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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
The Cigarette Story
I am PETER STUYVESANT and I have two good friends, BENSON & HEDGES.
I come from the City of MARLBORO in the SALEM high Country & I always carry a MILD SEVEN.
One day, I was on a WHITE HORSE going to KINGSWAY at KENT.
It was a LUCKY STRIKE as I fell in love with the daughter of MASTER DUKE. Her name was YSL.
We were married by PERILLYS, the local Priest and checked in at the House of DUNHILL with the room no 555.
I laid her on the bed made of GOLD LEAF, and I played with her two MATTERHORN'S.
When I poked in my ROTHMANS KING SIZE, she cried in delight.
"you are a ROUGH RIDER !!!! you're riding like a wild CAMEL.
When I asked her if she was satisfied, she just answered:
I want MORE.....then suddenly she turned around and asked me if I wanted to enter her GUDANG GARAM.
She said depan dan belakang puas.... barulah SAMPOERNA.
I am PETER STUYVESANT and I have two good friends, BENSON & HEDGES.
I come from the City of MARLBORO in the SALEM high Country & I always carry a MILD SEVEN.
One day, I was on a WHITE HORSE going to KINGSWAY at KENT.
It was a LUCKY STRIKE as I fell in love with the daughter of MASTER DUKE. Her name was YSL.
We were married by PERILLYS, the local Priest and checked in at the House of DUNHILL with the room no 555.
I laid her on the bed made of GOLD LEAF, and I played with her two MATTERHORN'S.
When I poked in my ROTHMANS KING SIZE, she cried in delight.
"you are a ROUGH RIDER !!!! you're riding like a wild CAMEL.
When I asked her if she was satisfied, she just answered:
I want MORE.....then suddenly she turned around and asked me if I wanted to enter her GUDANG GARAM.
She said depan dan belakang puas.... barulah SAMPOERNA.
Sun Exploration
Four delegates from China, Russia, the United States and Malaysia attended the United Nations' Meeting. All the nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2000. Here are some of the conversations:
China Delegate: 'By the year 2000, China will start their moon exploration project. '
Russian Delegate: ' We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon.'
Bill Clinton: ' We the United States will also explore the moon for second time.'
Malaysian Delegate: 'By the year 2000, Malaysia will explore the sun.'
There was a long silence, Bill Clinton stood up and asked the Malaysia Delegate: ' Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?'
Malaysian Delegate (smiling): 'I had this thought out already. We will do it in the evening.'
Four delegates from China, Russia, the United States and Malaysia attended the United Nations' Meeting. All the nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2000. Here are some of the conversations:
China Delegate: 'By the year 2000, China will start their moon exploration project. '
Russian Delegate: ' We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon.'
Bill Clinton: ' We the United States will also explore the moon for second time.'
Malaysian Delegate: 'By the year 2000, Malaysia will explore the sun.'
There was a long silence, Bill Clinton stood up and asked the Malaysia Delegate: ' Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?'
Malaysian Delegate (smiling): 'I had this thought out already. We will do it in the evening.'
Philosophy
Singapore and Malaysia have a different philosophies of life. This becomes apparent when we compare the two countries' Rules of Simple Living.
Singapore:
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary
And indeed, that is why 'Singapore is solid'!
Malaysia? Well, Malaysia's Rules of Simple Living are the
following:
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House...
Singapore and Malaysia have a different philosophies of life. This becomes apparent when we compare the two countries' Rules of Simple Living.
Singapore:
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary
And indeed, that is why 'Singapore is solid'!
Malaysia? Well, Malaysia's Rules of Simple Living are the
following:
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House...
One of the main reasons why in recent years the Malaysian Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:
MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss USA : Lamp
Miss Singapore : Light bulb
Miss Malaysia : LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you 3 more chances; Now, name me an animal starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA : Lion
Miss Singapore : Leopard
Miss Malaysia : LABBIT
Judge: No, no, no!
MC: Your next chance. The name of a famous car that starts with "L"
Miss USA: Lexus
Miss Singapore : Lamborghini
Miss Malaysia : Lolls-Loyce
Judge: Oh my God!
MC: I am going to give you one last chance! Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA : Lemon
Miss Singapore : Lychee
Miss Malaysia , with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN!!
This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Malaysia should really be disqualified ; and they decided that since Miss Malaysia was having so many problems with the letter "L", they decided to give her another chance.
Judge: OK, the final question is : Name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA : Lung (applause)
Miss Singapore : Liver (even more applause)
Miss Malaysia : *LAN CIAU*
The Judges fainted..!!!
MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss USA : Lamp
Miss Singapore : Light bulb
Miss Malaysia : LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you 3 more chances; Now, name me an animal starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA : Lion
Miss Singapore : Leopard
Miss Malaysia : LABBIT
Judge: No, no, no!
MC: Your next chance. The name of a famous car that starts with "L"
Miss USA: Lexus
Miss Singapore : Lamborghini
Miss Malaysia : Lolls-Loyce
Judge: Oh my God!
MC: I am going to give you one last chance! Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA : Lemon
Miss Singapore : Lychee
Miss Malaysia , with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN!!
This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Malaysia should really be disqualified ; and they decided that since Miss Malaysia was having so many problems with the letter "L", they decided to give her another chance.
Judge: OK, the final question is : Name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA : Lung (applause)
Miss Singapore : Liver (even more applause)
Miss Malaysia : *LAN CIAU*
The Judges fainted..!!!
Miracle Failure
After he put Anwar in jail, Mahathir received a lot of criticism from different sources. Everything he did was sure to get the journalists and diplomats screaming at him about corruption and cronyism etc. Finally, he was so fed up that he called all the journalists and diplomats to Johor Bahru.
Now, for all of you, I'm going to do something which you all cannot complain about.' and he magically stepped onto the waters of the straits of johore and walked the full 1 km to the other side without falling into the water. The onlookers were amazed and Mahathir was sure he'd get some compliments in the news tomorrow.
The next day, Mahathir was shocked to find in newspapers across the planet
The Sun 'Mahathir Can't Swim'
The New York Times 'Mahathir crosses borders without going through immigration'
The Straits Times 'Mahathir uses propaganda to curry favour!
After he put Anwar in jail, Mahathir received a lot of criticism from different sources. Everything he did was sure to get the journalists and diplomats screaming at him about corruption and cronyism etc. Finally, he was so fed up that he called all the journalists and diplomats to Johor Bahru.
Now, for all of you, I'm going to do something which you all cannot complain about.' and he magically stepped onto the waters of the straits of johore and walked the full 1 km to the other side without falling into the water. The onlookers were amazed and Mahathir was sure he'd get some compliments in the news tomorrow.
The next day, Mahathir was shocked to find in newspapers across the planet
The Sun 'Mahathir Can't Swim'
The New York Times 'Mahathir crosses borders without going through immigration'
The Straits Times 'Mahathir uses propaganda to curry favour!
i am looking for the joke on Najib, it goes like saying najib is smart and he masuk the money - people were asking where the money went, does it ring a bell to you?
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[video=youtube_share;oKSeLi8v-HU]https://youtu.be/oKSeLi8v-HU?t=14[/video]
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