Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

[hornylee]

A girl realised that she had grown some hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mum about the hair.

Her mum calmly said ' that part where the hair has grown is called a Monkey so be glad your Monkey has hair '

The girl smiled. During dinner she told her sister ' my Monkey has grown hair '

Her sister replied ' thats nothing, mine is already eating bananas '

 

[sirus]

BAD LITTLE JOHNNY

Teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna be a billionaire, go to the most expensive
clubs, get me the finest bitch, give her a Ferrari worth over a million
bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel
throughout Europe, and an Infinite Visa Card, while banging her three times
a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response
from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries
to continue with the lesson . . . .

"And how about you, Sarah?" "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."

 

[sirus]

BAD LITTLE JOHNNY

Teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna be a billionaire, go to the most expensive
clubs, get me the finest bitch, give her a Ferrari worth over a million
bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel
throughout Europe, and an Infinite Visa Card, while banging her three times
a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response
from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries
to continue with the lesson . . . .

"And how about you, Sarah?" "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."

 

[yinyang]

Gents, thanks for the gags. Some had me bending over (now, no funnies that) :p. Hitting the 120k barrier soon

 

[sirus]

With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal
experience with my family & friends about drinking and driving.
As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes
with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a
"social session" out with friends.

Well, three days ago I was out for an evening with friends
and had several cocktails, followed by some rather nice red
wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may
be over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never
done before... I took a cab home.

Sure enough, on the way home there was a police road block,
but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home
safely without incident. This was a real relief and
surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't
even know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't
know what to do with it!!!

 

[AntonKiasi]

people who live in glass houses........should wear a towel at least.

Come on la, if you want to live in a glass house ,, that means you want to be seen ... then why the need to wear a towel ???

 

[cheesecake]

Lost In Translation

Should I care or shouldn't I?:(

So that is where Cheezits snacks came from.

Hmmm China already visited and even provide aliens with accommodation, and here we are still wondering whether they exists.

Ever wondered what the hell is Ripe Human Arttlements are?

 

[cheesecake]

More Lost Than Ever In Translation

Please don't push, shove it open.

Hmmmm.......must be a new species called "Whis Dinosaur"

From this, come back and from there go there?

This ought to be the toilet.

Parking for planes? This must be a rich fags' club.

Ok, here we can eat French people, fried of course. Food for mean customers only.

 

[yinyang]

Add to yours. New C word :p Or spot the diff??

 

[yinyang]

You don't have to be a scotsman to enjoy scottish romance :p

[video=youtube;dYslhL71k1M]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=dYslhL71k1M[/video]

 

[cheesecake]

Add to yours. New C word :p Or spot the diff??

View attachment 14248

They don't minced their words do they? Right on the button or should I say the hole?

 

[yinyang]

OZ (self deprecating?) sense of humour, with their convict colony past? :p



These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.

-------------------------
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)
A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ..
Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)
A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

 

[yinyang]

 

[hornylee]

Boy : Grandpa do you still have sex with grandma?

Grandpa : Yes , but just oral sex

Boy : What's oral sex?

Grandpa : Grandma says ' fuck you ' and I say ' Fuck you too '

 

[jubilee1919]

Two cowboys are riding through a canyon, when off in the distance they hear the sound of Indian drums.
One cowboy says to the other, "I don't like the sound of those drums!"
And from across the canyon they hear a voice call out,

"HE'S NOT OUR NORMAL DRUMMER"



A Pakistani dies and goes to Heaven...
He knocks on the Pearly Gates and St. Peter opens them...
"Yes?", asks St. Peter. .
"I am here for Jesus", says the Pakistani...

St Peter turns around and shouts, "Jesus, your taxi's here"

 

[jubilee1919]

FISHING WITH A HAND GRENADE

1. Pull the pin.
2. Throw it far from the boat.
3. Net the stunned and dead fish




Remember Step 2.

 

[jubilee1919]

Bob, an undertaker, came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I had a terrible day," replied Bob. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.

"Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was the big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."

"I see," said his wife, "that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?"

"Wrong fucking room."

 

[jubilee1919]

 

[jubilee1919]

The more you wished you didn't know.:(

100% of PAP Ministers are millionaires.

100% of citizens are angry after reading that.

 

[jubilee1919]