Living in JB 2 (Johore)

[Icyraine]

Bro, it's all part of the excitements mah ... Can buy a little bit here and there to satisfy her excitement la. If u everything say no, of course that won't go down well with her. She might think that u don't care as much on the baby. In fact, many of my married colleagues told me, when a couple has children, the children will precede before anything else, including husband or wife. Sad, but that's the truth. So why not just join in, share her mood and excitement, and anticipate the birth of the baby! Btw, congrats

Aiyo... i also want to buy baby stuff but i just feel that my current place is too small. Only 2 rooms and one is more of a study room actually, and we need to think of getting a 作月婆 to help my wife after her delivery, plus the baby, the place we live is really limited in space so we dont need to buy too many things now, and we can add in one by one when the baby has arrived.

Bro, u faster get married also laaa, then your wife will nag u everyday... haha. Then i can be your shoulder to cry on.

 

[wuqi256]

Yes, crystal. I agree with you. I was trying to understand her and i think may be you are right, she want me to give her more attention. She is currently 4 months pregnant and she wanted me to buy those baby stuff now, like the baby cot, play pan, stroller and stuff, but i think it's still too early. I certainly do not intend to wait till last 1 month but i think it's too early.

I would advise to buy the items rightaway, at least the big ticket items which are useful or can be used regardless of sex of the baby. Its very important as women tend to feel vulnerable and weak during this time. Show you care and appease her insecurities. See women needs reassurances and just remember, she married you because she trust you enough to place her life in your hands. If you can't bring yourself to say something nice or romantic(read mushy), then write a card and leave it to her to read, in your absence is fine too so you won't feel embarrassed. Remember, you love her enough back then, just think of writing to her as if its to her at that point in time. Your one true love who you are devoting your life to. I always felt that the Mandarin version of the wedding vow has more of a romantic feel to it than the English version

Just like a bird would start to build its nest before laying eggs, women feels the call of nature. After birth, your standing in her life will be relegated to third place though so please do adjust your mindset accordingly:

According to Wuqi's limited understanding of the internal ranking that women have:

1. Family comes first
2. Your baby or subsequent baby comes 2nd or third
3. You if you are lucky else look at 4.
4. You if you are unlucky

This will remain your ranking forever even though they may claim otherwise.

Nothing is more important than peace at home so just buy a couple of items to show her that you care about the baby.
Only when you manifest that love by opening your wallet and throwing away paper with pictures of a deceased man
would they be appeased.

Back then, i bought every item that she even briefly mentioned and this got me a lot of peace and quiet at home. I ended
up buying 3 strollers, 2 baby pen and countless other stuff. My diapers was stocked up for an apocalypse. It filled up half of
the room. Again, no amount of money saved is worth more than the peace at home. This will come back to haunt you years
down the road as they will always claim you didn't love the baby or showed enough care, concern, etc.

 

[wuqi256]

This is definitely a Great news for everyone living in Johor. Looks like the top men in Johor's police force are serious about bringing down crimes in Johor and are putting in effort and executing plans. They are also placing pressure right down to those lowest in the police hierarchy. If the head of police is slack and adopts a 'who cares' attitude, I don't think the low ranking policemen in police stations will even bother to apprehend petty criminals, let alone risking their lives having a gun fight with armed murderers. Great effort!!!

I hope they continue to do more, again crime is everywhere, there will always be crime as long as someone figures out they can get away with it or gets carried away in moments of greed, passion or anger. Its all relative as they did catch a couple of guys but there will always be such people around.

No place is 100% safe no matter what country you go to, always be vigilant.

 

[wuqi256]

Aiyo... i also want to buy baby stuff but i just feel that my current place is too small. Only 2 rooms and one is more of a study room actually, and we need to think of getting a 作月婆 to help my wife after her delivery, plus the baby, the place we live is really limited in space so we dont need to buy too many things now, and we can add in one by one when the baby has arrived.

Bro, u faster get married also laaa, then your wife will nag u everyday... haha. Then i can be your shoulder to cry on.

Speaking of 作月, we got one for about 3500 RM. A local from around here. My wifes friends mother (Singaporean) is doing a business of arranging for aunties to help take care for 1 month.
So far, she always got good reputation.

Yes, nag. Always do her things fast and respond to her by showing assurance. When she is used to your ways, nagging will get lesser. Reverse nag by nagging her on the things you are being
nagged about once your part of the task is done. When she says why you are nagging so much, say

"Because i love you so much, i know i will die earlier from you nagging, i want you to come along too as i cannot bear you to be alone without me." I know this is hard but after years of marriage,
it works. Of course, every now and then, do something really romantic or surprising to her. Example, she wants a car for work, just get her something she did not expect (but you know she likes it)

Turn up on days she does not expect you at work with flowers or some gifts she likes. Surprise her by leaving some notes and small items of jewellery or clothing. You will find that its like greasing
your engine, it makes the relationship smoother at times. Working on a relationship does not stop at the alter, it doesn't end on the deathbed either.

For me, its something that carries on long after the last breath is drawn. Thats why i started to prepare for her and my family to carry on long after i am gone.

 

[wuqi256]

Haha, good idea. She loves shopping. I have to say a woman really understand another woman. Of all the years i know her, the kind of glow on her face when she found a good catch during shopping could never be found else where! Retail therapy!!!

The guidance Crystal gave is top notch, women get assured by shopping just as birds find comfort in getting that extra twig or shrub for the nest. It helps them to build up a better sense of security for the coming bundle of joy. Always never get something big item without going through the boss. If you find something you like, car, house, etc let her choose and not you. Guys are usually very adaptable, girls may change their mind even after the transaction is concluded. At least though, its their choice and they will tend to keep quiet.

If its your choice, however then no amount of prayer except maybe a quick trip to the shrines of Tiffany, Hermes or Louis Vxxxxxx would help.

 

[wuqi256]

Dear folks,

My granny needs a new set of dentures but it's expensive...
Cost a whopping S$1000 to make it in S'pore- a/c to mum anyway. Any recommendations? TIA.

Don't do it in Johore as its expensive unless you go to the government hospital near the first link. Sultanah Aminah (off the top of my head)
If you have a bit of time, Malacca is the best for a lot of dentistry stuff. Do an online search for it. One hospital in Malacca accepts Medisave, etc too.

 

[wuqi256]

Can anyone recommend a good physician and a female Gynecologist in Nusajaya please.

Thanks for your help.

Along the rows of shophouses at Nusa Bestari is a gynae place for women and children. Its called Shuang Xu in mandarin. The same row as Monster cafe.
Not bad but not sure if they still have female gynae.

 

[wuqi256]

Well, i think this has something to do with our personality as well. I always think i am a dominant male till we live together. haha. Basically we are both very competitive people, but when it comes to relationship, most of the time she is the one that complain and nagging... and i just keep quiet. But once in a while i cant take it no more and we fight. I always give in to her till sometimes i feel that i need to "knock her head" a little so things will be more balance. But yes, communication is the key.

Always maintain 2 way communication, she needs to know how you feel too. Acknowledge what she says if she is right and just agree with her even if she is wrong. Revisit the topic again when she forgets the argument and then use logic this time. Always works for me. Never argue with the emotional part of a women head on, logic does not work, its just a different perspective and way of handling things. Respect your woman and make your points clear when its appropriate but also know when to stay out of a freight train when it comes.

 

[greddy88]

bro.. perhaps right now your wife is confused, emotionally and mentally with the info overload. mood swings are common right?
female species are somehow wired differently... don't take the cold-water literally..especially right now she's preggy.
the focus should now be with the preparation for bb, and plans thereafter.

so, for the house, u may just share your enthusiasm, research and thoughts with her, but important not to overshadow her and bb.
just go along with what she wants. if she's not interested at that point, drop it. talk about her/bb. no point arguing.

once bb is born, u also got to take note about post-natal blues and mood swings. if u don't handle carefully, it'll be a nightmare. relationships with everyone else may also get affected.

imo, for your situation, the second house is secondary.

erm.. hope i'm making sense above.. learnt some of those the hard way :(

 

[greddy88]

Always maintain 2 way communication, she needs to know how you feel too. Acknowledge what she says if she is right and just agree with her even if she is wrong. Revisit the topic again when she forgets the argument and then use logic this time. Always works for me. Never argue with the emotional part of a women head on, logic does not work, its just a different perspective and way of handling things. Respect your woman and make your points clear when its appropriate but also know when to stay out of a freight train when it comes.

yes, +1. my wife also the emo type.. sometimes really cannot tahan. the brain is somehow different. logic simply can't get thru
and only when she cools down, she starts listening.. and got to be careful not to press the emo button again.
ego also won't help, and will make things much worse. must be diplomatic...
perhaps ladies should attend those electronic logic design classes, u know, the 101010 AND/OR/XOR and stuff, and guys, anger management and effective diplomacy classes

trying hard not to generalize... i apologize if anyone out there feels offended

 

[wuqi256]

yes, +1. my wife also the emo type.. sometimes really cannot tahan. the brain is somehow different. logic simply can't get thru
and only when she cools down, she starts listening.. and got to be careful not to press the emo button again.
ego also won't help, and will make things much worse. must be diplomatic...
perhaps ladies should attend those electronic logic design classes, u know, the 101010 AND/OR/XOR and stuff, and guys, anger management and effective diplomacy classes

trying hard not to generalize... i apologize if anyone out there feels offended

Good points, the wiring was done differently. There will always be exceptions of course but please look at credit cards which says, "The Men don't get it". There isn't yet a "The Women don't get it" card.

Reason is men are normally ok about who is on top (to keep the peace) and women will keep their men from getting such a card. No self respecting advertiser would risk insulting
or insinuating disrespect to women even in a humourous way. Whereas you see ads insulting men all the time.

Hence seldom if ever will you see such a card.

Disclaimer: The men who wrote their limited MC opinons above must have been heavily intoxicated, did not have enough sleep, too stressed, all women are superior or equal to men and none petty enough to pick faults with MC idiots like the author.

 

[wuqi256]

bro.. perhaps right now your wife is confused, emotionally and mentally with the info overload. mood swings are common right?
female species are somehow wired differently... don't take the cold-water literally..especially right now she's preggy.
the focus should now be with the preparation for bb, and plans thereafter.

so, for the house, u may just share your enthusiasm, research and thoughts with her, but important not to overshadow her and bb.
just go along with what she wants. if she's not interested at that point, drop it. talk about her/bb. no point arguing.

once bb is born, u also got to take note about post-natal blues and mood swings. if u don't handle carefully, it'll be a nightmare. relationships with everyone else may also get affected.

imo, for your situation, the second house is secondary.

erm.. hope i'm making sense above.. learnt some of those the hard way :(

All good points, spoke like a man who has been through the hard path. Its a long long road......with many a winding turn.........

 

[wuqi256]

Yes, crystal. I agree with you. I was trying to understand her and i think may be you are right, she want me to give her more attention. She is currently 4 months pregnant and she wanted me to buy those baby stuff now, like the baby cot, play pan, stroller and stuff, but i think it's still too early. I certainly do not intend to wait till last 1 month but i think it's too early.

Actually bro, if i were you, i would buy a few token items to appease her. They are insecure and do not know how you will view the potential offspring. Buying stuff is like birds preparing a nest before the eggs are laid. From my own limited experience, buy a few big items that are usable for either sexes (if you still don't know the sex yet) Women needs sense of security, for me, i prefer to give her everything i have so from the start to finish, everything she asked for or haven't yet asked is there. Stroller? I bought 2 at one go and another when she gave birth so that she can leave one at my mums place just in the rare case the baby is there.

The look she gave me was priceless. Baby cot, toys, diapers, etc. Nothing is more important then peace at home. Women will think you do not care if you do not buy. So buy buy buy until you feel tempted to swear or she herself says enough. Of course, buy the essential stuff and not useless stuff and buy big items first.

Women will tend to feel that the baby is coming between you and her for a short while, once that is past however, be really prepared that you will always be 2nd or 3rd place in her heart.

Always never ever say anything bad about her family even if its really warranted. For gals too, 3 things never to say to your hubby:

1. Your family member is lousy/bad/noisy/troublesome
2. Berate husband in public or in front of friends/family
3. You will never be good enough as compared to XYZ, etc

 

[avelc]

Sorry to digress -- any good pitstops on the way to Malacca? My friend recommended Machap and Pagoh.

Salivating at the though of Melaka food...yum.

 

[yonglip]

Yes bro, i agree with u. We dont need to impress our relatives. I spend most of my hard earned money in investment actually. I bought a new car for my wife last year but i am still driving my 11 years old honda city. This is my 6th property over the past 12 years, all 5 for investment and this HH unit is the first one for own stay. We are actually staying in a 700 sq feet condo right now; because before this we never know if we can have our own baby (wife is "reproductively challenged"). This is like a miracle to me! Since we are expecting a baby now we thought that we should get a better place for the baby, we will need a maid and more space. Wifey told me that we should also live more comfortably now coz i am already coming to my late 30s, hence we bought a unit last december.

The only thing i dont understand is my wife reaction.... anyway, may be it is the pregnancy that make her feel insecure. I will try to be understanding.

Now i understand why your wife is upset bro. With a pocket as deep as yours, should have gotten yourself one of those villas where the next neighbour is like few KM away, complete with swimming pool, own security detail and a chauffer to drive your wifey around...haha.

cheers.

 

[DREAMorACTION]

Now, that's what I call a true friendship. I have a shoulder to lean on ... woo hoo!

U see bro, u gotta accept the fate. U can no longer tell her those words that can give her goosebumps. After so many years, now that she has a little heartbeat inside her tummy, she will bank ALL her emotions on this little sweetheart. Your rank will naturally fall, as also shared by bro wuqi's own experience. It's inevitable ...

Btw bro, dont try too hard to gain back your rank. If all of a sudden and out of the blue, u overwhelm her with all these corny romantic words, she might think that u r up to something, like having a sense of guilt on something u have done wrong, and that's why u r treating her exceptionally nice to make up for your mistakes... Then u can't turn back Liao (remember she might still be very emotional at any stages)... I think u really need to give in, start to buy, and then when u give her the baby items, slowly, gently, subtly and tactfully weave in to tell her how much you love her, and relate to some of the past memories, then paint a rosy picture of the future with the arrival of the baby. U sure score points ... Otherwise, I think I will see u much more often and u will be the one crying on both my shoulders instead :p :p :p

Aiyo... i also want to buy baby stuff but i just feel that my current place is too small. Only 2 rooms and one is more of a study room actually, and we need to think of getting a 作月婆 to help my wife after her delivery, plus the baby, the place we live is really limited in space so we dont need to buy too many things now, and we can add in one by one when the baby has arrived.

Bro, u faster get married also laaa, then your wife will nag u everyday... haha. Then i can be your shoulder to cry on.

 

[DREAMorACTION]

Can call into kluang!

Sorry to digress -- any good pitstops on the way to Malacca? My friend recommended Machap and Pagoh.

Salivating at the though of Melaka food...yum.

 

[greddy88]

and one more thing.. don't just shower with $$$ and gifts... they will need more than that. give her the whole world and moon also not enough.
she'll need you...your time and attention. she is the QUEEN during this period. her majesty.

on a side note.. i don't know what happened since the last generation.. during our parents time and earlier, we don't hear much of such stuff right? my lau peh go out work early in the morning and come home in the wee nights.. never heard they have these issues we encounter...(occasional arguments over money, but that's about it) weird...

now i got to go out work, come home still need to help do some housework, take over the kids and even cook if necessary...and she got menses, seow leow.. i chose a lou fatt yeh.. :*:

 

[crystal_tiong]

seeing u guys complain until like that , no wonder nowadays ppl dun want to get married !!

 

[Grago]

and one more thing.. don't just shower with $$$ and gifts... they will need more than that. give her the whole world and moon also not enough.
she'll need you...your time and attention. she is the QUEEN during this period. her majesty.

on a side note.. i don't know what happened since the last generation.. during our parents time and earlier, we don't hear much of such stuff right? my lau peh go out work early in the morning and come home in the wee nights.. never heard they have these issues we encounter...(occasional arguments over money, but that's about it) weird...

now i got to go out work, come home still need to help do some housework, take over the kids and even cook if necessary...and she got menses, seow leow.. i chose a lou fatt yeh.. :*:

Bro Icy, bro Greddy88 has hit the 'nail squarely on the head' your wife NEEDS to know that YOU still love and want her, the BUMP doesn't make her look less desirable to YOU and that you STILL CARE for her. Buying gifts and $$$$ might work BUT it may also back fire!!! What she wants is to know that you care and pay more attention to her. Takes a very BIG person to not let ego come anywhere near this situation....... You know the scene in 'Fist of Fury' where Bruce Lee goes in disguise to the Kempentai Hq as a telephone tech? When queried he gives that "goofy" look., not suggesting you give the wife that look when she talks to you( definitely there will an explosion....) BUT remain calm and keep the emotion in tight rein....

On a lighter note, besides the tiredness and frustration that you will feel when the baby comes ( CONGRATULATIONS) that little bundle is Definetly a bundle of Joy...... Whatever frustration and tiredness you feel will melt away just looking at it, I guarantee.....

Bro Greddy, our parents, are made of hardier stuff, the "modern" view of having to come home and help out, is the expected norm now. One has to accept it and move on. The alternative, is having arguments and unhappiness. Sometimes can take so much before having an "eruption" then back to same routine after a period of "silence and cold shoulders":*:. It's basically take it or leave it......

Hang in there bro Icy and Greddy.....