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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
The Genie
Guys.... Read further and be careful for those IMPOSTORS!!!!
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of course,
the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go
up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is
going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, "Come on in"
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was
all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side
near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my
window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see,
I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll
give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one
for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And
I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what
do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country
in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe
from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both
now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled
it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering
our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for
you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of
the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours
of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes
and asked, How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"NO SHIT." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe
in genies?"
Guys.... Read further and be careful for those IMPOSTORS!!!!
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of course,
the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go
up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is
going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, "Come on in"
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was
all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side
near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my
window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see,
I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll
give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one
for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And
I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what
do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country
in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe
from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both
now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled
it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering
our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for
you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of
the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours
of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes
and asked, How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"NO SHIT." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe
in genies?"
An old joke but never fails to crack me up every time.
Weekend ticklers:p
Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged
Patient : Does that mean it has space for more whisky ?
(This is called "Positive Thinking" )
Lady to her dietician :- What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.
Doc :- How come???
Lady :- According to my weight, my height should be 7.8 feet...
(Now this is called "Positive Attitude" )
A Man wrote to SBI. "My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank".
(This is self confidence in its peak )
An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Few hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- Look up to the sky and tell me what you see.
Son- I see millions of stars.
Father- And what does that tell you?
Son- Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets.
Father slaps the son hard and says- "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent"
MORAL:
Too much education can spoil our common sense.
Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged
Patient : Does that mean it has space for more whisky ?
(This is called "Positive Thinking" )
Lady to her dietician :- What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.
Doc :- How come???
Lady :- According to my weight, my height should be 7.8 feet...
(Now this is called "Positive Attitude" )
A Man wrote to SBI. "My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank".
(This is self confidence in its peak )
An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Few hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- Look up to the sky and tell me what you see.
Son- I see millions of stars.
Father- And what does that tell you?
Son- Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets.
Father slaps the son hard and says- "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent"
MORAL:
Too much education can spoil our common sense.
For mon blues, tidbits 
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic ,
fell into a river ,
all died .
Each husband cried for a week ,
one husband continued for more than two weeks !!!
When asked that did he miss his wife so much ?
he replied miserably :
No
My wife
missed
the bus !!!
⛄
In heaven God told all husbands & wives to gather for a meeting!
He told the men to stand in two queues...
Those who are controlled by their wives & those who control their wives!
Only 1 man stood in d second Queue...
God said "So you control ur wife?"
Man: "R u CRAZY ???
My wife told me to stand here"..
--------
A Junior in office dialled his boss's extension by mistake & said:
Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in 2 min ☕
Boss Shouted: Do u know whom u r talking 2?
Jr : No!
Boss: I'm the BOSS
Jr (in same tone): do u know whom u r talking to?
Boss: No!
Jr : THANK GOD (& disconnected)
------
A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child.
Two months later the child passed away.
At the funeral house, the African woman kept sobbing and saying: "I KNEW IT !!! I KNEW IT !!!"
A family member pulled her aside and asked:
"What did you know?"
She replied: "That, Chinese products don't last long!!"
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic ,
fell into a river ,
all died .
Each husband cried for a week ,
one husband continued for more than two weeks !!!
When asked that did he miss his wife so much ?
he replied miserably :
No
My wife
missed
the bus !!!
⛄
In heaven God told all husbands & wives to gather for a meeting!
He told the men to stand in two queues...
Those who are controlled by their wives & those who control their wives!
Only 1 man stood in d second Queue...
God said "So you control ur wife?"
Man: "R u CRAZY ???
My wife told me to stand here"..
--------
A Junior in office dialled his boss's extension by mistake & said:
Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in 2 min ☕
Boss Shouted: Do u know whom u r talking 2?
Jr : No!
Boss: I'm the BOSS
Jr (in same tone): do u know whom u r talking to?
Boss: No!
Jr : THANK GOD (& disconnected)
------
A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child.
Two months later the child passed away.
At the funeral house, the African woman kept sobbing and saying: "I KNEW IT !!! I KNEW IT !!!"
A family member pulled her aside and asked:
"What did you know?"
She replied: "That, Chinese products don't last long!!"
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