What does the Bible say about marriage?

[Patriot]

What does it mean that husbands are to love their wives?​

ANSWER

Ephesians 5:25–33 contains vital instructions for husbands in their relationship with their wives. Verse 25 gives the basic command: “Husbands, love your wives.” In case anyone wonders, the Greek word for “love” here is a form of agape. Husbands are to love their wives with God’s kind of love—selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. For a husband to love his wife, he must truly desire what is best for her, and he must work for that best, regardless of the cost to himself.

The standard by which husbands are to love their wives is stated outright, and it’s a high standard, indeed: “Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). The love of Christ took Him to the cross; the love of a husband for his wife will involve a similar giving of himself, even if the end result is not as bloody. Such is the nature of true love that it is willing to sacrifice for the loved one. Such is the nature of marriage that God intends husbands to sacrifice for their wives.

The goal of husbands loving their wives is also addressed. Christ’s goal for the church (His “bride”) is “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:26–27). Husbands cannot sanctify their wives exactly like Christ sanctifies the church, but they can set the spiritual goal of their wives being all that Christ wants them to be. Then husbands can, in love, work toward helping their wives achieve that goal of Christlikeness. Husbands who love their wives remember that they are “fellow heir of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7, NASB).

The Bible also gives husbands a practical way to gauge the authenticity of their love for their wives: are they caring for their wives’ needs in a way comparable to how they care for themselves? “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church” (Ephesians 5:28–29). The “one-flesh” principle comes into play here. Selfishness has no place in a marriage. And, ironically, as a husband meets the needs of his wife, he will find that he himself reaps the benefits. Note, too, that the standard for husbands’ love of their wives comes back to Christ’s love of the church.

The remainder of the passage in Ephesians 5 deals with the principle of leave and cleave (verse 31) and emphasizes once again the connection between the marriage relationship and the relationship of Christ and His church (verse 32).

Too often, husbands look earlier in Ephesians 5 and latch on to verse 22: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” Husbands sometimes take it upon themselves to make sure their wives submit to their authority. However, verse 22 was not written to husbands. It is specifically addressing wives. Husbands are never told to enforce their wives’ submission. Rather, husbands are told to love their wives (verse 25). Verses 25 through 32 are for husbands, and that is what they should focus on.

What is a husband’s responsibility? To love his wife. Without selfishness, without reservation, and without condition. Love her as Christ loved the church unto death (see John 13:1). Love her, seek her best good, sacrifice for her benefit, give yourself to her wholeheartedly, and, when that’s all done, love her some more.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Dude’s Guide to Marriage: Ten Skills Every Husband Must Develop to Love His Wife Well by Darrin & Arnie Patrick

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!

 

[Patriot]

What does it mean that husbands are to love their wives?​

ANSWER

Ephesians 5:25–33 contains vital instructions for husbands in their relationship with their wives. Verse 25 gives the basic command: “Husbands, love your wives.” In case anyone wonders, the Greek word for “love” here is a form of agape. Husbands are to love their wives with God’s kind of love—selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. For a husband to love his wife, he must truly desire what is best for her, and he must work for that best, regardless of the cost to himself.

The standard by which husbands are to love their wives is stated outright, and it’s a high standard, indeed: “Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). The love of Christ took Him to the cross; the love of a husband for his wife will involve a similar giving of himself, even if the end result is not as bloody. Such is the nature of true love that it is willing to sacrifice for the loved one. Such is the nature of marriage that God intends husbands to sacrifice for their wives.

The goal of husbands loving their wives is also addressed. Christ’s goal for the church (His “bride”) is “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:26–27). Husbands cannot sanctify their wives exactly like Christ sanctifies the church, but they can set the spiritual goal of their wives being all that Christ wants them to be. Then husbands can, in love, work toward helping their wives achieve that goal of Christlikeness. Husbands who love their wives remember that they are “fellow heir of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7, NASB).

The Bible also gives husbands a practical way to gauge the authenticity of their love for their wives: are they caring for their wives’ needs in a way comparable to how they care for themselves? “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church” (Ephesians 5:28–29). The “one-flesh” principle comes into play here. Selfishness has no place in a marriage. And, ironically, as a husband meets the needs of his wife, he will find that he himself reaps the benefits. Note, too, that the standard for husbands’ love of their wives comes back to Christ’s love of the church.

The remainder of the passage in Ephesians 5 deals with the principle of leave and cleave (verse 31) and emphasizes once again the connection between the marriage relationship and the relationship of Christ and His church (verse 32).

Too often, husbands look earlier in Ephesians 5 and latch on to verse 22: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” Husbands sometimes take it upon themselves to make sure their wives submit to their authority. However, verse 22 was not written to husbands. It is specifically addressing wives. Husbands are never told to enforce their wives’ submission. Rather, husbands are told to love their wives (verse 25). Verses 25 through 32 are for husbands, and that is what they should focus on.

What is a husband’s responsibility? To love his wife. Without selfishness, without reservation, and without condition. Love her as Christ loved the church unto death (see John 13:1). Love her, seek her best good, sacrifice for her benefit, give yourself to her wholeheartedly, and, when that’s all done, love her some more.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Dude’s Guide to Marriage: Ten Skills Every Husband Must Develop to Love His Wife Well by Darrin & Arnie Patrick

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!

 

[Patriot]

What is a Christian couple allowed to do in sex?​

ANSWER

The Bible says that “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4). Scripture never says what a husband and wife are or are not allowed to do sexually. Husbands and wives are instructed, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time (1 Corinthians 7:5a). This verse perhaps lays down the principle for sexual relations in marriage. Whatever is done, it should be mutually agreed upon. No one should be encouraged or coerced to do something he or she is uncomfortable with or thinks is wrong. If a husband and wife both agree that they want to try something (e.g., oral sex, different positions, sex toys, etc.), then the Bible does not give any reason why they cannot.

There are a few things, though, that are never allowable sexually for a married couple. The practice of “swapping,” or "swinging/swingers," or “bringing in an extra” (threesomes, foursomes, etc.) is blatant adultery (Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3). Adultery is sin even if your spouse allows, approves, or even participates in it. Pornography appeals to the “lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes” (1 John 2:16) and is therefore condemned by God as well. A husband and wife should never bring pornography into their sexual union. Other than these two items, there is nothing that Scripture explicitly forbids a husband and wife to do with each other as long as it is by mutual consent.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye

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[Patriot]

Sex in Marriage | What is a Christian Couple Allowed to do in Sex?​

149,603 views Feb 3, 2018

Got Questions Ministries


Sex in a Christian marriage is a gift from God. However, questions about sex in marriage like, what is a Christian couple allowed to do in sex, is common. Other questions like, is sex a sin, is oral sex a sin, is swinging a sin, or how far is too far, are also asked frequently. In this video, Pastor Nelson with Bible Munch offers Christian marriage advice on sex to help answer those questions, what’s allowed, what’s not, and is there is a definition of Biblical sex.

*** Curious about Bible Munch? Go check them out! https://www.youtube.com/BibleMunch

 

[Patriot]

How often should a married couple have sex?​

ANSWER

The Bible doesn’t tell us how often a married couple should have sex; it does tell us that a couple is to abstain only when it is a mutual decision. First Corinthians 7:5 tells us, "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." So, mutual consent is the "rule" for how often a married couple should have sex. The "rule" is that abstaining from sex must be agreed upon, and that even when it is agreed upon, it should only be for a short time.

Sex should not be withheld or demanded. If one spouse does not want to have sex, the other spouse should agree to abstain. If one spouse wants to have sex, the other spouse should agree. It is all a matter of compromise. We must remember that our bodies belong to our spouses, as 1 Corinthians 7:4 tells us, "The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife." Obviously, the "sexual compromise" in marriage must be reasonable. If one spouse desires sex every day, and the other spouse once a month or less, they will have to lovingly and sacrificially agree to a compromise, a middle ground. Studies show that taking into account all age ranges, a typical married couple has sex 2 times per week.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!

 

[Patriot]

What does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage?​

ANSWER

First of all, no matter what view one takes on the issue of divorce, it is important to remember Malachi 2:16: “I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel.” According to the Bible, marriage is a lifetime commitment. “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). God realizes, though, that, since marriages involve two sinful human beings, divorces are going to occur. In the Old Testament, He laid down some laws in order to protect the rights of divorcées, especially women (Deuteronomy 24:1–4). Jesus pointed out that these laws were given because of the hardness of people’s hearts, not because such laws were God’s desire (Matthew 19:8).

The controversy over whether divorce and remarriage is allowed according to the Bible revolves primarily around Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9. The phrase “except for marital unfaithfulness” is the only thing in Scripture that possibly gives God’s permission for divorce and remarriage. Many interpreters understand this “exception clause” as referring to “marital unfaithfulness” during the “betrothal” period. In Jewish custom, a man and a woman were considered married even while they were still engaged or “betrothed.” According to this view, immorality during this “betrothal” period would then be the only valid reason for a divorce.

However, the Greek word translated “marital unfaithfulness” is a word which can mean any form of sexual immorality. It can mean fornication, prostitution, adultery, etc. Jesus is possibly saying that divorce is permissible if sexual immorality is committed. Sexual relations are an integral part of the marital bond: “the two will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31). Therefore, any breaking of that bond by sexual relations outside of marriage might be a permissible reason for divorce. If so, Jesus also has remarriage in mind in this passage. The phrase “and marries another” (Matthew 19:9) indicates that divorce and remarriage are allowed in an instance of the exception clause, whatever it is interpreted to be. It is important to note that only the innocent party is allowed to remarry. Although not stated in the text, it would seem the allowance for remarriage after divorce is God’s mercy for the one who was sinned against, not for the one who committed the sexual immorality. There may be instances where the “guilty party” is allowed to remarry, but they are not evident in this text.

Some understand 1 Corinthians 7:15 as another “exception,” allowing remarriage if an unbelieving spouse divorces a believer. However, the context does not mention remarriage but only says a believer is not bound to continue a marriage if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave. Others claim that abuse (spousal or child) is a valid reason for divorce even though it is not listed as such in the Bible. While this may very well be the case, it is never wise to presume upon the Word of God.

Sometimes lost in the debate over the exception clause is the fact that, whatever “marital unfaithfulness” means, it is an allowance for divorce, not a requirement for it. Even when adultery is committed, a couple can, through God’s grace, learn to forgive and begin rebuilding their marriage. God has forgiven us of so much more. Surely we can follow His example and even forgive the sin of adultery (Ephesians 4:32). However, in many instances a spouse is unrepentant and continues in sexual immorality. That is where Matthew 19:9 can possibly be applied. Many also look to quickly remarry after a divorce when God might desire them to remain single. God sometimes calls people to be single so that their attention is not divided (1 Corinthians 7:32–35). Remarriage after a divorce may be an option in some circumstances, but that does not mean it is the only option.

The Bible makes it abundantly clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and that reconciliation and forgiveness should mark a believer’s life (Luke 11:4; Ephesians 4:32). However, God recognizes that divorce will occur, even among His children. A divorced and/or remarried believer should not feel any less loved by God, even if the divorce and/or remarriage is not covered under the possible exception clause of Matthew 19:9.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

Divorce and Remarriage: 4 Views edited By H. Wayne House

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[Patriot]

What does the Bible say about Divorce and Remarriage | Grounds for Divorce | GotQuestions.org​

41,208 views May 9, 2017

Got Questions Ministries


What does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage? There their biblical reasons for divorce, or biblical grounds for divorce? In this video, Pastor Nelson with Bible Munch answers those questions and others from a biblical perspective.

* Curious about Bible Munch? Go check them out!

https://www.youtube.com/BibleMunch

 

[Patriot]

I am divorced. Can I remarry according to the Bible?​

ANSWER

We often receive questions like “I am divorced for such and such a reason. Can I get remarried?” “I have been divorced twice—the first for adultery by my spouse, the second for incompatibility. I am dating a man who has been divorced three times—the first for incompatibility, the second for adultery on his part, the third for adultery on his wife’s part. Can we get married to each other?” Questions like these are very difficult to answer because the Bible does not go into great detail regarding the various scenarios for remarriage after a divorce.

What we can know for sure is that it is God’s plan for a married couple to stay married as long as both spouses are alive (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:6). The only specific allowance for remarriage after a divorce is for adultery (Matthew 19:9), and even this is debated among Christians. Another possibility is desertion—when an unbelieving spouse leaves a believing spouse (1 Corinthians 7:12–15). This passage, though, does not specifically address remarriage, only being bound to stay in a marriage. Instances of physical, sexual, or severe emotional abuse would be sufficient cause for separation, but the Bible does not speak of these sins in the context of divorce or remarriage.

We know two things for sure. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), and God is merciful and forgiving. Every divorce is a result of sin, either on the part of one spouse or both. Does God forgive divorce? Absolutely! Divorce is no less forgivable than any other sin. Forgiveness of all sins is available through faith in Jesus Christ (Matthew 26:28; Ephesians 1:7). If God forgives the sin of divorce, does that mean you are free to remarry? Not necessarily. God sometimes calls people to remain single (1 Corinthians 7:7-8). Being single should not be viewed as a curse or punishment, but as an opportunity to serve God wholeheartedly (1 Corinthians 7:32-36). God’s Word does tell us, though, that it is better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:9). Perhaps this sometimes applies to remarriage after a divorce.

So, can you or should you get remarried? We cannot answer that question. Ultimately, that is between you, your potential spouse, and, most importantly, God. The only advice we can give is for you to pray to God for wisdom regarding what He would have you do (James 1:5). Pray with an open mind and genuinely ask the Lord to place His desires on your heart (Psalm 37:4). Seek the Lord’s will (Proverbs 3:5-6) and follow His leading.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

Divorce and Remarriage: 4 Views edited By H. Wayne House

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!

 

[Patriot]

When is the right time for marriage?​

ANSWER

The right time for marriage is different for each person and unique to each situation. Maturity levels and life experiences are varying factors; some people are ready for marriage at 18, and some are never prepared for it. As the U.S. divorce rate exceeds 50 percent, it is obvious that much of our society does not view marriage as an everlasting commitment. However, this is the world’s view, which will usually contradict God’s (1 Corinthians 3:18).

A strong foundation is imperative for a successful marriage and should be settled before one even begins to date or court a potential life mate. Our Christian walk should include much more than just attending church on Sundays and being involved in Bible study. We must have a personal relationship with God that comes only through trusting in and obeying Jesus Christ. We must educate ourselves about marriage, seeking God’s view on it, before diving in. A person must know what the Bible says about love, commitment, sexual relations, the role of a husband and wife, and His expectations of us before committing to marriage. Having at least one Christian married couple as a role model is also important. An older couple can answer questions about what goes into a successful marriage, how to create intimacy (beyond the physical), how faith is invaluable, etc.

A prospective married couple also needs to make sure that they know each other well. They should know each other’s views on marriage, finances, in-laws, child-rearing, discipline, duties of a husband and wife, whether only one of them or both will be working outside the home, and the level of the other person’s spiritual maturity. Many people get married taking their partner’s word for it that they are a Christian, only to find out later that it was merely lip service. Every couple considering marriage should go through counseling with a Christian marriage counselor or pastor. In fact, many pastors will not perform weddings unless they have met several times with the couple in a counseling setting.

Marriage is not only a commitment, but a covenant with God. It is the promise to remain with that other person for the remainder of your life, no matter whether your spouse is rich, poor, healthy, sick, overweight, underweight, or boring. A Christian marriage should endure through every circumstance, including fighting, anger, devastation, disaster, depression, bitterness, addiction, and loneliness. Marriage should never be entered into with the idea that divorce is an option—not even as the last straw. The Bible tells us that through God all things are possible (Luke 18:27), and this certainly includes marriage. If a couple makes the decision at the beginning to stay committed and to put God first, divorce will not be the inevitable solution to a miserable situation.

It is important to remember that God wants to give us the desires of our heart, but that is only possible if our desires match His. People often get married because it just “feels right.” In the early stages of dating, and even of marriage, you see the other person coming, and you get butterflies in your stomach. Romance is at its peak, and you know the feeling of being “in love.” Many expect that this feeling will remain forever. The reality is that it does not. The result can be disappointment and even divorce as those feelings fade, but those in successful marriages know that the excitement of being with the other person does not have to end. Instead, the butterflies give way to a deeper love, a stronger commitment, a more solid foundation, and an unbreakable security.

The Bible is clear that love does not rely on feelings. This is evident when we are told to love our enemies (Luke 6:35). True love is possible only when we allow the Holy Spirit to work through us, cultivating the fruit of our salvation (Galatians 5:22-23). It is a decision we make on a daily basis to die to ourselves and our selfishness, and to let God shine through us. Paul tells us how to love others in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” When we are ready to love another person as 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes, that is the right time for marriage.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

Preparing for Marriage: Discover God’s Plan for a Lifetime of Love by Dennis Rainey

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[Patriot]

When is the right time for marriage? | GotQuestions.org​

10,723 views Oct 26, 2019

Got Questions Ministries

Christian relationship advice on marriage and when to get married is key for those who are dating. Christian marriage counselling and pastoral counseling are so helpful to couples who are wondering, when is the right time for marriage. Before getting married, basic relationship advice, dating advice, and marriage advise should all start at one point, knowing what the Bible says about marriage. In this video Pastor Nelson answers the question, When is the right time for marriage?

* Check out, Bible Munch! https://www.youtube.com/BibleMunch

 

[Patriot]

What is the Christian view of engagement?​

ANSWER

In the Bible, there were three steps the Jewish people had to take when getting married. The families first had to agree to the union, and then a public announcement was made. At this point, the couple was betrothed, or engaged. Finally, they were officially married and began to live together. Betrothal, then, was somewhat similar to what we call engagement now, except that our society does not honor the seriousness of engagement as they did then. When a Jewish couple was betrothed during Bible times, they were already bound together by a contract that could only be broken through death or divorce.

Any Christian who is considering marriage needs to realize the depth of this kind of commitment and not jump into it lightly. God intends marriage to be a lifelong commitment, not a temporary arrangement. The Bible says this about marriage: "'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together" (Mark 10:7-9).

Christians need to make sure they have a clear understanding of the person they may marry before becoming engaged. The Bible says that Christians cannot team up with and live in harmony with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). A Christian teaming up with an unbeliever almost guarantees that the Christian will be pulled away from Christ because, as the Bible says, "bad company corrupts good character" (1 Corinthians 15:33). The only way to have a God-honoring, stable foundation for a marriage is to be firmly grounded in one’s faith and make sure that the potential partner is equally dedicated to God.

Christians should live their lives with God as the director. He wants to be a part of every aspect of our lives, including whom we marry. Having a clear understanding of God’s Word and developing a personal relationship with Him through prayer and yielding to the direction of the Holy Spirit is the first and most important step in determining His will for us. The world’s advice on dating and engagement should only be considered in light of God’s truths in Scripture. If we seek His will in all we do, He will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

Preparing for Marriage: Discover God’s Plan for a Lifetime of Love by Dennis Rainey

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!

 

[Patriot]

Why did God allow polygamy / bigamy in the Bible?​

ANSWER

The question of polygamy is an interesting one in that most people today view polygamy as immoral while the Bible nowhere explicitly condemns it. The first instance of polygamy/bigamy in the Bible was that of Lamech in Genesis 4:19: “Lamech married two women.” Several prominent men in the Old Testament were polygamists. Abraham, Jacob, David, Solomon, and others all had multiple wives. Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines (essentially wives of a lower status), according to 1 Kings 11:3. What are we to do with these instances of polygamy in the Old Testament? There are three questions that need to be answered: 1) Why did God allow polygamy in the Old Testament? 2) How does God view polygamy today? 3) Why did it change?

1) Why did God allow polygamy in the Old Testament? The Bible does not specifically say why God allowed polygamy. As we speculate about God’s silence, there is at least one key factor to consider. Due to patriarchal societies, it was nearly impossible for an unmarried woman to provide for herself. Women were often uneducated and untrained. Women relied on their fathers, brothers, and husbands for provision and protection. Unmarried women were often subjected to prostitution and slavery.

So, it seems that God may have allowed polygamy to protect and provide for the women who could not find a husband otherwise. A man would take multiple wives and serve as the provider and protector of all of them. While definitely not ideal, living in a polygamist household was far better than the alternatives: prostitution, slavery, or starvation. In addition to the protection/provision factor, polygamy enabled a much faster expansion of humanity, fulfilling God’s command to “be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth” (Genesis 9:7). Men are capable of impregnating multiple women in the same time period, causing humanity to grow much faster than if each man was only producing one child each year.

2) How does God view polygamy today? Even while allowing polygamy, the Bible presents monogamy as the plan that conforms most closely to God’s ideal for marriage. The Bible says that God’s original intention was for one man to be married to only one woman: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife [not wives], and they will become one flesh [not fleshes]” (Genesis 2:24). While Genesis 2:24 is describing what marriage is, rather than how many people are involved, the consistent use of the singular should be noted. In Deuteronomy 17:14-20, God says that the kings were not supposed to multiply wives (or horses or gold). While this cannot be interpreted as a command that the kings must be monogamous, it can be understood as declaring that having multiple wives causes problems. This can be clearly seen in the life of Solomon (1 Kings 11:3-4).

In the New Testament, 1 Timothy 3:2, 12 and Titus 1:6 give “the husband of one wife” in a list of qualifications for spiritual leadership. There is some debate as to what specifically this qualification means. The phrase could literally be translated “a one-woman man.” Whether or not this phrase is referring exclusively to polygamy, in no sense can a polygamist be considered a “one-woman man.” While these qualifications are specifically for positions of spiritual leadership, they should apply equally to all Christians. Should not all Christians be “above reproach...temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money” (1 Timothy 3:2-4)? If we are called to be holy (1 Peter 1:16), and if these standards are holy for elders and deacons, then they are holy for all.

Ephesians 5:22-33 speaks of the relationship between husbands and wives. When referring to a husband (singular), it always also refers to a wife (singular). “For the husband is the head of the wife [singular] … He who loves his wife [singular] loves himself. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife [singular], and the two will become one flesh....Each one of you also must love his wife [singular] as he loves himself, and the wife [singular] must respect her husband [singular].” While a somewhat parallel passage, Colossians 3:18-19, refers to husbands and wives in the plural, it is clear that Paul is addressing all the husbands and wives among the Colossian believers, not stating that a husband might have multiple wives. In contrast, Ephesians 5:22-33 is specifically describing the marital relationship. If polygamy were allowable, the entire illustration of Christ’s relationship with His body (the church) and the husband-wife relationship falls apart.

3) Why did it change? It is not so much God’s disallowing something He previously allowed as it is God’s restoring marriage to His original plan. Even going back to Adam and Eve, polygamy was not God’s original intent. God seems to have allowed polygamy to solve a problem, but it is not the ideal. In most modern societies, there is absolutely no need for polygamy. In most cultures today, women are able to provide for and protect themselves—removing the only “positive” aspect of polygamy. Further, most modern nations outlaw polygamy. According to Romans 13:1-7, we are to obey the laws the government establishes. The only instance in which disobeying the law is permitted by Scripture is if the law contradicts God’s commands (Acts 5:29). Since God only allows for polygamy, and does not command it, a law prohibiting polygamy should be upheld.

Are there some instances in which the allowance for polygamy would still apply today? Perhaps, but it is unfathomable that there would be no other possible solution. Due to the “one flesh” aspect of marriage, the need for oneness and harmony in marriage, and the lack of any real need for polygamy, it is our firm belief that polygamy does not honor God and is not His design for marriage.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Quest Study Bible

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[Patriot]

Why did God allow polygamy in the Bible?​

268,840 views Oct 12, 2018

Got Questions Ministries

Why did God allow polygamy / bigamy in the Bible? Why did so many men in the Bible have multiple wives? What is polyandry?

 

[Patriot]

Is remarriage after divorce always adultery?​

ANSWER

Before we even begin to answer this question, let us reiterate, "God hates divorce" (Malachi 2:16). The pain, confusion, and frustration most people experience after a divorce are surely part of the reason that God hates divorce. Even more difficult, biblically, than the question of divorce, is the question of remarriage. The vast majority of people who divorce either remarry or consider getting remarried. What does the Bible say about this?

Matthew 19:9 says, "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." See also Matthew 5:32. These Scriptures clearly state that remarriage after a divorce is adultery, except in the instance of "marital unfaithfulness." In regards to this "exception clause" and its implications, please read the following articles:
What does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage?
I am divorced. Can I remarry?

It is our view that there are certain instances in which divorce and remarriage are permitted without the remarriage being considered adultery. These instances would include unrepentant adultery and abandonment of a believing spouse by an unbelieving spouse. We are not saying that a person under such circumstances should remarry. The Bible definitely encourages remaining single or reconciliation over remarriage (1 Corinthians 7:11). At the same time, it is our view that God offers His mercy and grace to the innocent party in a divorce and allows that person to remarry.

A person who gets a divorce for a reason other than the reasons listed above, and then gets remarried has committed adultery (Luke 16:18). The question then becomes, is this remarriage an "act" of adultery, or a "state" of adultery. The present tense of the Greek in Matthew 5:32; 19:9; and Luke 16:18 can indicate a continuous state of adultery. At the same time, the present tense in Greek does not always indicate continuous action. Sometimes it simply means that something occurred (Aoristic, Punctiliar, or Gnomic present). For example, the word "divorces" in Matthew 5:32 is present tense, but divorcing is not a continual action. It is our view that remarriage, no matter the circumstances, is not a continual state of adultery. Only the act of getting remarried itself is adultery.

In the Old Testament Law, the punishment for adultery was death (Leviticus 20:10). At the same time, Deuteronomy 24:1-4 mentions remarriage after a divorce, does not call it adultery, and does not demand the death penalty for the remarried spouse. The Bible explicitly says that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), but nowhere explicitly states that God hates remarriage. The Bible nowhere commands a remarried couple to divorce. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 does not describe the remarriage as invalid. Ending a remarriage through divorce would be just as sinful as ending a first marriage through divorce. Both would include the breaking of vows before God, between the couple, and in front of witnesses.

No matter the circumstances, once a couple is remarried, they should strive to live out their married lives in fidelity, in a God-honoring way, with Christ at the center of their marriage. A marriage is a marriage. God does not view the new marriage as invalid or adulterous. A remarried couple should devote themselves to God, and to each other – and honor Him by making their new marriage a lasting and Christ-centered one (Ephesians 5:22-33).

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

Divorce and Remarriage: 4 Views edited By H. Wayne House

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[Patriot]

What does the Bible say about gay marriage?​

ANSWER

While the Bible does address homosexuality, it does not explicitly mention gay marriage/same-sex marriage. It is clear, however, that the Bible condemns homosexuality as an immoral and unnatural sin. Leviticus 18:22 identifies homosexual sex as an abomination, a detestable sin. Romans 1:26–27 declares homosexual desires and actions to be “shameful” and “unnatural.” First Corinthians 6:9 states that homosexuals are “wrongdoers” who will not inherit the kingdom of God. Since homosexuality is condemned in the Bible, it follows that homosexuals marrying is not God’s will and would be, in fact, sinful.

Every mention of marriage in the Bible refers to the union of a male and a female. The first mention of marriage, Genesis 2:24, describes it as a man leaving his parents and being united to his wife. In passages that contain instructions regarding marriage, such as 1 Corinthians 7:2–16 and Ephesians 5:23–33, the Bible clearly identifies marriage as being between a man and a woman. Biblically speaking, marriage is the lifetime union of a man and a woman, primarily for the purpose of building a family and providing a stable environment for that family.

The biblical understanding of marriage as the union of a man and a woman is found in every human civilization in world history. History thus argues against gay marriage. Modern secular psychology recognizes that men and women are psychologically and emotionally designed to complement one another. In regard to the family, psychologists contend that a union between a man and woman in which both spouses serve as good gender role models is the best environment in which to raise well-adjusted children. So psychology also argues against gay marriage. Anatomically, men and women were clearly designed to fit together sexually. The “natural” purpose of sexual intercourse is procreation, and only a sexual relationship between a man and a woman can fulfill this purpose. In this way, nature argues against gay marriage.

So, if the Bible, history, psychology, and nature all argue for marriage being between a man and a woman—why is there such a controversy today? Why are those who are opposed to gay marriage/same-sex marriage labeled as hateful people or intolerant bigots, no matter how respectfully the opposition is presented? Why is the gay rights movement so aggressively pushing for gay marriage/same-sex marriage when most people, religious and non-religious, are supportive of gay couples having the same legal rights as married couples through some form of civil union?

The answer, according to the Bible, is that everyone inherently knows that homosexuality is immoral and unnatural. Romans 1:18–32 says that God has made the truth plain. But the truth is rejected and replaced with a lie. The lie is then promoted and the truth suppressed. One way to suppress the truth is to normalize homosexuality and marginalize those who oppose it. And a good way to normalize homosexuality is to place gay marriage/same-sex marriage on an equal plane with traditional, opposite-gender marriage.

To sanction gay marriage/same-sex marriage is to approve of the homosexual lifestyle, which the Bible clearly and consistently labels as sinful. Christians should stand firmly against the idea of gay marriage/same-sex marriage. Further, there are strong, logical arguments against gay marriage/same-sex marriage from contexts apart from the Bible. One does not have to be an evangelical Christian to recognize that marriage is between a man and a woman.

According to the Bible, marriage is ordained by God as the lifetime union of a man and a woman (Genesis 2:21–24; Matthew 19:4–6). Gay marriage/same-sex marriage is a perversion of the institution of marriage and an offense to the God who created marriage. As Christians, we do not condone or ignore sin. Rather, we share the love of God and act as ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18). We point to the forgiveness of sins that is available to all, including homosexuals, through Jesus Christ. We speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and contend for truth with “gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15).

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Truth About Same-Sex Marriage: 6 Things You Must Know About What’s Really at Stake by Erwin Lutzer

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[Patriot]

Is abuse an acceptable reason for divorce?​

ANSWER

The Bible is silent on the issue of spousal abuse as a reason for divorce, although it is obvious what God expects a marriage to look like (Ephesians 5:22–33), and abuse is contrary to everything godly. Physical violence against a spouse is immoral and should not be tolerated by anyone. No one should remain in an unsafe environment, whether it involves a family member, friend, employer, caregiver, or stranger. Physical abuse is also against the law, and civil authorities should be the first ones contacted if abuse occurs.

A spouse who is being abused should immediately seek a safe place. If there are children involved, they should also be protected and removed from the situation. There is nothing unbiblical about separating from an abuser; in fact, it is morally right to protect oneself and one’s children.

The Bible never commands divorce, even in the case of abuse. The Bible specifies two acceptable reasons for divorce: abandonment of a Christian by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15) and adultery (Matthew 5:32). Since the Bible does not list abuse as an acceptable reason for divorce, we are careful to limit our advice to separation.

God allows divorce in the event of abandonment and adultery, but even those circumstances do not automatically trigger divorce proceedings; divorce is still a last resort. In the case of infidelity, it is better for two Christians to reconcile than divorce. It is better to extend the forgiveness and love that God freely gives us (Colossians 3:13). Reconciliation with an abuser, however, is far different. Reconciling with an abusive partner depends completely on the abuser proving his or her reliability, which could take years—if it happens at all. Separation from an abusive spouse is likely to be long-term.

Once separation has been established, the abuser has the responsibility to seek help. First and foremost, he or she should seek God. “For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks” (Matthew 7:8). God has power to heal individuals and relationships. He must be the Lord of our lives, the Master of our assets, and the Head of our households. Psychological aid and legal limitations (restraining orders) on an abuser are also appropriate, and such tools are important to his or her process of change.

If the abuser demonstrates verifiable change, independently confirmed, the relationship may be resumed with much caution. Both husband and wife must commit themselves to God’s path and develop their relationship with God through Christ. “Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me and teach me your law. I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I have set my heart on your laws” (Psalm 119:29–30). This commitment to God should be accompanied by intensive counseling from a trusted pastor or believing licensed counselor. The counselling should be taken first individually, then as a couple, and finally as an entire family, as all need help healing. Change is possible for an abusive person who truly repents and humbly surrenders to the Lord (2 Corinthians 3:18).

There are a number of “red flags” to look for before entering a permanent relationship. Unfortunately, these indicators may not be visible until after the wedding takes place, since many abusers are skilled at hiding their true natures. However, a short list of things to look out for includes irrational jealousy, the need to be in control, a quick temper, cruelty toward animals, attempts to isolate the other person from his or her friends and family, drug or alcohol abuse, and disrespect for boundaries, privacy, personal space, or moral values. If you see any of these warning signs in a person you are entering a relationship with, please seek advice from someone familiar with abusive situations.

If you are in an abusive situation right now, whether the abuser is a spouse, parent, child, caretaker, teacher, relative, or anyone else, please know that God does not want you to remain in that situation. It is not God’s will for you to accept physical, sexual, or psychological abuse. Leave the situation, find someone to help you stay safe, and involve law enforcement immediately. Through it all, pray for God’s guidance and protection.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

Divorce and Remarriage: 4 Views edited By H. Wayne House

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[Patriot]

What does the Bible say about prenuptial agreements?​

ANSWER

Although prenuptial agreements are not mentioned in the Bible, God does tell us how we are to view marriage, and from that we can figure how agreements such as “pre-nups” would be viewed. First, God intended marriage to be permanent, lasting as long as both spouses are alive. When two Christian people go into a marriage, it should be with the strong belief that divorce is not an option. To have a prenuptial agreement allows for the possibility of divorce. When God formed Eve from Adam’s rib, He was signifying the purpose of a husband-and-wife relationship. The woman is the man’s helper, taken from under his protective arm and formed from the same flesh. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Obviously, being “one flesh” means that a husband and wife should not even consider separating. The only reason the Law ever allowed divorce was the people’s hard-hearted insistence on divorce as a right (Matthew 19:8). God never changes, and He despises divorce (Malachi 2:16).

The love described in 1 Corinthians 13 should obviate the need for prenuptial agreements. Biblical love is a conscious decision that we are going to do what is best for others the way God always does what is best for us. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7). As Christians, we should be characterized by this kind of love, especially within a Christian marriage. If love “endures through every circumstance” (NLT), then prenuptial agreements are unneeded.

In Ephesians 5, we learn a lot about the roles of a husband and wife in marriage. Husbands are called to love their wives with the same love that Christ showed the church (verse 25)—a love that did not shrink from sacrifice. Wives are to honor their husbands and submit to their leadership (verse 22). Just as Christ will never leave us, a husband should never leave his wife. Husbands should love their wives as they love themselves (verse 28), and wives should respect their husbands (verse 33).The biblical model of marriage teaches the permanence of the union and the necessity of selflessness; prenuptial agreements, by their very nature, cast doubt on the permanence of the union and foster selfishness.

There is no reason for two Christian people, committed to God and each other, to need a prenuptial agreement. Yes, both the husband and wife will sin, but “love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). God calls us to forgive each other just as He has forgiven us, but a pre-nup is a plan to not forgive. If two truly become one, shouldn’t the distinction between “yours” and “mine” be eradicated—or at least greatly blurred?

Many in today’s society consider prenuptial agreements to be necessary and that anyone who does not sign one is a fool. But God’s ways contradict the world’s (Luke 16:15; Romans 12:2). Nothing in the Bible supports the idea that a Christian engaged couple should forge a “just in case we get divorced you can’t take my stuff” agreement.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts, Revised: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

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[Patriot]

What does the Bible say about child marriage?​

ANSWER

The definition of child has varied from culture to culture and century to century. Most modern-day countries declare that a child is of legal age to marry between 18 and 21. For some countries, the age may be as low as 15. In ancient Jewish culture, girls were considered marriageable after they had completed puberty, but boys were not considered men in the fullest sense until age 20.

The book of Numbers reinforces the age of 20 for a man’s coming of age. Only the men 20 years old or more were counted as eligible to serve in the army (Numbers 1:18). Among the clans in the tribe of Levi, the Kohathites, Gershonites, and Merarites, men were not considered eligible for temple service until the age of 30 (Numbers 4:3, 23, 30). Levites who served as priests were eligible at the age of 25 (Numbers 8:24–26). Given these age requirements, it seems reasonable to assume that God did not hold those younger than 20 responsible for adult decision-making. Thus, it would follow that 20 was the earliest age at which a man could normally marry.

Ezekiel 16 gives us a hint that a young woman was not considered ready for marriage until she had completed puberty. For some girls, that may have been 13 or 14, but for others puberty may not have been completed until age 16 or older. Ezekiel paints a picture of God’s relationship to His chosen people by comparing Israel with an orphaned girl in various stages of development. The Lord first sees her birth, then watches her grow up: “You grew and developed and entered puberty. Your breasts had formed and your hair had grown. . . . Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you” (Ezekiel 16:7–8). The metaphor hinges on the fact that it is only after a girl arrives at physical maturity, sometime after (not during) puberty, that she is “old enough to love,” i.e., that she is ready for marriage.

However, the Bible does not state a particular marriageable age for either men or women. Much emphasis was given to a woman’s ability to conceive and bear children. Women were most likely younger than the men they married, perhaps even significantly so. A woman remained in her father’s household until marriage, and fathers considered it their responsibility to find suitable husbands for their daughters. Marriage was about more than just the couple getting married; it also had to do with preserving the familial tribes and making provision for future generations. Among royalty in many ancient cultures, including in Israel, marriage also had to do with agreements between countries, with women being given to kings as wives to indicate agreement between nations or rulers.

For the typical family, marriage was about provision and procreation. The father was responsible for a daughter until her husband became the responsible party. Both fathers and suitors took this obligation seriously. The husband-to-be was to give a dowry to his bride’s family to demonstrate his commitment. We see an illustration of these traditions in the story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel (Genesis 29:16–27). Jacob wanted to marry Rachel, and he worked without wages for her father for seven years as a dowry. But Rachel’s father, Laban, did not want his younger daughter to marry before the older. So he tricked Jacob and, on the wedding night, gave him Leah instead of Rachel. Laban also gave Rachel to Jacob in marriage a week later, for which he required Jacob to work an additional seven years.

We also see in the account of Jairus’s daughter that a girl of 12 was still considered a little girl (Mark 5:21–43). Twice in this passage, the daughter is referred to as a “little girl” (verses 23, 41). So, even though she was most likely entering puberty, the daughter of Jairus was still considered a child and not ready for marriage.

Marriage is a solemn commitment, and when the Bible speaks of it, it is always between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24; Mark 10:7). The Greek and Hebrew words used when discussing marriage imply mature men and women, never child brides. Every culture has its own traditions and age requirements, and young people in ancient times were better prepared for marriage at earlier ages than they are today, when adolescence is often pampered and protracted. Any culture, ancient or modern, that weds little girls to older men is essentially legalizing child abuse, and such practices are not condoned in Scripture.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Ten Commandments of Dating by Young & Adams

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[Patriot]

What does it mean to be one flesh in a marriage?​

ANSWER

The term “one flesh” comes from the Genesis account of the creation of Eve. Genesis 2:21-24 describes the process by which God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam’s side as he slept. Adam recognized that Eve was part of him—they were in fact “one flesh.” The term “one flesh” means that just as our bodies are one whole entity and cannot be divided into pieces and still be a whole, so God intended it to be with the marriage relationship. There are no longer two entities (two individuals), but now there is one entity (a married couple). There are a number of aspects to this new union.

As far as emotional attachments are concerned, the new unit takes precedence over all previous and future relationships (Genesis 2:24). Some marriage partners continue to place greater weight upon ties with parents than with the new partner. This is a recipe for disaster in the marriage and is a perversion of God’s original intention of “leaving and cleaving.” A similar problem can develop when a spouse begins to draw closer to a child to meet emotional needs rather than to his or her partner.

Emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, financially, and in every other way, the couple is to become one. Even as one part of the body cares for the other body parts (the stomach digests food for the body, the brain directs the body for the good of the whole, the hands work for the sake of the body, etc.), so each partner in the marriage is to care for the other. Each partner is no longer to see money earned as “my” money, but rather as “our” money. Ephesians 5:22-33 and Proverbs 31:10-31 give the application of this “oneness” to the role of the husband and to the wife, respectively.

Physically, they become one flesh, and the result of that one flesh is found in the children that their union produces; these children now possess a special genetic makeup, specific to their union. Even in the sexual aspect of their relationship, a husband and wife are not to consider their bodies as their own but as belonging to their partner (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Nor are they to focus on their own pleasure but rather the giving of pleasure to their spouse.

This oneness and desire to benefit each other is not automatic, especially after mankind’s fall into sin. The man, in Genesis 2:24 (KJV), is told to “cleave” to his wife. This word has two ideas behind it. One is to be “glued” to his wife, a picture of how tight the marriage bond is to be. The other aspect is to “pursue hard after” the wife. This “pursuing hard after” is to go beyond the courtship leading to marriage, and is to continue throughout the marriage. The fleshly tendency is to “do what feels good to me” rather than to consider what will benefit the spouse. And this self-centeredness is the rut that marriages commonly fall into once the “honeymoon is over.” Instead of each spouse dwelling upon how his or her own needs are not being met, he or she is to remain focused on meeting the needs of the spouse.

As nice as it may be for two people to live together meeting each other’s needs, God has a higher calling for the marriage. Even as they were to be serving Christ with their lives before marriage (Romans 12:1-2), now they are to serve Christ together as a unit and raise their children to serve God (1 Corinthians 7:29-34; Malachi 2:15; Ephesians 6:4). Priscilla and Aquila, in Acts 18, would be good examples of this. As a couple pursues serving Christ together, the joy which the Spirit gives will fill their marriage (Galatians 5:22-23). In the Garden of Eden, there were three present (Adam, Eve, and God), and there was joy. So, if God is central in a marriage today, there also will be joy. Without God, a true and full oneness is not possible.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

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[Patriot]

Why are Christians opposed to marriage equality?​

ANSWER

“Marriage equality” is the latest catchphrase to be thrown into the gay marriage / same-sex marriage debate. The term “marriage equality” is an attempt to reframe the conversation and ascribe a certain level of irrationality to those who oppose same-sex marriage. To oppose the recognition of homosexual unions as marriages is one thing. But it is much more difficult to oppose “equality” in marriage rights. What American would deny equality? However, attaching a new label to the cause does not change the core issues in the debate. If “marriage equality” means “gay marriage,” Christians should be opposed to it.

Why are Christians opposed to marriage equality? The question itself is misleading. Not all Christians are opposed to marriage equality, gay marriage, or whatever else it is called. Many Christians support gay unions being legally recognized as marriages. Such Christians generally hold that sexual morality should not be legislated and that, in a free society, people should be able to marry whomever they want. Biblically speaking, this is a tragic mistake.

The Bible is abundantly clear that homosexuality is an unnatural sin (Leviticus 18:22; Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9). The Bible presents marriage as God’s invention, and God has defined it as a covenant between a man and a woman for a lifetime (Genesis 2:24; 1 Corinthians 7:2-16; Ephesians 5:23-33). Biblically speaking, a homosexual union is not a marriage. It does not matter if the government legislates a new definition of marriage. It does not matter if society is overwhelmingly in favor of same-sex marriage. A homosexual union always has been, and always will be, a perversion of God’s creation.

In modern societies that are increasingly secular and non-Christian, the marriage equality debate is eventually going to be won by the gay rights movement. Barring national repentance and a revival of the Christian faith, gay unions are going to be officially recognized as valid marriages, with all the rights and privileges pertaining thereto. But, whatever society does, it cannot change the fact that followers of Christ are to align with, and submit to, His Word. And His Word unequivocally declares that marriage is between one man and one woman. As Christians, we accept the fact that we live in a secular and ungodly nation, but we esteem the unchanging Word of God over society’s modulating mores. “Let God be true, and every human being a liar” (Romans 3:4).

Christians do not need to fight against homosexual couples being granted civil unions and the governmental benefits such unions provide. Tax breaks, inheritance rights, hospital visitation rights, etc., are not addressed in the Bible. But, when it comes to the definition of marriage, Christians should stand firm. God created marriage. No human being has the right or authority to redefine it. No matter what governments and societies sanction, homosexual unions will never truly have equality with heterosexual marriages.

FOR FURTHER STUDY​

The Truth About Same-Sex Marriage: 6 Things You Must Know About What’s Really at Stake by Erwin Lutzer

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