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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Daughter, boys and cars and dad :p
Daughter to Father:
"Dad there is something my
boyfriend said to me, that i
didn't understand. He said
that i have a beautiful
chassis, lovely airbags and
a fantastic bumper."
Father's response:
"Tell your boyfriend that if he
opens your bonnet and tries
to check your oil with his
dipstick, i will tighten his nuts
so hard that his headlights
will pop out and he will start
leaking from his exhaust pipe."
Daughter to Father:
"Dad there is something my
boyfriend said to me, that i
didn't understand. He said
that i have a beautiful
chassis, lovely airbags and
a fantastic bumper."
Father's response:
"Tell your boyfriend that if he
opens your bonnet and tries
to check your oil with his
dipstick, i will tighten his nuts
so hard that his headlights
will pop out and he will start
leaking from his exhaust pipe."
Crooked Hilary can't blow, only Monica does.
A dig across the causeway :p
True or false?
The 'missing cycle' goes like this in Malaysia:
Get Vietnamese workers, dogs go missing.
Get Bangladeshi workers, Malay girls go missing.
Get Indonesian workers, money goes missing.
Get Indian workers, jewellery goes missing.
Get Chinese workers, husbands go missing.
And now with Najib in charge...
Call the police, the evidence goes missing,
Call the lawyers, the judges go missing,
Call the ministry of transport, the plane goes missing.
Change the government, funds go missing,
Say something and you may go missing.
Drive to Malaysia, car go missing...
True or false?
The 'missing cycle' goes like this in Malaysia:
Get Vietnamese workers, dogs go missing.
Get Bangladeshi workers, Malay girls go missing.
Get Indonesian workers, money goes missing.
Get Indian workers, jewellery goes missing.
Get Chinese workers, husbands go missing.
And now with Najib in charge...
Call the police, the evidence goes missing,
Call the lawyers, the judges go missing,
Call the ministry of transport, the plane goes missing.
Change the government, funds go missing,
Say something and you may go missing.
Drive to Malaysia, car go missing...
Secured? :p
Letter from a man in Birmingham to his friend in London:
"I was fed up with being burgled and robbed every other day in my neighbourhood. The alarm system was no use so I tore it out and deregistered from our ineffective local Neighbourhood Watch...
Instead, I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden.
Now, the city police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all keeping watch on my house 24x7x365...
I'm followed to and from work every day and my wife too when she goes out shopping.
So no one bothers us at all...
I've never felt safer... All thanks to Pakistan."
Letter from a man in Birmingham to his friend in London:
"I was fed up with being burgled and robbed every other day in my neighbourhood. The alarm system was no use so I tore it out and deregistered from our ineffective local Neighbourhood Watch...
Instead, I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden.
Now, the city police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all keeping watch on my house 24x7x365...
I'm followed to and from work every day and my wife too when she goes out shopping.
So no one bothers us at all...
I've never felt safer... All thanks to Pakistan."
Uncertainties personified :p
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
What is the speed of darkness?
*Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?*
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
*Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?*
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Did you ever stop and wonder........
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?*
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on......
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
With all these uncertainties in life, having friends, makes the world a better place .
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
What is the speed of darkness?
*Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?*
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
*Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?*
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Did you ever stop and wonder........
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?*
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on......
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
With all these uncertainties in life, having friends, makes the world a better place .
Stand Up for Pinky!!
Trumped in Israel?:p
Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel.
While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies.
The undertaker tells the American Diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.'
The American Diplomats go into a corner and discuss for a few minutes.
They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald shipped home.
The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?'
The American Diplomats replied, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk.’
Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel.
While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies.
The undertaker tells the American Diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.'
The American Diplomats go into a corner and discuss for a few minutes.
They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald shipped home.
The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?'
The American Diplomats replied, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk.’
Of religions and magic heal 
I went to a Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.
The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said! “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”
I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.
The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!
He was not amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!”
I politely told him, “There’s nothing wrong with me”
The Hindu sadhu came and said "Son, you will walk on your legs today."
I said "Babaji - nothing wrong with my legs"
The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!”
I had to tell him there was nothing wrong with me.
After the Seminar, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.
I believe in all Religions now...
Harre Singh
I went to a Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.
The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said! “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”
I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.
The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!
He was not amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!”
I politely told him, “There’s nothing wrong with me”
The Hindu sadhu came and said "Son, you will walk on your legs today."
I said "Babaji - nothing wrong with my legs"
The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!”
I had to tell him there was nothing wrong with me.
After the Seminar, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.
I believe in all Religions now...
Harre Singh
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