This thread dedicated to LAUGHS...HAHAHA!!!

[DOM the Clown]

Lee Kuan Yew's Dog

When Lee Kuan Yew came back to Singapore to practise law, he owned a dog. Like now, he liked to let his dog run around town unleashed. So, one day this predecessor of modern pappy dogs headed for a butcher shop and stole a roast. The butcher went to our young lawyer's office and asked, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

Young Lee answered, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

Lee Kuan Yew, without a word, wrote the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, left.

Three days later, the butcher found a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.


...........now you know why Lee let his RC, CCC and simigrassroot porlumpar doggies run loose...........

 

[DOM the Clown]

Screwing Singaporeans..........

I heard this joke recently:

A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South.
He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. After riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me?"

"Ask you what?" replied the trucker.

"If I'm a boy or a girl," answered the youth.

"Don't matter," replied the trucker. "Gonna fuck ya anyway."

This is probably Singapore version:

A nerdy looking typical Sinky waited nervously to see his MP. His turn finally came when a porlumpar grassirooty doggy came and led him to see his liage lord. After telling his problem to his pappy lordy, the MP whispered something to another porlumpar grassirooty doggy aid standing next to him. A letter was quickly written by the P.G.D. aid and signed by the almighty pappy lord almost immediately.

The nerdy looking typical Sinky finally said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me?"

"Ask you what?" replied the MP.

"If I'd voted for you in the last election," answered the sinkie loser.

"Don't matter," replied the pappy lord. "Gonna fuck ALL OF YA anyway."

 

[DOM the Clown]

The Latest Best for the Horror Genre

 

[masgnoeL]

Re: The Latest Best for the Horror Genre

Hahaha!!! Up u for this.

 

[DOM the Clown]

Bro masgnoeL,
Thanks for the points! I'll return favour once my power recover (oh boy! oh boy! sammyboyforum's old trait! LOL!).

Cheers!
DOM

 

[DOM the Clown]

All of Ho Jinx's Men and the UFO

What's the difference between a supposedly super-intelligent funds manager of Temasick and a UFO?
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I don't know!!! I've never seen either one.

 

[DOM the Clown]

Running on Banks - The New Way of Life

 

[DOM the Clown]

Fark and Yew are NeverWatchPorno Goody-two-shoes gooder than good goondoos!

Lui Tuck Yew and his twin Lui Tuck Fark meet on campus one day. The elder twin Fark calls out to the younger twin, Yew, "Hey nice bike! Where did you get it?"

"Well," replies the future never-watch-porno-and-see-no-evil-rear-admiral Yew, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'You can have anything you want!'"

"Good choice," says Fark, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Fark, Yew, and every goody-two-shoes out there live happily ever with their million dollar benchmarked salary for living their life in the most sanitised way! Yeh! White is clean.............

Cheers!
DOM

 

[DOM the Clown]

Dirty Harry in his Hay Days......or was it Hazed Days

Lee Kuan Yew cross-examined the adversary's main witness. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Nairs' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the judge what she said?"

"Objection, your honour!" shouted David Marshall.

There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it.

"So," the presently smug-looking Harry continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Nairs say when you went to her house after breakfast on August the 9th?"

"Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."

 

[DOM the Clown]

Even the Bungling Bush is better than the pappies!

George Dubya Bush said this in Alexanddria, VI on the 20th of March, 2002:

"Laura and I will thank them from the bottom of my heart."



In Singapore, if the pappies screwed up, they would say:

"........................................................................................."




And if the the peasant helped them in whatever ways, they would say:


"........................................................................................."




And if some other people did something right, they would claim credit by saying:

"WE ARE SO TALENTED AND THAT IS WHY WE DESERVED TO BE PAID WORLD CLASS MILLIONS OF DOLLAR SALARY!!!!!"

 

[masgnoeL]

Re: Even the Bungling Bush is better than the pappies!

Some of you must know these classic gaffles:

LKY - We are having a golden period.
GCT - The ground is sweet.

GCT also made comments about asking our entrepreneurs to go to Silicon Valley when the tech stocks were riding high in 2001. Hardly did he know that not long after he made the comments, the tech bubble burst.

GCT also said during the last election that his reputation is on the line in Potong Pasir and Hougang and urge residents to vote for PAP instead. They voted the other way and GCT is still taking his multi-million dollar salary now.

So, now that LHL had said that Sinkapoop is not going to have a depression. Well, knowing their record at economic predictions thus far, we better get ready for the biggest depression to befall us. HAHAHA!!!

 

[Zeitgeist]

Re: Even the Bungling Bush is better than the pappies!

Some of you must know these classic gaffles:

LKY - We are having a golden period.
GCT - The ground is sweet.

GCT also made comments about asking our entrepreneurs to go to Silicon Valley when the tech stocks were riding high in 2001. Hardly did he know that not long after he made the comments, the tech bubble burst.

GCT also said during the last election that his reputation is on the line in Potong Pasir and Hougang and urge residents to vote for PAP instead. They voted the other way and GCT is still taking his multi-million dollar salary now.

So, now that LHL had said that Sinkapoop is not going to have a depression. Well, knowing their record at economic predictions thus far, we better get ready for the biggest depression to befall us. HAHAHA!!!

Let me put it this way. You have a choice of either seeing our leaders as ACES or JOKERS! Take your pick!

 

[masgnoeL]

Re: Even the Bungling Bush is better than the pappies!

Let me put it this way. You have a choice of either seeing our leaders as ACES or JOKERS! Take your pick!

Seriously, if you are paid a million a year to lead, you better make right predictions and not falter. So far, it has not been convincing.

 

[DOM the Clown]

What do you call an intelligent, sensitive and caring pappy??

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A rumour.

 

[DOM the Clown]

City Harvest and .............

A man, down on his luck, went into a church which catered to the *ahem!* atas and have 10% tith to spare members. Spotting the man's dirty clothes a pastor, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, "I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church."

The pastor suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The pastor asked, "Did you get a different answer?"

The man replied, "Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord said, 'Don't worry about it son; I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it yet."

 

[DOM the Clown]

Old Man and his Pappy Dog!

Prataman went to visit his boss, the Old Man and was amazed to find him playing chess with his pappy dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest pappy dog I've ever seen. Which RC, CCC or pappy branches does it come from?"

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

 

[DOM the Clown]

Dumb and Good-for-Nothing Porlumpar Pappy Doggie

A dumb and only good at porlumpar pappy doggie, dressed in all WHITE walked into an appliance store in Hougang and said, "I would like to buy that T.V. please.

"I'm sorry, we don't do business with dumb and only know how to porlumpar pappy dogs!" The anti-pappy proprietor replied.

So the super porlumpar pappy doggie stormed off back to his house and changed into his super Prinz Looonie's pink replica and he went right back to the same store and said, "I would like to buy that T.V., please."

The proprietor of the store, once again, replied "Sorry, we don't do business with dumb and only know how to porlumpar pappy dogs!"

"How did you know I'm a pappy dog?"

"Hey doggie! That's a microwave, not a TV!"

 

[DOM the Clown]

The Tales of Two Chinese Cooks

The Chinese cook of Hugh Hefner called............

Chinese cook: Me not come to work, me sick.

Hefner: When I’m sick I have sex with my wife, try it.

Later chinese cook called back: It worked. Me better. You got nice house!



The Chinese cook of Lee Kuan Yew called............
Chinese cook: Me not come to work, me sick.

Harry: When I’m sick I have sex with my wife at Cul de Sac, try it.

Later chinese cook called back: Boss. It no work. Me no find Cul de Sac at Oxley road. Wrinkled face of your wife is more wrinkled than my lumpar skin, how to have sex with her??!!! Me kukujiao cannot stand up and work. So me still sick, me not come to work........................You got nice house and many golden taps!

 

[DOM the Clown]

Hail Harry!

The Geography of a Man:
Between 15 and 99, a man is like Singapore - ruled by a prick!

 

[DOM the Clown]

Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox and Lee Hsien Looong each has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's,
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WHAT IS IT??!!


















A SURNAME....... Were you thinking of something else?