Many people including my friends were not aware of the difficulties i faced from last year onwards. From people who cheated me out of time and money, coincidentally introduced by a single person who complained to me about these very same people whom he introduced to me. To terms and conditions by nasty people being forced down my throat or being asked to look for forklifts or to clear drains/cut grass/pay bills/bank/check leaks/maintain things. I was just happy to help, would be anyways but then was facing a tremendous amount of stress at work. Even had to help out with presentation, etc and being asked many questions when people thought i was double timing the company i was working for. (Someone had used my name for certain positions within their company.)
Brought in a few million for the company via deals but was almost let go due merger and also their lingering concerns. Brought in more millions this year as a thank you to the company for letting me stay on.
Meanwhile when confiding in close friends my troubles, i was asked to help out more, adding on to the burden i had to bear. It was just beyond stressful working close to 20 hour days while having to deal with errant tenants or neighbours playing punk with my bro who had a sewerage leak. Being added on to more than 30 groups to assist with any and everything was really taxing. It took a while, my wife even threatened to leave me before i realized i had to give time to my family instead of always helping others. I stopped all the groups and deleted them one by one. Some neighbours were starting to use my friends place to store things and did not lock up after opening his gates to cut the overlapping grass and ferns. I had to intervene. Even the last time i went to his condo to help with an errant tenant, i was given a very hard time by the security head there, i did not complain to him but i had to stop helping to get some sanity in my life and to save my marriage.
Meanwhile well meaning friends offered jobs that were 50% off my current salary and these were well meaning recommendations but i didn't take them as my previous colleagues have already recommended jobs that were 80%. I wasn't choosy but i still had options as i knew my company still needed me. I was just considering my options back then. Imagine my sadness when the friend with the 50% offer said to another that they should only give me something like that "to keep me hungry". Anyway maybe its my lot to be treated as a beggar. I almost had a huge crisis back in April, from October onwards it was all bad and finally things got better in May.
Then in June, the things happening in Malaysia didn't help much when my wife and myself were separated at the Tanjung Kupang checkpoint, they refused to let her in as she had stayed more than 3 weeks. We endured one of the worst nightmare one night when they stopped her and asked her to go back via a bus to Harbour Front. I was allowed to go in as my school going children were all inside and they had to be woken up to go to school early in the morning. She was questioned, given a hard time and had to stay with my parents while i had to go in by myself. (We took the CW3 bus in). As the last bus has finally left by the time our ordeal was over, i had a hard choice to walk towards the nearest gas station or hitch a ride with one of the few tour buses. I asked a kind Indian driver who allowed me onboard. He helped me even when one of the passengers was shocked to see me when boarding and i had to change my seat. Not wanting to disturb anyone, i was prepared to stand but was offered a seat by the kind Indian driver. Tired, hungry and worried about my wife, I got dropped off at the Petronas station nearby.
There i was to learn that no Grab drivers will come to the gas station, especially at that hour. I was despondent. Everyone always think of their trouble as the greatest, but at that point, i was still thinking of helping a friend with his requests. I quickly put it to rest as i needed to be strong for all those who depended on me. I asked around and only a kind Indian gentle man, Fairuz i believe helped me. He offered to give me a ride to Gelang Patah where i could catch a cab or Grab car. *(Please remember no Grab cars will go to the petrol stations after the Tuas/Tanjung Kupang checkpoint at 2nd link due to the toll charges)
After waiting for 30 minutes, he took me and surprisingly left me at Nusa Bestari where one of my cars were parked. He did not charge me a single cent. I need to really thank him one day. He is the nephew of the owner of the Petronas if i remember. I got home at last, immediately charged my dead phone, called my wife to ask how she were (she made it to my mums place) and woke my kids up for school. She ended up being refused entry into Malaysia for 5 days.
I fell asleep at 6.30am and woke up by my NZ customers at 7am, just in time for work.
Everyone complains about how tough their life is all the time, rather than just complain, do something with it. You have an errant tenant? Deal with it. If a friend has already helped you with switching off the utilities, lawyer and committee contacts, what more can he or she do? You have a funny neighbour who tried to fleece you because your pipes leaked into theirs? How do i get involved when the people are the ones who had cheated my partner and me. Despite asking not to be added, i was added into a group with people i strongly disliked dealings with. Dealt with it i did and hopefully did the right thing by him.
I had to deal with corrupt people, people who absconded with my friends money, people who tried to con my friends, people who tried to blackmail them. I dealt with it all including people whose tyres were punctured in the rain. Even if i don't have to but i did because they trusted me.
If i can do it while facing incredible financial hardship, anyone can. I fixed pipes, electrical lights, electrical points, solved peoples drainage kitchen issues and from helping, i learned and from learning i became stronger.
Singaporeans are not born weak, we can be made stronger if we are willing to go through and bear the hardships.
Sharing what a close friend went through back then:
I was one of those rejected by CCS back when i was retrenched, i was told by the lady there that i am much more financial savvy that she was, she couldn't advise me other than asked me to talk to the banks myself. Surprisingly, most banks were very helpful. Even the ones who tried to auction off one of the houses i shared in Malaysia, tip to oneself - Never share houses with siblings especially when they all lost their jobs around the same time you did. Perfect storm, depreciation in Malaysia housing prices/ringgit, depreciation in HDB prices/change by MAS on lending, unable to get RAS as only applied after landing a job which pays what the limit could not allow/boat issues/cars issues/wife issues/friends issues/friends ran away with debts/had to borrow to cover my own. Relatives who i had helped buy houses in Malaysia all laughed at me and jeered at my dad when he had to go back to driving taxis and tried to borrow. Thankfully the 18k rolex date just tided him over to get the cab and pay the bills, until he found out he could do it with little money had he went for Grab instead. How many people always complained their dad was poor and didn't help them much?
The day i ORDed, i was faced with over 80k of debts from him, i paid all of it off even when he accumulated more in the years, even on my honeymoon, i came back to more gambling debts. I took a sword and cut myself in front of him. He finally learned better when he saw i was bleeding all over the sofa. I was sad not for myself but the debts he keep falling into and his spending/gambling habits. Filial piety should start before the grave and never after but sometimes you need to let people see the pain you are going through. This is not a pain competition by any means. I learned that the more ignorant one is, the more prideful they tend to be. I accepted a new religion, grew calmer and became more at peace with myself. I slowly realized the self sacrifice i have made over the years did result in a lot of good for myself and others. Its all to repay debts, both present and in the past.
Slowly and surely, now most of my debts are manageable and within 1 year of completion for most of them. If you are in a rut, recognise you had a hand in digging yourself in it, once you accept the blame, you take the responsibility and you gain the power to resolve it. Running away or taking the easy way out is for cowards. Believe me, i have looked at painless suicide online more than once. I finally looked at the skies above me one day and realised i am just going to be passing the troubles i had to others. The problem is most people just blame others without looking deep within themselves. I blame myself too much, i realised the person i should forgive most is myself. Just get through a.n.o.t.h.e.r day. It too shall pass.
I closed the chapter on the easy option. Everything happens for a reason and if its my burden to bear then bear i will, to the end.
They can force me all they can but they can never wipe my smile away. I lived to fight another day.
