Hi Dana,
I agree that you will get judged here very often.
Either you get the minorities who wonder why you are dating a Chinese or some Chinese guys here wondering why you are dating a "nerdy-looking" Chinese. Sometimes you have local women who give you the green eyes.
However, I think this prepares you for your internship in China, where the locals are still having "traditional thinking".
I personally think it will be better for you and Ben to stay in the US after his NS stint unless you do not mind paying exorbitant prices for a pigeon hole, squeezing inside public transport and being unable to afford a car. You and Ben, meanwhile, should be able to use Skype to talk almost every weekends.
You two are smart people, I urge you all to put your future in the States. At least, you will not be thrown aside once you are old. I hope your relationship stays strong.