Jokes To Share

[Windsor]

An older couple were lying in bed one night.
The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."!
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.












"To get my teeth!"

 

[GOD IS MY DOG]

hahaha.................heeheehee....................hohoho................


i'm laughing so hard, ..................i'm crying a river of tears..................


someone call an ambulance....................i scared i die of laughter.....................

 

[erection2015]

Lady .... 'I bought a new stick deodorant today.'

'The instructions were to remove cap and push up bottom '

' Now I dont walk so good but whenever i fart the room smells lovely '

 

[Windsor]

Sex With His Teacher

A boy comes home after school one day.

His mother notices that he’s got a big smile on his face.

She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"

"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"

The mother is stunned. "You’re going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."

Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch.

Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."

"That’s right, Dad."

"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration.

Let’s head out for some ice cream, and then I’ll buy that new bike you’ve been asking for."

"That sounds great, Dad, but can I have a football instead of a bike.

Why, says his dad,








... Because, My arse is killing me.

 

[FuzzyDude]

A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself.
She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar.
Thinking this is a misprint, she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price.
The clerk replies, "Yes it is the correct price.
For one week only, you can purchase five boxes of tampons for one dollar, no strings attached."

 

[Equalisation]

Alamaking invited SBF forummers to his house for gathering.

All knew the road name but forgot the house number. All managed to find the house because at the gate, there was one used bicycle and another 4 new and redundant bicycles parked beside it.

 

[Forvendet]

Alamaking invited SBF forummers to his house for gathering.

All knew the road name but forgot the house number. All managed to find the house because at the gate, there was one used bicycle and another 4 new and redundant bicycles parked beside it.

Equalisation invited SBF forummers to his house for gathering.

All knew the road name but forgot the house number. All managed to find the house because at the gate, there were 5 old bicycles parked beside it, all without seats. :oIo:

 

[Equalisation]

Equalisation invited SBF forummers to his house for gathering.

All knew the road name but forgot the house number. All managed to find the house because at the gate, there were 5 old bicycles parked beside it, all without seats. :oIo:

Forvendet and his evil con-joined twin brother Ramseth, invited SBF forummers to their house for gathering.

All knew the road name but forgot the house number. All managed to find the house because at the gate, there was a motorised wheelchair used by their mother-in-law parked there !!! :oIo:

 

[Windsor]

They had their sperm mixed together and a surrogate mother was artificially
inseminated.

When the baby was born Elton and David were ushered into a ward where a
dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of them crying and screaming.

In the corner, one baby was lying serenely. A nurse came over to both of
them and indicated that the happy child was theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Elton asked David. "All these crying babies...and yet
our baby is so content. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"

The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I
pull the pacifier out of his arse...."

 

[Windsor]

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the

cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"

The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and

would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to

me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star

appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure

out who got your daughter pregnant!"

 

[erection2015]

A teacher asked her student : ' What is the opposite of laughing ?'

The student answered ' Fucking '

Teacher ( angry ) : ' Why is that ? '

Student : ' Laughing is 'ha ha ha ' but fucking is ' ah ah ah. '

 

[halsey02]

Equalisation invited SBF forummers to his house for gathering.

All knew the road name but forgot the house number. All managed to find the house because at the gate, there were old bottles of Chivas Regal & Knock Out Beers Cans.

 

[psy83]

Confusious says, Man who washes their ars using toilet paper will go to bed with itchy backside and will wake up with smelly fingers.

 

[Windsor]

A guy suspected that his wife was cheating on him, so he hired a Chinese detective... The cheapest one he could find.



This is his report:

Most honorable sir,

You leave house. I watch house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree. I look window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he.. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall off tree. I no see.

No fee,
Cheng Lee

 

[psy83]

Windsor, your joke is F.ing funny.

 

[Windsor]

Some funny questions and answers in court........in real life

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen. Q: What year?
A: Every year.

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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

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Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

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Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

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Q: Did he kill you?

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Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

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Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

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Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

————————————————� �

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

————————————————� �

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

 

[Windsor]

"How did your evening with your new boyfriend go?"
"It was a disaster. We were nude in bed in heavy foreplay and he had a premature ejaculation."
"What did he say when it occurred?"

"He just said I was the loveliest girl he had ever cum across."

 

[erection2015]

Maths teacher : 'Jonnny, if you had 260 chocolates and you gave 1/2 to Jenny, 20 to Mary and 7/8 of the remainder to Lucy what would you get ?'


Johnny :' Probably some good blowjobs' . :p

 

[Windsor]

Dirty old woman.....

---

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.

They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.

He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem -how to carry his purchases home..

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.

 

[Windsor]

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD'S HAPPY ENDING

Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in the forest and her mother said: "You'd better not go out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because the big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do. He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off."

But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said: "Don't worry Mum, I've got it covered." So she was walking through the forest when she came across the three little pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and said, "You shouldn't be out tonight Little Red Riding Hood! The big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do if he catches you. He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off."

So she pulled out the shotgun and said: "Don't worry boys. Got it covered!" As she continued through the forest she came across the big bad wolf and he said: "You shouldn't have come out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off."

So she lifted up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, lay down on her back with her legs apart, pointed the shotgun at him and said "NO! You're going to eat me like the book says."