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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Bro,
I think there is one such barber at one of the alley off Jalan Sultan.
_1. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing;_
*Either the car is new or the wife.*
_2. What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?_
*Stress is when wife is pregnant;*
*Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant;*
_*Panic is when both are pregnant!*_
_3. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?_
*Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away!*
_4. A young boy asks his Dad: "What is the difference between confident and confidential?_
*Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!*
_5. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman ;_
*“Which book has helped you most in your life?”*
*The woman replied , “My husband’s cheque book!”*
_6. A prospective husband in a book store, Do you have a book called,_ *Husband the Master of the House?*
*Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!"*
_7. Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife Darling, Honey, Love." What’s the secret?"_
*Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her!*
_8. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day._
*Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day!*
*Either the car is new or the wife.*
_2. What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?_
*Stress is when wife is pregnant;*
*Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant;*
_*Panic is when both are pregnant!*_
_3. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?_
*Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away!*
_4. A young boy asks his Dad: "What is the difference between confident and confidential?_
*Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!*
_5. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman ;_
*“Which book has helped you most in your life?”*
*The woman replied , “My husband’s cheque book!”*
_6. A prospective husband in a book store, Do you have a book called,_ *Husband the Master of the House?*
*Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!"*
_7. Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife Darling, Honey, Love." What’s the secret?"_
*Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her!*
_8. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day._
*Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day!*
*MARRIAGE SOFTWARE....*
A young husband wrote this to a *Systems Analyst -*
_(Marriage Software Div);_
*Dear Systems Analyst,*
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from *Girlfriend 7.0* to *Wife 1.0* and found that the new program began unexpected _Child Processing_ and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the _product brochure._
In addition *Wife 1.0* installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as *"Boys' Night out 2.5"* and *"Golf 5.3"* no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate selected *"Soccer 6.3"* always fails and *"Shopping 7.1"* runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep *Wife 1.0* in the background whilst attempting to run any of my _favorite applications._ Be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to *"Girlfriend 7.0"*, but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?
_.... The Systems Analyst replied:_
*Dear Customer,*
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the *Wife 1.0 program.*
Many customers upgrade from _Girlfriend 7.0_ to _Wife 1.0_ thinking that _Wife 1.0_ is merely a *UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.*
Actually, *Wife 1.0* is an _OPERATING SYSTEM_ designed by its *Creator* to run everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge *Wife 1.0* and still convert back to _Girlfriend 7.0_, as *Wife 1.0* was not designed to do this and it is impossible to _uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed._
Some people have tried to install _Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0_ but have ended up with even more problems. *_(See Manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees)._*
Having *Wife 1.0* installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can.
When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........
*C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE* Program and avoid attempting to use the _*Esc-Key_ for it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run *C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE* a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
*Wife 1.0,* although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as *"Flowers 2.0"* and *"Chocolates 5.0"* or *"HUGS\ KISSES 6.0"* or *"TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 10.0"* or *"even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1"* _(if Child processing has already started)._
*DO NOT* under any circumstances install *"Secretary 2.1"* _(Short Skirt Version)_ or *"One Nightstand 3.2"* _(Any Mood Version)_, as this is not a supported Application for *Wife 1.0* and the system will almost certainly *CRASH*.
*BEST WISHES!*
Yours,"
Systems Analyst.
A young husband wrote this to a *Systems Analyst -*
_(Marriage Software Div);_
*Dear Systems Analyst,*
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from *Girlfriend 7.0* to *Wife 1.0* and found that the new program began unexpected _Child Processing_ and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the _product brochure._
In addition *Wife 1.0* installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as *"Boys' Night out 2.5"* and *"Golf 5.3"* no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate selected *"Soccer 6.3"* always fails and *"Shopping 7.1"* runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep *Wife 1.0* in the background whilst attempting to run any of my _favorite applications._ Be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to *"Girlfriend 7.0"*, but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?
_.... The Systems Analyst replied:_
*Dear Customer,*
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the *Wife 1.0 program.*
Many customers upgrade from _Girlfriend 7.0_ to _Wife 1.0_ thinking that _Wife 1.0_ is merely a *UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.*
Actually, *Wife 1.0* is an _OPERATING SYSTEM_ designed by its *Creator* to run everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge *Wife 1.0* and still convert back to _Girlfriend 7.0_, as *Wife 1.0* was not designed to do this and it is impossible to _uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed._
Some people have tried to install _Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0_ but have ended up with even more problems. *_(See Manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees)._*
Having *Wife 1.0* installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can.
When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........
*C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE* Program and avoid attempting to use the _*Esc-Key_ for it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run *C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE* a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
*Wife 1.0,* although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as *"Flowers 2.0"* and *"Chocolates 5.0"* or *"HUGS\ KISSES 6.0"* or *"TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 10.0"* or *"even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1"* _(if Child processing has already started)._
*DO NOT* under any circumstances install *"Secretary 2.1"* _(Short Skirt Version)_ or *"One Nightstand 3.2"* _(Any Mood Version)_, as this is not a supported Application for *Wife 1.0* and the system will almost certainly *CRASH*.
*BEST WISHES!*
Yours,"
Systems Analyst.
At the National Art Gallery, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?
"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch!"
4D
Ah Seng went to see a Bomoh to get 4D number. The Bomoh went into trance & said out the number, 'satu dua, tiga empat'..
Ah Seng quickly went to put a big bet on '1234'.. that same day, the result came out first prize '2444'.. Ah Seng was unhappy & went back to the Bomoh..
Upon seeing Ah Seng, the Bomoh asked, 'how much money u strike first prize'.. Ah Seng said what strike?, the number that came out was 2444, not 1234.. the Bomoh said, i gave u 'satu dua, then followed by tiga empat.. that means 2444!!.... Ah Seng fainted.:p
Ah Seng went to see a Bomoh to get 4D number. The Bomoh went into trance & said out the number, 'satu dua, tiga empat'..
Ah Seng quickly went to put a big bet on '1234'.. that same day, the result came out first prize '2444'.. Ah Seng was unhappy & went back to the Bomoh..
Upon seeing Ah Seng, the Bomoh asked, 'how much money u strike first prize'.. Ah Seng said what strike?, the number that came out was 2444, not 1234.. the Bomoh said, i gave u 'satu dua, then followed by tiga empat.. that means 2444!!.... Ah Seng fainted.:p
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