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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Career Counselling?
Little john was in his junior school class when the teacher
asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up:
Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician, etc.
However, little john was being uncharacteristically quiet,
and so the teacher asked him about his father.
Reluctantly he replied, "My Dad is an exotic dancer in a gay club,
and takes off all his clothes in front of other men.
Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out with a man,
rent a cheap room and let him shag him."
The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring
and then took Little john aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father??"
"No," said john, "My father plays football for the England national team,
I was just too embarrassed to say that."
Little john was in his junior school class when the teacher
asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up:
Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician, etc.
However, little john was being uncharacteristically quiet,
and so the teacher asked him about his father.
Reluctantly he replied, "My Dad is an exotic dancer in a gay club,
and takes off all his clothes in front of other men.
Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out with a man,
rent a cheap room and let him shag him."
The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring
and then took Little john aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father??"
"No," said john, "My father plays football for the England national team,
I was just too embarrassed to say that."
[h=1]Grim Selfie[/h] Antonio Rodríguez
Islamic State has killed over 800 people in terrorist attacks around the world in the last four weeks.
Islamic State has killed over 800 people in terrorist attacks around the world in the last four weeks.
Attachments
Brexit ...from another perspective:p
Dear Britain,
Should you have voted to leave the EU by the time I wake up - don’t worry - I have a solution that should relieve both remainers and leavers equally.
A moment comes, which comes but rarely, when we step from the old to the new….I’ve cracked the #Brexit conundrum!
Cameron needs to immediately apply for Britain to become a Union Territory of the Republic of India.
Whilst historically speaking it seems only right and proper to give India a chance to rule Britain for a few hundred years
- it actually makes a lot of sense for the British too!
Worried about jobs? India’s economy is growing 4x faster than Europe’s and will overtake the entire EU’s sometime in the 2030s
- becoming twice the size of the EU economy by 2050.
In economic terms alone every young Brit should wish to replace their garish red EU passport with a classy blue Indian one ASAP.
Worried about the future of the NHS? India already provides nearly as many Doctors to the NHS as the EU does
- and that doesn’t even include those of Indian origin, born or educated, in Britain. 25,055 Indian v 30,082 EU.
Worried about diversity? With over 100 different languages spoken everyday and adherents of every religion
- even Britain’s favourite materialist consumption - there truly is something for everyone here!
Worried about being understood? English is one of India's two official languages - which will be a huge relief
for all those have struggled to communicate with their continental neighbours for all these years.
Worried about not being part of something bigger? India has more than twice the population of the EU.
Half of which are under 35, so the bonus is no more worries about an ageing population!
Worried about where to go on holiday? The Himalayas are nearly three times the height of the Alps and thousands of miles longer
- there are more sandy beaches along India’s coastline than all the Costas you can dream of -
and India has tropical rainforests and even a desert too! Plenty of visa free inter-railing adventures as well on the world’s largest railway network
Worried about not being ruled by an unlected bureaucracy in a far away land? We’ve got that covered as well! Nowhere on the planet has perfected the shuffling of paper and writing of rules better than New Delhi - what’s more India’s civil servants salaries are more than 10x lower than Brussels. Talk about getting more for less!
British MPs, the whole of Whitehall and even the Royal Family (subject to the return of the Kohinor) can all be pensioned off at the fast expanding and internationally renowned Best Exotic Marigold Hotel chain in Jaipur.
Which would free up the Houses of Parliament, Buckingham Palace and much of Central London to become a permanent Bollywood film set. With more viewers than Hollywood this is sure to help keep London’s tourist economy going - which within a decade or two will be mostly Indians in any case.
Embrace the 21st Century. Swap Brussels for Delhi. Say Goodbye to Little Europe and Namaste to Incredible India!
Yours in waiting,
An Immigrant of British Origin
Dear Britain,
Should you have voted to leave the EU by the time I wake up - don’t worry - I have a solution that should relieve both remainers and leavers equally.
A moment comes, which comes but rarely, when we step from the old to the new….I’ve cracked the #Brexit conundrum!
Cameron needs to immediately apply for Britain to become a Union Territory of the Republic of India.
Whilst historically speaking it seems only right and proper to give India a chance to rule Britain for a few hundred years
- it actually makes a lot of sense for the British too!
Worried about jobs? India’s economy is growing 4x faster than Europe’s and will overtake the entire EU’s sometime in the 2030s
- becoming twice the size of the EU economy by 2050.
In economic terms alone every young Brit should wish to replace their garish red EU passport with a classy blue Indian one ASAP.
Worried about the future of the NHS? India already provides nearly as many Doctors to the NHS as the EU does
- and that doesn’t even include those of Indian origin, born or educated, in Britain. 25,055 Indian v 30,082 EU.
Worried about diversity? With over 100 different languages spoken everyday and adherents of every religion
- even Britain’s favourite materialist consumption - there truly is something for everyone here!
Worried about being understood? English is one of India's two official languages - which will be a huge relief
for all those have struggled to communicate with their continental neighbours for all these years.
Worried about not being part of something bigger? India has more than twice the population of the EU.
Half of which are under 35, so the bonus is no more worries about an ageing population!
Worried about where to go on holiday? The Himalayas are nearly three times the height of the Alps and thousands of miles longer
- there are more sandy beaches along India’s coastline than all the Costas you can dream of -
and India has tropical rainforests and even a desert too! Plenty of visa free inter-railing adventures as well on the world’s largest railway network
Worried about not being ruled by an unlected bureaucracy in a far away land? We’ve got that covered as well! Nowhere on the planet has perfected the shuffling of paper and writing of rules better than New Delhi - what’s more India’s civil servants salaries are more than 10x lower than Brussels. Talk about getting more for less!
British MPs, the whole of Whitehall and even the Royal Family (subject to the return of the Kohinor) can all be pensioned off at the fast expanding and internationally renowned Best Exotic Marigold Hotel chain in Jaipur.
Which would free up the Houses of Parliament, Buckingham Palace and much of Central London to become a permanent Bollywood film set. With more viewers than Hollywood this is sure to help keep London’s tourist economy going - which within a decade or two will be mostly Indians in any case.
Embrace the 21st Century. Swap Brussels for Delhi. Say Goodbye to Little Europe and Namaste to Incredible India!
Yours in waiting,
An Immigrant of British Origin
SINKIE WOES
In Singapore, majority of us live in *HURRIEDLY DESIGNED BUILDINGS (HDB)*, constantly*UNDERGOING REMEDIAL ARCHITECTURE (URA)*.
We need to *PAY AND PAY (PAP)*.
Not only do we have to pay and pay, we *PAY UNTIL BROKE (PUB)*.
Our roads are managed by people who *PURPOSELY WANT to DIG (PWD)*.
To own a car, we need to
*CUT ON ENTERTAINMENT (COE)*.
Driving on our roads, we can't afford the *EXPENSIVE ROAD POLICY (ERP)*.
The expressway is *CONGESTED THROUGHOUT EVERYDAY (CTE)*
If you don't own a car, you need to take the *MAD RUSH TRANSPORT (MRT)*,
OR take a *SLOW BUS SERVICE (SBS)* which is run by those who require us *NOT TO USE CASH (NTUC)*.
Luckily, despite the frequent rail breakdowns, they have the *LET'S TRY AGAIN (LTA)* spirit.
Not to worry in the end, we have *CASH PROVIDED FUNERAL (CPF)* to leave this world with dignity.
This is the life of a normal *Singaporean!*
In Singapore, majority of us live in *HURRIEDLY DESIGNED BUILDINGS (HDB)*, constantly*UNDERGOING REMEDIAL ARCHITECTURE (URA)*.
We need to *PAY AND PAY (PAP)*.
Not only do we have to pay and pay, we *PAY UNTIL BROKE (PUB)*.
Our roads are managed by people who *PURPOSELY WANT to DIG (PWD)*.
To own a car, we need to
*CUT ON ENTERTAINMENT (COE)*.
Driving on our roads, we can't afford the *EXPENSIVE ROAD POLICY (ERP)*.
The expressway is *CONGESTED THROUGHOUT EVERYDAY (CTE)*
If you don't own a car, you need to take the *MAD RUSH TRANSPORT (MRT)*,
OR take a *SLOW BUS SERVICE (SBS)* which is run by those who require us *NOT TO USE CASH (NTUC)*.
Luckily, despite the frequent rail breakdowns, they have the *LET'S TRY AGAIN (LTA)* spirit.
Not to worry in the end, we have *CASH PROVIDED FUNERAL (CPF)* to leave this world with dignity.
This is the life of a normal *Singaporean!*
Real Ikea war story:p
You Can Now Buy an All-Black ‘Ninja’ Hot Dog at IKEA Japan
The Swedish furniture giant is branching out beyond meatballs
For today’s episode of foods around the world, let’s take a look at a new offering from Swedish furniture giant IKEA in Japan:
the “ninja” hotdog. It’s called a “ninja” hotdog because it’s dyed pitch black.
According to the IKEA site, the inky color comes to the frankfurter and bun thanks to the addition of edible bamboo charcoal, “which is said to have detox properties.” It’s been released as part of IKEA’s celebration of ten years in Japan, and the look and name is an homage to a ninja’s scroll. So if you’re in Japan, in IKEA, and in the mood to deviate from the Swedish meatballs option, you can go for this unique new frank. At 300 yen — about $2.95 — it won’t set you back too much.
http://time.com/4394873/you-can-now-buy-an-all-black-ninja-hot-dog-at-ikea-japan/
You Can Now Buy an All-Black ‘Ninja’ Hot Dog at IKEA Japan
The Swedish furniture giant is branching out beyond meatballs
the “ninja” hotdog. It’s called a “ninja” hotdog because it’s dyed pitch black.
According to the IKEA site, the inky color comes to the frankfurter and bun thanks to the addition of edible bamboo charcoal, “which is said to have detox properties.” It’s been released as part of IKEA’s celebration of ten years in Japan, and the look and name is an homage to a ninja’s scroll. So if you’re in Japan, in IKEA, and in the mood to deviate from the Swedish meatballs option, you can go for this unique new frank. At 300 yen — about $2.95 — it won’t set you back too much.
http://time.com/4394873/you-can-now-buy-an-all-black-ninja-hot-dog-at-ikea-japan/
Last edited:
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