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Dr Spock? :p
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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
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Johnny went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks.
He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to
drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like smart kids.
The game warden ordered Johnny to show his hunting license, and
Johnny pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and
picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said,
"This duck ain't from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck.
You got a Quebec huntin' license, boy?"Then Johnny reached
into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over
and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't Quebec duck.
This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?"
Johnny reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.
The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck,
sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't Manitoba duck.
This duck is from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin' license?"
Again the kid reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.
The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point,
and he yelled at Johnny "Just where the hell are you from?"
Johnny smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said,
"You tell me, you're the expert..."
He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to
drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like smart kids.
The game warden ordered Johnny to show his hunting license, and
Johnny pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and
picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said,
"This duck ain't from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck.
You got a Quebec huntin' license, boy?"Then Johnny reached
into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over
and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't Quebec duck.
This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?"
Johnny reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.
The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck,
sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't Manitoba duck.
This duck is from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin' license?"
Again the kid reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.
The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point,
and he yelled at Johnny "Just where the hell are you from?"
Johnny smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said,
"You tell me, you're the expert..."
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We are all corrupted then?:p
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Oi, don't anyhow joke about me. :(
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Hey!! Quit horsing around!! I got Borg incoming starboard side !!
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New supermarket strategy?
A while ago a new supermarket opened in Chatswood, Sydney, Australia.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions..
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.
A while ago a new supermarket opened in Chatswood, Sydney, Australia.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions..
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.
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Irony of life...
The lawyer hopes you get into trouble..
The doctor hopes you fall ill..
The police hopes you become a criminal..
The teacher hopes you are born stupid..
The coffin maker wants you dead..
Only a thief wishes you prosperity in life!!!
The lawyer hopes you get into trouble..
The doctor hopes you fall ill..
The police hopes you become a criminal..
The teacher hopes you are born stupid..
The coffin maker wants you dead..
Only a thief wishes you prosperity in life!!!
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A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turn off.'
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.' 'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender,'Would you like a drink?'
'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun. 'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.' 'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender,'Would you like a drink?'
'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun. 'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?
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It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1964, and Fred had a date with Peggy.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
'Oh, come on in!' Peggy's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?'
'Iced tea, please,' Fred said. Mum brought the iced tea.
'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.
'Oh, probably catch a film, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the Berni Inn, maybe take a walk on the beach..'
'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.
'Really?' Fred replied, his eyebrows rising.
'Oh yes,' the mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do! Screw, again and again !!'
'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.
'Yes,' said the mother.'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternative plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hooped skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.
'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.
Two hours later, a completely dishevelled Peggy burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
'The Twist, Mum!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. 'The bloody dance is called the Twist !!!'
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
'Oh, come on in!' Peggy's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?'
'Iced tea, please,' Fred said. Mum brought the iced tea.
'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.
'Oh, probably catch a film, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the Berni Inn, maybe take a walk on the beach..'
'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.
'Really?' Fred replied, his eyebrows rising.
'Oh yes,' the mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do! Screw, again and again !!'
'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.
'Yes,' said the mother.'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternative plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hooped skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.
'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.
Two hours later, a completely dishevelled Peggy burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
'The Twist, Mum!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. 'The bloody dance is called the Twist !!!'
:*::p
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