sincerity, full intimacy is possible once again. A hurting couple should commit themselves to time in the Word daily, to prayer, to obedience to God, and to each other. Then they can patiently trust the Lord to work in both their hearts and heal whatever is causing the lack of sex in the marriage.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye

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How should a Christian view sex education?​

Christian sex education
audio

ANSWER

Children will learn about sexuality from someone. The options are their peers, pornography, school settings, experimentation, or their parents. The best place for sex education is in the home, as a natural part of training children “in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6). It is the parents’ God-given responsibility to teach children God’s perspective on every area of life, including sexuality (Ephesians 6:1–4).

Due to the intrinsic complexities of human sexuality, the physical aspects of biological reproduction cannot be separated from moral responsibility. Regardless of whether children receive sex education in schools or even at church, it remains the parents' responsibility to ensure their children are properly educated about both the biological and moral aspects of sexuality. Leaving values-training to others is dangerous, particularly regarding matters of sexuality in many cultures today.

First, what does the Bible say about sex? Sexuality is a gift to us from God and should be viewed as such. God created sex for two purposes: procreation and unity between husband and wife (Genesis 1:28; Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:7–8; 1 Corinthians 7:1–5). Any other use of sex is sin (1 Corinthians 6:9, 18; 1 Thessalonians 4:3). Sadly, many in our world do not believe these truths. As a result, there are many perversions of sexuality and much unnecessary pain caused by them. Parents who properly educate their children about sex can help their children discern truth from error, walk in wisdom, and ultimately have a more wholesome experience of the gift of sexuality.

Most modern sex education instruction presents perversion, fornication, homosexuality, and living together before marriage as “normal” expressions of sexuality. Any teaching of boundaries is limited to the avoidance of negative consequences. All of this is contrary to Scripture (1 Corinthians 6:9; Leviticus 20:15–16; Matthew 5:28). Christian parents should be actively involved in all aspects of their children’s education, especially in areas that compromise Scripture. Parents should be aware of what their children are learning and correct any misinformation given to their children. They should also educate their children in such a way as to equip the children to discern biblical truth from cultural error. God holds parents responsible for the upbringing of their children (Ephesians 6:4), not schools, churches, or governments.

Many parents find the topic of sexuality awkward and embarrassing, but it doesn’t need to be. Parents should begin when the children are very young, speaking matter-of-factly with preschoolers about their bodies and how men and women are made differently. Those conversations transition naturally into more complex areas as the child matures. It is important that a child knows he can talk to mom or dad about anything that confuses him.

Sexual information bombards us from every direction, so these parent-child conversations must begin very early. Before parents allow a school system to instruct in sexuality or morality, they must be sure their children have already learned the truth. It is then crucial to stay abreast of what the children are learning and how they are applying their knowledge. Keeping a constant, open dialogue with one’s children is a key to staying in charge of what they are learning. When parents are proactive in their children’s instruction, those children have a basis upon which to recognize and reject errors that the world promotes as truth.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

What The Bible Says About Parenting by John MacArthur

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Is it wrong for a Christian to have a roommate of the opposite sex?​

roommate opposite sex
ANSWER

Are opposite-sex roommates or housemates biblically allowable? Financial and social struggles lead many singles to consider rooming with friends of both genders, but Christians often wonder whether this is wise.

For the purposes of this article, we will refer to “roommates” as those who share the same living space but who maintain a strictly platonic relationship with no romantic or sexual overtones. Sexually involved roommates are clearly in violation of God’s commands (1 Corinthians 6:18). But if a man and a woman enjoy each other’s company, have healthy sexual boundaries, and would both benefit from sharing a house or apartment, is there a clear biblical commandment against being roommates? What if there are more than two people in the house or apartment, does that make any difference? Or what if the living arrangement is only intended for a few months or a year, not for a longer term? How can Christians go about discerning the best way forward in their particular situation?

Living arrangements were different when the Bible was penned, so no clear-cut command exists to address having an opposite-sex roommate in any given scenario. However, that does not mean that there are no biblical principles we can apply. When we know God and seek to please Him, we want to know more than the bare minimum. We want to hear His every whisper and seek to obey it.

In considering the issue of opposite-gender roommates, we should examine the following passages:

1. Romans 13:14 says, “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts” (NASB). To “make provision” means we put ourselves into situations that our weak flesh may not be strong enough to combat. A 14-year-old boy and girl lying alone in the dark “watching a movie” are making provision for the flesh. They have put themselves in a compromising position where emotions and availability can combine for sinful effect. So when two people of the opposite gender who already enjoy each other and get along well move in together and play house as though they were married, they may be creating a situation neither expected. A girl walking through the house with only a towel wrapped around her may create unwanted desires in her roommate. A friendly comforting hug from the guy when she is upset can easily turn into more in the right atmosphere. A question that all opposite-sex roommates must answer honestly is this: might we be making provision for the flesh in placing ourselves in such an intimate living situation?

2. First Corinthians 10:31–33 says, “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God; just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved” (NASB, emphasis added). This is the kind of verse that separates carnal, baby Christians from those who truly desire to honor God. This verse frees us to limit ourselves, not by a list of Do’s and Don’ts, but by the law of liberty (James 2:12). To “give offense” is to be a stumbling block; that is, to hinder someone’s walk with God. The natural questions to accompany this verse are these: by having an opposite-sex roommate, might I be hindering someone’s walk with God? Will those who know I am a Christian believe I am committing sexual sin by living with this person? Would we be “giving offense” to our families, our Christian friends, or our mentors? Are we glorifying God by living together as opposite-sex roommates?

3. An even stronger warning about offenses was given by Jesus in Luke 17:1. “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come.” God takes it very seriously when someone causes an unbeliever or baby Christian to turn away from truth and violate his or her conscience, and we should take it seriously, too. God holds us responsible to limit our own freedom in order not to cause others to stumble as they make their way toward Jesus. So the obvious question to ask ourselves is this: might my taking in an opposite-sex roommate limit my effectiveness as a Christian witness?

4. First Thessalonians 5:22 says, “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (KJV). Some translations use the word form or kind rather than appearance, but the basic meaning of the verse is the same. This is a warning to avoid evil altogether. Being aware of our witness to the world and of our duty to support fellow believers, we stay far away from anything that could lead us or others to sin. Suppose a person is walking along the very edge of the Grand Canyon, assuming that he will not fall over the side. But that assumption is foolish because it’s based upon factors outside his control, such as wind gusts, shoe malfunctions, dizziness, and rock slides. First Thessalonians 5:22 instructs us to keep far away from the edge of the canyon so that we won’t be toppled by factors outside our experience or expectation. We should be aware of our own tendencies toward sin. Rather than flirting with what could lead us into sin, we should take preventative measures to avoid sin. Questions we should ask are, is there anything about living as opposite-sex roommates that has the appearance of evil? Will people who do not know us well assume that we are living in sexual sin—and will that hinder our witness?

For those who profess faith in Christ, lifestyle decisions often illustrate the validity of that profession. Culture speaks with a loud voice, but it always has. Believers hear the voices of Culture and Reason and Expediency, but they are more attuned to the voice of God in their lives. Jesus has called us out of the culture, to live extraordinary lives filled with surrender, struggle, and self-sacrifice (Matthew 10:34–39; Romans 12:1–2). When we ask Him to rule our lives, then everything we do must pass His inspection. He does not settle for simply getting a vote in our decisions. Lordship is not a democracy. He is either Lord, or we are (Luke 16:13). When faced with ambiguous situations, we can still find answers in His Word if we truly want to find them.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Guide to Guy/Girl Relationships by Eric & Leslie Ludy

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!
 

Is it acceptable to God for a husband and wife to have sex while the wife is menstruating / having her period?​

sex menstruating, sex period, sex menstruation
audio

ANSWER

Leviticus 15:19 says, “When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.” Similarly, Leviticus 15:24 says. “If a man lies with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days; any bed he lies on will be unclean.” Finally, Leviticus 20:18 declares, “If a man lies with a woman during her monthly period and has sexual relations with her, he has exposed the source of her flow, and she has also uncovered it. Both of them must be cut off from their people.” As a result of these Scriptures, some hold that a married couple should not have sex while the wife is having her period.

The problem with this view is that if the Scriptures are applied consistently, even touching a woman who is having her menstrual flow would be forbidden. Further, according to Leviticus 15:20-23, even touching something that the woman has also touched would be forbidden. Do these laws apply to us today? No, they do not. Why? It is important to remember the purpose of the Old Testament laws concerning blood. In the sacrificial system, blood was sacred (Leviticus 17:11). A woman’s “uncleanness” during her period was symbolic of the value placed on blood. As a result, contact with a woman who was having her period was forbidden.

Christians today are not under the Old Testament ceremonial law (Romans 10:4; Galatians 3:24-26; Ephesians 2:15). There no longer is a sacrificial system. Jesus’ blood sacrifice paid the penalty for sins once and for all. The Levitical ceremonial laws do not apply today. There is no biblical reason why a married couple cannot have sex during the wife’s period. Some doctors do not recommend it from a medical perspective, but there are no proven “dangers” of having sexual intercourse during a woman’s period. Usually women have no desire to have sexual relations during their period, so that is definitely another thing to consider. Basically, this issue must be decided by a husband and wife in the spirit of “mutual consent” as 1 Corinthians 7:5 describes.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!
 

Is it okay to have premarital sex if you know you are going to marry the person?​

sex know married
ANSWER

From a human perspective, it seems reasonable to think it is okay for a couple to have sex if they are going to be married soon anyway. However, God’s Word has a clear and direct command on this topic: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4). The “sexually immoral” in this verse includes all those who engage in sex outside of marriage. The world views fornication lightly, but not God.

Paul exhorts the Christians at Corinth, saying, “Now for the matters you wrote about: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:1–2). His words will later encourage those who are able to live single and celibately in order to fully serve Christ (1 Corinthians 7:7–9, 25–40). Biblically, the only appropriate context for sexual relations is marriage. Those who are “going to get married” are, by definition, unmarried and should not be living as if they were married.

In Jewish culture, sexual relations were clearly restricted until marriage under the Law of Moses. Even though a betrothal was considered a binding agreement, sexual relations were still restricted until the actual marriage. The first time a man and woman had sexual relations together was considered the consummation of the marriage. These two acts—marriage and sexual intercourse—were so closely related as to be nearly synonymous. This explains in part why Jesus answered the Pharisees’ question about divorce by saying, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). In Jewish culture marriage and sexual relations were commonly spoken of together.

Paul elaborates on this idea in 1 Corinthians 6:12–20, in his discussion of God’s lordship over our bodies as well as our souls. He says that, when a man has sex with a prostitute, he has become “one with her in body” (verse 16). It’s clear that the sexual relationship, no matter the context, is special. There is a level of vulnerability one experiences in a sexual relationship that God wants kept within a committed, trusting marital union. Even if you think you are going to marry the person, it is important to honor one another by waiting until you are actually married before giving yourselves to one another sexually.

Simply having marriage plans for the future does not give anyone the right to disobey God’s clear commands in Scripture. If you are planning to get married, congratulations. But, in your planning, honor God and honor your future spouse. Premarital sex is a temptation for every engaged or dating couple, requiring precautions and a commitment to walk in the Spirit. Think about your wedding plans. Think about God’s goodness to you as a couple. But “do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh” (Romans 13:14).

For those who have engaged in premarital sex, there is hope and forgiveness in Christ. If we confess our sin, He will forgive and cleanse us from “all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). A new path of purity can begin today, with a renewed commitment to living sexually pure until marriage, despite one’s past. As Paul wrote, “One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13–14).

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Guide to Guy/Girl Relationships by Eric & Leslie Ludy

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!
 

What does the Bible say about gay marriage?​

gay marriage, same sex marriage
audio

ANSWER

While the Bible does address homosexuality, it does not explicitly mention gay marriage/same-sex marriage. It is clear, however, that the Bible condemns homosexuality as an immoral and unnatural sin. Leviticus 18:22 identifies homosexual sex as an abomination, a detestable sin. Romans 1:26–27 declares homosexual desires and actions to be “shameful” and “unnatural.” First Corinthians 6:9 states that homosexuals are “wrongdoers” who will not inherit the kingdom of God. Since homosexuality is condemned in the Bible, it follows that homosexuals marrying is not God’s will and would be, in fact, sinful.

Every mention of marriage in the Bible refers to the union of a male and a female. The first mention of marriage, Genesis 2:24, describes it as a man leaving his parents and being united to his wife. In passages that contain instructions regarding marriage, such as 1 Corinthians 7:2–16 and Ephesians 5:23–33, the Bible clearly identifies marriage as being between a man and a woman. Biblically speaking, marriage is the lifetime union of a man and a woman, primarily for the purpose of building a family and providing a stable environment for that family.

The biblical understanding of marriage as the union of a man and a woman is found in every human civilization in world history. History thus argues against gay marriage. Modern secular psychology recognizes that men and women are psychologically and emotionally designed to complement one another. In regard to the family, psychologists contend that a union between a man and woman in which both spouses serve as good gender role models is the best environment in which to raise well-adjusted children. So psychology also argues against gay marriage. Anatomically, men and women were clearly designed to fit together sexually. The “natural” purpose of sexual intercourse is procreation, and only a sexual relationship between a man and a woman can fulfill this purpose. In this way, nature argues against gay marriage.

So, if the Bible, history, psychology, and nature all argue for marriage being between a man and a woman—why is there such a controversy today? Why are those who are opposed to gay marriage/same-sex marriage labeled as hateful people or intolerant bigots, no matter how respectfully the opposition is presented? Why is the gay rights movement so aggressively pushing for gay marriage/same-sex marriage when most people, religious and non-religious, are supportive of gay couples having the same legal rights as married couples through some form of civil union?

The answer, according to the Bible, is that everyone inherently knows that homosexuality is immoral and unnatural. Romans 1:18–32 says that God has made the truth plain. But the truth is rejected and replaced with a lie. The lie is then promoted and the truth suppressed. One way to suppress the truth is to normalize homosexuality and marginalize those who oppose it. And a good way to normalize homosexuality is to place gay marriage/same-sex marriage on an equal plane with traditional, opposite-gender marriage.

To sanction gay marriage/same-sex marriage is to approve of the homosexual lifestyle, which the Bible clearly and consistently labels as sinful. Christians should stand firmly against the idea of gay marriage/same-sex marriage. Further, there are strong, logical arguments against gay marriage/same-sex marriage from contexts apart from the Bible. One does not have to be an evangelical Christian to recognize that marriage is between a man and a woman.

According to the Bible, marriage is ordained by God as the lifetime union of a man and a woman (Genesis 2:21–24; Matthew 19:4–6). Gay marriage/same-sex marriage is a perversion of the institution of marriage and an offense to the God who created marriage. As Christians, we do not condone or ignore sin. Rather, we share the love of God and act as ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18). We point to the forgiveness of sins that is available to all, including homosexuals, through Jesus Christ. We speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and contend for truth with “gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15).

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Truth About Same-Sex Marriage: 6 Things You Must Know About What’s Really at Stake by Erwin Lutzer

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!
 

Will there be sex in heaven?​

sex in heaven
audio

ANSWER

The Bible does not address the topic of sex in heaven. Without a clear statement in Scripture on the matter, we can’t really say “yes” or “no” about the possibility of sex in heaven. However, the Bible does address a related topic: marriage in heaven or, to be more precise, marriage after the resurrection.

In Matthew 22 the Sadducees attempt to discredit Jesus by asking what they considered a tough question about marriage and the resurrection. They came to Him and presented a hypothetical case in which a woman had been married multiple times in her life. Then they asked which husband would be hers in the resurrection: “Whose wife will she be, . . . since all of them were married to her?” (verse 28). Jesus answered them with these words: “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (verse 30).

The fact that there is no marriage in heaven suggests that there is no sex in heaven, although the Lord does not draw that explicit conclusion. The plain teaching of Jesus in Matthew 22:29–32 is 1) resurrection will take place and 2) marriage will no longer be part of our experience. It seems that marriage is a relationship to be enjoyed in this life, but it will not carry forward into the next life. We do not lose our identity in heaven (see Luke 16:23), but we will not hold the same relationships that we do on earth. Our existence will be quite different from what we are used to here and now.

From the fact that there is no marriage in heaven we surmise at least two other things:
1) There will be no procreation in heaven. The number of the redeemed is set, and, with no death, there will be no need to propagate the human race.
2) There will be no sexual intercourse in heaven. The appetites and desires of this world will give way to higher and infinitely more gratifying delights in the world to come.

There will be no need for sex in heaven, just as there will be no need for many other things. For centuries, the temple in Jerusalem and the sacrifices offered there were at the heart of worship, but, once Christ offered Himself as the ultimate sacrifice, the temple and the sacrificial system were no longer needed (John 4:22–23). They had been “copies of the heavenly things” (Hebrews 9:23). In the same way, the marriage relationship is a picture of our relationship with Christ (Ephesians 5:31–32). Once we are present with Christ, the illustration will no longer be needed. We will have the reality, which is far better than any earthly representation. This is why Jesus is called the Bridegroom, the Church is called His Bride, and our celebration in heaven is called the Wedding (John 3:29; Matthew 22:1–14; Revelation 19:7–9).

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

Heaven and the Afterlife: The Truth About Tomorrow and What It Means for Today by Erwin Lutzer

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!
 

What is a Christian couple allowed to do in sex?​

ANSWER

The Bible says that “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4). Scripture never says what a husband and wife are or are not allowed to do sexually. Husbands and wives are instructed, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time (1 Corinthians 7:5a). This verse perhaps lays down the principle for sexual relations in marriage. Whatever is done, it should be mutually agreed upon. No one should be encouraged or coerced to do something he or she is uncomfortable with or thinks is wrong. If a husband and wife both agree that they want to try something (e.g., oral sex, different positions, sex toys, etc.), then the Bible does not give any reason why they cannot.

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There are a few things, though, that are never allowable sexually for a married couple. The practice of “swapping,” or "swinging/swingers," or “bringing in an extra” (threesomes, foursomes, etc.) is blatant adultery (Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3). Adultery is sin even if your spouse allows, approves, or even participates in it. Pornography appeals to the “lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes” (1 John 2:16) and is therefore condemned by God as well. A husband and wife should never bring pornography into their sexual union. Other than these two items, there is nothing that Scripture explicitly forbids a husband and wife to do with each other as long as it is by mutual consent.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly

insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!

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What is sodomy according to the Bible?

What does the Bible say about sex in marriage / marital sex?
 


Sex in Marriage | What is a Christian Couple Allowed to do in Sex?​


Sex in a Christian marriage is a gift from God. However, questions about sex in marriage like, what is a Christian couple allowed to do in sex, is common. Other questions like, is sex a sin, is oral sex a sin, is swinging a sin, or how far is too far, are also asked frequently. In this video, Pastor Nelson with Bible Munch offers Christian marriage advice on sex to help answer those questions, what’s allowed, what’s not, and is there is a definition of Biblical sex.

* Curious about Bible Munch? Go check them out! https://www.youtube.com/BibleMunch
 
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Premarital sex — What does the Bible say?​

One thing that has really surprised me in my years of answering questions for GotQuestions.org is how many people argue that the Bible does not condemn premarital sex. It blew my mind to dialogue with someone, who seemed to be a true Christian, yet believed premarital sex is a gift from God. My first reaction was "Are you completely insane? The Bible condemns premarital sex hundreds of times!" By the end of the dialogue, I was convinced the person was not insane, just incredibly misguided and self-deceived.

The Greek word porneia is most often translated "sexual immorality" or "fornication" in the New Testament. Some translations consistently render porneia as "fornication" in order to differentiate it from "adultery." The word "fornication," in modern English, primarily carries the idea of premarital sex. However, porneia does not actually refer, explicitly, to premarital sex. It actually refers to sexual perversion in general. Greek literature from the same approximate time period as the New Testament used porneia to refer to prostitution, homosexuality, adultery, incest, and other sexual perversions. So, we should not necessarily read "premarital sex" into every occurrence of porneia in the New Testament. The question arises, then, is premarital sex considered a sexual perversion within the scope of porneia?

In order to determine whether premarital sex is considered a sexual perversion, it is helpful to focus on what sex is supposed to be. The best way to recognize a counterfeit is to be familiar with the truth. Sex, biblically speaking, is intended to be a physical union between a husband and his wife with the goal of reproduction, and/or physical pleasure, and/or emotional closeness. Biblically speaking, though, the determining factor in whether sex is sinful is the question "with whom?", not "why?" Nowhere does the Bible speak against sex between a husband and his wife. Everywhere sex outside of marriage is mentioned, the Bible condemns it. Sex outside of marriage is a perversion. It does not matter when, with whom, or why; sex between anyone other than a husband and his wife is a perversion of sex. Therefore, premarital sex is a perversion, and condemned every time the Bible condemns porneia.

There is also a more explicitly biblical basis on which to declare premarital sex as porneia. First Corinthians 7:2 reads, "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality (porneia), each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." In this verse, the Apostle Paul presents a problem "the temptation to sexual immorality" and a solution "each man having his own wife and each women her own husband." If marriage is the solution, the problem logically must be extra-marital. To define porneia in 1 Corinthians 7:2 as prostitution or incest or some other sexual perversion does not make sense if premarital sex is not also a perversion. If premarital sex is not a sin, why is prostitution a sin? Both involve consenting adults. It is biblically clear that marriage is the sanctifying factor in sex. Sex in marriage is good and right. Sex outside of and/or before marriage is a sinful perversion.

Let's go back to my dialogue with the "premarital sex is a gift from God" guy. The conversation ended with me asking him if he believed it was biblically acceptable to have premarital sex with whoever one wants, whenever one wants, however often one wants. His answer was no. His belief was that premarital sex is acceptable as long as it is between consenting adults within a committed relationship. I asked him to provide me with biblical evidence that premarital sex between consenting adults within a committed relationship is biblically allowed, while complete and utter licentiousness is not biblically allowed. Interestingly, I never heard back. My guess is that he realized if the Bible does not condemn premarital sex, there is no biblical basis on which to condemn any premarital sexual activity between anyone. The Bible either condemns all premarital sex, or does not condemn premarital sex at all.

The Bible is so abundantly clear about premarital sex that, ultimately, if anyone argues for premarital sex being acceptable, it must be due to that person's desire to engage in premarital sex. Almost any behavior can be justified by a person who refuses to submit to what the Bible says. But, we are never to interpret the Bible based on our wants and desires. Rather, we are to allow the Bible to shape our wants and desires. The biblical message on premarital sex is clear. Premarital sex is a perversion of God's intention for sex, and is therefore condemned whenever the Bible condemns sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Hebrews 13:4; Jude 7).

S. Michael Houdmann
 

Is abstinence before marriage a realistic message?​

abstinence before marriage
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ANSWER

Many in the modern culture have declared that sexual morality is dead, that abstinence isn’t realistic, but it is instead old-fashioned and outdated. Is abstinence before marriage even reasonable in today’s “hook-up culture”?

God designed sex to be enjoyed within a committed marital relationship. When God brought Adam and Eve together in marriage, He established the “one flesh” relationship. Genesis 2:24 tells us that a man will leave his family, join to his wife, and become “one flesh” with her. There are numerous verses that declare sex before marriage to be sin (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible commands complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves (Hebrews 13:4).

God’s truth is eternal—not old-fashioned or unrealistic. However, God’s truth isn’t always easy! Sexual abstinence before marriage is often difficult and requires commitment, self-control, and some strategy. In a sense, it requires a person to be a rebel in a “sexually enlightened” culture.

In reality, the sexual enlightenment philosophy has brought our culture a lot of negative things—porn addiction, sexually transmitted diseases, emotional damage, and abortion on demand. Many in today’s culture say that a “hook-up” is the goal of the night. Singles bounce from club to club looking to hook up with a stranger for casual sex. But that’s not how God designed sex to work.

Blogger Matt Walsh describes this well: “Describing sex as ‘casual’ is like describing the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel as a ‘nice little doodle.’ . . . The people who diminish and cheapen sex are the ones who get to pass themselves off as ‘sexually enlightened.’”

Perhaps you are in a committed relationship, maybe even engaged to be married. For you, sex would not be “casual”; even so, God wants you to wait for the marriage relationship before you have sex. Saving this special, God-given intimacy until marriage will deepen your relationship and prevent future regrets.

Many see abstinence as unrealistic because no one has shown them how to live it out. If someone just shakes a finger and says, “Don’t have sex before marriage,” but doesn’t give the tools to live that message, abstinence becomes a lot more difficult. Here are some tips from those who have faced the temptations and walked the path of abstinence:

• Understand that you can be a rebel in the culture. No one should force you to have sex before marriage. If you want to honor God by saving sex for a marriage relationship, then you can do it!

• Keep your eye on the prize. That prize isn’t your future spouse. It isn’t your wedding night. Your end goal is becoming more like Christ. That’s God’s plan for you.

• Don’t put yourself in situations where you’ll be tempted to compromise your values—or your sexual purity. This may mean not being alone together. You know what those situations are, so avoid them.

• Date people who are like-minded. When both of you are on board with abstinence, you can help each other keep the commitment of abstinence.

• Set boundaries. Ask a good friend or mentor to keep you accountable.

Abstinence is more than not having sex before marriage. Strive for sexual purity in all areas of your life—in thoughts, in words, in actions. If you think about or talk about sex a lot, you’re going to have a lot harder time not doing it.

Whether the culture says abstinence is realistic or not doesn’t change God’s truth. He has established sex to be limited to marriage, and He will equip you to honor Him through abstinence. First Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

Is abstinence realistic? Yes. Is abstinence always easy? No, but, with God, it is possible.

Note: Perhaps you’ve already lost your virginity. Please know that God is in the business of second chances. He wants you to come to Him in repentance, and He will forgive your sins and heal your heart. It’s not too late to make the choice to live righteously and in ways that are pleasing to Him.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

Why True Love Waits by Josh McDowell.

Men -Every Young Man’s Battle : Strategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation by Stephen Arterburn.

Women -Every Young Woman’s Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World by Shannon Ethridge

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!
 

Should a married person have a close friend of the opposite sex?​

ANSWER

Genesis 2:23-24 describes the creation of marriage with verse 24 revealing the closeness of relationship that a husband and wife share: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” The marriage relationship is to be honored as the most significant, yet a husband and wife will still have other relationships. Should married men and women only have relationships with those of the same sex? Is it sinful for a married person to have a close friend of the opposite sex?

God designed marriage to be a unique union between a man and a woman in a covenant for life. God’s design for marriage includes sex, the consummation of that union, which is to be experienced only between a married man and woman. Any sexual expression outside the marriage covenant is sin. Yet, God calls believers to have meaningful relationships in the body of Christ. Married or single, male or female, believers are called to have relationships—same sex and opposite sex—that reflect Christ to the world by our love for one another (John 13:35).

Believers are a family (Ephesians 2:19), and God calls us into meaningful relationships with each other. Our love for one another is governed by loving God and loving each other as brothers and sisters in Christ (1 Timothy 5:1–2). The Bible speaks of the value of friends (Proverbs 18:24; 27:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9) and gives us dozens of “one another” commands showing us how to relate to each another. We are called to love one another (John 13:34; Romans 13:8), serve one another (Galatians 5:13), encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18), and spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24). These instructions are for all believers, not simply those of the same sex.

At the same time, having a close friend of the opposite sex has led many into sin. First Corinthians 6:16 instructs us to “flee from sexual immorality,” and Ephesians 5:3 declares that there “must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, impurity, or greed” among us. These are strong warnings. The many failures of men and women of God over the centuries reveal the reason God warned so clearly of the dangers of temptation in opposite-gender relationships.

What should be the response then? Should a married person not have any close friends of the opposite sex? Clearly, it is not God’s will for us to cut ourselves off from meaningful relationships with 50 percent of the world’s population the moment we get married. Still, there are clear barriers that should not be trespassed, and it is wise to not even come close to those barriers.

Some have chosen to live by what is commonly known as the “Billy Graham rule” of not allowing yourself to ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex other than your spouse or an immediate family member. This is a good option and will surely minimize opportunities for temptation and/or accusations. For this reason, many pastors and counselors avoid meeting alone with a member of the opposite sex. They ask an additional person to be present in the room, and, if the door must be closed, they make sure the room has a window. Setting such personal boundaries is wise, and having rules that go beyond the scriptural prohibition is likely the right decision for some.

Care should be taken, though, that following personal rules does not result in legalism. The biblical commands are “Do not commit adultery” and “Flee temptation.” However, there is a difference between explicit commands and personal applications. “Never, under any circumstance, be alone with a person of the opposite sex” is not a biblical command. Neither is “Never be vulnerable or have any degree of emotional intimacy with a person of the opposite sex.” Developing biblical convictions that work for us is good and right. But they may not be the same convictions that God desires for everyone else. Our personal convictions should not be treated as if they were universal biblical commands.

For those in Christian leadership, even more care should be taken. Christian leaders are to be “above reproach” and have a “good reputation with outsiders” (1 Timothy 3:1–7). Accusations, even when proven false, can have a devastating impact on a ministry. Therefore, ministers should do everything possible to not give anyone an opportunity to slander (Matthew 5:11; 1 Peter 3:16). Keeping that in mind, 1 Peter 5:1 instructs elders to shepherd the flock, not half of the flock. Can a flock truly thrive if half of the sheep lack meaningful contact with the shepherd?

With all that said, here are some principles to consider:

• We have to stop looking at people of the opposite sex as potential objects to fulfill our lusts. Men and women are to relate to each other in meaningful and appropriate ways. We are to see those of the opposite sex as fellow bearers of God’s image (Genesis 1:26–27) and believers of the opposite sex as our brothers or sisters.

• If married, we have to give our spouse priority in all relationships (Genesis 2:24). We should never seek to get something from an opposite-sex friend that we are not receiving from our spouse. We must always be open and honest with our spouse regarding our relationships—all of them, not just those that involve the opposite sex. If your spouse has concerns about a relationship, take those concerns seriously.

• While we must be careful to not even give the “appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22), we can’t constantly worry about how everything might be misperceived by others. Romans 14:4 declares, “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.” We must live above approach and seek to please God not man (1 Thessalonians 2:4).

• Men and women are different. If you only spend time with people of the same sex, you run the risk of creating an echo chamber. It is important to have meaningful relationships with members of the opposite sex. They will see different things in and about you. They will encourage, love, serve, and spur you differently. They may even notice areas of needed change that your spouse has grown accustomed to—or that you’ve ignored when your spouse pointed them out.

The Bible clearly calls us to have meaningful relationships in the body of Christ. We will be spending eternity worshiping and serving God together. Male and female are one in Christ (Galatians 3:28). Yes, we should set safeguards to protect our reputation. Absolutely, we must flee temptation. But impactful relationships in the body of Christ, male and female, married or single, can be beneficial, edifying, encouraging, and most importantly, honoring and glorifying to God.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: Living as Christian Brothers and Sisters in a Sex-Crazed World by Bronwyn Lea

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What does the Bible say about getting a sex change?​

Bible sex change
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ANSWER

Although sex-change operations are not specifically mentioned in Scripture, human sexuality is spelled out clearly, starting in Genesis: "So God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them. God blessed them and told them, multiply and fill the earth and subdue it" (Genesis 1:27-28a). Genesis 1:31 tells us that His creation was excellent in every way. To say that gender does not matter is to disagree with God’s design for creation and His proclamation that it was very good.

God is also very clear about appropriate sexual behavior. Sex is to be had and enjoyed in a monogamous marriage relationship between a man and a woman (1 Corinthians 7:2; Hebrews 13:4). Homosexual behavior is wrong (Genesis 19:1-13; Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9). Cross-dressing is unacceptable (Deuteronomy 22:5). God talks about gender roles as well, such as male headship of the home and church (Ephesians 5:21-33). However, the Bible does not discuss culturally stereotypical gender roles. In fact, it gives a full view of personhood. While keeping the male-female distinction clear, the Bible provides multiple examples of men and women who are both nurturers and courageous leaders (such as David and the Proverbs 31 wife). Nowhere does the Bible imply that a person’s sex is negotiable or optional. The Bible affirms both males and females in their worth and their personhood. People’s gender matters, but we are not merely sexual beings (Galatians 3:23-29). It would seem, then, that sex-change procedures are not biblically acceptable.

However, some very rare exceptions must be mentioned. There are people who experience physical defects in regard to gender. The most common—although still extremely rare—would be that of an intersex condition in which a person has a mixture of male and female sexual organs. For people with disorders of sex development (DSDs), it is usually possible to determine their genetic gender and correct the birth defect through medical intervention. This is not a sex-change operation, of course, but simply a remedy to a physical problem.

Gender distortion is sin, but those struggling with their gender identity have an answer. For those who consider a sex change surgery due to past woundedness or abuse, there is healing through Jesus Christ. Those who wish to challenge the categories of gender to find some sort of freedom or justification can instead find true freedom in a relationship with God. Those who wish to change their sex in order to engage in sinful sexual practices can repent and be saved. Paul wrote, "Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God" (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). Apart from Christ we are all dead in our sins (Ephesians 2:1). But in Christ, we are made alive (Ephesians 2:5) and given a new identity, as a member of God’s family (Romans 8:14-17).

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

What Does the Bible Really Teach About Homosexuality? by Kevin DeYoung

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Should a Christian take ED medications such as Viagra and Cialis?​

erectile dysfunction, Viagra, Cialis
ANSWER

The surest way to add controversy to any issue is to connect it with sex, and this makes discussions of erectile dysfunction medicines like Viagra and Cialis more difficult than they need to be. Opinions on these drugs are not merely affected by views of pharmacy but also attitudes toward sex and sexuality. In particular, there is a greater tendency to assume “sin” with respect to matters of sex than with other medical questions. However, given that sex is something God not only created but encouraged (see Genesis 1:28), there is no explicit biblical reason why a married couple cannot use such medications.

God designed Eve specifically for Adam: spiritually, emotionally, and biologically (Genesis 2:18). This design included the ability to reproduce, which requires sex (Genesis 1:28). Simply put, the suggestion that sex is inherently sinful is not only incorrect, it blatantly contradicts the Bible. In the context of a marriage between one man and one woman, sex is actually encouraged (Song of Solomon 5:1). God intends for married men and women to enjoy each other’s sexuality, only abstaining for spiritually mature reasons and on mutual agreement (1 Corinthians 7:3–5).

That context makes all the difference in how we view erectile dysfunction medications (ED meds) such as Viagra or Cialis. Persons with diabetes take insulin to restore a normal function that their bodies are failing to maintain. Persons with cancer take chemotherapy drugs to combat an abnormal function of their body’s cells. In both cases, the goal is to restore the “healthy” function of the body. Used as intended, ED medications serve the same purpose. They aid a person in restoring a function their body was specifically designed to fulfill.

This does not mean all uses of ED meds are acceptable, any more than it would be for other drugs. Many medicines meant for healthcare, such as painkillers, are abused for recreation. Others, such as steroids, are sometimes taken by someone seeking physical abilities beyond what their “natural” bodies were ever intended to do. One can rightly condemn the use of ED meds for inappropriate purposes without declaring them off-limits for their intended use.

Likewise, not all discussions of medications such as Viagra and Cialis are appropriate. Christians are right to be uneasy about the commercialization of sexuality, as many advertisements for ED medications demonstrate. And the presentation of such content in times and places where younger children may be watching is a separate but concerning issue.

The same points can be made about sex itself, of course. There has always been—and always will be—abuse of our God-given sexuality. However, the fact that some people choose promiscuity, exploitation, or immorality does not obligate everyone else to forego the correct use of sex. Nor does the fact that sex is presented in lurid ways in popular culture mean there is a problem with sex; rather, there is a problem with our attitude toward it. On the contrary, these concerns mean that celebrating and honoring the value of legitimate sex is all the more important.

Christians who consider using Viagra, Cialis, or other ED medications can do so without any particular prohibitions from Scripture. Obviously, this applies only to using such substances as intended by a doctor and for the purposes of marital sex. But those who choose to abuse these drugs for adultery or bingeing, or who obtain them illegally, are sinning.

Part of God’s design of our bodies is to enjoy sex, and husbands and wives become “one flesh” as a result (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5–6). Using medicines to restore a bodily function that God intended is perfectly acceptable.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye

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What makes sexual sin such a big deal?
 

Is it acceptable to God for a husband and wife to have sex while the wife is menstruating / having her period?​

sex menstruating, sex period, sex menstruation
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ANSWER

Leviticus 15:19 says, “When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.” Similarly, Leviticus 15:24 says. “If a man lies with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days; any bed he lies on will be unclean.” Finally, Leviticus 20:18 declares, “If a man lies with a woman during her monthly period and has sexual relations with her, he has exposed the source of her flow, and she has also uncovered it. Both of them must be cut off from their people.” As a result of these Scriptures, some hold that a married couple should not have sex while the wife is having her period.

The problem with this view is that if the Scriptures are applied consistently, even touching a woman who is having her menstrual flow would be forbidden. Further, according to Leviticus 15:20-23, even touching something that the woman has also touched would be forbidden. Do these laws apply to us today? No, they do not. Why? It is important to remember the purpose of the Old Testament laws concerning blood. In the sacrificial system, blood was sacred (Leviticus 17:11). A woman’s “uncleanness” during her period was symbolic of the value placed on blood. As a result, contact with a woman who was having her period was forbidden.

Christians today are not under the Old Testament ceremonial law (Romans 10:4; Galatians 3:24-26; Ephesians 2:15). There no longer is a sacrificial system. Jesus’ blood sacrifice paid the penalty for sins once and for all. The Levitical ceremonial laws do not apply today. There is no biblical reason why a married couple cannot have sex during the wife’s period. Some doctors do not recommend it from a medical perspective, but there are no proven “dangers” of having sexual intercourse during a woman’s period. Usually women have no desire to have sexual relations during their period, so that is definitely another thing to consider. Basically, this issue must be decided by a husband and wife in the spirit of “mutual consent” as 1 Corinthians 7:5 describes.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye

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Is being gay a sin?​

is being gay a sin, is it a sin to be gay
ANSWER

In order to answer the question “Is being gay a sin?” we need to challenge some assumptions upon which the question is based. Within the past fifty years, the term gay, as applied to homosexuality, has exploded into mainstream culture, and we are told that “being gay” is as much outside one’s control as “being short” or having blonde hair. So the question is worded in a loaded way and impossible to adequately answer in that form. We need to break this question up and deal with each piece separately. Rather than ask, “Is being gay a sin?” we need to ask, “Is it sinful to have same-sex attractions?” And, “Is it sinful to engage in homosexual activities because of those attractions?”

Concerning first question, “Is it sinful to have same-sex attractions?” the answer is complicated. First, we should probably distinguish between (actively) sinning and (passively) being tempted:

Being tempted is not a sin. Jesus was tempted, but He never sinned (Matthew 4:1; Hebrews 4:15). Eve was tempted in the garden, and the forbidden fruit definitely appealed to her, but it seems that she did not actually sin until she took the fruit and ate it (Genesis 3:6–7). A struggle with temptation may lead to sin, but the temptation itself is not a sin.

The problem with same-sex attraction, or the feeling of “being gay,” is that it is an attraction to something God has forbidden, and any desire for something sinful ultimately has its roots in sin. Our natures have been so infected with sin that what is evil often looks good to us. Sin causes us to see the world and our own actions through a warped perspective. Our thoughts, desires, and dispositions are all affected. Scripture says we are sinners by nature (Romans 5:12). So, same-sex attraction, per se, is not always an active, willful sin, but it springs from the sinful nature. Same-sex attraction is always, on some level, an expression of the flesh, or the fallen nature.

Sinful human beings living in a sinful world (Romans 3:23) are pelted with curiosities, interests, and opportunities that would lead us further from God. Our world is filled with forbidden fruits, including the enticement to “be gay.” A happily married man can be suddenly smitten with attraction for his new associate and wrestle with those feelings every day. A sober alcoholic can struggle with the ongoing desire to drink, even years after he becomes clean. Those desires do not represent an active choice to sin, although they stem from the sinful nature. They are part of being a fallen creature living in a fallen world.

Some people, who admit to having thoughts of “being gay,” are, for a variety of reasons, not romantically attracted to members of the opposite sex. Instead, they yearn for intimacy with someone of their own gender. The causes for this same-sex attraction, humanly speaking, are varied and under discussion, but the fact remains that this temptation is real. Many who struggle with same-sex attraction report suffering through years of wishing things were different. People may not always be able to control how or what they feel, but they can control what they do with those feelings (1 Peter 1:5–8). And we all have the responsibility to resist temptation (Ephesians 6:13). We must all be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2) and “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

The second part of this question, “is it sinful to engage in homosexual activities because of same-sex attractions?” has a more straightforward answer. Being drawn toward a morally forbidden relationship is not an active sin; it is a temptation. Sin occurs when we dwell upon the wrong thoughts, the temptation spawns, or when we yield to the temptation. Feeling a same-sex attraction is not an active, willful sin, but yielding to that proclivity and engaging in homosexual relations is.

Our culture assures homosexuals that they were born gay and that confused sexuality is to be celebrated, not overcome. Thus we have an entire generation of children and teens who never knew a time when homosexuality was rightly considered abnormal. In elementary and middle schools, it is now fashionable to call oneself “gay” or “bi” or use any number of other faddish sexual labels without any real understanding of their meaning—or of the moral and eternal implications.

We are all sinners, born with a nature that wants only to please itself. The sinful desires within us vary from person to person, but the root is the same (Romans 3:11). When we realize how broken we are and that we cannot have fellowship with a holy God in such a deplorable condition, we gratefully accept the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross for us (2 Corinthians 5:21). He paid the price that we owed to God for our treason against our Creator. He also paid the penalty for the sin of homosexuality, just as He did for pride, rape, adultery, and theft. Those sins, and a thousand more, are what keep us from God and sentence us to an eternity without Him. We cannot continue to define ourselves by the very sins that crucified Jesus, while also assuming that we are right with God. First Corinthians 6:9–10 lists many of the sins that the Corinthians once practiced (homosexuality is on the list). But verse 11 reminds them, “That is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” In other words, some of the Corinthians, before they were saved, lived gay lifestyles; but no sin is too great for the cleansing power of Jesus. Once cleansed, we are no longer defined by sin.

Homosexual behavior won’t damn a person any more quickly than pride or greed or adultery. Without Christ, we are lost, whether gay, straight, or asexual. But, when we surrender our lives to the lordship of Jesus, He gives us a new nature (2 Corinthians 5:17). He destroys the power that sin once held over us (Romans 6:1–7). The old nature that once dictated our actions has been conquered in a born-again child of God (John 3:3). Temptation still rages. Weaknesses still torment. But the power of the Holy Spirit helps us to resist Satan and overcome the sins that once held us captive (Colossians 2:14; James 4:7). We can choose new life in Jesus or the old life of sin. But we cannot have both (Matthew 6:24).

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

What Does the Bible Really Teach About Homosexuality? by Kevin DeYoung

and
101 Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality by Mike Haley

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What does the Bible say about spousal/marital rape?​

spousal rape, marital rape
ANSWER

Spousal or marital rape is a form of domestic violence and sexual abuse. In spousal rape, sex is forced on one spouse by the other. While the Bible does not specifically deal with spousal rape, it has plenty to say about the husband-wife relationship and its representation of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32).

First of all, rape is not about sex. Sex has little to do with it, in fact. Sex becomes the weapon, the vehicle to accomplish the desired result, which is to overwhelm, overpower, embarrass, and humiliate another person. All nonconsensual sex is rape, whether it takes place within a marriage or any other relationship. Most of the time, spousal rape occurs within a physically abusive relationship. In the U.S., marital rape is illegal in all 50 states.

Some people believe that a wife must be agreeable to sexual relations with her husband at any time and that she has no say in the matter. They often misuse 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 to support the erroneous view that a wife can never tell her husband that she would like to defer having sex for a time. Some men believe that the husband has a God-given right to just “take it,” in spite of his wife’s objections. Of course, “taking it” without her consent is spousal rape, and God never condones rape. The truth is that sexual expression was designed by God to be an act of love within a marriage, and violence or coercion should never be a part of it. Forced sex is not love; it is the opposite. The Bible is clear: “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19).

Unfortunately, marital rape victims are sometimes advised to “put up with it.” Too often, these women hear that they should be grateful that the rapist is a good father or a good provider or the like, and that it is their duty to “submit” in the bedroom. However, such thinking can inadvertently promote rape and an unbiblical concept of sex. Sex should be more than a “duty,” and “submission” in the bedroom cannot be seen as the complement of compulsion.

It is clear from the Bible that mutuality reigns in the bedroom. According to 1 Corinthians 7:1–5, a husband should provide sexual satisfaction to his wife, and a wife should provide sexual satisfaction to her husband. A wife does not have authority over her own body, and a husband does not have authority over his own body. They belong to each other. Does this mean that a husband can force himself on his wife anytime he so desires? Definitely not. What the passage teaches is that each spouse is to willingly, freely, lovingly submit to the other. The passage is about giving satisfaction, not demanding it. The focus is on pleasing one’s spouse. There is no selfishness involved. Forcibly taking what has not been offered is wrong and plainly against the Bible’s commands on love and marriage.

If someone has ever made sexual contact with you without your consent, please seek help. If you are presently in danger of being forced to have sex, or if nonconsensual sex is an established pattern between you and another person, call the police and get out of the situation as soon as it is safe to do so. There is absolutely nothing wrong with calling the police against a spouse or partner—rape is illegal as well as immoral, and it should be dealt with by law enforcement. If you need help knowing what to do in your particular situation, RAINN, the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, is always available online (they have a private chat option) or by phone at 1-800-656-4673.

If you are not in the United States, you can access a listing of international resources for assault and rape victims here.

To the victims of spousal rape, God’s Word offers care and compassion. The Bible often speaks about God’s helping the needy and vulnerable. Jesus invites victims of crime and other burden-bearers to approach Him and find support: “Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest’” (Matthew 11:28, NLT).

To those who have committed spousal rape, first, repent of your sin before God. Second, seek the forgiveness of your spouse for the great wrong you have done. Third, seek out a godly counselor who can guide you into a biblical view of marriage and sex. You need God’s grace, and, thankfully, God is willing to extend it (1 John 1:9).

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

No Place for Abuse: Biblical & Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence by Catherine Clark Kroeger & Nancy Nason-Clark

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Why does God care who I sleep with?​

Likely for all of biblical and Christian history, people have disagreed with and/or disobeyed the Bible’s restrictions on sex. A more recent development, though, at least in terms of the questions we receive at GotQuestions.org, is people asking, “Why does God care who I sleep with?” Essentially people are asking, “Why does it matter? Why is sex such a big deal? Doesn’t God have more important things with which to concern Himself than my sex life?”

Some people also complain that Christians overemphasize the biblical restrictions on sex. It typically goes something like, “If only one of the ten commandments is about sex, why does sex seem to be all that Christians want to talk about?” (Technically, sex is addressed in two of the ten commandments: “Do not commit adultery” and “do not covet your neighbor’s wife;” but that is beside the point.)

With all of the above in mind, I suppose there are two issues to address: (1) Why does God care who people sleep with? (2) Is the strong Christian stance against sex outside of marriage warranted?

(1) Why does God care who I sleep with?

The most direct biblical answer is found in 1 Corinthians 6:18: “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” The immediate context is prostitution, likely the temple prostitution that was common in the city of Corinth (1 Corinthians 6:15-16). But, Paul’s statement is not limited to prostitution. Paul is saying that sexual sin is unique. It is uniquely damaging. It degrades a person in a different way from all other sins.

In 1 Corinthians 6:16, Paul points to the statement from Genesis 2:24, “the two will become one flesh.” Sex is the physical act of marriage. Sex is the uniting of two people in an intimate way. Sex is two people coming together physically, spiritually, and emotionally. “It is just sex” is not a biblically valid statement. Sex is never “just sex.” It is never only a physical act. Sex is always a uniting of two people in the entirety of their beings.

In a sense, when you have sex with someone, you are giving a piece of yourself away. Within a loving marriage, this “giving away of yourself” is an amazing and beautiful act. Outside of marriage, it is destructive. No matter how you try to minimize the connection and deactivate your emotions, no matter how casually consensual the sex is, no matter how meaningless you believe it to be—sex changes you. Why would Paul warn so strongly against sexual immorality if you could walk away from it unscathed? The Bible does not specifically identify what the damage is. The Bible is clear, however, that there is damage.

Sex within a committed, harmonious, and loving marriage is powerfully unique—unlike anything else in the human experience. Sex outside of marriage (whether before, during, or after) is not the same. There will always be baggage. There will always be a lack of complete intimacy/unity.

Why does God care who you sleep with? Because He wants us to experience it at its best. God’s restrictions on sex are not designed to rob you of pleasure. Rather, they are designed to enable you to experience the greatest version of that pleasure, intimacy, and unity.

(2) Is the strong Christian stance against sex outside of marriage warranted?

I remember having this thought after I became a Christian in my late teens: “Why does my youth pastor seem to talk about sex so much? I get it, don’t have sex before marriage. Can we talk about something else already?” Now, as an adult, I understand. While I believe we should teach our children far more about sex and relationships than “don’t have sex until you’re married,” that message is crucially important. As Paul said, “the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

Another reason why Christians speak out against sexual immorality so strongly and frequently is that it is a sin society seems to so readily embrace. People undeniably still steal, lie, murder, etc., but the vast majority of people will at least agree with Christians that it is wrong to steal, lie, and murder. With the commands against sex before marriage (fornication), adultery, homosexuality, etc., much of society outright rejects the biblical message. That is why Christians are seemingly more vocal on sexual immorality than any other issue.

I would expect, and hope, if theft was openly celebrated in the world, that Christians would express vociferous opposition to it. There would be ministries focused on promoting the Bible’s message against stealing. There would be Christian gloves for sale with Exodus 20:15 printed on them. There would be seminars and conferences targeting kleptomaniacs.

The point is that Christians talk about sex so much because it is a crucially important issue. It is also an issue on which Christianity and much of the world do not see eye to eye.

And I haven’t even discussed sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies and abortions, devastated marriages and broken families, etc., that can result from not following the biblical commands on sex. There are multiple good reasons to submit, and numerous positive results from submitting, to what God says about sex.

Why does God care who you sleep with? It is not because He is a cosmic killjoy. It is because He knows what is best, and He cares for you.

Is the strong Christian stance against sex outside of marriage warranted? Yes, it is. Should our messaging be better? Absolutely. Does more love need to be included with the truth (Ephesians 4:15)? Unequivocally.

It is the antithesis of love, though, to allow people to do permanent harm to themselves without at least a warning.

S. Michael Houdmann
 

What are some Bible verses about sex?​

Bible verses about sex
ANSWER

Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 1:28
And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

1 Corinthians 7:3-5
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Proverbs 5:18-19
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

Song of Solomon 2:16-17
My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains.

Song of Solomon 7:6-10
How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me.

Song of Solomon 8:4
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

2 Timothy 2:22
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

Colossians 3:5
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;

1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Matthew 5:28
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Ephesians 5:3
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

Proverbs 6:32
He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.

Galatians 5:19-21
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Romans 13:13-14
Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

Unless otherwise noted, all Bible verses are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® Copyright© 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Special thanks to OpenBible.info for the data on the most well-known Bible verses.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The MacArthur Topical Bible: A Comprehensive Guide to Every Major Topic Found in the Bible

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