Bro, I protest.
I'm sure I was full of shit when I wrote this shitty article.
And how about when I candidly asked good folks here on the time taken for the food they ate to turn into shit?
Or perhaps about the time I related the IKEA incident or the ride through the PCN?
How about the various topics brought up over the years? Our city state, our identities, and the changing paradigms?
I certainly believe that my idle banter on unity and diversity, my thoughts on the education landscape, the social landscape should positively be classified as an essay of sort.
Okay, maybe short essays because I'm not scholarly
Please don't be disheartened. Determining what makes a great essayist can be pretty difficult. This is since there are no precise metrics for such a determination.
In assessing the quality of essays, I rely on a system that I have personally developed. I call it the “
PAPsmearer Metric System (PMS)” in honour of PAPsmearer. It appears deceivingly simple but is highly effective based on trials I have conducted in forums such as this. I have started marketing it to universities around the world and intend to list it on the Nasdaq soon. I expect it to cause nothing less than a seismic upheaval in academia and the global rankings of universities. My PMS system is based on five factors:
[*=1]Gut feel - 5% (I assign a weightage of a mere 5% to this factor so as to avoid accusations of bias. In this case it is quite evident that I admire PS and am partial to him.)
[*=1]Displaying confidence as well as humility in his/her work - 20%
[*=1]Theft and/or plagiarism of writer’s essays by losers and lowlifes - 40%
[*=1]Impersonation of writer or theft of his/her pseudonym - 30%
[*=1]Correct usage of “live” vis-a-vis “stay” - 5%
PS copyrights his essays. This demonstrates the high level of confidence he has in the quality of his writings. At the same time, he uses his trademark “Just my 2 cents”, indicating an endearing humility that makes him so likeable and lovable. (I always feel like hugging and cuddling up to him whenever I read his essays.)
PS’ essays have been stolen and reproduced on other forums. This indicates their tremendous worth and value.
Lowlifes and losers in other forums have impersonated him and stolen his pseudonym. The proverbial expression “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” comes to mind. It demonstrates why I have assigned 30% to this factor. (After 20 years in this forum, I will retire from it in abject shame and embarrassing humiliation in the full knowledge that no one has bothered to impersonate me, nor found my pathetic drivels worth stealing.)
I have assigned him the full score of 5% for the “Gut feel” factor. This is not because I am bias nor partial towards him. If everyone, including those who mock him, want to be truly honest, they will readily agree that this is a very fair score based on the quality of his essays.
Unfortunately, I am unable to give him 5% for the correct usage of “live” vis-a-vis “stay”. This is since, like all Singaporeans, he does not seem to know the difference between these two verbs.
Notwithstanding that 5% “live”/”stay” penalty, I am pleased to announce that PS scored very well on PMS. He attained an almost perfect score of 95% for his essays.
Keep up the great work PAPsmearer!
PTADER
Creator, PAPsmearer Metric System (Copyright 2017)
PS: I am unable to score your writings for the present moment as I still can’t find any evidence that they have been stolen, or that you have been impersonated. But I will keep looking.